Empaths Have To Learn To Draw The Line Sometimes - Or Risk Burning Themselves Out

Being an empath can be both a blessing and a curse - on the one hand, you get to help people by understanding where they are coming from, and on the other, you can end up giving too much of yourself, and burn yourself out.

Transcript

Hey guys!

I hope that you guys are doing amazing wherever you are in the world.

My name is Boomshakha and I welcome you to my channel.

As always,

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Subscribing and commenting.

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Whatever you prefer.

In this video,

I want to speak to you guys about empathy and how empathy is filled with good stuff.

I love being an empath.

I love knowing how people are around me,

How they feel or what they are feeling.

Or if they are not feeling well or are they feeling good.

I like being in touch or in tune with the feelings and emotions of the people around me.

I feel like it gives me another dimension to living.

I feel like if I was not in touch with all of that,

I feel like my life would be very much limited in its perceiving or in its living basically.

I like being in control of it and in touch with it.

It just makes me feel like I see people in a different format.

I'm not just seeing them as physical bodies.

They are coming at me and being rude to me or doing things.

I see the hurt underneath.

I see the pain underneath.

I see or empathize with all of that underneath stuff as well.

I realize perhaps that they were treated poorly when they were a child or they were abused as a child or they had an alcoholic father or things like that.

All of this stuff comes up for me and I'm able to empathize and look at people in a different dimension rather than just seeing them as physical bodies who are trying to hurt me by being rude to me or whatever it might be.

I do love and appreciate empathy in all of its different forms.

There are so many different kinds of empathy of course.

There are all of these different things that we can relate to as an empath and as a highly sensitive person.

I kind of interchangeably look at those two terms.

They are,

I think,

Different but a lot of times I use them interchangeably.

I do realize that empathy has a downside to it.

Everything has its positive and a negative.

Everything has a light and a dark side to it.

The empathy's dark side is that if someone is hurting us or if someone is doing cruel things to us,

Of course we can walk away.

If you're an INFJ watching this,

You're probably going to door slam the person and that's it.

That's the end of that.

But not everyone is as strong as an INFJ in that regard.

Most people have a really hard time with it.

This is one of the main conversations I have with people who are not INFJs but who are dealing with a difficult person.

They're like,

What should I do?

I'm like,

Well,

Get rid of them.

Don't talk to them anymore.

They're obviously hurting you.

For them,

They're like,

No,

But I can't do that.

They obviously need me.

They need me around.

For example,

I have this one friend who has a family in general who treats her poorly,

Takes advantage of her,

And is just cruel to her in general.

If I had a family like that,

I don't.

I'm very lucky.

I have a very good family.

But if I had a family like that,

I would never speak to them ever again.

If they were going to treat me like that over and over again.

Now,

Of course,

I'll give them a few chances,

Even 10,

15,

20 chances.

But she has done that and they still treat her very poorly.

Obviously,

My advice is cut them off.

Cut them off before they really completely ruin you and make you doubt yourself and make you hate yourself.

Cruelty in general should be cut off right away,

Especially because she's not doing anything to warrant it.

She's trying to be nice to them and they're being mean to her.

I see a lot of relationships like this.

I don't know why people do this.

Human beings have this tendency just to be cruel in some ways.

I don't understand that tendency unless I'm in a relationship and sometimes I do these things as well.

I'm like,

Why am I doing this?

I don't know what it is about being a human.

We end up hurting the people that we love in weird ways.

Of course,

When I tell her to cut that person off,

Cut those people off,

She's like,

No,

I can't do that.

They need me around.

Otherwise,

Without me,

They wouldn't be happy.

I have this role,

I think,

In my life to make them happy because they're unhappy people.

It's my responsibility to make them happy,

To take care of them,

To do all those things for them.

It's so funny to me because,

Of course,

She's an empath.

She's highly sensitive,

Much more so than me.

She sees the needs and desires,

Of course,

Because she's family as well,

So you see it even more so.

She sees that they're hurting inside and they're lashing out because of that.

Even though they're being cruel to her and they're lashing out at her,

She just cannot give up on them.

She has to take care of them because she sees it as an empath.

She sees the hurt inside.

Again,

I think,

Obviously,

You can look at it as a positive or a negative,

But of course,

If someone's hurting you and you're like,

No,

I can't give up on this person.

They're hurting me because they're hurting inside and I need to take care of them.

I'm the only person who sees that.

I feel like that actually becomes a little bit of a downside at some point in time because you just become this human boxing bag.

Everyone's just pummeling you and punching you and just grounding you up and you just still take it because you're like,

Well,

I get it.

They had a really terrible childhood or their father's an alcoholic or their mother abused them or anything like that.

I see it and I can't run away from this person.

I myself have been in this situation many times before where I've been in a relationship with a person or I've been around these friends of mine.

Friends,

I say in a quote manner,

Because they really truly didn't behave like friends.

I can think of this one example where this person,

This friend of mine,

This girlfriend would always be so cruel to me.

