Finding & Taking Inspiration In Selfless Service | Ven Canda

Venerable Candā begins with a meditation and then gives a rousing talk on the purpose, benefits, inspiration and motivation for service. Looking at how service to the Dhamma is a great boost on the path, Venerable draws on experience of her own service to those who listen to her teachings as well as the dedication and generosity of those who support her. Venerable emphasises that for those struggling with something, even just the mere act of listening to them can be an act of service.

Transcript

Okay,

Now it's recording so I want to speak today about inspiration,

Finding or taking inspiration in selfless service,

Because it's been something I've been reflecting on quite a bit,

Especially as my time in Oxford comes to an end.

All the ways we've served the community that you've served the community,

And just really finding some inspiration in that.

So,

Shall we begin with some meditation to freshen us up first of all and help us to be more receptive.

And for me to be a little more clear than I feel right now with my packing head.

Just finding your comfortable place.

And gently acknowledging that now it's your time to close your eyes and offer yourself or for your body some service.

Take it to the service station of loving kindness and care.

So that rather than your body serving you,

You can serve your body instead.

It's very interesting as we begin this meditation that meditation to as a service,

Because by taking care of ourselves,

We're able to care for others as well.

And by doing these motivations,

Then we can be confident that our actions of body and speech will be the benefit of all who come across us in our daily life.

And then wider than that,

There's always these beautiful ripple effects that we may never really know the details of.

I'm going to take a few deep breaths.

You're invited to join me in that if you wish,

Just to energize the body.

Breathing in.

Tensionally release tensions as you breathe out.

The way the lungs swell belly swells.

Breath.

So everything falls down a little bit closer towards the ground.

You might feel like stretching your spine a bit on the in breath and relaxing your shoulders down.

Before gently allowing the breath to return to its natural rhythm,

Its natural speed.

If you wish,

You can join in a gentle body scan from the head to the feet.

I'd like to keep my attention this time.

On the surface of the body.

Feeling the skin.

The atmosphere on the skin.

Temperature,

Coolness or heat.

Maybe moisture,

Dryness.

Maybe a breeze or a touch of your play.

And see if you can gently allow the skin.

She's stretched across your brow or maybe.

Called in photos.

My sister calls the sledgehammer between the two eyebrows.

I've got one of those now.

Just gently allowing all that to release.

Any sensations of tingling.

Stretching all the way across the top of the head,

The back of the head.

And inside the mouth.

Stretching down the neck.

Just continuing to spread your awareness,

Kindly,

Gently.

From the hands and the fingers,

The fingertips.

And just feel the speed in your own time.

Noticing the skin that stretches across the chest.

The rib cage,

The belly,

The abdomen.

All the way across the back to the buttocks.

See if you can notice any sensations.

Without trying too hard.

Just receiving whatever sensations arise for you.

Maybe feelings inside the body.

And allow your attention to spread to that part.

See if you can maintain connection also with the surface level of your body,

The skin.

And just feel the speed in your own time.

Spreading your kind awareness across the buttocks.

The thighs,

The hips.

All the way down to the knees.

Just passively receiving any feelings,

Any sensations without judgment,

Without trying to label them or figure them out.

Just sensing,

Allowing the sensations to help bring you into this present moment.

Relax and ease.

Exploring the entire leg.

All the creases,

The folds of your knees.

Some areas may be warmer,

Tighter.

Maybe more pressure.

See if you can notice every area of the skin that covers these knees,

Shins,

Calves.

The holes and bridges of the feet,

Right down to the toes in between the toes.

Perhaps picking up increasingly subtle sensations.

Inviting the mind to sense the whole of your body.

Sense the whole body.

The entire surface of the body.

Just receiving any sensations whereby you know I have a body.

Just body sitting.

Just fade enough.

Feeling,

Sensing into your experience.

Relax.

Relax.

Relax.

Relax.

And as part of this body,

You might notice the breath.

Even more subtle than the sensations on the surface of the skin.

Very delicate,

Subtle perception.

Just the mere occurrence of the breath.

You don't need to go after it,

Make it appear.

Just staying centered and being open to receiving the breath,

Should it wish to come in.

Keeping a very light and gentle touch.

Relax.

Relax.

Relax.

Relax.

Relax.

Just check your attitude,

Your relationship with the breath.

Do you regard the breath as serving you?

Something you have a right to or ownership of.

Maybe you have gratitude to the breath,

Keeping you alive.

How would it feel to imagine that you were here to serve the breath?

To give the breath all your attention and care.

To wait upon the breath with patience,

Gentleness,

Even reverence.

Without expecting any reward.

Relax.

Relax.

Relax.

Relax.

Relax.

Relax.

Relax.

Relax.

Relax.

Relax.

Relax.

Let's end the meditation by just mentally thanking our body and our mind.

For all the things they do for us.

See,

Help us connect to each other.

What about ordinary daily activities?

Gratitude to our nose,

A sense of smell.

A sense of taste.

Can receive the teachings of the dhamma.

To their respective jobs.

Things up right.

The long was the digestive system and all the other inner organs that keep us alive.

Our back,

Our buttocks that allows us to sit hopefully comfortably for meditation.

Our legs that enable us to walk.

Just grateful to have this body and mind.

Which we can practice the dhamma.

Understand the nature of reality.

And reach the far shore free from suffering.

Continue serving.

Helping the world.

My little dog has been moved.

Meditation.

And if you miss that you actually have the next time I got by my bill.

That was a weird meditation.

So,

Sort of delicate type of attention.

I don't know how anyone else found that.

Feel free to write a message.

It's always about our perception really not about the actual instruction or anything else.

So,

As I said today I want to talk about inspiration,

And in particular inspiration connected to serving and to giving,

Especially giving in a selfless way,

You know,

Maybe how we would see dhamma service without expectation of reward or any financial remuneration.

And just talk about how that can both strengthen and also inspire our practice and really be an expression also of gratitude for all that we receive.

So yeah,

I was contemplating the galvanizing power of service in community in the last couple of weeks because we have been gradually coming out,

I guess maybe even before I caught on.

But for me I guess only a couple of weeks that I felt like I was really coming out of lockdown.

I guess it takes a while to start adjusting again.

