Wedding Culture & Peer Pressure On Women To Get Hitched

I have noticed that there is a trend among my friends of all cultures where a lot of them are being pressured into getting married not only by their parents and society but by the women around them. I don't understand why this is happening, but it is irksome.

Please note: This audio is ripped from a video blog.

Transcript

Hey everyone!

I hope that you guys are doing amazing wherever you are in the world.

My name is Boomshakha and I welcome you to my channel.

As always I'm so grateful that you're listening,

Subscribing and commenting.

I really do appreciate the support.

In this one I wanted to do a video about wedding culture.

Specifically for women.

I don't think this applies to men at all.

I really don't think so.

I think it's specifically for women in general.

It's kind of sad that I don't think the feminist movement has really changed this too much.

I think it's pretty pervasive.

Because a lot of my friends,

Maybe the next generation is better,

But a lot of my friends are still in the same culture where weddings are extremely important to them.

They spend a lot of time thinking about it.

They spend a lot of time planning it.

They spend a lot of time dreaming about it.

The wedding day is actually one of the most important days of their life and things like that.

Now,

I'm not saying that all of this shouldn't be true and I'm not saying that it shouldn't be an important day.

But what I'm trying to point out in this regard is the idea that once you get past a certain age as a female,

Perhaps after you're 25 or 27,

It is so important for women to get married after that point because the clock is ticking and they're not going to find anyone if they're too old,

Things like that.

It becomes so important for them to find someone that they might just kind of settle for some random person and get married to them quickly because they're so afraid that they're not going to find someone else.

I noticed this time and time again,

Obviously,

In the relationships that I have with my girlfriends.

But also,

I noticed it in the stories that my friends tell me.

So a story that I wanted to share with you guys.

Recently,

A friend of a friend,

So my friend's friend,

Got divorced.

And she got married when she was 28.

So she's early 30s,

31,

I guess.

And she got married to this guy.

But this man,

He obviously had a lot of red flags associated with him.

A year before they were going to get married,

He was sending nudes to other people on social media.

He got caught because of it and he got berated on social media because of it.

And she saw that this happened and she forgave him and she still got married to him.

And the essence of this story is not the fact that she did it because I guess it was in the situation and she wasn't thinking clearly.

But it was the fact that none of her friends ever said anything to her like,

This is terrible,

You should dump this guy right away,

He's a big red flag,

Why are you still getting married to him?

What's wrong with the situation?

You will find someone else and if you don't,

It's better that you get married to a random person like this rather than being stuck to him.

You know,

He's obviously bad news.

But my friend said she felt a lot of guilt after she got divorced,

After her friend got divorced,

Because she never said anything like that.

And it was kind of because it was the culture of it.

Her friend was old and she was getting to a point where she might not find someone else.

And she was getting to a point where if she was after 30,

You know how it is,

They say,

I think the stat is like,

It's more likely that you get hit by a meteor or asteroid than get married after the age of 30 or 35,

Which I find hilarious.

But so then,

You know,

Like people are like,

Oh my God,

I'm not going to get married or my friend might not get married.

And so they did not say she,

My friend,

Didn't say anything to her friend.

And now obviously she feels guilty for it because they did get divorced.

And of course,

I mean,

Red flag galore.

It was from the beginning set up for failure.

The problem was that my friend said that it is the culture of it that was kind of really parading her thoughts.

She was thinking to herself that even if she says something,

Her friend is not going to listen because she was so desperate to get married.

She was so desperate because she was getting older and she's like,

I'm not going to find anyone else.

Let me just kind of hang on to the guy that I do have,

Even though he is completely wrong for me and completely wrong in a lot of different ways.

And so my friend was like,

Well,

I if I say something,

I might lose my friendship with her because she's not going to listen and she might stop being friends with me.

And I understand that completely because this happened,

Has happened to me a couple of times where I did speak up and I lost that friendship because the person did go ahead with the marriage.

And they are in a marriage filled with red flags and a lot of contention,

Fights,

Arguments,

Crying,

A lot of emotions,

But they are not my friends anymore.

So I guess it doesn't really matter to me.

It still does,

Of course,

Because I care about that friend of mine,

But they don't talk to me about that stuff.

I hear it from other people and I just have to ignore it because they are not they obviously don't want to take that advice.

Why don't they want to take that advice?

Because of this freaking culture that we're in.

And I can say this very frankly,

Because I am 36 and I know that this is not an important issue to me at all.

The wedding thing has never been important to me.

I was in a relationship once and I was like,

Well,

Maybe I could get married to this person.

Well,

Besides that,

It's never happened to me.

And I'd never even when I was younger,

I never had this thing where I was like,

Oh,

I really want to get married.

Oh,

My God,

I'm going to plan my wedding.

Whereas a lot of my girlfriends already had ideas of what the wedding would look like,

You know,

What they would have at the wedding.

What colors,

What color scheme they want to choose,

What their bathroom would look like.

One of my girlfriends already had planned out how she would tile her bathroom when she was married.

And I'm like,

What the hell?

Anyways,

So,

You know,

I listened to my girlfriends and I was happy for them.

They had these ideas in their head,

But I never had that idea.

I never even thought that that was one of those important things that I should focus on.

And of course,

Look at me now.

I'm not married and I'm 36.

The problem with this situation is not that I'm not married.

I'm 36.

The problem is that there is this pressure on women,

Not for me specifically,

Because I think I'm past that point.

Everyone knows I'm not going to get married or if I do,

It's going to be a random thing that happens and they can't force me into it.

I really don't care about it as much.

And whenever people try to talk to me about it,

I'm like,

Can we change the subject?

