Listen Consciously - The Art Of Pure Listening Exemplified

In this episode, Boom talks about listening skills and how to help people, as empaths, beyond just listening to people. To be able to this, Boom believes that it requires to tap into pure listening - genuinely responding to people while listening.

Transcript

Hey guys! I hope that you guys are doing amazing wherever you are in the world. My name is Boomshakah and I welcome you to my channel. I hope that you guys have been enjoying the content I've been putting out there and I appreciate all the support that you guys have been sending my way. In this video, I want to speak to you guys about listening skills, Pure listening skills and how a lot of times, Especially as INFJs, We believe that we're good listeners and we spend a lot of our time listening to other people's trials and tribulations. In fact, A lot of the time I'll be sitting there and random strangers, As I've said before, Will come up to me and start telling me their tales of woes and their tales of, Oh boo-hoo, This happened to me, Blah, Blah, Blah. Now, As an INFJ, I get this message a lot from you guys saying, How can I help these people? How can I be there for them besides just sitting there and listening to them? How can I protect myself as an empath and still be there for this person? That's of course one of our paramount needs as an INFJ, That we want to be the savior of these people, We want to help them as much as possible, But we also want to protect ourselves. We don't want to let all of this negative energy into us and then spend the rest of our day crying and moaning to ourselves because we're sad about this person or sad because of all the negative emotions that have come into us. One of the things that I've learned recently that I wanted to share with you is about the art of pure listening. Now, A lot of times, And I have done this mistake many times, I've performed, I've had this error in my thinking, I thought to myself that if you're listening, Then you have to always give feedback in order to show that you are engaged and listening. You're sitting there and someone's talking about how their mother-in-law isn't treating them properly and they're sobbing or they're crying or they're sad or they have emotions coming out of them and you're sitting there and you're like, I know, I know how it can be. It's terrible, I'm so sorry to hear that, Etc. You believe, We believe as human beings that in order to show someone that we care and that we're listening to them, That we're there for them, We have to interact with them. We have to show them we're engaged by responding back to them in some sort of verbal manner or physical manner by hugging them or doing something. Because if we don't, We think that the person is going to think that we don't care, That we're not listening, That we're not supporting them in the manner that they deserve. Recently, I learned that you don't necessarily have to interact with the person or to give them feedback in any shape or form in order to make them understand that you're there for them. In fact, The best thing you can do for someone when they are in that mode of sharing themselves with you and being vulnerable is to just be there for them as consciously and as attentively as possible. So you're sitting there as an INFJ, As a human being, As an empath, As an HSP, As whatever you are, You're sitting there and the person comes up to you and starts sharing. Instantly, Our mind jumps to conclusions and analysis and advice and feedback. We're like, All right, This is what I'm going to say to this person. This is how they can solve it. This is what they can do in the future. This is how they can protect themselves, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah. What I've been taught recently is that the main way to support these people and to be there for them is not to jump to all these conclusions, Not to think about all the analysis, Not to think about all these things you're going to say in order to help them, But just to be there for that person in the moment consciously and attentively. So you're just there. You're listening to what the person is saying consciously. So you're actually listening to it. You're actually hearing it. You're not just pretending to listen or nodding and listening while you're thinking about your to-do list or what you're going to do later or what show you're going to watch on Netflix. You're actually there and you're actually listening to what the person is saying, But you're not analyzing it. You're not making up some story inside of your head based on it. You're not judging them for it. You're not thinking about anything else because of it. You're not doing any kind of advice system in your head because of it. You're not doing any of that stuff. You're just listening. You're just there for this person as a listener. Now there's two things that come up for me from that that I was really surprised by. And what my teacher told me is that, First of all, We believe that if we're just listening, That we are not actually really providing them any support. But it's a false fact and it's not true. It's absolutely not true. And you probably noticed this as well. A lot of times, In fact, I would say 95% of the time, You don't actually really need that person to tell you unless you actually ask directly for advice. Most of the time, You don't need that person to give you advice or to give you feedback. All you need from that person is for them to be there for you. So you just want them to listen. You just want them to listen, To be there for you, To be empathic and to hold space for you. And that's all we really need to do in those moments as well. You just need to be there holding space for this person, Consciously and attentively listening to the person and not thinking about anything else, Not analyzing, Not doing anything else in our head, Not imagining, Not dreaming, Being there consciously for this person. Extremely present. And so that's the first thing. And the second thing is that we imagine that if we're not consciously thinking about our answer, That we're not going to be able to give this person the proper answer at the end. If at the end they finish and they're like, Oh, So what do you think about this? We worry that if we weren't thinking consciously about our answer throughout the process, Then we won't actually have a proper answer for them. The interesting thing