Objective Observer

We are living in interesting times. This is a talk on how to engage in negative debates with others. We are living in sensitive times and may often see situations where people may want to express their anger to you. You can learn how not to engage or respond to negative observers. By doing this you can avoid engaging in very negative and angry conversations.

Transcript

A very big Aloha.

I am Reverend Cindy Paulus and I wanted to talk about the value of being an objective observer.

There's such an interesting pathway that happens when you're on this road.

In the beginning it's like being in love and you're feeling all the joy and the bliss that is even better than most relationships actually with people because you're getting tuned into the whole light and love of the entire universe.

And then you have to take that and bring it down to earth,

You know,

Put it to work.

And when you're doing that,

It's a long,

Long process and you learn so much and at some point it becomes important for you to learn as much as possible in the time you are given.

And you know,

Gosh,

This is an interesting process.

It's so interesting.

And you have to learn over time how to be an objective observer because you could go through a lot of roller coasters knowing and loving the light and that bliss that's there,

But also seeing the reality of what's going on on the earth plane here.

And the two don't always meet.

Sometimes it's really beautiful and blissful in that high wonderful state of light and love,

But dealing with what you need to do to serve and to help on this earthly planet can be rather challenging at times.

And that's what makes you valuable as someone who is really on the pathway to help and to serve.

Now,

Everyone,

This is an interesting part of that,

Everyone has their own gifts to give.

And it's really beautiful the way that works,

You know,

It's like the colors of a rainbow.

I mean,

Some people are really good at some parts of their being,

You know,

And it could be anything like math or what's going in the scientific field or that whole energy that's very,

Very much mental.

Some people are much better at the art and the beauty and what they see in that lovely gift of being a creative,

Expressive person that maybe does music.

Now,

I happen to fall into that category.

And then there's all these other ways that people fall into different,

What is considered rays of energy,

The seven rays of energy and ways of being.

Now,

It's good to know what your field is,

And it's very easy to find out.

It's what you love doing.

It's what you are drawn to,

What you enjoy in life,

Right?

And for me,

Again,

That's always been music and art and the creative expressive thing.

But then trying to put that to work in a way that's also usable and available to people who aren't maybe in that same field as you is really very valuable.

And at the same time,

It takes a lot of strength.

So this is where we go back to that wonderful gift of being an objective observer.

Now,

I don't know if you've noticed,

But times get pretty intense.

And I think that's part of the acceleration process of learning and growing that we are going through.

We are in amazing times,

Really interesting.

May you live an interesting time.

So all these are interesting times.

And so here's the beauty of being able to be in the objective observer state.

Now,

By being in that state,

You will learn things that can help you definitely in times where there's politics going on.

You learn to step back and not to react to things that may push your buttons,

Right?

And guaranteed that your buttons are going to get pushed in life.

It's going to happen.

It's going to happen.

And that's the way we get stronger as well.

We try not to do any damage,

And we try to really be there to serve and to help with life,

Light and love.

I love light and love.

But here's the thing.

The more light you see,

And the brighter the light,

The more it is that you also see things that are in the darkness.

And that makes sense,

Right?

If you have more light,

You're going to see things you didn't normally see when it was darker.

So that means you have to deal with things that you might discover and see that are kind of the darker parts of life.

And that's a good thing and a difficult thing,

Right?

It's a good thing.

It's always a good thing to be able to see how you can help and serve and what's going on.

But at the same time,

If you really can't quite or don't like what you see,

If you react that way,

It can be very difficult.

So you have to learn to be objective.

And that's where the objective observer comes in.

You start to see it without reacting,

Without judging.

And you start to see it from a point of view that is not from an emotional reactive point of view.

Now,

This could be very helpful in situations where some of our buttons are being pushed more and more in many ways.

It could be even just looking,

Going through social media and going through your sites or there's going to be things you see that are going to go,

What?

Wow,

Really not.

And so you learn.

I guess I could compare it,

Compare it to watching a movie.

You learn to see things as,

And in fact,

There's a lot of truth to that because our lives are kind of like movies,

Right?

And you learn as if you're watching it and seeing it and that way,

But not necessarily engaging,

But viewing objectively without responding in a negative way.

Now,

By being an observer,

An objective observer,

You can see a lot of things you might not see if you were being reactionary.

And it's very helpful because as I said,

Our buttons are getting pushed more and more.

But if your buttons are getting pushed,

You may react in a way that could be not helpful,

But actually harmful.

So if you can learn certain tricks,

Like how to be in that state of mind by choice of an objective observer,

How to give your responses,

Maybe a few breaths or thought or pre-thought before you respond.