Because I'm really not interested in this.

This bores me to death.

We've spoken about it a thousand times.

I'm not interested.

I've already told you.

It's kind of funny how people still,

My girlfriends will still sometimes come up to me like,

Are you sure you don't want to get married?

Are you sure about that?

I'm like,

Ah,

I've told you a thousand times.

Can you please stop?

But it's kind of funny to me.

The point is the pressure,

Right?

It's the frickin peer pressure,

Not only pressure from society,

From parents,

From other people,

But from your girlfriends,

People who are married or who want to get married.

And a lot of it,

A lot of the pressure that comes to them is from other women.

They're like,

Well,

You should get married or you're never going to find someone or you're getting old and you know,

Your clock is ticking.

Or don't you want to have kids?

And now,

Not that I'm able to say no,

I don't want kids.

Then their arguments completely fall flat.

And I'm like,

Well,

They're like,

Well,

OK,

Then that's fine with that.

And that's the point,

Right?

I mean,

Like that's the thing.

If your clock is ticking and if you want kids,

Then you have to be really careful and you want to you have to start doing things,

Perhaps freezing your eggs or settling for a guy that's really not perfect.

But,

You know,

You want to have babies.

And so that's the whole point of this thing is that,

You know,

We kind of don't.

We're not supporting each other as women anymore,

Because what we're doing is that we're kind of forcing women into situations,

Or forcing,

But not saying anything,

Not speaking up.

And our friends are going into situations where obviously the man is not right for them.

He is absolutely an a-hole.

He is not going to treat her properly.

He's already not treating her properly.

And they're not married.

It's going to be a complete disaster.

And you can see it a mile away.

And you're like,

All right,

Well,

I guess I'm not going to say anything because,

You know,

I don't want to break our friendship.

But come on,

If that's the case with every single friend of that person,

Then no one's going to tell her that,

You know,

This is a bad idea.

Perhaps she already knows,

But some people need to tell her this and she's just going to go into it.

And then it's going to be a complete disaster.

Now,

A lot of times people don't see things clearly because they're within them.

You know,

If you're in a relationship,

You perhaps are like,

Well,

Yeah,

I mean,

Yeah,

He does a couple of things that are terrible,

But overall he's a great guy.

And,

You know,

I'm getting old,

So I should just kind of stick with him.

Perhaps if you're in the situation,

You're kind of like so into it that you can't really see it straight.

And that's the reason we have friends.

You know,

That's the reason we have people around us.

Like,

You're an idiot.

That's wrong.

You shouldn't be doing that.

And that's the reason I love the people around me,

Because they constantly tell me that stuff.

When I'm doing something stupid,

They're like,

Well,

No,

That's wrong.

You shouldn't be doing that.

And so I appreciate that and I really want that.

I want people to be able to tell me that.

But what happens in this wedding culture,

On this culture of women being,

Having all this pressure on them to get married by a certain age,

Because then they might never get married,

Which is an absolute falsehood,

Because I know lots of girlfriends of mine who have gotten married in their 30s,

In their 40s,

In their 50s,

In their 60s.

Come on.

What is this random stat that you're kind of feeding people?

And even if they don't get married,

Is that really the worst thing that could happen to them?

I mean,

There's immature fertilization,

There's surrogate motherhood.

There's a lot of different options if you really want babies.

There are other ways you can get them.

Right.

And so I think this is a false idea that's being fed to them and then over and over again.

And then this being perpetuated by the fact that our friends are not saying anything to us.

Our friends are like,

Yeah,

You know,

You should get married.

They're not telling us that,

Yeah,

Marriage is not all that is cut out to be.

And sometimes it's not the right idea and sometimes it's not the right person.

And maybe it's better if you don't get married.

Maybe it's a better idea when maybe that you break up with a person and be alone,

Be single,

Because that person is not going to treat you properly.

And isn't that more important than being married and having babies?

I don't know.

To me,

I look at it and I'm like,

I'd rather be with a person who treats me properly,

Than be with a person who treats me really terribly.

But then I have,

You know,

I'm married and I have a baby.

So like,

Is that the end all of be all?

Really?

Really?

Is that really the priority here?

Of course,

For some people,

Yes,

They'd rather be in a very unhappy marriage,

But they can tell people I'm married and have babies because that's more important than being unhappy.

And it just seems like the freaking,

I feel like all of our priorities are completely convoluted in the situation.

That will never be the case for a man.

Men will never be told that,

You know,

Oh,

You're an unhappy marriage.

Well,

At least you're married.

Do people say that to men?

I don't know.

I've never heard that said to any of my guy friends.

So why?

Why?

Just because of our biological clock?

Well,

I mean,

There are other options right now.

And really,

I'd rather be single and not a mother and not have babies than be in an unhappy marriage,

An unhappy relationship and settling for someone who is not my equal.

Come on.

I don't know.

It seems so freaking logical to me.

But it really irks me because this happens over and over and over and over and over again with my friends.

And I'm thinking to myself,

Why are we doing this?

Why are we not supporting each other as women?

And why are we pushing each other into terrible relationships and terrible marriages?

Because we're afraid that we're not going to find someone else.

That's just the worst thing ever.

It seems like a terrible situation to be in.

And I really don't want to be that person anymore.

I really wish that my friends wouldn't be like that anymore.

And I don't want any women to be like that anymore to each other.

I hope you guys were able to relate to this a little bit.

If you guys have stories to share with me on this regard,

I'd love to hear from you.

If you have any comments,

Of course,

Do comment below and I'd love to hear from you as well.

Thank you again for watching and I shall see you guys next time around.

Bye for now!