The Story Behind Silence: Saying What You Really Mean

This session explores the quiet space between what we feel and what we say. It’s a deep dive into self-censorship, unconscious avoidance, and the habits we form around staying silent—especially when something meaningful wants to be spoken. We’ll examine the inner dialogue that shapes what we do (and don’t) express, and how gentle honesty can open the door to alignment and deeper truth. By the end of this hour, you’ll have clearer insight into how to move from silence into presence—without force, but with real sincerity. Part 3 in a series.

Transcript

Hello and welcome,

I'm Bradley Tompkins and you're listening to Pathways to Creative Well-Being here on Insight Timer.

We're going to begin talking about this topic,

The story behind the silence.

So this time is for you.

If you're in the middle of experiencing this kind of awareness around this topic,

The silence and not speaking up,

Not saying your piece,

Fantastic.

We're going to address that.

We're going to address the topic,

Some techniques,

Some awarenesses and understandings,

And then some practices in a guided meditation that we'll undergo and a couple of brief exercises to help make it so that when you get there,

You are free and clear to speak your mind and have the permission and the rationale to do so.

So we're going to talk about something I think that we all recognize.

That's that moment when you walk away from a conversation and you realize you didn't say what you meant to say,

And you might get in a car later and just have complete clarity and all these great ideas,

A complete litany of things that would have been good responses.

But sometimes we don't say what we meant to say.

It's not because we don't have the time.

It's not because we didn't know what to say because you think of it later,

But because often a part of you isn't ready.

And this teaching and practice today is about that moment.

It's the about a little self censorship that we don't even recognize is often fear.

And it's about the truth that often gets postponed when we,

I hate to make it sound negative,

But when we fail to speak up.

And it's about learning to listen inwardly so that when we do speak up,

It's from a place of wholeness and completeness,

Not from habit.

And I'm sure you're familiar with the feeling of you did speak up and then you said something that was not appropriate for the moment.

You overreacted.

Sometimes we don't say what we mean.

And sometimes we mean things,

But we don't say them.

I mean,

A lot of things that I don't say,

I mean them very sincerely,

But the problem is people can't grasp it.

I can't work with that.

And more importantly,

When you speak,

You're the first person to hear everything that you say.

So this teaching is in a series and all of them will be available for you to listen to later,

But this teaching stands alone.

These are the teachings that are in this series.

If we address it this way,

Silence is more than the absence of saying something,

More than the absence of expression,

Because even your silence communicates.

Silence is a container for holding your significant truth.

Expressing it is up to you.

Often we don't express what we want to say,

And it's often the thing that needs to be expressed the very most.

And it suggests that our unspoken thoughts aren't actually hidden from us.

It's not like we can't find that truth,

But they're often waiting for us to come forth with courage,

To catch up with our awareness,

To get our place of expression ready.

Even and it has not much to do with personality.

Some of us have a personality that's outgoing,

Fluid,

Easy to speak and communicate verbally,

And others are a little bit more passive or a little bit more quiet.

They don't jump in.

And I just want to address that because it's not a personality issue because the boisterous,

Assertive speaker is also in the same thing.

We just say different things.

Joking,

Sarcasm,

Changing the subject,

Avoidant techniques.

We all have those.

I want that you have within you a bandwidth between the time that you experience the moment and this is the time to speak,

And then what's the right thing to say that most well communicates your truth.

We often remain silent about what matters the most,

And you create a little gap between our inner experience and our outer expression.

And the gap represents both a challenge for us and an opportunity.

The challenge lies in confronting the fear that we don't come up.

We have conditioning,

A little hesitation.

A lot of times it comes from being a child,

You know,

Back in school with parents or other authority figures.

That was the case for me.

And the opportunity really emerges when we finally bring these truths into existence.

That is through expression,

Transforming both ourselves and the relationship through authentic communication.

You come on forward and say the thing that's important to you and that needs to be said.

And the process of finding the courage to speak our truth isn't about aggression or becoming confrontational or assertive.

Those are the terms you often hear about.

It's about an inner alignment.

Those three terms are more about how you come on out and communicate out here in the real world.

But the inner space is about alignment.

And when our outer voice matches our inner knowing,

It feels good.

We experience a sense of integration and wholeness that silence alone cannot provide.

So it's our opportunity to step in.

So I hope that you will appreciate that.

I'm going to address three things here.

We're going to address it this way.

The hidden cost of silence,

Accommodation versus alignment,

The unspoken beliefs that block experience.

And there's a lot of things here that could be addressed.

But these are the four core ones that I want to talk about today.

And then reframing truth through gentle language.

Again,

It's not about being aggressive or even mean.

Sometimes people almost get a revenge thing with having to come out and say it.

It sounds harsh because they've been holding it back.