And because my parents are coming down I didn't want to sort of expose myself too much my dad has leukemia,

So I still want to take care we never know with new variants and how effective the vaccines are.

But all the same I started to meet a few people,

People coming over to offer a meal or just to have a little walk.

And it's really wonderful because you know what I've been hoping,

I guess and what I've been told from many people in this community is that a lot of deep connections have been made.

And I think those connections have been made because we've all been giving and serving in the dhamma together.

And to actually meet some of the people that are on this journey with us you know people who've been co-hosting or,

You know,

Helping with the live streaming or my treasurer came to visit yesterday which was lovely.

We worked out it's only probably the third time we've even met.

But there's obviously this very strong sense of a common purpose between us because she's been engaged in the project now since our first treasurer Tehani left.

Actually,

She was the second.

So this one is the third Mallika,

And she came out with some beautiful flowers and yeah we talked a lot about bhikkhuni ordination and the project's aims.

And it's just wonderful to meet people and start to really sense that it's not just interest that we have but it's actually a love,

It's actually a sense of deep community and trust as well I would say.

So,

You know,

Even during Ajahn Brahmali's retreat I was reflecting after that it's only fairly recently that it ended.

And just how having our teams together you know and organizing the YouTube uploads and the live streaming reached thousands of people with life transforming Dhamma.

And the kind of feedback we got was just deeply moving and touching,

You know,

I put a lot of it in the newsletter so perhaps I won't repeat it here.

But you know,

People were just having tears of joy in the,

Out of inspiration in the meaning of the Dhamma and the goal of the Dhamma,

You know,

And just using that to get so inspired.

And it's more than just an intellectual understanding it's something that lights up the heart and that gives us a sense of why we're here,

A meaning and a purpose in life.

So we can really bring these up and start reflecting on ways that we've contributed and that becomes its own reward,

You know,

We don't need accolades we don't need recognition or praise.

It's just the service is its own reward.

And then recently also I've been to Stroud to have a look around that town which I'll say more about a bit later.

And yesterday we had this beautiful meeting in the park,

I sent an email out in the morning and said,

Oh,

I'm sorry it's rather late,

But you know it's just about 10 people in Oxford and you know if you have time and if you'd like maybe we could meet in the park just for tea in the evening.

And about six people came along.

And again,

Even though many of them hadn't met,

The main reference was me.

It felt very connected.

I felt that there was a real sense of a shared purpose and,

You know,

Just so much richness within that little group.

And we got straight into kind of deep conversations about the Dhamma,

About,

You know,

Real stuff as well,

Like the situation for bhikkhunis in the world because I think some people think it's similar,

It's just harder than it is for monks,

But I was saying it's actually the polar opposite,

You know,

Because whereby monks would naturally get a sense of respect and a lot of support for bhikkhunis sometimes it can actually be quite marginalising and controversial.

So,

Not only is it not the same amount of respect it's actually sometimes the opposite.

And,

And even so,

Even so,

You know,

It gives me more of a sense of why I'm actually doing this,

Because it is inspiring and important for women to have role models and to feel that things are moving in the right direction.

We're on the right side of history,

We're on the right side of Dhamma,

Right?

We're doing this because it needs to be done,

It has to be done and we can never suppress that calling in life for women,

As well as men,

And anyone,

Non-binary people or transgender people to go forth,

It's something that's very deep,

Almost ingrained in the heart of the human being,

This,

You know,

Deep kind of timeless calling for truth,

For peace,

For liberation from suffering.

I know for myself I always had a deep instinct that such a thing was possible,

Although I couldn't put it into words,

But there was just this sense that there is a meaning and there is a path.

So,

I actually find the Sikh definition of service quite inspiring because the Sikhs are known for their selfless community service and quite often we see this on the news,

Especially I think there was some,

Something that happened a few months ago with the massive mess whereby lorries were kind of trying to get through to Dover or something and they were getting stuck along the road and then the Sikh community just organized hundreds if not thousands of meals for these lorry drivers just to take care of them along the way.

It's just incredibly giving and selfless and they're staying up the whole night,

You know,

To cook huge vats of food and put them all in little boxes and really nutritious stuff.

And the definition that I read from the Sikhs about selfless service is that it's rendered as community action done out of goodwill and for the benefit of others,

Which is really lovely right because it's talking about the motivation and also the purpose of that.

The next poet I like which I used to use quite a lot when I was being the resident teacher at Gaia House for a temporary stint was,

Is actually by Khalil Gibgan who's a,

I think is he a Sufi poet I'm not quite sure.

Yeah,

Sufi poet.

He's a mystic,

And he's got a beautiful,

Some beautiful poetry and he says that work is love made visible.

And I think that's really important for this particularly to the people who are there on work retreat because it's quite an intensive practice they had to do five hours of really heavy physical labor shifting huge bags of grain.

And you know,

Boxes of vegetables into the store and then also having fairly intensive meditation schedule,

But nothing whereby they felt they could really get stuck into the practice.

And so I think it's a very intensive kind of training in integrating that service with the meditation practice.

So I used to say no you don't think of it as work you think of it as love made visible.

And I think this is just so very beautiful because it's a way that we can express our care we can express our gratitude and our love in this world.

And then it never feels like a burden or a drain.

But I think that we can mention our attitude towards the service that we do that either gives us energy or drains our energy,

You know,

If we get the attitude right like in so many other things with meditation or,

You know,

In our dealings with one another then it opens up a whole sort of new energy pot,

So to speak.

And then the other definition which I put together a while ago and came across today again is,

Is that selfless service or Dhamma service is to give freely willingly and lovingly of yourself,

Or as part of a community for the benefit and well being of others without self interest or regard for returns.

And this is the difference with the Dhamma service as opposed to sort of work in the world where there is a return of course,

Many of us wouldn't be in our jobs if we weren't getting paid.

And sometimes we feel inclined to take jobs we don't really want because the paychecks bigger on that job and that's fine that's understandable we have to survive.

But the Dhamma service is that it's a choice,

It's a voluntary act of giving right and we do it without expecting any reward,

Other than giving service itself.

And that can be so beautiful and infused so much joy in the practice if again we get that motivation right.

So it's a difference between service and duty,

You know duty is something that you feel obligated to do.

You feel like it's a bit of a chore.

