Alice's Adventures In Wonderland Part 2

Part 2 of the much loved "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland". Carrying on from where we left Alice, this story should entertain, but also guide you down into sleep. If you enjoy it, please let me know and I'll record part 3.

Transcript

ALICE IN WONDERLAND PART TWO Said the Mouse,

With an important air.

Are you all ready?

This is the driest thing I know.

Silence all around,

If you please.

William the Conqueror,

Whose cause was favoured by the Pope,

Was soon submitted to by the English,

Who wanted leaders,

And had been of late much accustomed to usurpation and conquest.

EDWIN AND MORCAR,

THE EARLS OF MERCIA AND NORTHUMBRIA Uch!

Said the Lorry,

With a shiver.

I beg your pardon,

Said the Mouse,

Frowning,

But very politely.

Did you speak?

Not I,

Said the Lorry,

Hastily.

I thought you did,

Said the Mouse.

I proceed.

Edwin and Morcar,

The Earls of Mercia and Northumbria,

Declared for him,

And even Stigand,

The Patriotic Archbishop of Canterbury,

Found it advisable.

Found what?

Said the Duck.

Found it,

The Mouse replied rather crossly.

Of course you know what it means.

I know what it means well enough when I find a thing,

Said the Duck.

It's generally a frog or a worm.

The question is,

What did the Archbishop find?

The Mouse did not notice this question,

And hurriedly went on.

Found it advisable to go with Edgar Aetheling to meet William and offer him the crown.

William's conduct at first was moderate,

But the insolence of his Normans.

How are you getting on now,

My dear?

It continued,

Turning to Alice as it spoke.

As wet as ever,

Said Alice,

In a melancholy tone.

It doesn't seem to dry me at all.

In that case,

Said the Dodo solemnly,

Rising to its feet,

I move that the meeting adjourn for the immediate adoption of more energetic remedies.

Speak English,

Said the Eaglet.

I don't know the meaning of half these long words,

And what's more,

I don't believe you do either.

And the Eaglet bent down its head to hide a smile.

Some of the other birds tittered audibly.

What I was going to say,

Said the Dodo,

In an offended tone,

Was that the best thing to get us dry would be a caucus race.

What is a caucus race?

Said Alice.

Not that she wanted much to know,

But the Dodo had paused as if it thought that somebody ought to speak,

And no one else seemed inclined to say anything.

Why,

Said the Dodo,

The best way to explain it is to do it.

And,

As you might like to try the thing yourself some winter day,

I'll tell you how the Dodo managed it.

First,

It marked out a race course in a sort of circle.

The exact shape doesn't matter,

It said.

Then all the party were placed along the course,

Here and there.

There was no one,

Two,

Three,

And away.

But they began running when they liked,

And left off when they liked,

So that it was not easy to know when the race was over.

However,

When they'd been running half an hour or so,

And were all quite dry,

The Dodo suddenly called out,

The race is over.

And they all crowded round it,

Panting,

And asking,

But who has won?

This question the Dodo could not answer without a great deal of thought,

And it sat for a long time with one finger pressed upon its forehead,

The position in which you usually see Shakespeare in pictures of him,

While the rest waited in silence.

At last the Dodo said,

Everybody has won,

And all must have prizes.

But who is to give the prizes?

Quite a chorus of voices asked.

Why,

She,

Of course,

Said the Dodo,

Pointing to Alice with one finger,

And the whole party at once crowded round her,

Calling out in a confused way,

Prizes!

Prizes!

Alice had no idea what to do,

And in despair she put her hand in her pocket,

And pulled out a box of comfits.

Luckily the saltwater had not got into it,

And handed them round as prizes.

There was exactly one apiece all round.

But she must have a prize herself,

You know,

Said the mouse.

Of course,

The Dodo replied very gravely,

What else have you got in your pocket?

He went on,

Turning to Alice.

Only a thimble,

Said Alice sadly.

Hand it over here,

Said the Dodo.

Then they all crowded round her once more,

While the Dodo solemnly presented the thimble,

Saying,

We beg your acceptance of this elegant thimble.

And when it had finished this short speech,

They all cheered.

Alice thought the whole thing very absurd,

But they all looked so grave that she dared not laugh.

And,

As she could not think of anything to say,

She simply bowed and took the thimble,

Looking as solemn as she could.

The next thing was to eat the comfits.

This caused some noise and confusion,

As the large birds complained that they could not taste theirs,

And the small ones choked and had to be patted on the back.

