Going Through The Dark Night Of The Soul

Do you feel like you are going through the most difficult time in your life? Are all of your shadows weighing on your ability to see the light? To have hope? You may be going through the dark night of the soul. In this talk, I address the symptoms and common experiences one may go through. We will look at what the dark night of the soul is all about, how it is benefiting you, and what you have to look forward to. You are not alone, and by asking yourself a few questions, you can find bliss.

Transcript

Music Music My name is Keri Sewell and I'm a teacher here on Insight Timer.

And I wanted to do a talk today on the Dark Night of the Soul as I feel it is a touchy,

Painful topic.

And I wanted to shed a little bit of light with you if you feel like this is something you're going through right now or have been through and you want some clarity,

You want to understand this experience and why it's happening.

I want to offer some supportive tools to you to help you through the Dark Night of the Soul and let you know that it's going to be okay.

Eckhart Tolle says,

The Dark Night of the Soul is a term used to describe what one would call a collapse of a perceived meaning in life.

An eruption into your life of a deep sense of meaninglessness.

The inner state,

In some cases,

Is very close to what is conventionally called depression.

Nothing makes sense anymore.

There's no purpose to anything.

And I love Eckhart's description of the Dark Night of the Soul,

Something he's gone through and I've gone through myself.

Because once you've gone through it,

You realize it does pull you into the depths of despair.

Into ultimate darkness,

Shadows.

You're really the opposite of what one might call their higher self or their soul truth or light body.

It pulls you into your dark body,

Into really the opposite of what we desire,

Of how we desire to live and show up in this world and pulls us through those trenches of pain,

Of discomfort,

And really,

Really pushes our limits.

And sometimes we break,

Like physically break.

You know,

Maybe we have to go to the hospital or a mental health institution or maybe we're just hiding in the closet,

Closing the blinds and the curtains.

Or maybe we're screaming at the tops of our lungs in the car or in the forest.

I mean,

It really,

Really pushes us to the depths of despair and suffering.

I'm going to talk about some of the common experiences or things you may go through while traveling through the Dark Night of the Soul and what it's pushing you towards,

What it looks like throughout the journey,

And that end feeling,

Sensation,

Awareness that you arrive at after the Dark Night of the Soul.

And I do want to say this right now.

It's not an experience that's meant to be lived your entire lifetime.

You're not meant to be in the depths of darkness and despair your entire life.

Can that happen?

Yes,

But only through choice.

There is a way out and change is very possible and can come with such ease and grace.

It can be a really beautiful journey unfolding.

It doesn't have to be quite as painful as we make it out to be sometimes.

It can be a blissful experience.

It really just all depends on your mindset,

Your belief system,

And your intentions.

With that said,

What does the Dark Night of the Soul look like?

How do you know you're going through it?

There's definitely this feeling of being lost,

Of being really uncertain on your path.

Maybe you were someone who had it all together,

Had the career path and the beautiful intentions and positivity and goals and amazing lifestyle you've concocted,

And it just started crumbling.

Or maybe there was a moment,

A trigger,

Something that created panic and your world shattered.

However you got there,

Whether it was slow or fast,

It's pulled you into a space of darkness.

It can be a space of depression,

Of extreme fatigue,

Loss of purpose is a really big one,

And feeling meaningless,

Whether that's you feeling meaningless or life feeling meaningless,

But it's definitely that feeling of uncertainty,

Like,

Why the F am I here?

You know,

What's going on?

Why is any of this happening?

Why are we living?

What's the purpose of life?

Is there a purpose?

I don't know anymore.

Does God exist?

Is there a divine plan?

It really doesn't feel like that.

And the Dark Night of the Soul can be very unique in your individual experience.

It may be all of your darkest battles coming up for you,

Until you're actually ready to transform them and transform your relationship to them,

Which transforms them.

What are your darkest battles?

For me it was depression,

Anxiety,

And misophonia,

Which is sound sensitivity.

And it got to the point where it was so bad that I couldn't go outside anymore.

I actually couldn't be inside.

The sounds in my house,

I felt like I was being attacked.

And the depression got so bad,

I was ready to check myself into an institution.

I just needed that support.

I couldn't do it anymore.