You feel like you're ready for recognition,

Or,

You know,

Maybe you do it out of wanting to appear good.

Yeah,

Wanting a good kind of self image in the world.

And of course,

For many of us there may be mixed elements in our service,

This is again like a training,

Just as any step on the path is a training,

We refine and purify our motivations through time over time.

I think it's important to see the difference,

You know between selflessly giving,

Which actually dissolves the ego and giving hoping for something in return,

Some accolades,

Some recognition,

Or whatever it may be and we have to keep checking ourselves for that because if what we do is only inflating our sense of self and making us feel special or,

You know,

Maybe,

Maybe sometimes it comes from a low self esteem as well that we want to sort of improve ourselves in some way.

And again,

I'm not saying any of this is bad,

You know,

But we can refine and purify that motivation over time.

And then the next kind of motivations for service are of course compassion,

Right,

Compassion to serve out of compassion understanding that all beings suffer and want to be free.

My first teacher Goenka Ji,

He used to say that,

Just as I can't live without food without medicine without the Dhamma,

Right,

How many of us could live without the Dhamma,

I'm not sure I'd be here.

So will those also cannot live without these things they can't live without food without medicines without shelter and clothes.

Maybe they too can't live without the Dhamma,

You know,

And so many people have written to me during this pandemic period in particular to say,

I really don't know how I'd have got through this without all this online Dhamma without the community support.

Yeah.

And he also used to say about the retreats because everything was offered on a donation basis.

And I think nobody in any centre throughout the entire world and even when I was still very heavily involved until about 2011,

I guess or 2000,

Yeah,

2011 I would still do a fair amount of retreats.

And at that point there were about 400 retreat centres in the world in that tradition,

All of them established entirely through donations,

And only one of them as I know had a small stipend for the cooks because it was just a huge centre with 500 people coming on every retreat.

And people would just do that because they gain benefit from the retreats.

And,

You know,

Just as someone gave for them.

They had this wish to give to others,

You know,

You were always reminded that you could only have access to such wonderful conditions to such wonderful facilities because some unknown people before you came and got the benefits and wanted others to get them too.

And I think it's such a pure way of spreading the Dhamma,

If you can,

Of course,

Sometimes in the West when we're trying to do something very new,

It's not possible to make it completely free because you know many things,

Especially venues have to be hired.

But,

Generally speaking for the teachings,

Actually always for the teachings there's no cost at all.

You know,

It's a voluntary thing and that's what makes it so beautiful.

That's why you feel such joy to give because nobody's asking you for it,

Nobody's expecting it.

It's just coming from your heart,

You know,

And being a nun is a really wonderful way to experience both sides of service,

You know,

Both being able to serve through my own practice and understanding that service in itself,

Sorry meditation in itself is a service to the world,

Right.

Again,

Goenkaji used to say we have to be selfish,

Understanding where our real benefit lies.

A bit of a cone,

But what it meant was that our benefit,

Our real benefit lies in the good of others,

In the good of others and of ourselves.

Yeah,

That's what the Buddha said,

Everything that we do,

We have to ask,

Is this beneficial to myself,

To others and to both,

And of course to both is the best.

The second best is to oneself.

And the worst is just others.

That's an interesting one because that's a little bit different maybe from,

I'm not sure if it's different from the Bodhisattva ideal or maybe some Christian ideologies that you know we should just give at the expense of ourselves or through completely sacrificing ourselves.

If we're self-sacrificing selfishness,

If we're sacrificing greed,

If we're sacrificing aversion,

That's wonderful,

But if we're sacrificing our own well-being,

You know,

Our own resources so that there's nothing left for us,

Then this is actually not a balanced way of giving.

And at the same time as a non,

As a bhikkhuni or a bhikku I'm sure,

We get to receive the service of others,

You know,

We get to learn to dissolve our ego in that way by not feeling bad about it,

Not feeling reluctant to have others do things for us,

But to understand that people want to help,

People want to give.

And by being an arms mendicant,

We're giving them that opportunity to give.

So this is one of the benefits of having monastics in the world because without that,

Then everything you do in life is kind of a commodity,

Right?

And there may be some kind of bargaining or you give this to this person because you like them and that to that person,

A bit less because you don't like them so much,

Right?

And the Buddha was very smart.

One of the reasons that he established the role whereby bhikus and bhikkhunis should never discuss the stages of meditation that they've reached.

You know,

We shouldn't talk about jhanas directly,

Right?

There are ways around it,

Sort of,

But to say I've experienced it or stream winning once returning is actually forbidden.

It's actually an offence.

And of course,

If you're actually deluding people and deceiving people intentionally,

It's a disrobing offence because that is very destructive and harmful of faith,

Of confidence,

Of trust.

But even if you're telling the truth,

It's still an offence entailing confession because then there can become a kind of meritocracy in the Sangha.

So you say,

Well,

This monks enlightened,

This bhikkhuni is enlightened.

She's not so enlightened.

So I'm going to give her more food because I'll get more out of it.

And this kind of giving,

Although it may be part of the practice in many communities,

It's actually not a pure kind of giving because you're thinking about your own rewards.

The pure is kind of giving,

The Buddha said,

Is to give,

Understanding that giving adorns and beautifies the mind.

I like this translation.

Sometimes it says giving is equipment of the mind.

But I find that a little bit odd.

The commentaries say it equips the mind with samadhi and wisdom,

Which is quite nice.

And maybe it can.

It can serve as a foundation.

Absolutely.

Because it's going against the stream of craving and against selfishness and self-view.

But I think to adorn and beautify the mind is really lovely because it's a softening and nourishing and kind of dissolving the sense of self.

This is why it's selfless service,

Not because we don't care about ourselves,

But because we actually do start to understand that it's more pleasurable to give than to receive.

I think in countries like Burma,

This is really obvious.

People love to give.

And on their birthdays,

They don't celebrate by receiving a cake.

They make the cakes,

They make a huge meal and they take it to the monasteries.

So on their birthday,

They want to give.

It's very beautiful.

You know,

We'd always get these big dhanas whenever it was people's birthday,

Because that gives them the most pleasure.

And I think they understand that it elevates the mind.

And,

You know,

I'm doing that now because I have quite a few fruits and vegetables left.

