Owning Your Worth + Taking Up Space | Self-worth Mindset

Have you ever been told you’re ‘too much’? Too loud, too intense, too emotional, too ambitious — too _something?_

For years, I let that narrative shape how I saw myself. I shrank, played small and tried to take up less space… until I realized something huge: being ‘too much’ is just someone else’s story about me. It doesn’t have to be mine.

In this episode, we’re flipping the script on self-worth, breaking free from the labels that were never ours to carry and choosing to show up fully — without apology. Because when you fully step into who you are, you create space for others to do the same.

Have you ever been called ‘too much’? What did it bring up for you? I'd love to hear about your experience.

Transcript

Hello and welcome to another episode of the Wild Freewell podcast.

My name is Alessia and I'm super,

Super jazzed to be talking with you today.

Today I am here to talk about worthiness.

I am here to talk about owning our worthiness and really embracing all of who we are and yeah,

And I'm going to start this episode by sharing a deeply personal story with you.

So over the years I have been told countless times by people who love me or claim to love me that I am too much.

I have been too much for everyone from family members,

Friends,

Teachers,

Partners,

Anyone.

Listen,

You name it,

You name someone and I have heard from them how I just need to tone it down in some way.

And I've been working through one of my coaching programs because I felt like my mindset needed a little refresh and you know,

I needed to kind of refocus and I'm also working on refining the program and stuff like that.

So one of the things that came up while I was working through this is this idea of my being too much,

Quote unquote.

And the more I thought about it,

The more I began to wonder,

What does that even mean?

Like literally,

What does too much even mean?

Because I've been told literally those words,

Like too much,

Not like too annoying or whatever.

I mean,

I've also been told other things.

When I was younger,

I was told that I was too opinionated and too bossy and about being bossy because it's something that like other people experience of me.

I can totally see how that would be the case.

But this idea of being too opinionated or even being too much,

It's like,

OK,

Being too much of what exactly?

And I'll also add for whom?

I'm too much for whom?

And why is being too much a bad thing?

So if we were to take a second to try and define what too much means,

What would we even say makes a person too much?

And like,

I'll be honest,

Like I said,

I've always been too much,

Like even as a child,

Mostly because of the circumstances in which I was raised and like given that I was a child that had very little control over those circumstances and like,

That's fine.

No shade to my parents,

Because like this is part of my unique story.

It's part of what makes me me.

And like,

I genuinely believe that everyone was doing the best that they could at the time with what they had available.

So like there is no there's no there's nothing that I would change about my about my upbringing because I believe too much that everything happens for a reason.

And I can see how every decision and every experience that I've had has led me to having this conversation with you,

Including the way that I was raised,

Including the experiences that I had as a kid,

Right.

But from my reflections,

What came up is that this idea of my being too much is much more likely a reflection of the effect my personality had on the person making the comment than about my personality in and of itself.

And even if it turns out,

Okay,

At the end of the day,

That I actually am too much at this stage of my life,

I am,

You know,

I'm not only ready to own that,

But to completely flip the script.

Because like,

If I am too much,

So what?

Like that's and and like,

Really,

I'd like to take it a step further and just kind of stop seeing myself as too much to begin with.

Because we really need to be mindful when we're in these kinds of situations where we're analyzing limiting beliefs.

We need to be aware of what is ours and what isn't.

So like the fact this idea of me buying into someone else's story,

Because this is someone else's story,

It's something that I didn't actively choose or write for myself.

This is me feeling somewhat inadequate and you know,

Feeling a story that was handed to me by somebody else,

Most likely based on their own limiting beliefs about themselves and the world around them.

Because there was never a point in my life before I was told so by someone else,

Where I actively self identified as being too much.

Because what does that even mean?

Like and children who are so in touch with their own magic,

So in tune with who they are as people and what they want,

And you know,

They're they're in touch with their feelings and like,

Something makes them mad,

They get angry,

Something makes them sad,

And they cry,

Something makes them happy,

And they laugh and they don't care about the situation or the circumstances.

They are just so free and so fully themselves.

So no child is going to come up with the story that says that they're too much.

That is something that has been reflected to them that they then choose to take on.

And this really,

The story of this started perhaps when I was a kid,

But became more prevalent when I was older.