So we'll address it that way.

Let's talk about the hidden cost of silence.

Some people are like,

That's not my problem.

I don't have any problem with the silence.

It's blurting out.

But let's talk about the silence because often we don't say what we really want to say.

Silence can feel noble.

We tell ourselves we're choosing peace.

I'm very much that way.

Another way of saying that is to avoid aggression or avoid conflict.

So if you're an avoider of conflict,

You'll appreciate that.

We want to avoid unnecessary conflict because we want a peaceful life.

But silence,

When it is driven by fear or guilt or avoidance,

Extracts a hidden toll on us and on our relationships.

Every time that we withhold what's true for us,

We reinforce an internal sanction that says you don't have the right to say that.

If you want to go deeper,

Oftentimes we reinforce a message that says you don't have a right to feel that way.

We don't like it when other people tell us this,

But unfortunately we tell ourselves that.

So the silent self-censorship doesn't just affect the moment it goes to identity.

And over time,

We become somebody who doesn't speak up,

Becomes part of our personality.

Somebody who waits for permission.

Somebody who tucks their truth between being polite,

Performing for others,

Serving others,

Or perceived peacefulness or peacekeeping.

That's really the term.

I'll draw a distinction about that.

But the truth doesn't disappear.

It just goes inward.

Silence kind of teaches that my truth isn't safe and I'm not allowed to say that thing.

Truth doesn't disappear inside.

It goes inward where it becomes a source of stress or tension or confusion or even resentment.

Because you do something with it.

It's energy.

And the body remembers.

And the body tightens.

The muscles get rigid and your breath shallows.

And we begin to pull back from our own presence.

I'm sure you know what that feels like.

Doesn't feel very good,

Does it?

More than anything,

Silence teaches the unconscious mind this dangerous lesson that says that honest expression is not safe.

That it's better to be agreeable than to be authentic.

And with every repetition of that habit or that pattern,

We reinforce that our voice is not a place of authenticity.

It's a liability.

It's not a birthright.

So this isn't about blurting out everything that comes to your mind.

We know the results of that.

But it is about reclaiming the dignity of truth.

And that kind of expression doesn't need to shout.

But it also doesn't need to hide.

And I speak from experience in this.

I'm sure you could as well.

In regard to the long-term effects of not speaking one's truth.

That is,

When you're in pain,

When you are in anguish,

When you are suffering,

When you are uncomfortable,

Rather than painting a smiley face over it saying,

As I did,

I'm a positive person.

Believe in the multiplier effect that what you focus on,

You get more of.

So rather than focusing on the negative aspects of the things that I was enduring or tolerating,

I painted a happy face on it,

Said it's going to be okay.

I'm trying to be positive.

And the result,

I mean,

There's some truth to that.

There's some powerful truth around that mindset and that way of living.

The long-term result,

However,

Is not worth it.

It's suffering.

And it results in a diminishment of identity.

And I'm in the place of recapturing and regrounding in that.

So that's why I'm sharing this with you.

When we speak from a place that's clear and grounded and focused on us,

We undo this pattern of fear-based silence.

I don't want to face the consequences of being uncomfortable,

Hurting others,

Having a conflict.

So what happens,

You return to a more honest form of connection,

Both with yourself and with others.

So that is the nature of the hidden cost of silence.

The idea here is when you embrace,

You realize what happens when you are not speaking up.

And that's what I came to recognize is that the cost was too great.

It was not worth the outcomes,

The results that I was getting from that.

So let's talk about this idea of accommodation versus alignment.

There's a difference between being kind and being accommodating.

Kindness is a good thing.

It honors your truth and the connection you have with other people.

Accommodation,

On the other hand,

Often involves a quiet kind of betrayal,

Going along so that you avoid discomfort.

There are accommodations you make on a daily basis for the sake of getting along with others and not going into arguments and so on.

So there's times when you do it just to be polite and we understand that.

But when you choose alignment with yourself,

You speak or you don't speak sometimes in a way that reflects who you really are and not just what the situation seems to require.

That's what I had memorized.

So we confuse peacekeeping with peacemaking.

So in the name of avoiding conflict,

Which was my big one,

We often back away,

Soften the edges a little bit,

We quiet our opinions,

We make ourselves smaller and we believe that will result in peace or harmony.

But that peace demands that we abandon the truth and just put it in the closet.

And that's not peace.

That doesn't lead to real peace.

It's a temporary truce built on inner dissonance,

Saying I'm going to remain silent even though there's something bothering me.

And of course,

I'm learning to just say,

I'd like to have a conversation about this thing.

Nothing big,

But I just want to address it so that I can clear the air.

When we accommodate others at the expense of ourselves,

We're not creating a real connection.

The cost of that is self-abandonment.