Those were my shadows,

You know,

Things I'd dealt with in my past.

And they'd come and they'd go,

And I'd get through them,

And I'd learn some lessons through them.

But they all just hit me at once and took me darker and deeper and deeper and darker and darker to this space that I didn't actually know was possible for me to go to.

I'd already found these beautiful meanings in life,

And everything was making sense to me.

And then wham!

It just hit me.

Hit me off that platform.

And pushed me to the deepest state of suffering where I felt like I was going crazy.

So you may feel like you're going crazy.

Those may be words you say to yourself.

I'm crazy.

I'm going crazy.

I can't do this anymore.

I just can't do it.

And yeah,

You just want out.

It pulls you to the bottom,

Further than you knew you could go.

It can be painful,

Like physically painful,

Emotionally,

Mentally painful.

It may be physical pain pulling you to the depths of despair,

Maybe an accident or an illness.

You do become very lonely in this space.

You kind of disconnect from other people because maybe it's too upsetting to be around them.

Maybe you're very triggered being around other people.

You're not able to hold space for them because you're trying to focus on yourself.

Maybe you don't want to connect with people because you feel like you're in such a deep state of darkness.

You don't want to rub off all your bad juju on them and lose your friendships and family connections.

So you just distance yourself and you feel very stuck,

Lost,

And confused.

You lose your sense of identity,

Like you don't know who you are anymore.

All those good things about you,

You feel like they're far,

Far away from you.

And you feel like you're someone else.

You may begin to blame others,

The universe,

God,

Or yourself for being in this place.

You just don't understand why this is happening to you.

And all sense of hope is gone.

What begins to set in is judgment.

Start to judge everyone around you.

You don't even know where it's coming from.

Like,

Where did that loving,

Compassionate self go?

Why are you judging everyone for having different values and opinions from you?

It feels impossible to be around these people.

Jealousy creeps in.

You see other people thriving and it crushes you inside.

Because you're on the total opposite chapter of your life than they are.

You're struggling,

You're in pain,

And here they are just having a great time,

Reflecting their higher self.

Happy,

Blissful.

And you feel so far away from that.

It drives you crazy.

It creates pain to see others doing so well.

You're afraid.

Ultimate fear.

Your worst-case scenario of fears becomes your belief system.

Whatever you're feeling in this dark night of the soul,

You start to question,

Is this my reality now?

Is this what my life is always going to be?

I don't think I can do this.

I don't want this life.

I don't choose this life.

I hate this life.

This is terrible.

I'm miserable.

And then that fear creeps in,

That worry of,

I don't think this is sustainable.

I don't think I can live my life like this.

And I just don't see hope of a brighter future.

I don't see it changing.

I don't see me returning to that light that I found within myself.

What if this is me?

I can't stand it.

That creates a level of insecurity and fear on its own.

It's like fear perpetuating itself.

Another thing you may experience is losing your sense of reality.

Like the whole world around you seems fake.

Like it's been created.

Almost like you're in the Matrix.

It becomes a game.

And you feel the ultimate disconnect.

As though nothing matters.

Conversations begin to feel meaningless.

Your actions feel meaningless.

Your achievements are meaningless.

Goals are ridiculous.

It's as if all purpose is lost.

You have this disconnect from reality.

And then you go to the opposite spectrum and you zoom in on everything and everything feels so important.

You're clenching it tightly.

Everything is deeply and intensely painful.

You can't stand to be around people because you just see their pain and struggles and you feel it deeply.

You see the pain of the world and the struggles in the world and it's crushing you.

Now these are obviously a lot of negatives I'm sharing here in The Dark Knight of the Soul.

You may be experiencing some of them.

You may be experiencing all of them.

Or something totally different.

Essentially it's bringing you to a level of pain.

Of darkness within yourself that you didn't really know was possible.

It's like all your shadows being trudged up and it feels like they're your reality.

Now it feels like your world.

It feels like it's who you've become.

Which is not the case in point.

It's you becoming aware of a very very small piece of reality.

There are many other pieces to this pie.

But it's becoming highlighted.

And I find especially as a light worker or someone who's done a lot of contemplative meditative practices and discovered many inner truths.

Discovered that wisdom.

That beautiful wisdom.

