Have Some Self-Compassion, Give Yourself A Break

This is part of the "Mindful Minutes" series – a collection of short talks by Scott Shute, head of Mindfulness & Compassion at LinkedIn, aimed at helping you develop a more mindful approach to your daily life.

We all have moments in life where our inner critic is being especially harsh. Often, we say things to ourselves that we won't ever say to our friends. Scott invites us to have some self-compassion, view ourselves wholly and mindfully, and to simply give ourselves a break.

Transcript

Hi,

I'm Scott Schuett.

I lead our mindfulness and compassion programs here at LinkedIn.

Did you ever have one of those moments when things weren't going so well in your life and your inner talk track that inner critic was not helping you?

Well today we're going to talk about self-compassion.

Sometimes we're our own worst enemies.

We think that we need to be hard on ourselves,

As if a good scolding is what we need to snap back into shape.

We say things to ourselves that we would never say to a friend or a loved one,

And it doesn't make us feel very good.

What we really need is a bit of self-compassion.

And here are three proven elements we can put into place.

The first factor in self-compassion is mindfulness.

In other words,

Having a realistic and holistic view of ourselves and the situation we're facing,

We start by being honest with ourselves.

Sometimes that means facing a hard truth.

Sometimes that means acknowledging things are not quite as bleak as they seem.

Second,

Common humanity.

It's important we recognize we're not isolated in our experience.

We're human.

We're imperfect,

Each one of us.

Other people have setbacks and disappointments just like we do.

It's not personal or unique to us.

It's a common experience.

And the third factor is self-kindness.

Self-compassion means being warm and understanding towards ourselves when we fail or suffer,

Rather than beating ourselves up with self-judgment.

We recognize we're not perfect.

Failing and dealing with imperfection is just a part of life.

We don't always get what we want.

Realizing this and working towards what we can do next time instead of being disappointed with where we are helps support a growth mindset and allows us to put more realistic and helpful expectations on ourselves.

Remember,

These three phrases can give us some self-compassion.

First,

What's the whole story?

Second,

It's not just me.

And third,

What do I most need right now?

Sometimes life can be challenging,

So let's give ourselves a break and have some self-compassion.

Reviews

Just the quick pick-me-up that I needed. Thank you!

I'm grateful humble beautuful inside out.Im a Christian Actor singer model with Love courage and a Purpose to help others Amen and so it is

Thank you

Upbeat music and message. Thank you

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️👌🏻 This is an excellent meditation thank you so much

Great reminders.

Thanks for the motivation to stop feeling so down on myself.

Great advice! Thank you!!❤️🙏🏽

A good reminder that kindness matters to everyone! Namaste 🙏💜

Excellent. Thank you! 🙏🏼🌞🌻

Spot on. Easier said than done, oftentimes, but always the goal. I am in the habit of immediately inquiring of myself, "Would I say that to my best friend?" If not, I immediately use the Ho'oponono practice with myself, as I AM my own best friend. I also have non-me best friends, and these are who I think of as I ask the question, but my body and I are best friends and what hurts one hurts the other.

Stress injures both mind and body. So does ruthless criticism and negative self-talk, as opposed to the dual benefits of peaceful living, positive self-talk, compassion for others, and gratitude. (Our endocrine systems are awe-inspiring, in my opinion.)

Thank you for sharing this. I see the light within you. 🤲🏻❤️🤲🏻

Thanks for your excellent tips!

I loved the talk but the its pace made me anxious... 😬

Very important part of life. Being love with ourselves. Thank you Scott.

Great tips. Thank you

Was just talking about my inner critic last night! Divine timing finding this right now. Thanks!