And,

You know,

I don't want to get things wasted when I move out.

I'm moving out in six days time,

Which is a bit crazy.

And staying up very late,

Trying to pack and haven't even started cleaning things up.

But I'm trying to offer things on,

You know,

To people.

And sometimes I can see that there's a real resistance to take.

It's like,

Oh,

No,

No,

You shouldn't,

You shouldn't.

And when I have that kind of reaction,

It really blocks that kind of flow of just joy and wanting to give.

And when people receive from me,

I actually thank them.

I say,

Thank you so much for being like a gracious recipient,

Because that just allows the flow to continue.

You know,

It makes me feel good.

It makes them feel good.

So there is actually scope to dissolve the sense of self through receiving as well as giving,

Which is a very beautiful thing to realise and to participate in.

So then another way of giving another beautiful motivation is,

Of course,

That sense of gratitude.

And that is what was encouraged so much in my first practice with my first teacher,

Goenkaji.

He used to say that the main sign of progress of depth on the path is that a feeling of gratitude and a feeling to serve others should arise.

If that's not happening,

He said,

Something is wrong,

You know,

Because in a sense,

If your pot is full,

If your heart is full of dharma,

You just want to share.

You just have to share.

And so you're sharing from a place of abundance.

The joy just flows out.

You know,

The inspiration just has to be shared in a very beautiful way.

Not like you should do it because I did it and you're bad because you still don't meditate,

You eat meat,

Whatever you do wrong,

You know.

It's not like that.

It's more like it just becomes irrepressible and your joy is actually quite contagious.

I feel that when I listen to Ajahn Brahmali,

I feel that his joy is so obvious,

Even though he doesn't tell a lot of personal anecdotes or even really connect with people that much through looking on the screen.

Like he actually didn't really look at people on the screen,

But there's this joy that's just welling up from the dhamma and that spills over because the pot is full.

Yeah.

So this is really gorgeous and it makes the service sustaining.

It sustains,

You know,

The ongoing ability to serve.

Without that joy,

It kind of runs dry.

You serve for a while and then you're not really getting much benefit from it.

It's not fulfilling,

I don't know,

Whatever you hoped for.

And there's no joy.

And so it becomes difficult to continue.

So we can reflect,

You know,

We can reflect on what we're doing and how we're serving and develop a sense of mudita towards others who are receiving and towards ourselves.

Also towards others who are giving,

You know,

Who have this quality very strong.

This happened to me yesterday in the park.

One of the ladies there is a Sri Lankan doctor,

Actually,

Who came over here last March.

I think it was pretty much when the pandemic started,

Which is a really difficult time to be over here.

And since then,

Some difficulties happened for her in her personal life.

She went through quite a lot of stress,

But she was staying and she came to know of me.

And every week she would come with a cooked meal every Saturday.

She'd knock on the door and just offered me this meal,

You know.

And sometimes I was like a little bit in a hurry because she'd be slightly late and I'd be thinking,

Gosh,

You know,

I haven't got a lot of time to give to her.

I haven't got a lot of advice or,

You know,

Anything much to share.

But I'd give her a little blessing and I would hope that it was worth her while,

You know.

And we got to know each other a little bit.

And I think,

You know,

Yeah,

I listened,

You know,

I listened a lot to her and noticed that she just had this very soft heart of sadha,

A soft heart of faith,

A lot of respect and reverence to the Sangha,

Not to me,

But to the Sangha as a whole.

And I met her yesterday again.

She was a little group of us who were sitting in the park.

And we had this lovely conversation about this and about that.

And then at the end,

When I came to say goodbye,

She became overcome with gratitude and with emotion.

And she sort of paid respects on her knees with her head on the ground while I'm in the park standing.

And I gave her a little blessing chant and I knew that her face would be full of tears.

And she said,

I don't know why.

I don't know why.

I'm not sad.

I just can't stop it.

You know,

I just can't stop it.

It's such a blessing,

Such a privilege to have had this opportunity to serve.

Thank you so much.

You know,

You can't imagine how much you've supported me,

How much this has meant.

And I know I can't imagine.

I can't imagine because I don't feel I've done very much.

I feel I was very fortunate to meet this person and to receive the blessings of a warm cooked meal every day.

You know,

Sometimes she'd get a lift down the hill,

Sometimes she'd walk 30 minutes and then just go home,

You know,

Because you couldn't come in during the pandemic.

So I didn't think I'd done very much.

But here you are.

You know,

You never know.

And because she had that joy of service,

That wisdom of serving for something greater than herself.

She was really overcome yesterday and it was a very beautiful thing.

You know,

The other people that were there at the time were quite moved as well.

They said,

Wow,

Such love,

You know,

Such love,

Such joy and inspiration in seeing that happen.

Yeah,

I feel quite moved even thinking about it,

You know,

Because sometimes we don't think we've given very much,

But we don't have to give.

Even giving others the opportunity to give is a gift.

Right.

We can give something material,

Maybe our time,

Maybe our ear,

Our non-judgment,

Our guidance at times.

But even giving others the opportunity to give is a gift.

And this is the miracle of service.

And this is what bonds us as a community.

This is why there's a real feeling of love.

And I felt that in Stroud when I,

You know,

For the first time,

Met a few people together again.

You know,

I've only ever met them separately.

And here they were together.

Some of them have been working together already.

And it wasn't just kind of a happiness in being together.

It was there was a love.

And I'm talking about a wholesome love.

I'm talking about genuine metta,

Genuine care.

And this is through the power of service and the power of doing something good together,

Creating good comer.

You know,

It has this galvanising effect.

It's as though,

You know,

When people come together to serve a higher purpose,

The potential of that service just gets greater and bigger than we can even fathom.

And this is what we're all doing right now.

So the third motivation,

I hope you can follow this,

Because this was just what came to me later.

So I talked about compassion and gratitude.

The third is to give from wisdom,

You know,

Give understanding again where our true benefit lies.

And also,

Of course,

Sometimes we have to be wise as to what needs to be given.

You know,

Sometimes it's not helpful to give certain things.

There's that classic story about the people who wanted to do an act of good comer to,

Let's say,

Teenage boys.

And they were told,

You know,

Be good Samaritans or whatever it was like,

Do something good,

Do something helpful today.