It's kind of like the other sides are wanting to be witnessed.

Wanting to be a part of the process.

We can't ignore any of the pieces.

They all need to come to light.

So if we think we can outrun our demons,

Well we can't.

And there is a purpose to this.

I'm telling you there's a purpose to this.

And we're going to really jump into that.

There's a transition period.

Don't just jump out of the Dark Knight of the Soul.

There's this moment of enlightenment.

I mean this could happen for you.

But I believe a lot of these gifts from the Dark Knight of the Soul are meant to be processed.

They're meant to be received.

And that there's a lot of gifts.

It's not just one big gift in this moment of divine awakening.

It's many gifts.

Many truths coming to light.

So it's a process coming out of the Dark Knight of the Soul.

It's not like this epiphany and spirit taps you on the head and you're enlightened.

It's a gift that you really need to allow,

Surrender to,

Receive,

Become aware of consciously.

So that you can fully receive the benefits and experience growth.

Right?

Since when does growth happen in an instant,

In a moment?

Generally it takes time for us to learn these soul lessons.

As you begin to make your way through the Dark Knight of the Soul,

You're going to start to experience greater awareness and begin to see a meaning.

If it's a possible gift or lesson coming through,

You may be asking the right questions like,

What is the gift in these painful or negative experiences I'm having of suffering?

What is the lesson?

And you begin to become aware of them.

Awareness is always that first step,

Right?

So things begin to rearrange themselves to make sense to you.

So you're starting to step out of that confusion and into a little more certainty.

And with that certainty,

It's such a big first step because you begin to access hope.

Hope!

Oh,

Hope!

Hope that's left you through this dark,

Dark time and allowed you to be encapsulated into the darkness and not see any light.

Hope is that light,

That first light coming through.

Connection.

Connection starts to reintegrate with your life.

You desire once again to share love and be love.

You want to connect with people.

Amazing.

You're ready to connect with people.

Amazing.

Your energy,

Your vitality is being restored to you.

All right.

Something's been shifting.

You're starting to feel it.

Maybe you're not aware of what it is yet,

But it will all make sense to you.

Judgment is released.

Yes!

Let's get rid of this judgment.

It starts to release.

What happens when you release judgment?

Acceptance,

Right?

That's in alignment with that light body,

With that higher self.

You're realizing,

Oh,

I'm accepting others because I'm accepting myself.

This is a part of that journey.

You got to accept the dark night of the soul.

You have to accept this process and this journey that it's happening and that it's a good thing.

That's acceptance.

If you say this is happening and it sucks and I want it out of my life,

Get it out of here.

I don't want to learn anything.

I just want it to be over.

That's not really,

Truly accepting it.

Accepting it is,

All right,

I see it's here.

Yes,

It's painful,

But I'm trusting there's a gift here.

That's acceptance.

You'll begin to have an understanding of the over soul,

The universal soul consciousness.

Here you connect to the space of oneness,

To the greater knowing that you and your neighbor are one in the same.

That you and your enemy are one in the same.

That you and animals,

Plants,

Factories,

Plastic,

Wood are all created from the same conscious awareness.

As this awareness becomes more and more accessible to you,

You stop judging any experiences as negative.

And you understand that it's all been created by you,

At least a part of you.

And that you and everyone,

Everything around you,

Are one.

You are all reflections of this universal consciousness.

Wanting to express itself in different forms and different experiences.

All unique,

Whether dark or light,

Fear or love,

That they're all coming from the same source.

And that you are also this source.

You then become aware of your ego self.

There's no specific order,

Maybe you're becoming aware of the ego self before this.

You become aware of the ego self,

And this ego self is a part of you that your universal consciousness has chosen to have an individual experience through.

And your individual experience will trick you into believing you're alone.

That you're different from everyone else,

And you're not connected to a universal source or consciousness.

That you're truly alone.

And that you are the sole creator of your reality.

You will,

At some point,

Begin to find a balance between these two awarenesses.

And that you are in fact a shared divine consciousness and an individual consciousness.

And that you are co-creating your reality in this lifetime.

This universal consciousness is constantly bringing you experiences to enhance your reality and allow you to experience soul growth.