Over time,

This backfires.

Unspoken needs just start accumulating,

And you want more and you want more and you don't get them.

What happens is often you build up a sense of resentment inside and relationships become strained.

And not because something was said and you had this argument,

But because of the things that never happened,

The conversation that never was.

So true alignment is different.

It doesn't reject being kind or caring,

But it also doesn't compromise the inner voice.

That's the most important thing.

Alignment says,

I can be honest and I can be connected.

What it is that you have,

That's your truth.

The paradox,

Sometimes it means that you're sitting in the discomfort of somebody else's reaction.

And that is a little uncomfortable sometimes.

Sometimes you might feel misunderstood.

You have to kind of clarify what it is.

But it also means that you're no longer negotiating against your own truth.

And that's the important thing.

The paradox is this,

Real peace,

Real peace with yourself and with other people only emerges when all parts of you are allowed at the table.

Not just the agreeable parts,

Not just the easy conversations and the easy topics.

When you speak from alignment,

Not aggression and not assertiveness,

But not withdrawal.

Truth,

In your words,

Become an invitation to open up and to engage.

It builds conversation.

Peace becomes something that we build together.

You don't have peace only inside,

But you build peace with other people.

So that's a very nice way to see the end results.

We often don't realize that behind their silence lives this kind of an old agreement we have.

A rule that we didn't consciously choose,

But we adopted it.

We followed it for years.

A word,

Before a word is withheld,

You want to say it and you don't say it.

There's a belief in place that you learned usually a long time ago.

And the beliefs tend to be quiet.

He used to,

We're so comfortable with them.

We're often getting them from parents or school,

Religious figures.

We inherited them.

And we don't question these old beliefs because they feel like common sense.

But they're often not the truth.

They're conditioning.

It says like,

If I speak up,

I'll lose connection.

I'll be punished.

Nobody's going to listen to me anyway.

I'm going to be too much.

I don't want to be the center of attention.

People think that I'm selfish.

People think that I'm egotistical or it's all about me.

I don't have the right.

So if you hear yourself saying those kinds of things,

You recognize that every time you choose silence over truth,

You reinforce the unspoken contracts you've been operating on.

And the unconscious mind says,

See,

Yeah,

Speaking up isn't safe.

You did the right thing by holding back.

And so this pattern just continues,

But those beliefs are in fact,

Not fixed.

They can be traced.

They can be questioned.

They can be softened.

Most of them originate in childhood,

Early relationships,

Formative relationships,

Or moments where your self-expression was met with rejection or laughter or embarrassment or punishment or withdrawal from love.

So those reactions you had,

Even just like a playground friend or a middle school,

Tough time for emotions.

You're learning the responses that people have to you in the moment.

And you don't have a giant preparation time,

Like an encouragement time to say,

Okay,

This is going to be tough,

But you can deal with it.

We just go in there.

When you become aware of these old beliefs,

You begin to reclaim your authentic voice.

The result would be not just knowledge,

But you actually say and perform in real life different things.

So I wonder if what would be like if we could trace the sanction.

I'll call it that tracing the sanction.

The inner rules that we didn't know that we were falling all along.

And so the questions are like,

Where did I learn to say that?

Or where did I choose to stay silent?

Who taught me to remain quiet?

Tracing the roots of self-censorship means that you can do a little practice.

Now,

I want to invite you to do this little practice with me.

Just a little thought experiment and just reflect on one.

Now,

If you're really serious about this,

You write this down and you'll get probably five times the amount of impact from doing this.

But I want you to think about one persistent hesitation that you have around expressing yourself.

Honestly,

Everybody has them,

Regardless of personality.

Think of a time when you hesitate to speak your truth,

To say what you really want to say.

When do you stop yourself from saying blank again and again?

Think of a time or a situation that could arise where you were likely to remain silent.

And just ask yourself right now,

If you've identified kind of a situation when that could arise,

Just hold it out there so you know what it is we're talking about.

And then come back and ask this question.

Do I have permission to speak this?

Check with yourself and see,

Do you have permission to speak the thing,

To say what it is?

And if the answer is yes,

Then we have a shorter path to change.

But if you've sensed no,

Kind of not really,

Then I'm going to ask you,

Whose voice says that you don't have that permission?

Does it sound like somebody you know?

Does it look like somebody you know?

When did you first learn this rule that you have in place?

Sometimes it's just you and it's your voice,

But it's a cautionary voice.

What was I protecting myself from at the time when I made that rule?

What was I protecting myself from?

Because that's what the unconscious mind is exceptionally good at doing,

Is protecting.

Not only for survival,

But also defenseless survival.

Defensive mechanisms,

People say,

Oh,

You're being defensive,

That's right.

I'm protecting what's important.

I'm protecting what's precious back here in my heart.

