I Am Successful, I Think (Or Am I?)

I thought I had gotten over society's tenets for me on what success means. But every time I have conquered this mountain, another little or big crack appears in my facade. I am not sure if I'll ever be over this dilemma. Do you go through this situation as well? How do you deal with it?
Photo by Markus Spiske

Transcript

Hey everyone,

This is the Millionaire Hippies Podcast with your host,

Boom Shikha,

Where we chat about spirituality,

Business,

And health.

We all want to live self-actualizing,

Fulfilling lives with joy,

Prosperity,

And gratitude.

Let's go on this beautiful journey together.

Hello,

Everyone.

Welcome to another video on the Soul Vitamins community.

I am extremely grateful for your support and for all the new members that have joined.

I hope that you find what you're looking for here.

And if you don't message me,

Let me know how I can improve.

I would love to hear any feedback that you have for me.

And in this one,

I wanted to share with you something that I've been kind of dealing with in the business sphere,

I would say.

I mean,

I'm not,

I don't actually,

It's interesting enough.

I don't actually consider myself to be an entrepreneur because a lot of my income doesn't actually come from,

Not a lot,

I would say 50% of my income comes from my business endeavors and the rest comes from real estate and other random things.

And so sometimes I have a hard time defining myself as,

You know,

A complete,

Like a hundred percent entrepreneur because I'm not,

You know.

And I think I'm kind of in that slash career thing where,

You know,

I don't know if you've heard of that book,

The Slash Careers,

But there's a lot of people on the planet who are not making their money from only one endeavor.

They make it from several endeavors.

Sometimes they're actors slash waiter or waitress slash illustrator,

You know.

And you know,

I kind of know that for myself as well because,

You know,

When I kind of try to define who I am,

What I do,

It's very difficult because,

You know,

I'm a content creator,

You know,

I'm on YouTube,

I have podcasts,

I have a blog,

And then I'm a writer because I write science fiction novels and I put them out there.

And then I am a real estate investor because I do that as well.

You know,

I mean,

It's kind of difficult because there's so many different brackets or buckets or however you want to call it,

Like you fall into.

And all of us are like that.

Maybe you won't define it like that,

But,

You know,

If you are,

I think Robert,

He has a business where,

You know,

They do,

I think they paint,

Are they a painting company?

You'll have to clarify that for me,

Robert.

Anyways,

He has a business,

So he's an entrepreneur,

But he's also a creative person.

He paints beautiful paintings and he displays it in galleries.

So,

You know,

He's an entrepreneur slash painter,

Artist,

You know,

And I'm sure he does other things as well.

I think he was doing ballroom dancing.

Even if he does not do it perfectly,

It is something that he's doing with his time.

And so he could technically say I'm an amateur ballroom dancer,

Right?

And so I kind of,

As I said,

Have a hard time defining what I actually do when people ask me,

You know,

I kind of just pick one bucket and I just say it out loud to them because it really,

If I try to explain,

I'm like,

Well,

I'm,

I'm what,

You know,

I'm this and that and that,

And I do this as well.

And so,

And,

You know,

Actually recently I'm trying to add comedian to that,

To that description as well,

Because I'm doing comedic skits for TikTok and I'm having so much fun with it because I think I've always wanted to do these kinds of comedy skits,

But I was always too filled with shame,

You know,

Because I was like,

Who am I to be funny?

But also I never had a medium to kind of do it with.

And TikTok is such an easy medium to build these skits on that I'm just having such a blast with it.

So,

You know,

Maybe I'll eventually add comedian to that list as well.

Hopefully,

You can maybe ask me in a few months and maybe I'll be like,

Yes,

I'm a comedian as well.

Right now I'm just an amateur comedian,

A newbie at it.

So as I said,

You know,

I have a hard time defining it.

And so when people,

When people ask me,

I'm confused,

But recently I was kind of sitting with my writing group and a bunch of people and one of the ladies who I've gotten a little bit more close to than the other ones,

She,

You know,

We were talking about how we all became digital nomads or how we got on the road and we,

You know,

How we got to live in Bali and what we do with our time.

And she said something like,

You know,

Boom,

You know,

You have a very different way of looking at things because you're successful at what you do.

Whereas a lot of people who kind of do the digital nomad thing are not really successful in their business.

And it was actually quite startling,

It was actually jarring for me to hear that because I've actually,

Interestingly enough,

Not really yet completely come around to the idea that I am successful as an entrepreneur actually.

And in fact,

I would say that if you asked me honestly,

I would say that I'm still,

I'm still working at it,

Which is really odd because I don't understand what success would be defined as then because is it literally just making hundreds of thousands of dollars?

Is that when I'll say,

Okay,

Yeah,

I'm a successful entrepreneur?

Or is it when you are able to do it and,

You know,

Put your content out there and make money from it?

Is that when you're successful?

What is that level,

That tier that you have to reach in order to be successful,

Right?

And I'm able to support myself with what I do,

Which is literally what I wanted to do with this.

I never had huge aspirations to have million dollar businesses because I know that that would,

For me at least in my mind,

Not be what I aspire to be.

I don't want it to be a huge part of my life.

I like it to be a part-time thing so I can,

You know,

Focus on all these random other things that I do with my life.

So it is what it is right now.

It's exactly what it is.

It's a part-time endeavor.

I do it.

I love it.

I'm having a lot of fun with it.

I make money from it,

You know?