So I don't think that this is necessarily something strictly from childhood for me,

But it is something that,

You know,

Has kind of come up.

But I haven't ever said to myself before someone else said it to me,

That I was too much.

And you know,

If I continue walking down this path,

Like if we take this process a lot,

A step further,

So understanding that this is a story that someone else fed to me,

Or multiple people in this case,

That multiple people have fed to me,

It's me buying into it,

Right?

Like I have chosen over the years to be like,

Well,

If these people love me,

And they're all saying this about me,

Then it must be true.

And in this particular instance,

Since my too muchness is not really harming someone,

It is actually fairly irrelevant,

Whether or not this is true or not,

Like the discussion that I said earlier about being too bossy.

I think that being too bossy was relevant at that point,

Because it was affecting my relationships with people.

And it was like,

Maybe making people feel small,

I was having an effect where I was not making people feel loved and accepted.

And so that is something that,

You know,

Makes a difference.

My treating people that way,

Because it is a word that describes my treatment of other people is relevant,

Because it's relevant to the way that they're interpreting me,

It's relevant to the way that I'm making them feel,

And it's relevant to the energy that I'm putting out in the world.

Now,

This story is from when I was nine years old.

I don't feel like I am bossy now,

Because I have a very much live and let live sort of attitude.

But I do think that like,

At the time,

It was really relevant.

And there's other things now that could potentially be coming up that are also relevant about the way that I make other people feel.

But this is a direct critique of who I am as an individual.

My too muchness has no negative impact on other people whatsoever,

None.

The only impact that my too muchness could possibly have on someone else is making them uncomfortable.

Okay?

Full stop.

That's the end of the story.

Like there is no,

I'm not causing harm by being too much.

Okay?

But if we continue walking down this path of like taking this a step further,

If I was any less than this so-called,

You know,

Too much,

Too muchness,

Would I even still be me?

Or would I be watering myself down to the point where I'm just existing to make someone else more comfortable with the world around them?

Like would I be dimming myself and not fully taking up the space in the world that's allotted for me by the divine,

By the universe,

By God,

By Allah,

By Buddha,

By the angels and saints and whatever?

Like it doesn't matter what denomination you believe in or what you,

Yeah,

What side of the street you stand on.

I don't think it's relevant.

Do you know what I mean?

Pick your word and run with that.

But yeah,

Like would I be just not fully taking up the space that was gifted to me by being born in this time and space so that I can give space to someone else who doesn't want to actively take it for themselves?

Think about that for a second.

Is my too muchness actually too much?

If I was any less,

Would I still be me?

And what is there to be gained by being less?

By being less too much,

Which I understand that grammatically these words make no sense,

But hopefully the idea and the emotions are transferring.

It just feels like we're in this constant game,

Right?

Like,

Let me see how small I can make myself so that someone else feels comfortable.

Never mind my own discomfort.

Never mind that I can't breathe or I feel like there's no space for me in the world.

Are you more comfortable now?

Okay,

Good.

Then it was all worth it.

Except was it?

Like is it actually really worth it to dim ourselves to that point that we're making someone else feel comfortable by being less of who we were fully intended to be?

I think that 90% of the people in the world deep down are good people.

And good people sometimes do bad things.

Like I understand that we're looking at,

You know,

A sociopolitical situation that is not particularly pleasant worldwide,

But I want to believe,

And I feel like almost I need to believe that the world is full of good people and that the world is a good place and a safe place.

And you know,

People are just out here trying to get their needs met,

Including me,

Including you,

All of us are.

We're all just trying to get our needs met.

But is it worth it to meet the needs of others at the cost of sacrificing who we are and who we want to be?

The answer is no.

It's not worth it.

Don't do it.

But I mean,

When we dim,

When we shrink,

When we play small,

When we negate a piece of who we are,

You know,

All of the ugly stuff,

The warts and the flaws and the this and the that and like all of that BS,

You know,

When we negate all of any of who we are,

We might make other people comfortable for a hot minute for that brief period of time where they are interacting with us.

But we make ourselves uncomfortable for a lifetime by trying to force ourselves to live a life that doesn't quite fit.

And I'm going to be real frank with you.

The people who have said these things to me that are not family members are no longer in my life.