So they saw this old lady on the side of the road and they went to help her cross the road.

But the problem was she didn't want to cross the road.

So they kind of had the right intention,

But maybe like the wisdom as to what was needed at that time.

So sometimes it's helpful to really try and gauge that and to,

You know,

Get to know a person,

Start to empathise with them.

Maybe what kind of support might be helpful and yeah,

Whether it is your wisdom,

Your help.

Somebody said to me the other day,

Actually,

That.

Yeah,

That one really interesting sort of way to talk to a person when they have difficulties is to actually ask them a question at the beginning and say,

Do you want advice or do you want just to be heard?

Do you want are you looking for me advice or would you like me just to listen?

Because sometimes we don't really know and we just kind of presume we have to do something to fix the problem.

And often that's because we are uncomfortable with the other person suffering and pain.

And sometimes all that person needs is just a kind ear.

And I know for myself,

When I'm given that opportunity,

I almost invariably just want to be heard.

And by just listening,

It doesn't create more work.

It creates less.

You know,

There was one particular time I had an interview with Ajahn Brahm and he knew that I had a few kind of concrete things to discuss that were kind of tricky issues to resolve.

And he straight away said,

How can I be of service?

And he just looked at me with these very open eyes,

Like very kind of open to whatever I was going to bring up.

And I just said,

Just listening,

You know,

Just being willing to listen is what I really need.

And I don't even think I started on any of those topics because just the fact that he asked and I said,

Just to listen,

Kind of de-escalated all the nitty gritty,

All the concern.

And we just end up having a chat basically.

And it was very light hearted.

So that's very helpful because sometimes when a person leans in straight away and starts to say,

Yeah,

But you need to do this and have you tried this and what about this?

And with me,

It's my health.

So they say,

Have you tried probiotics?

Have you tried chamomile tea?

I mean,

This is a chronic condition of 14 years and I studied in the medicine and I've been to all kinds of doctors.

Right.

So,

Yes,

I have tried those things and it's meant with a really good intention.

But imagine if everybody you meet suggests,

Have you tried this?

Have you tried that?

And,

You know,

Everybody thinks they're a doctor.

Right.

But we sometimes know our body's best.

So I think it's really important to just actually ask sometimes and just listen and give the person some space.

Oh,

Yeah.

One other story I wanted to mention is that Ajahn Brahm used to be so wise as to the benefits of service that he used to just look for the opportunities wherever he could find them.

And in the monastery,

He said he was always jumping for opportunities to serve.

So when the visa job came up,

He's like,

Let me do the monks visas,

You know,

Let them go off and meditate in the remote forest monasteries or in the caves and I'll sort their visas out for them,

You know,

Or just little things around the monastery.

I think there was not sure why he did that,

But he made a toilet out of the gas.

Was it a toilet?

Oh,

No.

He made a he made some kind of system with faeces.

Right.

And he figured out that by processing it in some kind of way,

You could catch the gas from that and make enough gas to have a little tea stove.

So he put his first class degree at Cambridge to good use.

But it was enough gas for the little stove,

So it made a cup of tea or whatever.

So he'd do little things like this and then make a tea for another monk and sort of knock on the door and give him a cup of tea in the early morning.

He said he was always like me,

I'll do it,

I'll do it,

I'll do it.

And this is great,

But at the same time I was thinking today that we also need to,

Once we do get wise to the benefits of service,

We also have to sometimes give others a chance,

You know,

Not take all the jobs,

But understand that it's nice to bring other people in and give them a chance as well.

And that's one of the things I tried to do with this project,

Rather than sort of always give the work to one or two special people.

I don't really see anyone as particularly special,

You know,

I think we're all special in our own unique ways so there's no hierarchy there.

But,

And we all give according to our capacity and according to the time and the need.

But I really like to just open up and bring more and more people in as far as is possible,

And give everyone a chance to do something to feel that they are needed,

They are valued,

You know,

They have something to give.

So I think this is again one of the beautiful things about building a community from scratch.

It's been a pleasure to work with you.

I think it's been a pleasure to work with you.

I think it's been a pleasure to work with you.

So it's,

It's really wonderful that we can start in this way at least we can,

We can vent,

Or we can have something temporary and then just bring in many people so it feels like everyone's co-creation,

In a way.

So,

Yeah,

I think I've spoken quite a long time and I didn't speak much about Stroud but I'll leave that for the questions because it might not be that interesting.

Basically we almost bought a property.

We almost put an offer on it on Friday,

Which was a little bit hasty,

Inspired,

But slightly crazy as well.

And I think just the fact that things were coming together.

And also,

We did feel so inspired,

And it was something we could actually afford.

But there were kind of downsides that sort of outweighed the excitement in the end.

So,

Sometimes it's good,

Like Kelly said to me,

She came with me.

She said,

Have a sleep,

You know,

Sleep on it first,

Wake up in the morning and there was so little time to make that decision I just realised,

Even if it could have been the right decision,

It was really too rushed.

But the point of that whole journey was again just to say the power of people coming together with the same motivation,

It felt almost like we were sucked into like a really highly charged vortex or something whereby things could just happen very quickly indeed.

So the fact that I can see that's possible is wonderful because next time when we find something that's even more close to our criteria then I think the same thing can happen again.

So it's just a matter of everything coming together and falling into place but I realised that all this time we've had together,

You know,

Through the Zoom sessions and through serving in different ways.

It really is starting to bear fruit and it will bear fruit at the right time.

So that's really wonderful to know.

And lastly,

I just wanted to say that not only is sharing the Dhamma the highest dana,

It's the highest act of generosity is to share the Dhamma,

It's sharing our life,

Sharing our practice,

Sharing our spiritual friendship with each other.

And also learning to reflect on our intentions,

You know,

And to understand that karma itself is made by every intentional act of body,

Speech and mind.

So if we become wise to our intentions and start to purify them in a beautiful way,

It's like our whole life becomes a vehicle.

You know,

We become an agent for love and truth in this world.

So we have to look at our motives.

I guess this is the main thing.

Look at them,

Keep on purifying them,

You know,

And if you purify them far enough,

It will take you to the final goal.

And it will be an expression of that goal.

So this has to be part of the path the whole way through.

But when you are enlightened,

What are you going to do?

