Letting Go Of Control In Relationships
Much of the struggle in relationships comes from trying to control or change others. From a 3 Principles perspective, peace is not found in agreement but in recognising the thought-created nature of experience. In this meditation you will rest in breath, release the pressure to fix, and return to the freedom and calm that is already within you.
Transcript
Welcome.
Take this time for yourself.
A gentle space to rest.
To come back to presence.
To remember what is already true.
Allow your body to settle.
Feel the support beneath you.
The chair.
The bed.
The floor.
Wherever you are,
Let it hold you.
There is no need to hold yourself up.
You can soften.
You can let go.
Notice your breath.
Air moving in.
Air moving out.
You do not need to control it.
You do not need to do anything special.
The body is breathing itself.
Let this simple rhythm carry you here.
Relationships can bring so much pressure.
Pressure to keep the peace.
Pressure to be understood.
Pressure to make others behave in a certain way.
So much energy is spent trying to control or change people.
And yet,
If you look closely,
You'll see how exhausting this becomes.
Because,
No matter how hard you try,
You cannot control another's reality.
You cannot control what they think.
You cannot control how they feel.
You cannot control the way their experience shows up for them.
Pause here.
Notice your breath.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Return to the rhythm that never asks for control.
From a three principles perspective,
All of us live in a separate,
Thought-created reality.
This means we're not living in the same experience.
We are living in the feeling of our thinking in the moment.
And so is the other person.
When you see this,
The pressure to control begins to ease.
You start to understand that their feelings and actions are not caused by you.
They are created by their own thoughts.
Just as yours are created by yours.
Take a slow breath with that.
Feel your body soften a little more.
Sink a little further into the surface beneath you.
Feel yourself melting into relaxation.
Now imagine a time when you wanted someone to change.
Perhaps in your family.
Perhaps at work.
Perhaps a friend.
Notice how your mind convinced you that peace depended on them being different.
And notice too,
The weight of that pressure.
How tiring it was to keep trying to manage them.
And yet,
Peace never came from that control.
Peace arises when we see what is true.
That reality is always inside out.
That the feeling we are having is created by thought in the moment.
Not by the other person.
Not by their words.
Not by their behaviour.
Pause again.
Notice your breath.
The steady rise and fall.
Each inhale reminding you that life is flowing without your effort.
Each exhale reminding you that letting go is safe.
Letting go of control does not mean giving up.
It does not mean letting people walk over you.
It means seeing clearly what is yours and what is not.
Your thoughts are yours.
Their thoughts are theirs.
You do not need to manage theirs.
You do not even need to manage yours.
You do not need to carry that burden.
Notice your body again.
Perhaps your shoulders feel heavy.
Perhaps there is tightness in the chest.
Let those sensations be.
Do not try to push them away.
Simply notice.
And return to the breath.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Let the rhythm guide you back to presence.
From here,
Reflect on how often disagreement is treated as a threat.
We can believe that love or respect depends on agreement.
That calm depends on the other person seeing things our way.
But what if it does not?
What if harmony is possible even without agreement?
What if connection does not need sameness?
Take another breath with that question.
Let it open some space inside you.
Disagreement is simply two separate realities meeting.
Each shaped by thought in the moment.
Neither fixed.
Neither permanent.
Both subject to change.
When you see this,
The need for control softens.
You no longer need to make them see what you see.
You no longer need to fight for your reality to be theirs.
Compassion grows here.
Connection grows here.
Because you are no longer forcing sameness.
You are allowing difference.
Pause again.
Notice your breath.
Feel the calm that comes with letting go.
Reflect for a moment on how much energy has been tied up in control.
In trying to make conversations go a certain way.
In trying to make decisions line up with your expectations.
In trying to make others act the way you want.
And now,
Imagine that energy being released.
Freed back into your system.
Energy no longer drained by struggle.
Energy available for presence.
For creativity.
For connection.
For illusion.
Take a breath into that possibility.
Feel how light the body can become when the weight of control drops away.
From a three principles perspective,
Control is always an illusion.
Because we are not managing reality itself.
We are only ever experiencing thought in the moment.
And thought will always move.
It will always change.
There is nothing to fix.
Nothing to control.
Only something to see.
Return once more to your breath.
Let it remind you of what is constant.
The gentle inhale.
The gentle exhale.
Always available.
Always steady.
Even as thoughts move quickly.
Even as feelings rise and fall.
Notice now if any images of certain people come to mind.
People you often whip were different.
See them now as human beings in their own thought created world.
They are caught in theirs just as you are in yours.
Notice how that softens the heart.
Notice how it loosens the need to control.
When you let go of control,
You return to freedom.
You return to calm.
You return to connection.
Because connection was never about sameness.
It was about presence.
It was about allowing difference without fear.
Notice your breath again.
The rise.
The fall.
Stay with it for a few moments.
Let the rhythm quieten the mind.
Let the body soften more deeply.
Even in conflict,
This calm is available.
Even in disagreement,
Presence is here.
You are not broken.
They are not broken.
You are both simply caught in different realities.
And that is okay.
Take a few longer breaths now.
Let the inhale refresh you.
Let the exhale release what is no longer needed.
Let your body loosen a little more with each cycle.
Allow yourself to feel safe here.
Safe to let go.
Safe to rest.
Safe to stop managing what was never yours to manage.
Reflect again on someone close to you.
Someone whose behavior you often want to change.
Notice what shifts when you see them as simply caught in their own thought.
Perhaps the tension in your chest eases.
Perhaps the urge to argue loses its grip.
Perhaps you feel a little more spacious.
Breathe with that.
Let compassion settle in the space where control once lived.
Stay here for a while.
Noticing the breath.
Noticing body.
Letting calm spread through your system.
This is not about never speaking up.
It's not about ignoring what matters to you.
It's about seeing the nature of experience clearly.
So that any words you do share come from calm,
Not fear.
From clarity,
Not pressure.
When you speak from presence,
The energy is different.
Others can feel it.
Your words carry less force and more truth.
And often that truth lands more deeply.
Take another slow breath.
Notice how simple it is to return here.
How quickly calm becomes available when you stop managing.
Notice how safe it feels to rest in this moment.
Even when life is messy.
Even when relationships are complex.
The calm is still here.
Beneath thought.
Beneath control.
Always available.
As we come to a close,
Let your body rest here a little longer.
Notice your body.
Notice your breath.
Notice the space around you.
Remember this.
You do not need to control others to be okay.
You do not need them to see life your way.
Peace does not come from control.
It comes from presence.
From remembering that experience is always created inside out.
From letting thought move as it naturally does.
Take one final deep breath.
Let the exhale release whatever is ready to be released.
You are whole.
They are whole.
And the calm you seek has always been here.
Thank you for being here.
You can return to this reminder anytime.
The calm beneath control is never far away.
It is who you are.