The people who I have made uncomfortable with my too muchness are no longer friends of mine,

Whether that was a for a time or forever,

Because I know that like I've had falling out with friends and we've come back together as we've grown and things have shifted and changed and whatever.

And I genuinely believe that there doesn't have to be a definitive end to any relationship unless it's something that we want.

But like for the people who have specifically said,

I can't be friends with you anymore because you're too much or they've told me in some way that I'm too much and I've decided to take a step back in whatever way that that's unfolded.

And it's unfolded in both,

Honestly.

Like I've had people stop being friends with me because of my too muchness and I have had to actively pull myself away from friendships that were making me feel like I was too much because that's not the story.

Like that's just not that's not a thing.

Do you know what I mean?

I can't be in a relationship where people are not accepting me for who I am while they're asking to be accepted for who they are.

I should I should say.

Right.

We have to have a balance.

There has to be that kind of equilibrium and mutual respect of like,

I see you,

All of you,

And I accept you and I love you and you see all of me and you accept me and you love me for who I am.

Right.

But like there is no part of you that was made to be changed.

What I mean by that is that if you want to make a change,

Kudos to you.

That's awesome.

And you get on with your bad self.

Do you know what I mean?

And if you need support,

Holla at your girl.

But you were given your exact set of strengths and weaknesses to bring something special to the world.

And that something special is your unique magic.

It is who you are.

It is your energy,

Your vibe,

Your values,

Your perspective,

The way that you see the world,

The way that you move in the world,

What you are here to give,

The way that you love people,

The way that you support people,

The music that you like,

The art that you love,

The shows that you like,

All of it,

All of it,

Whatever.

It doesn't matter.

Everything is if if everything is important,

Everything is also insignificant at the exact same time.

So let's take it all right.

It's all important.

That's what we're choosing for this for the purposes of this conversation.

Everything about you and the way that you move in the world and your energy and your values is your unique brand of magic.

And that is exactly why you were put on this earth.

That is exactly why you are here is to share your unique magic in whatever form that looks like.

I'm not saying go out and start a podcast,

Start a business,

Become a coach,

Do what I do.

That's not what I mean.

The way that you love your kids,

The way that you take care of your mother in law,

The way that you call your grandmother every week,

The way that you support your co-workers when they're stressed out,

The way that you make dinner for your partner when they've had a long day,

The way that you do anything,

The way that you exist in the world is your unique magic.

That is who you were put here to be.

OK,

And any second,

Any millisecond,

Any nanosecond that you spend making yourself a little smaller,

You are denying the world of exactly what you were put here to give it,

Which is yourself.

Your heart,

Your words,

Your mind,

Your perspective,

Your point of view,

Your gift.

You are so,

So needed,

So needed,

You are so necessary to the unique unraveling of this specific point in time.

And it's only when you can really,

Really own all of who you are and love it.

The good,

The bad,

The beautiful,

The ugly,

The strengths,

The weaknesses,

Like the light,

The dark,

All of it.

When you can love all of that and you can say that this unique package makes me who I am meant to be in the world,

To do what I am meant to do,

To love the way that I am meant to love,

That is you so courageously stepping into your power.

And every time one more person stands up,

Every time that person,

One more person owns more of who they are and they kind of step into their fuck it era.

And I am moving into that one myself right now.

I've written it and I am declaring it and it is on its way.

But the more that we do that,

You give permission to the people that are closest to you,

The people whose lives you touch to do the exact same.

And every time someone questions,

Okay,

Every time you question the BS that you've been believing for far too long about who you are,

About the way the world is,

About the way your society is,

About the way your community is,

About the way it's done,

About the way it needs to be done,

About timelines and deadlines and,

You know,

Achievements and success.

And every time that you flip the script on those stories,

It creates a whole new trajectory for every single person on the planet.

How do I know that?

How do I know that it creates a whole new trajectory?

Because you touch a part of yourself that touches a part of someone else in your life.

And it's like the rule of seven or whatever it is that,

You know,

Where we're all interconnected,

Like there's only seven steps to get to someone else.

And like every time you do the work,

Every time you step more into your power,

You own more of who you are.

You believe that you are worthy,

That you are magic,

That you were meant to do something wonderful,

That exactly who you are is exactly what is needed.