You won't have any craving to do anything.

You won't have any kind of need.

You'll be so contented.

How are you going to eat?

How are you going to actually function in this world?

Well,

The only thing that really motivates an arahant is the Brahma Viharas of loving kindness,

Compassion,

Mudita.

And of course,

The equanimity that keeps it possible,

Keeps things in perspective and makes it possible to continue serving for the duration of that arahant's life.

So,

You know,

This becomes a natural expression of enlightenment.

And the Buddha just served tirelessly out of Anu Campa for the world.

For the good and benefit of many out of Anu Campa for the world.

So we can take that as our inspiration,

Always keeping that balance between our own interest and the interest of others in mind.

So that is enough for me.

And I would like to invite you if you have any contributions,

Questions,

Complaints,

Anything at all to share.

And as usual,

These sharing sessions don't have to be on that theme because I'm just choosing themes that are present for me,

That are alive for me at the time.

And that inspire me a little bit.

And I thought it would be a nice thing to sort of end my time in Oxford because this has been just such a wonderful opportunity to serve.

And I'm profoundly grateful to everyone.

As I say,

It's not only the people that have benefited from this as participants,

It's also given me the chance to feel that my life in the last year and a half has been meaningful and rich with purpose.

Really rich.

And that just wouldn't have been the case without the chance to serve.

So I really do thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

So I'm not sure who's doing the Q&A today,

But someone will if you put up your little raised hand,

Is it,

Mathias?

Leading by example with a real hand.

Yeah,

Cool.

So Mathias is going to be your Christian and also host.

And as usual,

It will not record your face.

You can also write something in the box,

If you wish.

So it's not a real name,

But it says David.

I ask to unmute.

Quite interesting listening.

Especially about this idea of not being open to just being there to listen,

Just being to be there with the person,

The difficulty.

Because for myself,

It's it can be challenging to leave my own judgments when you can see someone heading for a car crash.

Yeah.

To leave my own judgments aside.

Yeah.

Yes,

It's it's challenging.

Yeah,

That's a really good point.

Could I ask you a name again?

Because I know that we have asked.

Sorry.

This is David's,

My husband's computer.

My name is Terry.

Terry,

I just want to get your name because it's nice.

It's nice to know who you are.

I do recognize your name as well.

Yes.

See you quite a lot.

Yeah.

Which is great.

Yeah,

That's a really good point.

And I mean,

I had to check that in myself when I was doing the work that I mentioned.

It became kind of my practice for those two months.

It was almost like a meditation because I was doing a lot of interviews every day and they had 20 minutes each,

Which is a long time for a meditation interview.

I mean,

I worked it out that it was only probably about 40 percent of people actually talked about meditation and everyone else talked about just whatever was arising for them.

And the very first person that came,

I sort of,

You know,

Intentionally tried to do this deep listening,

Connect with my body,

Stay centered in my body,

Notice any wish to react or respond.

And catch it and just carry on listening,

You know,

Being receptive,

Being open.

So I'd adopt quite a relaxed posture,

Sink into the chair.

And that time I remember making a mental note,

You know,

Of something she'd said and something I wanted to respond with.

And I'm not sure if I did that or not,

But I realized pretty quickly that that was interrupting my listening.

You know,

It was actually getting stuck on what she was saying.

And sometimes what a person is saying is deeper than the words.

Sometimes the words are just,

You know,

They're sort of more superficial conditioned habits coming out,

But actually underneath it are the emotions that,

You know,

The body language,

The sort of what's fueling their choice of words or their choice not to say certain things.

And it's not like you need to work it out intellectually,

But I think the more you just stay open,

Stay present and don't interrupt,

The more that becomes revealed through the course of their sharing.

And so sometimes there would be a pause when they finished.

And then I would listen to myself and just allow myself to start speaking and have to trust.

You know,

Just have to trust.

It's coming from a good place.

It may or may not help,

But if I'm in the moment,

If I'm present with the person,

Let's just see what's kind of co-created in that space.

So it's almost as though it's not about you,

It's not about them,

But it's about that thing in between.

It's like there's this area where something's happening.

And I think if we go in with pre ideas,

You know,

Ideas of how we should respond or what they need,

Maybe things they should do differently or other things they should try,

It can interrupt creativity in that space.

However,

Sometimes you may very well have some good advice.

And I wonder if rather than saying,

Oh,

Maybe you could do this or that.

Maybe it's a matter of just phrasing it as a question.

You know,

Have you thought of such,

It might be wrong,

It might be completely off course here,

But have you thought of this or would you consider this?

Maybe put it like that.

And again,

Just listen,

You know,

Because sometimes with you,

They might object and say that will never work because blah,

Blah,

Blah.

And if you argue with that,

It'll make them just close.

But even when they say that,

I mean,

Ajahn Brahm does that quite often.

No,

No,

No,

No,

No.

But I know him.

So I know that afterwards he's going to think about it and he does.

So sometimes it's OK because they just say no,

No,

No,

Because they don't want to feel that you're telling them something.

But afterwards they go and think about it and they make it theirs,

So to speak.

Does that make sense?

Yes,

Thank you.

Somebody said,

Thanks for making an effort to be inclusive.

It really makes a difference for me as a trans practitioner.

That's really great.

I'm very happy about that.

And,

You know,

We will do our best,

Certainly.

That's very good.

I feel very happy that,

You know,

You're welcome,

Fully welcome.

Anything else?

Has anybody here ever struggled to receive?

Find it hard to receive?

Surely says yes.

Do you want to say any more about that?

Not really,

Because I'm usually in a rather ungracious space.

Oh,

I'm sorry to hear that.

We muted you again.

That was my fault.

I thought you didn't want to speak.

I just wanted to thank you for pointing it out how beautiful it is to actually,

You know,

It's very ugly when people receive.

I mean,

It is such a joy to give and it's such a joy.

It's so beautiful when there's this dance between giving and receiving that sort of selfless.

But of course,

When myself is sort of operating in full gear,

I do find it very difficult at times to receive.

This is independent.

Right.

Yes,

Yes,

Yes.

Yeah,

I know that.

Yes,

I think that's why the Buddha made the Sangha dependent.

You know,

And it's one of the things that's hardest to give up when you ordain is your independence,

Especially if you are used to doing things for yourself.