So when I was kind of sitting there and I felt like an imposter in that moment in time where I was saying,

Hey,

Actually,

Am I successful?

Because you know,

I don't like people thinking things about me which are not true.

So in that moment of time,

I was literally about to say,

But that's not true.

And then I kind of stopped myself and said,

Okay,

Wait a second.

She's saying that you're successful because she knows how you live your life and how you've settled your life and how you set up your life.

And she can see that it's successful from the outside in.

And for yourself,

You know that you're financially successful as well,

Whatever that means to me,

How I define it.

And you know,

That's when I realized that the reason I was having such a hard time assigning myself as a successful entrepreneur or looking at myself as that is because whenever I speak to my parents,

They never,

Ever kind of say that I am successful,

No matter how many times I tell them I am happy and I'm successful on my terms and I don't really know what success means to you.

I mean,

I know what success means to them.

It means millions of dollars in revenue and your picture on Time magazine or something like that.

But you know,

They constantly say this to me and I assumed that I was trying to kill a mosquito.

I assumed that that didn't bother me.

But of course,

I think subconsciously I have still this belief inside of me that,

Hey,

I'm not successful yet.

I am getting there,

But I'm not there yet.

And I found that fascinating because,

You know,

I've really been trying to break through a lot of my subconscious programming and I know it's a lifetime process thing.

I'm not sure.

It'll take me probably a lot of lifetimes to get over it.

But,

You know,

I'm always surprised every single time one of these subconscious programs hit me and,

You know,

I thought I took care of it and I thought I was over it and I realized I'm not.

And it really is such a pain to realize that.

It's a good thing as well because that means I can keep on working on it,

But it's also really terrible to realize,

Hey,

I thought I was over this,

But I'm not,

Right?

And so,

I've worked through a lot of my money blocks and I've worked through a lot of the critical voices that I had in my head that were assigned to my parents.

So a lot of the things that they used to say that used to bother me a lot or trigger me don't anymore.

A lot of things still do,

Of course.

But I thought that I had gotten over this aspect of myself where I considered myself for the longest time completely inept and unsuccessful because I did not match up to their views of it,

Their definition of it,

You know?

And I thought I was over it.

Obviously,

I'm not.

And so,

I kind of wanted to do this video not to rant about it,

Although that's a good way of doing it as well.

But to just really speak about how surprising it is to me that you can work at something for so long and think that you have conquered it and then realize,

Hey,

There's actually another layer to this that I never realized existed and now I'm going to have to deal with this.

Otherwise,

I'm going to have to,

Otherwise it's going to feel like I've taken a few steps back.

And really it does feel,

In this moment in time,

It feels like I've taken a few steps back because,

As I said,

I thought I was over this,

That I would not be affected by this,

But I am.

I can't even listen to someone else saying that I'm successful without feeling that feeling of this is not right.

And that's terrible.

That's actually really not good.

And I was kind of speaking to one of my friends recently and I was telling her,

You know,

I recently found out that two of my podcasts,

One of them is in our top 2% in the world,

The INFJ Whisperer,

And the other one,

The Millionaire Hippie,

Is in the top 5% in the world.

And,

You know,

These rankings,

Of course,

They're based on views and a bunch of different things,

But I never imagined that one of my podcasts would be in the top 2% and the other one would be in the top 5%.

I mean,

Literally,

That means that it's like,

Whatever,

A thousandth in the world or like,

You know,

Two thousandth.

It's not like it's,

It's very much,

There's probably hundreds of podcasts above it already.

But that's not the point,

You know,

That's still a huge accomplishment.

But because I have this thing inside of me that it's never enough,

I really have to work to say to myself,

Hey,

This is big news,

It's a big deal,

You need to celebrate this and celebrate you and all the hard work that you've done,

Because otherwise you would be discrediting yourself and actually you'd be doing yourself a disservice,

You know,

Doing myself a disservice.

And so I really had to kind of sit down and say,

Hey,

This is amazing,

You know,

I want to congratulate myself,

I bought myself a really nice,

A dress that I've been eyeing for a while and I was like,

I'm going to buy this for myself because it's beautiful.

And things like that,

You know,

I kind of treated myself a little bit and it felt really good.

It felt really good to actually say it out loud,

But this is something that I wanted to point out,

You know,

It's such a weird journey that we're on because we think,

Hey,

I've taken so many steps forward,

I'm doing so well,

Yay.

And the universe is like,

Yeah,

You're doing great,

But hey,

What about this little thing that you forgot?

And we realize,

Oh my gosh,

I thought I dealt with that.

And then we deal with it and we move forward and we're like,

Yes,

We're doing great.

And then the universe is like,

But what about this?

And you're like,

But,

But I think it's a good thing,

You know,

To realize that this is something that's probably holding me back because I am not able to acknowledge properly that,

Hey,

You are a success as you are right now in this moment in time.

The success is what you define it as,

Not what someone else defines it as,

Right?

So I wanted to share this with you.

I hope that you found it useful.

Maybe you're doing the same kind of thing,

Maybe you're not,

But either way,

I wanted to share my journey with you as I always do.

Fumbling through it,

I'm sharing things with you,

Hopefully it helps you.

And if you have questions,

Let me know,

Of course.

And if you have this kind of thing in your life as well,

Please share your story with us.

I would love to hear.

And again,

Thank you so much for watching.

I shall see you the next time around.

Bye.

Thanks for listening.

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Namaste.