An Autobiography In 5 Chapters By Portia Nelson

This track contains something I absolutely loved, this poem by Portia Nelson. It's such a poignant view on how all of us live our lives, habituated to do the same things repeatedly, with no conscious thought put into it.

Photo by Prophsee Journals on Unsplash

Transcript

Hello everyone!

I hope that you're doing amazing wherever you are in the world.

My name is Bhoomshakha and I welcome you to my channel.

As always,

I'm so grateful that you're listening,

Subscribing and commenting.

I really appreciate the support.

In this one,

I wanted to share with you something that is so beautiful that I can't wait to share this particular poem or excerpt with you.

I think it's a poem but I'm not really sure.

It's a short story if you want to call it that as well.

It's basically called the autobiography in five chapters.

I'm going to read it to you first obviously because I love reading these beautiful things to you.

It's called,

As I said,

The autobiography in five chapters.

You can Google this.

It's available freely.

I'm sure you've read it before.

Maybe.

If you have,

Let me know.

It's basically chapter one.

I walk down the street.

There's a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I fall in.

I'm lost.

I'm helpless.

It isn't my fault.

It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter two.

I walk down the same street.

There's a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I still don't see it.

I fall in again.

I can't believe I'm in the same place.

It isn't my fault.

It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter three.

I walk down the same street.

There's a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I see it there.

I still fall in.

It's habit.

It's my fault.

I know where I am.

I get out immediately.

Chapter four.

I walk down the same street.

There's a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I walk around it.

Chapter five.

I walk down a different street.

Isn't that just so beautiful?

Anyways,

So I wanted to read this poem to you and obviously kind of share my thoughts on it because it's just so powerful.

And as I said,

I'll share it in the description below as well,

Of course,

But you can Google it and it's available freely.

I don't know who wrote it exactly,

Actually.

I read it in the Tibetan book of The Living and Dying by Salgal Rinpoche,

But I'm sure it's everywhere.

And obviously,

As you can imagine,

This poem is all about habits,

Right?

And the importance of conscious awareness,

The importance of running away from ignorance,

The importance of running away from being unconscious,

Being a zombie,

Being asleep through life and through all of our motivations and consistent habits,

Right?

And so the point about what I think,

Obviously this is my interpretation of it,

So I'm sure there's lots of different interpretations of it,

But the particular point that I really got out of it is that a lot of habits are actually unconscious.

And in fact,

It's funny because,

You know,

An objective observer from the outside will look in upon that person doing that habit over and over again,

And they'll think to themselves,

What's this person doing?

Why are they doing the same thing over and over again?

And it's obviously not helpful to them.

They keep on getting hurt.

They keep on falling into the hole over and over again.

Why are they doing that?

You know,

It seems completely unfeasible,

Completely ridiculous or ludicrous to the person watching from the outside in,

An objective person.

That's the reason why we go to therapists,

Because they're objective and they can look at us and say,

No,

You're wrong.

You're doing this as a habit.

Stop doing it,

Right?

But as a person on the inside,

Like as a person doing the habit or performing the habit over and over again,

Because we've been doing it for so long,

Because we're so inculcated into it,

So ingrained into it,

That we can't even see things straight anymore.

It's like we don't even notice us doing the habit anymore.

Like we don't even know that we actually have the habit.

I'll give you a very simple example actually,

That something happens in my life a lot.

Oh boy.

So,

And this is something really,

Really ridiculous,

But I wanted to share it with you just to show you how powerful habits can be and how quickly they can form and how unconsciously they can form and how deeply ingrained they can be that you're literally sitting there thinking,

Wow,

I didn't even know I had this habit.

What the,

You know,

WTF?

So,

Sometimes what happens in my phone is that,

You know,

Maybe I'll delete an app somehow or I'll add an app or something like that.

And I have two or three apps that I'm constantly going to,

Usually meditation apps and then my Instagram and Telegram and WhatsApp.