Pushing your conscious individualistic mind to realize its full potential and breach the walls of the universal consciousness.

So that you can end your suffering and become enlightened.

This is why we have the dark night of the soul,

To experience enlightenment.

And I don't say enlightenment like the Buddha.

This is your individual expression of enlightenment.

Enlightenment is experiencing the truth and living the truth.

And the truth is endless.

So there's different degrees to which each person is going to take this.

But enlightenment is freeing you from the bounds and the confinement of belief systems.

And allowing you to directly experience the truth.

Capital T.

To free you from your suffering.

And when I say free you from your suffering,

A lot of people are like,

Oh okay,

That means no more pain.

No more pain.

No more bad relationships.

No more crappy experiences.

Just blissful easy life.

And I'm going to sit on a beach and everything's going to be amazing.

No,

That's not what I mean by freeing you from your suffering.

When I say free you from your suffering,

I mean accessing bliss within you.

When you discover that bliss is always accessible within you.

All this outer world stuff that's happening.

Remember we're also co-creating.

So things are going to happen that you don't desire.

That you don't have to suffer.

Because you've accessed,

You've discovered that bliss is always here within you.

And you're still going to have these beautiful experiences.

Maybe you'll be on the beach soaking up that dream life.

But maybe a bird poops on you.

Are you going to lose it?

Are you just going to keep breathing and accepting this experience as an experience?

As wow,

My universal consciousness is experiencing this unique life.

The ups,

Downs,

Fear,

Love,

Dark light.

Not judging it.

Just like wow.

Look at me.

I am an expression of divine consciousness living this human life.

What a gift.

What a gift.

Imagine living from that place of realizing it's all a gift.

And when we stop labeling and judging things and we start to see them as just beautiful experiences.

As consciousness having an experience.

Then we're living from gratitude consistently.

Then we're in a state of bliss consistently.

We step out of judgment of what's right and what's wrong.

And trying to define everything and control everything.

And we surrender to this bliss that actually is our reality.

Now I want to offer you some support through this dark night of his soul.

And here's my advice to you.

You're not alone.

You have consciously or unconsciously been calling your human experience to elevate itself.

And become aware of a deeper truth.

This deeper truth,

It's going to eliminate and squander your suffering.

Now every moment,

Change is happening.

Death,

Birth.

If you choose to believe you'll always be stuck in the space of darkness and struggle.

Then you're pigeonholing your path into that state of suffering.

However,

If you choose that every experience,

Every dark ditch that you dig yourself into or feel like you've been shoved into.

That it's offering you a chance at enlightenment.

That it's offering you a chance to step into love.

Real,

Unconditional love and acceptance.

And that this is ultimate soul growth and expansion.

You become aware that it is gently pushing you or harshly shoving you.

To be the love that you are.

To reject that idea of fear and suffering and allow yourself to free your soul and access bliss.

Because you can.

You can be love and light and fear and darkness at the same time.

Fear,

Darkness,

Pain and suffering.

They're not hindering your love and light.

They're giving you the opportunity to be love and light.

They're actually essential for you to realize what love and light really is.

Love and light don't reject a part of you or an experience you're having.

If you are truly embodying your love and your light.

Then you are embracing your darkness and acceptance and compassion.

Does that make sense to you?

Like if you were just love and light and you never experienced pain or suffering or darkness.

Where's the opportunity for you to be that love and that light?

Right?

This is opportunity.

For you to discover that it's always within you.

You can always harness it and be it.

And finally,

I wanted to share with you that this journey does not have to be painful.

This journey of the Dark Knight is whatever you make of it.

It can be easy and unfold through surrendering and softness.

It will be whatever you choose for it to be.

So you do have some creative control in this leg of your journey.

It's up to you how you choose to view it and perceive it.

You're still going to go through what you're going to go through.

But you can decrease the suffering 90 percent if you choose to perceive it as a gift.

If you choose to perceive it as a threat to your existence,

To your way of life,

To the end of love and light.

Then you're going to stay in that cycle because you're empowering it.

You know,

What darkness needs is love.

That's really the only way for healing and transformation to occur.

And I think that's really the gift that's trying to speak through the Dark Knight of the soul.

To allow you to be the love that you are and the light that you are.