If you can learn to see where that person's really coming from,

Rather than what might be their outer core,

That is maybe not their true self,

Right?

If you can do all that,

It's more helpful and easy to do if you're doing from the objective observer point of view.

Now,

I would say that this is extremely helpful for peacekeepers and for people who really need to be aware of what's going on and trying to make peace with both sides.

And I have seen so much separation with both sides,

And you probably have too,

Maybe more than ever.

But responding in an angry way is never going to help the other person,

Really,

If you wish to.

I mean,

Maybe you don't wish to help the other person.

But it is great to be able to get through life without going off the hook and going haywire,

To just really be able to view life from a place where you have a much easier way of living.

And you can understand where this is very,

Very valuable.

So it's easier said than done.

Here's the thing.

It's easier said than done,

Because our buttons,

We'll get pushed,

You know.

You know that,

I know that.

But there are certain key things you can learn that will help you from responding in a negative way or an emotional way without any control over it.

Now,

The first key is one that is always valuable,

And it always works,

And that is breath.

By just taking a breath or two before you respond,

Then it really helps re-center you and get you out of that emotional,

Reactionary way of being.

I always say breath sweeps mind,

So you can clear out some maybe inflammatory or things that were said that really pushed your buttons and take a step back and respond in a way that is maybe even helpful.

And that is very,

Very valuable.

And it's so easy to just take a breath or two before you respond.

And even in that breath or two,

It might be helpful to calm down an inflammatory situation.

You don't want to light the fire in an inflammatory situation,

Right?

So by taking a couple of breaths,

You can take a step back and you can choose to go from a higher point of view.

So that's a really effective,

Helpful clue that I would say.

Remember to breathe,

Right?

Remember to breathe.

The other thing is to see past the emotional triggers that may be laid out,

Sometimes intentionally,

Sometimes not intentionally.

But if you can just get past your reactionary state of mind to react.

I mean,

I know some people,

I have a friend who I know from work,

She just has literally no control of what she says.

And she will start and go on for,

She can talk for a half hour straight and really just completely lose control of what she's saying in ways.

And it goes,

What,

What,

What?

And it's always interesting.

And I look at it as a chance to kind of deal with that kind of thing,

You know,

Because sometimes also those things that are said can not only be reactionary,

Many times political.

And I'm not from the same political standpoint as she is.

And I go,

Well,

Okay,

Okay.

Here's a couple of things you can do.

And you say,

I really don't wish to go into that.

I don't really want to engage.

Now here's the thing with the reactionary people and emotional people are hoping to push buttons.

They want you to engage and they could get angry if you do not engage.

So you have to learn how to not engage in a way that is not going to have an emotional trigger or an angry trigger involved.

And one thing that works sometimes for me is by just changing the subject,

By just literally changing the subject and not responding in the way that they may wish you to respond,

You know.

And it can be accepted sometimes,

You know.

So you didn't react.

You didn't tell me what you were thinking about that,

What I said.

And it's like,

No,

I just wanted to talk about this instead.

So yes,

Changing the subject and not reacting can be very helpful in an emotionally charged situation.

And if it even takes a buffer of saying,

Well,

That's an interesting point of view,

You can say that,

You know.

Sometimes it helps to just get a response.

So you say,

Well,

That's an interesting point of view.

And by the way,

Did you know,

And change the subject,

And you and I know trying to engage in a highly charged,

Especially if it's a political situation,

Political debate with someone who doesn't believe as you do,

That that really is not a good idea.

And it usually doesn't work.

So in this case,

I'd suggest,

You know,

Kind of saying,

Okay,

I hear you.

And by the way,

Did you know,

Change the subject,

You know,

You know,

Or you just pretend to start coughing,

And it's amazing,

Coughing or whatever can actually change the subject in an interesting way as well.

So you learn to deflect from emotionally and what you can see even is sometimes intentionally um,

Charged situations,

Right?

Now,

If it's not political,

And if it's something that the person is kind of over and over and over has said before that is in their situation in life that they want you to,

That,

Can I say the word bent?

Do you know people that just want to vent?

That you learn,

Okay,

They're going to vent and you,

Some people can vent short time or some long time.

And sometimes it,

It is something that you could really help with.

And a lot of times it's something that they just want to vent and they don't even care if you respond to them.

They're just trying to release what's in their life and their mind,

Right?

This is very difficult in a lot of situations where there are men and women,

Men don't understand that women may just be venting.

They don't want a response.

They don't want a cure.

They don't want anything except being able to talk it out and get it out by talking.

But a lot of times men do not know that,

That they completely will try to respond anything they say in the situation probably is not going to help,

You know?

So,

You know,

It's just,

You've seen this,

You know,

You know this.