She'd always be putting me down or she'd be making fun of me or she'd be saying that,

Oh,

You're so lucky you get everything so easily in your life,

Etc.

,

Etc.

Not seeing the hard work that I put into things.

Also,

There is luck involved,

But I do work very hard for all the things that I do.

She'd always say all these things and I was like,

Well,

She's hurting inside.

She lost her father very early on and she has a really difficult life and she can't find a person who can love her and she works a job that she doesn't like.

I had all these lists of things that I put myself into and saying,

Okay,

This is all the reasons why she's hurting me.

She is lashing out because she has a tough life.

You have to take it because you have a better life.

You're luckier than her.

It's your responsibility to take it.

Eventually,

Though,

I was just like,

Why am I doing this to myself?

Why do I have to be that human punching bag?

Why do I have to take on that role?

Why is it my responsibility to take care of this person who is an adult and who should be taking care of themselves?

It's not like I've had a completely perfect life either.

I've been pummeled by life as well.

But if I'm not lashing out other people because of it,

Then why are they allowed to do that to me?

So the golden rule,

Treat others as you want to be treated and treat yourself as you are going to treat other people.

That's a big one for me specifically because I'm good with treating other people as I want to be treated.

I treat other people perfectly and kindly and gently as much as possible.

But when it comes to treating myself,

I'm like,

Well,

I'm not worthy of it.

I don't need it.

I'm strong enough.

I can deal with all this stuff.

And I don't like that.

I really don't like that because as an empath,

We do this a lot.

We do this a lot where we're like,

Well,

Yeah,

I can deal with it because I'm an empath.

I see more than other people,

So I have this responsibility to take it,

To take the pummeling,

To take the punching bags,

To take the punches and to take all of the negativity and all the hate and all that stuff and then transform it into something good.

It's my responsibility.

But when does it get to be too much?

When do we say enough is enough and I'm sorry,

But I'm not going to do this anymore?

When do we draw the line?

And that's really important for me as a question as well for you guys to ask yourself this,

Especially if you're an empath on HSB.

If you're listening,

You probably are because my channel is filled with them.

But if you are one of those,

You really have to ask yourself this question and really draw the line.

At a certain point,

A line has to be drawn.

You cannot take it for the rest of your life.

It just is not good for your psyche.

It's not good for them either.

You're basically allowing them or enabling them to just become this person who does cruel things to other people and never grows up and never learns.

So how are you helping them?

How are they going to learn?

How are they going to grow up?

How are they going to become an adult?

How are they going to mature?

How is that going to happen if you let them punch you every single time they are upset or say cruel things to you or things like that?

How are they going to grow up?

So you need to stop enabling these people as well.

As an empath,

Of course,

As I said,

The line has to be drawn and each person is going to have their own line.

For me,

The line is very quick.

I go into it right away.

But someone is being cruel to me or mean to me.

I don't allow it for too long.

I just don't like it.

It's not acceptable anymore.

Especially if they're an adult.

If they're a child or in their teens,

Yeah,

It makes sense.

They're still learning and growing.

If they're in their early 20s,

Okay fine,

That's fine.

But once you're beyond 25,

25 and over,

I just feel like it is unacceptable and you cannot treat people like that.

You have to learn and grow up and stop enabling each other.

So for me,

I draw the line very quickly.

Other people have to take a little bit more time because they're perhaps more empathic than me or perhaps they have more of a tolerance for it.

So it's okay.

But eventually,

At a certain point,

You have to decide.

You have to draw a line and say,

No,

Enough is enough.

I have taken enough.

Even if I'm an empath or an HSP and I see you and I see your pain,

It is not my responsibility to save everyone on this planet.

And that is one of the things that empaths have to learn is that it's not our responsibility to save everyone around us.

In fact,

You're probably not going to be able to do it because it's their own responsibility.

Everyone has their own responsibility to fix themselves.

You cannot fix someone else.

I know we have this thing in our head.

No,

I can fix them if I'm nice to them and if I take care of them and if I can just spend more time with them.

I'll be able to fix them.

I've tried this many times in my life and I can tell you that probably not.

It's not going to happen unless the person wants it and unless the person is trying on their own.

You're not going to be able to fix them.

So it's not your responsibility to take care of them.

So draw the freaking line and get over it and door slam them or tell them this is unacceptable and just get on with it.

Stop doing this to yourself.

You are not a human punching bag even though you're an empath and you see their pain.

It is not acceptable.

It's not.

I'm sorry,

But it's not.

I hope this makes sense to you guys.

I really,

Really,

Really want to share this because I feel like I'm getting a lot of messages from empaths saying,

You know,

When should I draw a line?

Draw the line that feels like it's too much for you to handle.

It is your body.

It is your energy and it is your responsibility to take care of yourself.

No one else is going to do that for you.

Okay.

Again,

If you like this video or if you like any of my other videos,

Please do support me on Patreon.

The link is in the description below.

And I shall see you guys the next time around.

Bye for now.

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