Traveling alone,

Deciding who you want to meet,

Who you want to depart from and go the other way from.

I had all that choice when I was traveling alone.

I could chuck stuff out from my backpack if I needed to.

I could decide which center to go in according to the weather.

And,

You know,

There's a lot of independence and then suddenly being monastic and being dependent,

It's challenging to the sense of self.

I remember the first time someone bowed to me in Burma and they kind of got down really on the floor.

And I was like,

No,

No,

No,

Get up,

Get up.

Which is just a self again,

Because I think they're bowing to me at that moment.

Right.

And I'm embarrassed.

They're not bowing to me.

They're just bowing to express devotion to the Sangha.

And at that time,

I was representing the Sangha to them,

You know.

So yeah,

It can be difficult to receive,

But it's lovely when we're able to allow people to do that.

And sometimes we've been hurt,

You know,

Sometimes we've received and then somebody said,

I gave you this,

You shouldn't treat me this way,

Or I gave you that,

You should be grateful.

And that also spoils the giving.

It really does.

Yeah,

Because it was obviously a subtle expectation there in return.

But it's all a practice.

It's all a practice.

Yeah.

But you may notice when you do receive how happy it makes the other.

And that may be a cause to encourage you to have your hands open,

Both to receive and also to give.

And I think we can just give,

Give,

Give.

I think,

You know,

There's no end to how much we can give.

You can just try and give everything you've got away,

You know,

All your views,

All your attitudes,

All your kind of self-limiting,

Nasty self-sabotaging ideas that have been put into your head.

We can just give,

You know,

We can give all our mind,

All our attention,

All our energy to the breath.

So questions are coming or I'll go to the question and then to the comment.

I have a question about giving attention to contentious issues without becoming part of the problem,

Adding fuel to the fire or getting caught in a thicket of views.

Yeah.

It's really hard,

Isn't it?

I am also kind of trying to figure out this at the moment because I've been thinking pretty much for the last two days about exactly the same.

And sometimes other people want to bring you into their contentions and sometimes there may be something for you to learn there,

Especially if you've been a part of that person getting hurt.

And other times,

You know for yourself that your motivation has been very pure and that this is projection and that yes,

You will become a kind of target and thereby harm yourself and not really help the other person very much either.

So it can be difficult not to add fuel to the fire in that instance.

I think one way is to see if you can leave it alone for a while and it maybe loses some of its fuel a little bit.

The person may also calm down.

If you do want to address it,

I think it's really helpful to try to empathize with them,

But without taking responsibility for whatever they're perhaps accusing you of,

That it's maybe not fair.

But to try to see again,

The pain under their accusations,

The pain,

The need that's there.

It's a lot around nonviolent communication which again is something I want to pursue and I haven't had a lot of time,

I haven't had really anywhere near enough time for that.

But I would really recommend a book by,

Does anybody know the name of the author I forget?

It's a Jewish man,

American man.

And it's called Nonviolent Communication.

I mean,

You can just look it up.

Marshall Rosenberg,

Thanks.

Yeah,

Marshall Rosenberg.

It's a really wonderful book.

But then from there you might be able to find some groups and like learn about that,

Because I think that is a way to really learn to,

What's the word,

Not discharge,

De-escalate this kind of thing.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And sometimes you just have to say,

OK,

That's your view.

I don't agree,

But we will perhaps have to agree to disagree.

What is it that I think Ajahn Brahm says,

Or it might be Ajahn Chah,

Is more important,

Being kind is more important than being right.

And there are people who just accept whatever comes their way.

They say,

Oh,

Yeah,

I'm sorry,

Maybe I was like that.

Maybe I do do that sometimes,

You know,

And just,

But if a person just carries on being unfair like that,

I think you need to have some distance.

Personally,

I need to have some distance because I have,

You know,

Already a lot of complexity to deal with.

So sometimes you have to preserve your resources,

Especially if you don't feel it will be very helpful to get engaged.

I hope that gives a few ideas.

It's somebody's got her hand up.

Yeah.

I should be able to press a little button whereby you can speak.

That's it.

OK,

Sorry.

Hi.

First time.

That was actually my question.

So it was a follow up in the sense that I used to do that more with the fuel to the fire thing.

So I think it became more averse to that.

So it was more worrying about going the opposite direction of then becoming too quiet about some things when you feel that maybe you should be trying to do something about.

There's a lot of issues.

Yeah,

Yeah,

Yeah.

It's really tricky,

Isn't it?

Because obviously just staying quiet about,

Say,

Issues of discrimination,

Racism,

Transphobia,

Whatever it might be,

Is actually almost participating in that because you don't want to kind of sacrifice your comfort zone or your peace to speak up for somebody more marginalised than you.

So it's very difficult sometimes to give away these unseen privileges that we do have.

And I think it's good to express our support.

Yeah,

It's difficult.

I suppose it's a question of boundaries,

You know,

Finding that boundary between inviting more animosity and adding fuel to the fire and also not being a complete pushover and not allowing people to,

You know,

To treat you in ways that they wouldn't wish to be treated.

You know,

To treat you in ways that you wouldn't treat another person and to sort of know what you're willing to put up with in that sense.

And just sometimes we might have to say this is,

You know,

I just don't want to be treated this way.

I mean,

This is also something I struggle to find the language with,

If I'm honest.

So I think it's a really big journey,

Perhaps especially for maybe for women who are more conditioned perhaps to please others and to keep things kind of harmonious and,

You know,

Not to speak up.

Yeah,

Thank you.

Anyway,

It's a really,

Really good point.

And we definitely have to have as much compassion for ourselves as for anyone else.

That's a training.

It's really a training.

Okay,

So I'm going to a question in the box here.

How can I manage to stay supportive when I get the feeling that the other person just loves to complain,

And the listening will strengthen the complaints instead of bringing a more peaceful solution.

Wow,

We need to start a nonviolent communication class because these are all the same skills right that we're trying to learn.

Yeah,

I think it's finding language really like saying,

You know,

I really hear you.

I'm really sorry that you're going through this I just don't have the time right now,

Like right now I need to have a rest,

So that I can be there for you later.

Something like this.

Yeah.