So the sarcasm and the quick reactions and the changes of subject are often a means to protect.

So just witness that belief that you have.

Hey,

I see you.

I know that you're trying to keep me safe.

That may have been true then when you were young,

But now I choose a new way to be with my truth.

Can you sense allowing that permission to return?

Just because you decided to,

It's okay.

You give yourself permission.

You see me frequently placing my hand on my heart here to say,

Yes,

This is important.

And I want to feel the truth that I'm allowing myself permission now.

So if you place your hand on your heart or often on your throat and just say,

Ah,

You know,

I have permission to speak the truth and to say what it is that's inside.

I give myself permission to do that.

I know the old rule.

I know about that,

But I'm giving myself this rule that says I can speak what it is I need to in the future.

Just that much,

Just loosen the frame a little bit.

Trace the sanction.

I want you to remember this little exercise because anytime you experience a sanction,

Listen,

Don't talk.

Then that's an opportunity to go question that.

When you speak from authentic alignment,

Good things happen,

Good things happen.

So let me just share some of the good things that happen when you do this.

These would be incentives to calibrate on.

When you sense that you get clarity of thought and purpose,

You sense an inner peace and a coherence emerging inside you,

Healthy boundaries,

A return of self-respect.

When you engage in this way,

You experience emotional resilience.

You get a greater sense of authentic and truthful relationships because this is not just about you.

You retain or rebuild a sense of personal power,

Sending a sense of strength to yourself,

Integrity inside and congruence with others.

The things that you say on the outside,

It generates renewed creative freedom.

We all want to express ourselves.

So in doing so,

Learning to speak from authentic alignment,

You generate permission to have creative freedom and you build self-trust and you develop the ability to navigate conflict with grace.

Rather than avoiding it,

You recognize you are skilled at navigating conflict.

And that gives you a greater sense of resilience.

Speaking from your authentic truth and not just permission,

But actually doing it sends a signal to your unconscious mind to bring on the intuition.

You have a great increase in your intuitive abilities and a quieter mind and steadier nervous system that emerges when you give yourself permission to speak means that you are more resilient.

You're more comfortable.

So these are some of the means and some of the results that come from giving yourself permission.

So increased self-trust,

Ability to navigate conflict,

Intuition,

And these results,

These outcomes are plenty of reason to give yourself permission to do this work.

So give yourself the opportunity.

I want you to take it with you.

I want you to say the quiet part out loud.

I'm gonna invite you to another brief exercise,

Just a little thought experiment here.

And you can do this silently in your mind or if you want bold results,

Do this on paper.

Think of a time in a recent past where you stayed silent or you softened what you would have said,

What you wanted to say,

And you diminished a little bit.

Just think of a time in the recent past where you didn't say or come on out with what you wanted to say.

And I want you to just name what you would have said if you felt completely safe and grounded and clear and write it down.

I'm asking you to name what you would have said,

Like my complaint or my truth or a boundary.

What would you name that?

And if you think of this as an opportunity to send yourself a message,

I want you to recognize your statement of that truth.

If you had been safe and grounded and clear,

I want you to reframe that.

Ask yourself this question.

How can I say this in a way that reflects who I am How can I say this in a way that reflects who I am,

Not just how I felt?

So if you feel angry and you respond in anger,

You usually end up having to take it back or apologize.

So I want to speak from the truth of who I am,

Not the way that I'm feeling.

Most of the time,

The best way to do this is to simply wait,

Especially if the reaction or the emotion that you're having is very strong and or negative,

Is just pause for a moment and let it dissipate.

It won't take long,

Just a few seconds.

And I've done this in meetings with people,

Business meetings,

In a conference room,

And just say,

You know,

Since I have the floor,

Let's pause for just one moment and think about this.

People don't know what's going on,

But you're getting ready to leave.

You're concerned that you may have forgotten something and you don't want to be the whiner,

Like,

Hey,

Hey,

You know,

A worrier,

But you just stop everything and say in the moment,

Let's think for just a moment what it is.

Do we have everything we need?

Okay,

So there could be something as simple as that.

How do you reframe what it is you need to say so that it's aligned with who you are and not just how you're feeling in the moment?

Listen to how this feels in your body.

When you speak in your own voice,

It feels good.

It feels authentic.

It feels safe.

And so the affirmation for this would just say,

My voice matters.

My truth is safe with me.

My truth is safe with me.

And I'm going to communicate in a way that honors who I am and delivers the message that's important.

Taking it with you is the name of the game.

Reclaiming or speaking your truth doesn't require force.

A lot of times people have a class or something in assertiveness training,

And it doesn't have to come out in one giant bold moment.

In fact,

Your nervous system actually responds best when the language of truth is gentle,

It's paced,

It's rooted in safety.