So these are the three or four things that I constantly go to.

Like I know exactly where they are.

I open my phone and I instantly press that app without even thinking about it.

And I'm sure you have that habit too,

You know.

You know exactly where the app is and you just kind of press it right away.

But you probably notice this as well.

You know,

You might make a minor change in the app listing or something happens and they move around,

They shift around.

And all of a sudden you're constantly going to click that app and it's not there.

And I've done this so many times to myself and this is when I know I'm really in a habit pattern.

A very small habit and you're like,

Well,

It's a small habit.

It doesn't really matter.

But it really shows you how fast habits develop.

Because if you can kind of do this experiment for yourself,

You can kind of start changing your apps around every week.

And you'll notice that just in a couple of days,

Your mind automatically will go to the app where it's supposed to be.

At first obviously you'll be like,

Oh,

No,

This is not where it is.

But a couple of tries,

Maybe a couple of days and already your mind gets adapted to the new situation of the apps and it will click it right away.

And then you change it in a week and instantaneously you're like,

Oh,

This is where it's supposed to be.

It's not.

And then you try again in a couple of days,

Maybe three days max,

You're already used to it.

And if it's such a small habit that it's so quick to develop,

It's so quick to become unconscious,

Because our brain is lazy obviously.

Our conscious brain wants to make things as automatic as possible so that it can focus on,

I don't know what,

Thinking,

Ruminating,

Anxious thoughts,

I guess.

But basically our brains want to create systems.

And so it kind of literally creates habits.

And so we're able to do things faster.

You've probably noticed this about your morning routine as well.

If you have a morning routine that you notice,

You just kind of drop into it,

Like brushing your teeth.

You get up in the morning,

You don't want to think twice about it.

You go to the washroom,

You put some toothpaste on your toothbrush,

And you just brush the way you always do.

You go here first and then there first,

After,

And then here and there,

And that's your done.

And you spit it out.

You probably don't even think about it.

You're probably thinking about something completely different while brushing your teeth.

Have you ever been conscious while brushing your teeth?

No,

Probably not.

Unless something happens where perhaps you've got your wisdom teeth taken out and there's like a little hole there and you have to avoid it,

Or there's pain somewhere and you don't want to touch it too much.

That's only when we become conscious,

But besides that we're completely unconscious.

The same thing applies to other habits as well.

These two are small,

Minor habits and you're like,

Well,

They don't really matter that much.

But it's kind of how the rest of your life works as well.

And then it kind of affects your bigger habits as well.

And these are habits like you kind of probably stop,

Or you probably fall for the same kind of person over and over again,

And you get into the same kind of relationships and then you wonder to yourself,

Why do I keep on getting into the same relationships?

Why do I keep falling for the same men?

Why do I keep making the same mistakes?

Or you could kind of make the same kind of mistakes with finances.

You keep on lending money to your friends and they never pay you back,

And you constantly start wondering,

Like,

Why am I doing this over and over again?

Because it's a habit.

It's an unconscious habit.

It's a deep hole in the sidewalk,

And it's the fact that you can see it sometimes and you still fall in,

Which is the problem.

If you don't see it and you fall in,

Maybe,

Okay,

You can be like,

Excuse for it.

Well,

You didn't actually really see it.

It's not your fault,

Perhaps,

Which in fact it is really because you're unconscious,

But you can kind of make that excuse.

But a lot of us,

We see the deep hole in the sidewalk,

And we still fall into it because it's a habit.

And we stop blaming everyone else in the world.

Oh,

It's the government's fault,

Or it's a pandemic's fault.

Oh,

It's my job's fault that I can't do all the things that I need to do,

Or it's my job's fault that my health is so terrible.

It's my children's fault.

It's everyone else's fault.

We kind of stop blaming everyone in the world,

Obviously,

Because we don't want to take responsibility for it ourselves.