I mean,

The other thing is like Ajahn Brahm says,

Be a dustbin with a hole in the bottom but I mean,

My question would be how,

Really.

I mean,

Of course,

One way is to try to meditate while this is happening if you really can't get away so stay connected with your sensations that's the best for me.

I mean,

I have been in a situation where somebody was kind of coming on really strong,

And I was stuck in a confined space and I couldn't get away so I just had to go inside my body,

Get in touch with my feelings and really intentionally try to relax and try to say the bare minimum that would fuel this person,

You know,

But actually I turned into a little bit of me justifying myself.

To keep them kind of cool.

So that was a tricky situation because I couldn't get away but if you can get away I think you just have to say,

At this moment you know I care for you.

I'd love to be able to help you but right now.

I just need a break,

So that I can be there for you later,

Something like this or maybe you know this is something that,

You know,

I'm here for you when you're ready,

Maybe you could know have a think about it for a while,

Like,

Do some self reflection.

It's tricky.

It's tricky.

Now,

Depends if you live with them or not as well.

If you don't live with them too much then it's okay.

Yeah.

Then it's not so bad.

But I do think sometimes we have to make hard decisions,

Especially on the path because we do becoming peaceingly sensitive and,

You know,

If the whole of the life,

The spiritual life is wise friendship.

And we find that by listening and staying in their company a lot,

We're getting agitated and upset then maybe we need to slightly back away and find other friends who bring a little bit more uplift and joy to the heart.

I think that also can sometimes be necessary.

Okay,

Someone says I am really grateful for all these meetings they're really important for me.

I live far away from you and I've never imagined I would be here to hear you,

Vincenda and all of you is very important for me,

Many thanks to all of you.

Isn't that beautiful.

So I'm not sure,

I hope you can receive that as we talked about receiving gifts open handedly receiving,

That's also a beautiful gift.

Thank you,

Anna for expressing that is beautiful.

So that's a gift you're all just being given.

And sometimes we think these things are just words but they're actually much more than that because it's actually impossible to say how much something means to someone,

Just through words.

You know.

So just reflecting on that.

It's quite awesome.

We don't know what people are going through,

How it may help now or if not,

How it may help in the future,

When that person comes across crisis.

It's just fantastic isn't it and this is the dammer this is not coming from me or anyone.

It's just the fact that we're coming together in the dammer that creates the power and the support.

Lovely so I think it's now nine o'clock.

Oops,

And we still have to do a little blurb at the end which you all know by now.

So let's invite whoever wants to do that today,

Whoever's decided to do that today.

I would like to firstly say thank you so much to you Venerable Chanda for inspiring teaching also when you're so busy with moving house.

Thank you.

Thank you Derek.

I would also like to very much say thank you to all of you because for two reasons firstly for your continued presence.

So thank you for making it so special for all of us.

And second,

Secondly,

On behalf of the Anacampa team,

Because we have received so many emails recently.

And I'm very happy to say that up until the end of October.

At the end of the rains retreat,

We have managed to get a weekly food shopping costs for Venerable Chanda every week,

Up until the end of October.

So much all of your generosity.

And I would still have a few emails to reply to so sorry if you haven't had a reply yet.

And if there is anyone who would still like to use the opportunity to support the Dharma,

Then you can do so by going to anacampraproject.

Org forward slash donate.

Thank you for your help and generosity.

I feel moved to tears by your obvious sincerity and joy and expressing that Derek and just by knowing that because I didn't know that and that's just really beautiful now might cry,

Because that's just amazing,

You know,

It's the second rains retreat,

I'm doing in England.

The second rains retreat of any bhikkhuni right?

It's not about me.

But this has happened in England,

In a designated place supported by bhikkhuni Sangha trust,

And all of you are making it happen you know without me even meeting you in person or giving you any particular,

I don't know,

Personal benefits.

And you're all doing this and it's a sign of great maturity in the community,

It's a sign of something very,

Very touching,

It sort of shows me that,

Yeah,

The teachings are working.

And it gives me a lot of confidence in the vehicle of a Sangha.

Because as I say you know it's different when you go to a retreat center and you have to pay,

You know,

It's like oh this is the food I'm getting,

Is it worth my money,

This is an expensive retreat center they're not making the food I like,

I mean hopefully we don't have those thoughts actually verbally in our head,

But you know,

There's a different feeling right?

And here it's like,

It's not only bringing the Dhamma it's giving people a chance to contribute as well and I just think it's wonderful I really believe in that model.

So this is why one of the big reasons why we're doing all this.

Yeah.

Oh,

Bless you all.

I guess I'm a bit emotional because this is also the last Sunday that I'll teach from this beautiful place and I have felt,

No the people believe it or not,

I have felt some devas and some good energies kind of building up here and that the place is happy,

You know,

It's been happy and hospitable to me.

So,

It's been wonderful and many of you have been here as well.

I can see at least a few of you have been here.

And I'm happy that we have the chance to meet here.

Yeah.

Yeah,

I'm very happy because some of you I haven't seen for a long time.

Yeah.

Big hug,

You know who you are.

Okay.

Great,

I'll let you go.

I'm teaching for Oxford Insight tomorrow but I think you have to be on their mailing list I don't know if anyone wants the link you could probably write to Derek and I could send the link to him.

There's a sneaky way to do it because you're meant to go through Oxford Insight but I don't know,

That'd be one way.

I could probably check later in the evening but anyway,

I'm teaching again next week.

Wednesday chanting Friday Saturday class,

Saturday Metta.

I wasn't gonna know so is it next week no no not next week the week after.

Sorry,

Sorry.

Not this week.

Okay,

This week Wednesday chanting.

No Friday sort of class okay nothing because I'm living on Saturday.

Then next week,

Wednesday,

Chanting,

Friday class,

Saturday Metta,

Sunday Dhamma talk so that takes us to the 20th I think.

Okay,

Or 19th,

Something like that.

And then I'm one week.

Okay,

And then I'll leave you in the good hands of some fellow bikinis and also each other.

So please do keep showing up and supporting this group because,

As you heard you know you're all,

It's not only me,

It's you're all giving so much to each other,

It's amazing.

Sadhu,

Sadhu,

Sadhu.

Lots and lots of Metta to you all.

We can unmute you now,

If you want to wave goodbye.