When somebody yells at you because they're trying to be emphatic or when they raise their voice because they're afraid you're not going to hear it,

I never quite understood that,

You are in a defensive posture.

So when you talk to yourself and when you express your truth,

Do so in a manner that's paced and rooted in safety.

The mindful affirmations,

And I'm going to be sharing some with you,

They are a powerful way to send messages to the unconscious mind,

The part of you who's running the show.

And they help you start the process internally so that you're not out on the front lines,

Not having done some warmups,

Some affirmations of truth.

Conscious communication builds a bridge between your inner heart,

Your inner mind,

And the world of people who you live with and have interactions with.

Some people you know,

Some people you don't know.

I don't know which is more dangerous,

Sometimes those who you know or the ones you don't know because you don't know what to expect.

But when you come from a place of calm,

Centered,

And connected with yourself,

You cannot help but broadcast that.

Your energy sends out a signal of comfort,

Connection,

And caring.

And when you've done your inner work,

And that's why one of the reasons we do meditation,

Guided or otherwise,

It's one of the reasons we do journaling,

Breath work,

Yoga,

Visualization,

That process builds your inner store.

So that when your cup is full,

You have plenty to share with others.

You're not coming from a place of need and I don't have and I need from you something or I'm kind of ticked off.

And so look out because I might say something.

When you come from that place of wholeness and wellbeing and resilience inside,

I usually look at people when I see that and I go,

Hmm,

I wonder how many minutes they meditated today.

Probably more than none.

And when the person is,

You know,

Flies off the handle,

Says the unkind thing,

Super sarcastic,

Can't get connection with them.

I say,

Hmm,

I wonder how many minutes of meditation they did today.

So let's go on and just take a look now.

The kind of core things around reclaiming truth through gentle language.

You recognize in this,

Just what you've heard so far,

That these are not new truths.

It's not something you don't know.

This is not something that is unfamiliar.

We're here to remind the greater part of you of their permission you have to speak the truth.

We do know,

But we pretend not to know.

So this week's teaching offers this secret that we pretend not to know.

We know it,

But we pretend not to know.

The deeper truth lives beneath our silence.

We already know what we want to say,

But we're waiting for permission that we don't actually need.

Let's get that permission now.

It's not usually unclear to us.

It's just inconvenient to the stories that we've been telling ourself.

When we realize we've been waiting for somebody else to create the safety,

That's not their job.

Safety starts with you,

And you give yourself permission to do it now and at all times.

A guided meditation,

Because you've heard enough to know what it is that's most important.

Silence isn't always wisdom.

Sometimes there's a truth to that.

Being silenced could be okay,

But sometimes it's fear in disguise.

Alignment means that you're speaking truth without losing compassion or connection with yourself.

Accommodation,

On the other hand,

Often requires self-abandonment.

Usually it doesn't feel very good,

So that should be your litmus test.

Often,

Our silence is driven by old beliefs.

Your awareness around those old rules and doing the little tricks the sanction exercise will give you awareness.

It dissolves the power.

Is that rule appropriate today?

Is it correct for who I am,

Where I am today?

And gentle language builds an internal trust and external clarity.

That means that the work that you do inside always prepares you best for communicating,

Socializing,

Connecting,

And doing work with others on the outside.

You don't need to be loud.

To be honest,

You know that oftentimes the loudest guy in the room is not the smartest,

The most compassionate.

They just happen to be the loudest.

And your truth is valid even when it's not spoken.

Sometimes the truth is that when you own what it is that you know and hold the peaceful place in your heart,

You cannot help but broadcasting that to others.

They will see it.

They will want to know about it.

They'll want to be involved.

They want to know what it is that you're doing.

What is your practice?

Are you a religious person?

Did you have some kind of epiphany?

Do you meditate for four hours a day?

What is it that you're doing that gives you a sense of calm and connected awareness for yourself?

So those little takeaways precede a time of a guided meditation,

Which is why you're here.

And I wonder what it would be like if you could just spend a few minutes with yourself here now.

We're going to invite you to just close the outer eye.

Sometimes we see a lot better when the outer eye is closed.

We sense truth and the place that you go when you want to feel good.

The outer eye is for seeing the outside world.

The inner eye is for seeing the clarity and the truth that you hold inside.

So I invite you to just sit comfortably for a moment now and allow your body to settle.

If it's safe and convenient for you to just settle in for a moment,

Aware of the place that you are that holds you up,

Seated or lying down,

Just become aware of the surface that's beneath you.

Thank goodness it's going to remain in place.

Notice your breath.

It's been going constantly since you were born.

And with that breath comes an invitation to just soften.

Notice and sign and invite awareness around.

Anything within you that feels silenced,

Paused,

Put aside,

And simply allow awareness.