You give someone else permission to believe the exact same thing.

And they,

Believing the same thing,

Give someone else permission to do the same thing.

And that,

So on,

Ripple effect,

Ripple effect over and over and over until we have collectively changed the way that people view themselves,

The way that we view the world,

The way that we view our communities,

The way that we view our culture and society and so on and so forth.

Right.

Every decision is a ripple effect and you choosing to write your own story and not just accepting what was told to you,

But throwing the whole damn book out the window,

Frankly,

In lieu of writing your own masterpiece,

You know,

It gives someone else permission to do the same.

And like that is just unlocking new levels for all of us every single time.

And like,

Let's talk a second about healing.

Are we going to have healed this?

Check.

OK,

It's done.

It's over.

Like all of a sudden,

My too muchness is no longer a problem.

Maybe and also probably not.

And also I'm going to heal it for this particular period of time,

For this level that I'm at in my life.

And then something is going to come up and it's going to pinch me again.

You know,

It's going to poke me in my in my like kind of soft,

Delicate areas.

And it's going to say,

Hey,

Remember this wound?

It's here again.

It's knocking.

It's saying,

Hey.

And like,

That's totally fine because that's what we're here for.

You have the tools,

You have the strategies,

You know how to deal with this.

And so you just deal with it at a new level.

Like when I was going through these questions from my coaching program and I was reflecting on this mindset work,

Something that came up at the time when it came up made me a little angry.

Like,

But not really angry is not the right word.

I was like a little bit like frustrated and I'm like,

Ah,

This again.

But instead it's like,

Yes,

This again.

Good.

I get to heal this on another level.

I get to look at this situation that makes me uncomfortable that I thought I had kind of gotten over.

And at the time I had.

Now I'm coming at it from a new level because I'm asking myself harder questions.

I'm digging a little deeper.

I'm really trying to unearth the gunk that's holding me back.

And so like I can look at the situation from a new perspective and like kind of heal it from another perspective,

From a different level with the understanding that I have now about the situation.

Because when this situation went down,

The one that I'm talking about in particular,

It was very,

Very difficult for me.

I was very much in a position of blaming myself and taking responsibility for the whole thing,

The whole thing that was going on.

So I was being told by other people that I was too much and I had basically said like,

Well,

I must be too much than two people and all of these other people in my life who have told me this,

Like it must be true.

It must be true.

And listen,

Whether or not it is again is irrelevant because my too muchness,

It does nothing but make other people uncomfortable.

It does not harm them.

It does not cause any kind of psychological,

Physical,

Mental,

Emotional,

Spiritual damage to anybody does not.

Okay.

Um,

But it,

It might make them uncomfortable and I'm sorry for that.

Sort of,

I guess,

But like at the same time,

Me taking responsibility for being treated badly.

And there are other things in the situation that are my responsibility,

But this particular instance of somebody not wanting to be in my energy because my energy for them is too much,

That is not my responsibility.

I had to have friends at the time literally pull me out of this because I was so convinced that it was true,

So convinced that it was true.

And I just was,

I shut down completely and I started playing so small and it affected everything.

It affected my work obviously,

Because what I do is I lift other people up,

But it's very difficult to lift other people up if you're not currently in a space of being elevated yourself.

Right?

So like it really had a very negative impact in different areas of my life.

And once I had kind of gotten through that and I had forgiven myself for putting myself in that situation,

Forgiven myself for believing it and forgiven the people for being in that situation with me and for in some ways putting me in that situation,

I like felt a lot better.

And then yesterday it came up again because I was talking to myself,

Asking myself this really challenging question.

You know,

I was kind of saying,

Like,

Well,

What,

What is a story?

What is a,

Sorry,

No,

What is an experience,

You know,

Good or bad that you've had in your life that has shaped the way that you viewed yourself?

And this was one of them.

This was one of the instances that I had that kind of changed the trajectory because in one,

On the one hand,

I bought into the story and then the other hand I healed it.

And so both of those had an effect on how I viewed myself.

Right.

And it's about taking those experiences and looking at them with kindness,

With gentleness,

With grace,

And then recognizing what is and what isn't yours.

So like what would the new level of healing be here?