And as I've said to you many times before,

Self-responsibility is the key to becoming an adult,

Because if you're not taking responsibility for everything that you are and everything that you do,

You're not technically an adult.

Children don't take responsibility for themselves.

An adult takes responsibility for everything that they are because it is their fault.

And if it's not their fault,

It is under their control.

They can do something about it.

They can make changes.

They can make changes within themselves.

They can make changes within their environment.

They can make changes within their job,

Whatever it might be.

Whatever change is required,

They can make that change,

Because you're an adult.

But if you're a child or a child in an adult's body,

Then you'll constantly blame everyone else.

No,

I'm not going to make that change.

It's their fault.

They're supposed to change.

Well,

Maybe.

They might not change.

You might have to do the changing yourself,

Right?

And the whole point of this is habits,

Unconscious habits,

Are conscious habits where you know that you're doing something wrong and you keep on doing it because you don't want to change,

Because you want to stay in your comfort zone,

Because you're just like,

Well,

I really don't like this job,

And it really makes me irritable,

And it really is the worst thing in the world,

But it's comfortable.

I know what it's all about,

And it pays well,

So why should I just stay here?

Well,

Because it's making you miserable,

Right?

Or things like that.

And so constantly the habit that you need to develop is to look at your unconscious,

Unconscious habits and try to make them conscious and try to change them if you can make that change,

If possible.

Because what happens,

As I said,

Is you keep on falling into the deep hole in the sidewalk,

And either you're like,

Well,

I didn't see the deep hole.

All right,

Cool,

I've fallen.

It's fine.

But now I see the deep hole,

And I know that I'm making this mistake,

And I've still fallen.

And then you need to ask yourself,

Okay,

I know I'm going to make a mistake.

Why did I keep on making the mistake?

Why did I not stop myself?

Why did I keep on going?

Right?

Or you see the deep hole in the sidewalk,

And then you walk around it.

Great.

Awesome.

Perfect.

Why not try a different street?

And that's the last chapter of the poem,

Obviously.

I walk down a different street.

There are hundreds of different streets that you can walk on.

Why do you need to walk on the same street over and over again?

So this is kind of the habit that I used to develop in the past.

I would kind of keep on applying to the same jobs,

Getting the same jobs,

Imagining that my future would be completely different.

And it was the same kind of marketing job in a tech company,

And I would think,

Oh,

No,

This company would be better.

This job would be better.

No,

It wasn't.

It was the same thing.

It was the same street that I was walking on.

It wasn't a different street.

It was the same street.

There was a deep hole in the sidewalk,

And even though maybe I was walking around it,

Maybe not falling directly into it,

But still I was walking on the same street.

What I had to do,

As you guys know,

As you people know,

Is that I had to completely change my life around,

And I had to completely leave that street and walk on a completely different street in order to live the life that I wanted.

Right?

And so this is what it's about.

Conscious habits,

Unconscious habits,

And obviously walking down a completely different street.

If you keep on getting into the same relationships,

You're walking down the same street expecting not to fall into the deep hole.

Maybe you're walking around the deep hole.

Walk on a different street.

Try something new.

Maybe that person who really likes you,

But you're not attracted to him because he's not physically attracted or whatever,

Try it perhaps.

It'll work out maybe.

Who knows,

Right?

Stop going for the same kind of people.

Stop going for the same kind of jobs.

Stop going for the same kind of scenarios over and over again.

Try something different.

Walk down a different street without a deep hole in the sidewalk.

So you don't have to avoid anything.

You can just walk down a different street.

Alright?

So I hope this makes sense.

I really love this poem,

Our excerpt,

And so I'm going to share it in the description below.

I hope you love it as much as I do.

And if you have questions,

Obviously comment below.

If you have something to share about this,

Please comment below.

And I'd love to hear from you on any topic,

Whatever you want to share.

Thank you so much for being on my channel.

I shall see you the next time around.

Bye for now.

Reviews

I love that story! Make the subconscious conscious.