The internal eye can turn to that thing,

That awareness.

You may have some clarity here or maybe sort of fuzzy.

Just allow whatever comes forth to emerge gently.

Perhaps it will help to put a persona on this so that you can hear what it is.

Listen to what that part of you wants to say to you.

You are welcome here.

I'm ready to hear whatever it is.

Is there more?

Any message or feeling that arises,

Simply allow it without any judgment or trying to fix anything.

Leave this invitation open.

So that this persona within you,

Who holds the silent truth,

Is free to give you messages that would be helpful in the short term and long term.

I give you permission.

I want to hear from the deeper parts of myself,

The perceptive parts.

There is a part of you who has permission,

A voice right before you speak out loud,

Confidence,

Clarity,

And courage.

Let that part of you come forth now.

Let's have a brief conversation.

What would it take right now for you to embolden,

Empower,

And make larger this part of you who has permission and knows how to communicate clearly.

This part of you may feel stronger than you do on the outside.

With the inside,

Boldness,

And courage,

And clarity.

Are the qualities of this part of you.

I now invite,

Invoke,

And welcome this part of me to step forward clearly as the time is right so that I speak with clarity and courage the things that I need to say.

Honoring myself,

My feelings,

My needs.

Enforcing boundaries when necessary.

This is okay.

This is not okay.

I'd like to request.

Place your hand on your heart and say to yourself,

I will speak with love and clarity when I am ready.

I'm clear about who I am.

And in that clarity,

What I know emerges easily and effortlessly.

And I speak them eloquently to myself and in the presence of others.

I do know how to do this.

Any old language,

Rules,

Or sanctions on my self-expression,

I've recognized them and I let them go.

I am whole.

I am complete.

I am perfect just like I am.

Still becoming more,

Still growing,

Still learning.

But I completely love and accept myself as I am on this pathway.

Anything else that you need in this moment,

Healing in your body,

Calm for your mind,

Restoration and wholeness in your heart,

Receive it now.

Anything else,

This is the source.

This is the place you come to reconnect,

To come home to wholeness.

That's why we do this work.

Memorize this.

You can come back here anytime so easily.

Memorize this.

Tell your unconscious mind,

Memorize this.

I do not know what to do.

I know who I am and I give myself permission at all times.

There,

You're good.

Take a deep breath.

Let's talk about a few things.

As you begin to think about what's next for your day,

Your time here,

Now,

What occurs to you?

Did you enjoy this process?

Did you enjoy the time that we had today to share,

To talk about a few things?

I've got just a couple of things left and I will be happy to answer any questions or to address anything specifically that would be helpful for you.

But I always like,

There's two pieces that I think are important.

The curious part of you,

The thinky part,

The conscious mind who got you here and wanted to understand some things,

To practice or just to be curious.

We wanna give that part of you something to do.

So I always have something I call three questions for self-reflection.

What are those?

So they are these,

Where in my life am I staying silent and why?

Inwardly,

You know the answers to these questions quite well,

But the conscious part of you wants to be let in on the truth.

So number two,

What would I say if I knew it would be received with love?

Not ridicule,

Criticism or rejection,

But what would I say if I knew that it was gonna be received with love?

And then what old belief might be shaping the way that I hold back or hold in,

Withdraw?

You looked at that today and it's always worth examining.

Where did that rule come from?

Is it appropriate today?

What is it that I need to know?

So there's three questions for self-reflection.

There's also something helpful about the affirmations that say,

Look,

I get it.

I know the things I should do every day,

But the unconscious mind is waiting for instructions,

Renewal,

Updated clarity about what to focus on.

And so program the unconscious mind is our job.

It's the work that we do to send clarity.

And there's seven.

They invite you to not only capture them,

But write them down in your own beautiful handwriting on a separate sheet of paper.

Sometimes people write them many times.

Number one,

I honor the truth that lives quietly within me.

I honor it.

Number two,

I speak when my words are true and kind.

Number three,

My voice is allowed in every room I enter.

Number four,

I release the need to earn the right to speak.

Number five,

I trust that gentle honesty is enough.

Number six,

I listen to my inner voice with compassion.

And number seven,

I express myself from a place of grounded alignment,

The identity.

These affirmations for this topic allow you to re-invite and re-invoke the inner voice,

Which precedes the things that you say verbally.

You are the first person to hear everything that you say.

And so since what you speak is an act of creation,

Let there be light preceded the light that was.

And so in the creative act,

You are using your voice to generate the life experience that you have.

That's why it's important that what you say is congruent with the truth of who you are,

The values you're holding,

And the intentions that you have for this life,

The one that you're building.

Let your words be true to who you are.

When they're not,

It won't feel good.

That's your indication.