that was revealed to me that I want to reveal to you guys is that our brains are more powerful than we actually imagine. And a lot of the advice and thinking and consciousness is going to come from within you, Deep, Deep within you. It's not actually coming from your cerebral cortex. It's coming from your subconscious or your unconscious. So while you're listening, If you're still and you're extremely still and present and attentive, Then you can just be there. And your subconscious, Your unconscious, Your brain, Which has so much capacity to listen and think and analyze, Is doing all the work in the background. So you don't necessarily consciously need to be thinking about your answer. Your answer, When it does come, When it's time for it to come, When she asks you or he asks you, So what do you think, It will present itself. And it's something that you have to practice with the people around you. And that's something that I've been practicing with the people around me as well. I've been trying. It's very difficult, Of course. But it's something that I want to bring more into my life. Because a lot of people share stuff with me and I'm thinking to myself, What am I supposed to do with this? How am I supposed to answer this person because I have no idea what to tell them. Well, A lot of times people messaging me with ideas or questions, They don't actually really want any answer. They already know what they're supposed to be doing. They just want someone to listen to them. And so what I've decided to do nowadays is that unless they're specifically asking me a specific question, Which a lot of times they're not, They're just sharing, I'll just be like, Thank you for sharing. And I was here for you and if you have any questions you can ask me. But thank you for sharing. And that's all. And so that's all as INFJs or as MPATs or HSPs we need to do as well, Is that we just need to be there for these people. They're sharing with us because perhaps they have no one else to share with. And they're not asking you for specific advice. A lot of times people really know what they need to be doing anyways. I mean, I know when I have a problem in my life, What steps I should be taking towards getting a solution. I mean, Mostly we know what we're supposed to be doing, Even if we ignore the solution because we don't like the way that goes. But mostly we're aware of it. So we don't actually need someone else to tell us. We just need them to be there for us, Physically present, Consciously present, And empathically present, So we can share our tales of wars with them, Our trials and tribulations, And make ourselves feel better about the situation. That's all. We don't actually need advice most of the time. And I've noticed this actually works really well with my parents, Specifically my mother. Because I don't actually offer advice or feedback anymore because I've noticed in the past, I did offer her advice and feedback and she actually doesn't use it. She doesn't use my advice and feedback and then makes me feel like, Okay, What am I doing here? I'm wasting my time. The issue there was that she doesn't actually want advice or feedback. She doesn't want someone to hear her. She just wants someone to be there for her consciously, To be present and listening to what is going on with her. And that's all. And so if I can just do that for her or for anyone in my life, That's all they really need from me. Because they already know what they're supposed to be doing. And if they're not doing it, Then you telling them to do it is not going to actually help. If they're going to be stubborn about it, They're going to do it in their own time. Every human being knows what they need to do and they're going to just do it in their own time. So you poking and prodding at them is not going to change anything. They're still going to do what they're going to do. All they need from you in this moment in time, If they are asking you to listen, Is to listen. To be there for them consciously, Attentively, Present. And that's all. You just need to be there. And your subconscious is going to do all the work. If there is a necessity of an answer or some kind of feedback, Then it'll come to you. You don't need to go into the depths of your soul for it. It'll just come automatically. And that is more important, I believe, To that person. Your presence and your consciousness is probably going to be more impactful to that person, On that person, Than you giving them some random advice that they're not going to use in any case. It's a waste of your time and energy as well if you're thinking up all these advice and feedbacks and they're not using it. Or if you're interrupting them to give them feedback and advice when all they wanted from you was for you to listen to them. And so I don't want you to waste your time and I don't want them to waste their time either. If you just want me to listen, I'm here. I'll be attentive, I'll be present. And as soon as you're done talking or whatever you're sharing with me, That's it. That's all we're going to do. I'm not going to give you advice or feedback unless you specifically ask for it. And even then, If you ask for it, I know that most of the time people are not going to listen to our advice anyways. They're just asking it because it's like the polite thing to do, I think. So people are like, All right, So what do you think? In any case, I'm not going to listen to you, But you can tell me what you think. And so I think conscious listening, Pure listening, Just being there for the person is more important than any kind of feedback or advice you can give them. Or that's what I've noticed in my own case, At least. I would love to hear from you guys. What do you guys think about this? If you guys are worried, My cough is almost gone. So you don't need to worry about me anymore. I've been getting so many messages from people saying that they're worried about my cough. It's almost gone. I'm almost ready and back to back ship shape. So please don't worry about that. I'll be back soon as well. And again, If you guys want to support me, My Patreon link is below. If you guys want to ask me questions, Email me. Don't want to Facebook or Instagram me. If you just want to say hello, That's fine. But if you want to ask a question, A long question, Which a lot of INFJs have, Email me. My email address is in the description below. And I will see you guys next time around. Bye for now!