One it's accepting that like my too muchness again has no inherent negative effect on the world.

Okay.

That I don't need to believe this if I don't want to,

That I can choose to just completely let this go and not buy into it.

And it will likely probably not show up again in my life if I chose to stop believing it.

But if there's a part of me that's hanging onto that story,

Which in this case I definitely think there was,

If there's a part of me that's hanging onto that story,

Then it is going to come up again,

Isn't it?

It's going to show up in another way in another situation.

Or as I move down the line,

Like maybe I'll heal it now and it might kind of rear its ugly head again later.

It might in any case,

But if I something,

If this becomes just a,

You know,

A vague memory of something that I used to tell myself and something that I no longer feed or fuel right with my stories and my belief in it,

Then why would it come up again?

Potentially that could be the step that really helps me completely let it go.

So that's also something to keep in mind,

But it doesn't,

None of this matters at the end of the day.

It only matters if I choose for it to matter.

That's another piece of this puzzle and that's where personal power lies.

It only matters if I believe it.

It only matters if I give my attention to it.

So if I can just take a step back and let it go,

Then I don't need this anymore.

And the same goes for you and whatever it is that you're working on,

Whatever story it is that you're telling yourself,

Whatever story was told to you that you bought into and have been believing and have been carrying with you for all these years,

Not realizing that you actually didn't have to,

You can let that go.

Now you can choose to stop believing the story that someone else told you about the way that you are and the way that you move in the world and start to write a new one and believe whatever the hell you want to believe about yourself.

Really,

You can choose to be exactly who you want to be in this moment and you can forgive them and forgive yourself for the time that you invested in believing this story and for the ways that you let it hold you back.

You can grant yourself so much freedom and so much permission to move forward in a completely different way just by acknowledging it and giving yourself the option to do things differently just by choosing to believe something different.

And I know all of this sounds really over overly simplified.

There are processes to doing this that in a 30 minute episode of the podcast I can't necessarily dive into,

But it is possible to rewrite these stories.

It is possible to release them and your magic is on the other side of you accepting all of who you are,

Right?

So accepting that you lived through this,

Accepting that you bought into the story,

Accepting that you forgive yourself now,

Accepting that you want a different story,

Accepting that you want things to be different in the future.

It's all about accepting the different stages as you move through them,

Right?

And allowing yourself to believe that you are worthy of whatever you want.

You are worthy of living the life that you want to be living and you're worthy of being the person that you want to be and you are worthy,

So incredibly worthy,

So deeply,

Deeply worthy of love and appreciation and of being seen and valued for all of who you are.

And I'm also going to end this episode by saying that there is going to be another episode coming out talking about strengths and weaknesses because we touched on it in this,

Okay,

In this episode and we're going to dive deeper into this in another episode of the podcast because it is so relevant,

So,

So relevant because the things that make you you and the things that make you strong and the things that make you weak,

They are inextricably linked and they're all part of your unique magic.

And so we are going to dive into that into on another episode of the podcast.

Stay tuned.

Um,

I hope that this episode landed and I thank you for holding space for me as I shared this story with you.

This is something that I have carried for years and years and years and I just plan on not bringing it forward with me anymore and we'll see how well I do with that.

I will keep you up to date,

But in any case,

I hope that you found this useful and I hope that this clears a path for you forward to really be all of who you are and to step into your worthiness.

And if this is something that really resonated with you and you'd like to hear about how mindset work can support you moving forward,

Please reach out to me.

I'd be so happy to connect.

And of course,

As always,

If you have any comments,

Concerns,

Questions,

Or critiques,

Please feel free to leave a comment.

And if you love this episode,

Rate,

Subscribe,

Share,

And all that jazz.

And if you know somebody who really needs this,

Please,

Please pass this episode along because that would just mean the most,

The most to me,

The mostest because that's what this episode is all about.

That's what this podcast is all about.

It's about helping us all open up a little bit more and step into our power a little bit more and be a little bit more of who we are and who we really want to be in the world.

And just to start to make changes internally so that we can begin to see even more changes externally.

So yes,

Uh,

I love you all so much and I am so,

So grateful for you and your time and your attention.

And I hope that you have the best weekend ever and I will see you on the next episode of the podcast.

Ciao.

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