It's a real quick litmus test if it doesn't feel good.

That's why when you write it down,

It becomes your law.

That's why writing down the affirmations are a good process,

Not just the shopping list,

But writing down with your handwriting as you see it and you hear it and you feel it and you say it and you give yourself permission,

You are creating the way it is.

And then you take action with your real life,

Your real body,

Coming,

Going,

Speaking,

Acting,

Moving molecules around on behalf of your own wellbeing.

That's the nature of this downward causation,

Thinking and feeling,

Speaking,

And then doing.

And I hope today that you were able to experience more of the truth of who you are.

Today is like any day,

An opportunity to begin again.

The most powerful thing that you can do for your voice is to listen to it,

Not to edit or correct it or silence it,

But just simply hear it.

And when you do that,

You're going to find that the right words will rise,

Not from effort,

But from that alignment of the truth.

And you won't need to force your truth.

You'll simply stop hiding it.

You'll simply let it out.

So the invitation as always is not to speak more,

But to speak real,

Speak truth,

Let your voice know that it's safe to be heard.

Where silence ends,

Yourself begins.

And that is the truth.

Do my limiting beliefs really just dissolve simply with awareness?

There is a bigger process in place for the release of limiting beliefs.

It does begin with awareness.

So if I indicated that the totality of the process was summed up in that awareness,

Let me amend to that.

It does begin there.

Awareness that there is a motorcycle in the garage does not move the motorcycle away,

Doesn't get the trash out to the curb.

Awareness is not enough,

But it does help because that which you are aware of,

You can do something about.

Often we see the results,

Go into a room,

Open the refrigerator,

Smell a little something that doesn't seem right.

Doesn't seem that,

I don't know what it is.

I don't know where it is,

What it is,

But I'm aware of something.

So you now have the opportunity.

The limiting belief that you hold today has its origin in a limiting decision that was made just prior.

The limiting decision was made just after an experience that you had.

And you may remember the experience and you may not,

But everything that you experienced,

We take inside through our visual auditory,

Our five senses.

We bring them inside and we compare and we go,

How does this feel?

What's the truth?

What do we do with this?

And we make a decision and the decision,

I'm not safe,

Men are bad.

Whatever that decision is,

Becomes an instruction,

Becomes a rule.

And we usually forget the event.

Often we forget the decision and we just have a belief.

I remember with distinction,

I'll give you an example.

Middle school,

Seventh grade,

Wood shop.

I love wood shop.

I love wood.

I love working with tools and very manual.

They had a decorate the classroom door day.

Your shop class,

We wanted to decorate that door and I got permission to stay through the next class to help decorate the door.

Cause we wanted to win one big,

Big deal and have a good time.

And when I got back to the class,

It was math,

Algebra,

Something.

And I asked the guy,

Is it okay if I,

You know,

Did this thing and did,

And the math teacher said,

Shoot yourself,

Meaning suit yourself.

But he was being funny.

Shoot yourself.

He said,

You won't be able to get back what you missed today.

And I formed a belief around math that I wasn't good at math.

I couldn't do it.

I couldn't get back.

Now I know better as an adult and things turned out just fine.

But I became an English major,

Studying communication and psychology.

And,

And math has always been that thing,

Right?

The decision was made and I let go of the limiting decision around that event.

And if you want to heal up all of your past,

It's possible.

I can't change the past,

But I don't need to change the past.

Thank goodness.

It's kind of hard,

But I can change what those meanings were that I made over a lifetime.

I don't have to operate using those old frames,

Those old rules,

Those old parameters,

Because I've let them go.

So the processes that I'm trained in doing involve helping an individual to let go of limiting beliefs,

Limiting decisions,

Negative emotions,

Anxiety,

Worry,

Guilt,

Anger,

Sadness,

Fear,

The kinds of things that hold a person back.

And I can tell you from experience,

It's really amazing.

It's very enlightening to do.

So I'm going to say,

Now I know people have rad reactions,

But I'm not evaluated on the basis of other people's opinions of me.

I know they sometimes have influence and a boss and a family member and so on,

But truly,

Really completely wholly,

What other people think of you is none of your business.

How you own your truth.

And I hope that it's a truth that's whole,

Wholesome and powerful and good.

Because I had people who would say,

Otherwise rational people who would say that they embrace their,

The violence within them or the harm that has been done.

I mean,

Like,

Wow.

So as long as you're congruent in the truth of who you are,

The responses that other people will have,

That's when I most want it.

Because it's the fear of other people's reactions that prevent me from having that conversation.

And so you can learn to communicate in a way that's true to who you are and anticipates the conversation.

So there's obviously languaging around that.

Things like,

Hey,

I just wanted to have a brief conversation with you about something.

Not a big deal,

But I just wanted to take like five minutes just to talk about that thing that happened or that event.