And as you become it and you access it,

Yes,

Life becomes easier.

Suffering diminishes and you become that light that you've accessed.

That love that you've accessed in your past.

Because you've learned how to be that through the darkest time in your life.

And you've realized that it never leaves you.

You never step out of it.

It's always accessible.

You've been pushed to your limits and felt like it's not accessible.

But it is with a little bit of contemplation.

It's really all it takes is those deep questions.

You know,

When you're in it,

In the thick of it,

Ask yourself,

Is this my truth?

Can I access love right now?

Can I access compassion?

Can I access acceptance?

You can.

You always can.

And ask yourself,

What does it feel like?

What does it feel like to accept this part of me?

What happens to this part of me when I accept it?

Discover these truths within you.

They're always here.

You can always find them.

And I believe in you.

You got this!

Thank you for listening to this talk.

I wish you ease on your journey of enlightenment.

I know there are many gifts to be discovered for you.

And I can't wait to see you on the other side.

Namaste.

Reviews

💚Thank you! It’s so helpful to hear your perspective on this topic and helps me understand what I have been going through for the last 21 months. I am finally seeing the light! 🙏

I was guided here today thank you for sharing this. It is divine timing for me I am grateful for your gifts 💞🙏

Amazing talk! What a great reminder even in the midst of extreme suffering, we can find peace and love. 🙏
Thank you Carrie!

Everything you said I could relate to. Thanks for shining your light. It helps point the way to a brighter side.

Dear, dear, dear beautiful girl. Where were you with your wise words and delightfully shining heart 40 years ago when I needed you. ❤️

Thank you for this. I know the dark night so well, and have a better perspective now when it creeps up on me!

Thank you!!
This is exactly what I needed to hear to define what's been going on with me for the past 7 years.
I feel better already knowing not only what's going on, but steps to aide in my rebirth. 🙏

Thanks, there were some things I could take away from your talk and others that I could not relate to or maybe I’m not there yet. This is because my grief is that deep and that difficult. But I will hang onto Hope. 🙏✨💔🙏✨💔🙏✨💔

Thank you for helping me see the beauty of this darkness. 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

A perfect description of the dark night of the soul. Such agony…but you also offer such helpful words that one can contemplate to work through this experience. It’s comforting to know that others experience similar pain when going through this and that we are not alone in the suffering. It’s even more comforting to know that hope and love are on the other side and the depths of despair are not going to last forever . ❤️❤️🙏🙏

Hi Carrie, you said your birthday is 11\20\1986
You’re a Scorpio as I am 10\28. It’s been said that Scorpio has is the hardest incarnation one can choose and we do choose when we were born as we choose our parents and family. What city were you born in so I can do your birthchart. I have gone through many dark nights & to me it is a new spiritual gift or awareness that needs to be balanced. Once we balance it with other parts of our lives we return to whatever normal is. Do you remember your past lives, I do remember some& I’ve also been to the other side in a dream. I get most of my spiritual messages through dreams. I know you’re an old soul as am I. By the way I love it when you say what the f, crap, any dirty words as it makes you more real. I do reiki healing as you do and I have helped soul who are loss after death to cross over to the other side . I love your meditations Namaste 🙏

Really described my experiences in my own dark nights which is so validating and affirming of how normal and temporary these times are - I needed to remember that today. Thank you.

Thank you— I’ve been in the dark night of the soul for weeks now and it absolutely does feel like I’m going crazy.

This is so very thoughtful and helpful. Thank you for sharing your beautiful light. 🙏🌺

Great Talk! Very Good Points made and explained in detail

This is what I needed to hear. Thank you so so much.

I’m in the thick of it right now, for 4 years. I do believe there is something shifting in me. I realize what I’m going through is happening FOR me, to teach me, and I’m starting to realize some of the lessons I need to learn. I know I still have a lot of work to do, but I have surrendered to the process. This was very insightful talk. Thank you Carrie.✨🙏🏼✨

Thank you for your words of encouragement and your loving perspective.

Wow. Thank you for your guidance ❤️

I needed to hear this , as when you lose hope it’s so hard to just live you survive . I will listen to this again and also meet myself in the dark and hold out loving arms .
Thank you 🙏