So maybe it would help if you are one of those venting to let the person know,

Yeah,

I just need to vent.

I just need to say,

I don't necessarily need a solution here.

I just need to vent.

You can say that.

Or if the person's venting and you know they're venting and they're not aware of the fact that they're venting,

You can say at the end of it,

Well,

I'm,

I'm glad you were able to vent,

Right?

And,

And just change subject,

Or you can give a real short bit of maybe advice that might be helpful.

It just is helpful for you to learn where you can be of service and where it's best not to engage.

And I hope you understand what I'm saying in this case.

You probably do if you've been in those situations.

And I know people that actually use,

Have a way to make the phone ring.

They can push a button and their phone rings and they get out of a situation like that by pretending to answer the phone or,

You know,

Changing the subject that way.

But it's,

It's,

It's something you will encounter,

Especially in politically charged times and times where people going through a lot of stress.

And for those who need to just vent,

Right?

You,

You learn in time to be an objective observer and you learn to see maybe,

Maybe in that state,

What the person really is,

What's going on inside them that's making them go there.

Now,

Here's the,

A very important point.

If you are able to see what's going on,

These people don't necessarily want you to know what is the reason for them behind the reason they're seeing,

But you can learn and you can see.

And maybe in some way,

In some situations,

You might be able to say a few words that might help them by seeing what's really behind that venting.

And you also can learn how to avoid that situations that are politically charged or differently,

Definitely charged in ways that you just,

You don't want to go,

You don't want to go there.

And it's so funny.

You can't even say sometimes,

I don't want to go there.

Have you ever noticed where you saw the person really getting into a situation where there's really no solution and you just say,

I don't want to go there and they get hangry because they don't want to be told that,

But you don't have to say that because that again is a politically charged,

It's a charged thing to say.

And so you learn to say things that aren't going to get that reaction.

You can just say,

That's very interesting.

Well,

I thank you for sharing that.

And then you change the subject.

Now,

Why is this spiritually important?

Well,

It's very important,

I think,

Because we are seeing a lot of people who are close to difficult times here in Hawaii.

I mean,

There was a really bad fire and it's been over a year,

You know,

But it's still got people going through stuff.

And of course,

There's been other fires that are just terrible now.

And there's a lot of people that are close to breaking points and they need to express,

But they don't know how.

So instead of being able to let out their emotions and stuff in a way that's easy,

Oftentimes they will have an anger thing going on that they're not even aware of.

I've seen that here.

There's a lot of anger that happens when you're in hard situations,

Right?

And you learn that that's just their way of venting,

Right?

So in those situations,

You observe it,

You see it,

You understand it,

You do what you can do to help,

If you can help.

And if not,

You learn a little bit about what's going on with that person and you learn,

You know,

Maybe in a creative way,

A creative way to deal with it.

And as a spiritual person,

As a person on this path,

It's very helpful to learn how to negotiate these situations with people.

And you'd be amazed if you just send that person some love and some light and some understanding that in a simple way,

Not in a long engaged way,

But in a simple way,

That they'll feel better.

They've got out what they had to get off their chest.

And so it's a way of helping.

It's a way of helping in an interesting way.

And I found it very,

Very effective.

Now,

It's something that we all can learn and we can learn from each other.

And sometimes I learn from people who are very good at what they do with this,

You know,

Who are able in very,

Very intensively beautiful ways and creative ways of making sure they can help in,

I guess,

In a way that lets the other person feel loved and still not engage in a politically or a sensitive situation.

And it doesn't have to be difficult.

It can be a simple way.

Number one,

Again,

Be aware of what's going on.

Don't react emotionally to what's going on.

Go to a safe place inside yourself,

A safe place that is able to observe the objective observer point of view and see in that state,

And you probably don't have time while they're talking,

To get to that point when they're finally through talking of saying something that is helpful,

Simple,

Helpful.

And then if you can help,

Help.

If not,

Learn how to change the subject.

And you probably have learned something very important about that person.

And you may be able to help at other times,

Or you may just choose not to be subject to that.

And that can be a great gift in some situations.

It's part of being on this path of how we can learn to coexist in strange times and also maybe be of help and be of service and be able to be an objective observer.

I thank you very much for listening.

I appreciate you being there.

I really do.

And I hope there are some things I said that might be helpful to you.

Reviews

Helpful information. You have s calming voice to me.

I appreciate how you suggested, "go to a safe place inside where you can observe" that is a very useful strategy. Thank you Rev Cindy. Love to you

This was a wonderful talk! We need you to run for President someday. We could have so much peace and understanding in our world. Many blessings and loving kindness to you. Have a phenomenal day!