Of Mice And Moments | Jealousy

Of Mice and Moments - a podcast that finds significance in the small moments. In this episode, Clay recounts an early experience with jealousy. He discusses the joyless effects of the feeling and his process for overcoming insecurity.

Transcript

Hi,

This is Clay Stevenson and welcome to Of Mice and Moments,

A podcast that finds significance in the small moments.

I think I stopped growing when I was a senior in high school.

At 5'9",

I am exactly the median height for males in the United States.

I'm neither short nor tall and generally my height is unremarkable.

On one hand,

I'm not too tall to be uncomfortable in slightly cramped situations.

For instance,

My knees don't constantly rub the chair in front of me on a plane flight.

I can get in a car without bumping my head.

And my feet don't hang over the bottom of my bed.

On the other hand,

I'm tall enough to reach the top shelf in the cupboard.

I can screw in lightbulbs on most ceiling fans.

And I see over most crowds if I just stand on my toes.

With that said,

I assume you would imagine my height,

Though not exceptional,

Is ideal.

And when looking at it objectively,

I agree that there is very little for me to complain about given my stature of 5'9".

However,

When I was in high school,

My height was something of a frustration for me.

It wasn't that I wanted to tower over my classmates,

Exuding strength and dominance,

But I wanted to be tall for basketball.

When I went to play pickup basketball in the neighborhood,

I generally wasn't the first one picked,

Nor the second or third.

Often falling toward the bottom,

My friends and brothers would sometimes choose me reluctantly.

Now I don't consider myself a bad basketball player.

I'm serviceable,

Having a fair jump shot and occasional move to the hoop.

But I'm not a great player.

And as I was growing up,

I imagined that an extra 4 or 5 inches could give me the edge to be on everyone's starting 5.

I loved basketball as a teenager.

I really loved it.

I played hours in the driveway and joined rec league basketball teams.

When I was a freshman in high school,

I loved it so much that I was blind to the fact that I had no chance to make the school team.

So when the coaches held preliminary workouts for people interested in the team,

I charged out there,

Naive of my below average playing and eager to show my stuff.

The workout started informally with the kids organizing pickup games and playing street ball.

Once the coaches got a read on the prospects,

They gathered everyone together and split players up into teams for scrimmages.

That team assignment led to my first realization of where I fell in the hierarchy of players.

I was placed on the obvious B team.

The tall athletic players scrimmaged while the rest of us watched.

And at the end of the workout,

The rest of us were allowed to take the court.

And the game was sloppy and discouraging.

Very few of my teammates were willing to pass as everyone was desperately trying to showcase their ability to the coaches.

I left that workout discouraged but enlightened about my own place in the basketball arena.

I wasn't going to be a star player,

Much less someone who can make the junior varsity basketball team.

Without tireless practice in coaching or divine intervention allowing me to grow four or five more inches,

My basketball career was abruptly coming to an end.

Fortunately at that stage in life,

I already had experiences dealing with setbacks and disappointments and I didn't let it crush me.

I accepted it and continued to find joy in neighborhood basketball games and brotherly competitions on the driveway.

My love for playing basketball didn't wane,

It simply took a different focus.

A few years later,

As I was looking to graduate high school,

My younger brother decided to go out for his high school basketball team.

I didn't imagine he had any better chance than I did of making the team,

Though his high school was smaller than mine and he had a slightly better outside shot than I did.

Still,

I couldn't imagine that he would ever be playing high school basketball.

To my shock and amazement,

I remember him coming home one day and announcing that he was on the varsity basketball team for his school.

I couldn't believe it.

Weren't there more kids that could try out?

I mean he was only like an inch taller.

I really wanted to take him out to the driveway and play one on one really quickly to show him I was pretty much as good as he was.

It really bothered me that he was able to make the team and I wasn't.

To add insult to injury,

When his first game was scheduled and the family made plans to go watch,

The crew of girls that we hung out with decided to make signs and support him at the game.

What was going on?

What kind of alternate reality was this where the girls jumped to his side and he gets to strut his stuff on the varsity basketball team?

That was my dream.

I didn't even want to go to the game and as I sat and sulked,

I realized what was happening.

I was getting eaten alive by jealousy.

I couldn't be happy.

Not for him and not for myself.

I kept hating the fact that I wasn't in his shoes and it hurt.

Against my better judgment,

I ended up going to the game that evening and as I watched in the stands,

Something miraculous happened.

I started to get caught up in the emotion of the game.

Contrary to my jealous nature,

When my brother took the court,

I got excited when he shot the long ball and put his team up by three.

Of course,

I still dealt with some jealousy,

But I also felt a reprieve when I cheered him on.

During that game,

It's safe to say that I had one of the most significant realizations of my life.

I came to grips with the reality of the moment and made a conscious decision to cheer for my brother.

After all,

He was my brother.

I loved him.

I wanted him to be successful.

And when I flipped that switch in my mind to be excited for his success,

The jealousy disappeared.

When I took myself out of the equation and focused on the love I had for him,

I was able to share in his excitement and success.

I was set free.

How about you?

Do you find yourself in situations where you are jealous of others?

Especially if you're jealous of friends or family,

Know there's a way out.

Choosing to be excited for those people and choosing to share in their joy allows you to rid yourself of that jealousy and ride along on the wave of their successes.

It doesn't mean that there's less success out there for you.

I choose not to believe in a zero sum game where there's a limited amount to go around.

I believe that there's success enough for you too.

So cheer them on,

Your loved ones,

Friends and family that succeed and thrive.

And in doing so,

You just might find the freedom and peace you deserve.

Reviews

What a fun story to present an important life lesson.