And I know you may have some reaction around this when I say it,

But please just allow me to speak and then we can talk about it.

Okay?

And they're like,

Oh,

Wow.

Sure.

Serious.

What is it?

And then you say the thing.

I need to let you know that what it was like for me when you said,

Blah,

Blah,

Blah.

Now I know I'm responsible for my emotions and my reactions,

But I wanted to share with you what it was like for me when you did that thing or when they said those things or when that thing was left or undone or whatever,

What it was like for me.

I know it wasn't real,

But the little kid in me felt rejected.

The little kid in me felt abandoned,

Felt alone,

Whatever the thing.

So you just saying,

That's what it was like for me.

Now I'm not moping and I'm not crying and I'm not going to be upset,

But I just wanted to share with you what that's like for me.

So you'd know that everything that you do and you say it has impacts on me and on you and a relationship and everybody else.

So I'm not asking you to change anything,

But just your awareness around that might help us to have a better communication now and in the future.

Are we good?

Do you want to say anything?

Or share anything?

And then they say their piece.

So it's a fear of reaction that prevented me from stating what it was.

I was a marvelous avoider of conflict.

Avoid and conquer.

Avoid and conquer.

That was my theory,

But that doesn't really work long-term.

Okay.

Oh,

That helps.

Thank you so much for the beautiful donations.

This means so much to me.

Your permission to just bring it out,

Say your truth,

Speak your truth,

Own it,

Spend time.

The meditations that you do,

The visualization work that you do.

I'm going to wrap here in just a moment.

Time is up,

But I want to share with you a meditation.

Incredibly helpful.

Letting the silence and the unconscious mind and the spirit of the universe all have their impact on my consciousness,

Aware or not aware.

Incredibly powerful.

Definitely engage.

Also,

The quiet time meditation is incredibly powerful.

That's when I get my pad of paper,

My favorite pen,

Get comfortable sitting in a chair.

Not meditating.

Do that later.

I'm just closing my eyes and breathing and just saying,

Hmm,

Hi,

Bradley.

Hmm,

What's up?

Nothing,

Nothing,

Nothing.

Cool.

Enjoy the nothing.

We have 15 minutes.

Just breathing.

Feels good to be me.

I like this pen.

And let your mind bring to your awareness the things that you need to hear and things you need to know.

I invite,

Invoke,

And welcome within me any part of me that needs to let me know something that I'm not aware.

You don't really have to say that,

But that process invites it in.

You say,

Oh,

Call that person.

Fine.

Entrepreneurial idea number 25.

Yeah,

I like that one.

I should probably take care of that thing.

Yeah.

See,

I'm writing these things out.

Now,

When I go to meditate,

Guess what?

I've been heard.

All the chatter that would come up,

It's been heard.

The little kid in the backseat of the car has had his playtime.

He's now taking a nap so that the adult in me can go inside and do the meditative work.

This process builds resilience.

It feels like,

If you feel like a little kid being told,

Shh,

Be quiet in church or at a funeral or something,

Well,

Okay.

Then give that part of you time to play,

To listen,

To talk,

To wah-wah.

And then the big part of you will go,

Come here,

My precious one.

Let me gently lift you up because I love you so much.

And nobody's going to shut you down,

Quiet you,

Or keep you in a closed room.

You're welcome,

Okay?

So that process,

Different aspects of personal growth and development.

I'm just saying it out loud so that you can hear what that might sound like and what it might feel like to do that work.

I'm going to talk about expanding that,

Giving you additional bandwidth internally so that what to you seems like instantaneous,

To the world's just like sequential timeline out there,

But inside you have like luxurious time to think and respond and to address and to list the five different ways you could say that and to give you resilience in the moment,

To stretch time inside so that you can,

The moment before you take action or speak.

And I want that process to be automatic.

I don't want it to be effort.

The part of you who,

I hope you do this,

Puts the seatbelt on when you get in the car,

Your car,

Uber car,

Somebody else's car.

You just put that seatbelt on because it's protection,

It's a safety.

That's automatic.

I just programmed that in.

I don't need like,

Well,

You know,

Maybe this time,

I don't know.

It seems like a pretty safe neighborhood.

No,

No,

No.

I want that kind of immediate response on the things that give me the results that I want in my life that lead me to feel good and to love myself and to be kind and helpful to other people.

I want those automatic responses.

All right,

So that's the nature of what we do.

I'm Bradley Tompkins with Pathways to Creative Wellbeing here on Insight Timer.

Peace and blessings to you.

Reviews

Thank you so much! I needed to hear this talk so badly and the timing was perfect! You have helped me find a way to express myself. I am sure I will be listening again. I did take notes.
Thank you so much! Many blessings to you!🙏