However,

It was over at last,

And they sat down again in a ring and begged the Mouse to tell them some more.

You promised to tell me your history,

You know,

Said Alice.

And why it is you hate C and D,

She added in a whisper,

Half afraid that it would be offended again.

Mine is a long and sad tale,

Said the Mouse,

Turning to Alice and sighing.

It is a long tale certainly,

Said Alice,

Looking down with wonder at the Mouse's tale.

But why do you call it sad?

And she kept on puzzling about it while the Mouse was speaking,

So that her idea of the tale was something like this.

Fury said to a Mouse that he met in the house.

Let us both go to law.

I will prosecute you.

Come,

I'll take no denial.

We must have a trial,

For really this morning I've got nothing to do,

Said the Mouse to the Cur.

Such a trial,

Dear sir,

With no jury or judge,

Would be wasting our breath.

I'll be judge,

I'll be jury,

Said cunning old Fury.

I'll try the whole cause and condemn you to death.

You are not attending,

Said the Mouse to Alice severely.

What are you thinking of?

I beg your pardon,

Said Alice very humbly.

You had got to the fifth bend,

I think.

I had not,

Cried the Mouse sharply and very angrily.

And not,

Said Alice,

Always ready to make herself useful and looking anxiously about her.

Oh,

Do let me help to undo it.

I shall do nothing of the sort,

Said the Mouse getting up and walking away.

You insult me by talking such nonsense.

I didn't mean it,

Pleaded poor Alice.

But you're so easily offended,

You know.

The Mouse only growled in reply.

Please come back and finish your story,

Alice called after it.

And the others all joined in chorus,

Yes,

Please do.

But the Mouse only shook its head impatiently and walked a little quicker.

What a pity it wouldn't stay aside the lorry as soon as it was quite out of sight.

And an old Crab took the opportunity of saying to her daughter,

Ah,

My dear,

Let this be a lesson to you never to lose your temper.

Hold your tongue,

Ma,

Said the young Crab,

A little snappishly.

You're enough to try the patience of an oyster.

I wish I had our Dinah here.

I know I do,

Said Alice aloud,

Addressing nobody in particular.

She'd soon fetch it back.

And who is Dinah,

If I may venture to ask the question,

Said the lorry.

Alice replied eagerly,

For she was always ready to talk about her pet.

Dinah's our cat,

And she's such a capital one for catching mice,

You can't think.

And,

Oh,

I wish you could see her after the birds.

Why,

She'd eat a little bird as soon as look at it.

This speech caused a remarkable sensation among the party.

Some of the birds hurried off at once.

One old Magpie began wrapping itself up very carefully,

Remarking,

I really must be getting home.

The night air doesn't suit my throat.

And a Canary called out in a trembling voice to its children,

Come away,

My dears,

It's high time you were all in bed.

On various pretexts,

They all moved off,

And Alice was soon left alone.

Oh,

I wish I hadn't mentioned Dinah,

She said to herself in a melancholy tone.

Nobody seems to like her down here,

And I'm sure she's the best cat in the world.

Oh,

My dear Dinah,

I wonder if I shall ever see you any more.

And here poor Alice began to cry again,

For she felt very lonely and low-spirited.

In a little while,

However,

She again heard a little pattering of footsteps in the distance,

And she looked up eagerly,

Half hoping that the mouse had changed its mind and was coming back to finish his story.

It was the white rabbit,

Trotting slowly back again and looking anxiously about it as it went,

As if it had lost something,

And she heard it muttering to itself.

The Duchess,

The Duchess,

Oh,

My dear paws,

Oh,

My fur and whiskers,

She'll get me executed as sure as ferrets are ferrets.

Where can I have dropped them,

I wonder?

Alice guessed in a moment that it was looking for the fan and the pair of white kid gloves,

And she very good naturally began hunting about for them,

But they were nowhere to be seen.

Everything seemed to have changed since her swim in the pool and the great hall with the glass table,

And the little door had vanished completely.

Very soon the rabbit noticed Alice,

As she went hunting about,

And called out to her in an angry tone,

Why,

Marianne,

What are you doing out here?

Run home this moment and fetch me a pair of gloves and a fan,

Quick now.

And Alice was so much frightened that she ran off at once in the direction it pointed to,

Without trying to explain the mistake it had made.

He took me for his housemaid,

She said to herself as she ran.

How surprised he'll be when he finds out who I am!

But I'd better take him his fan and gloves,

That is,

If I can find them.

As she said this,

She came upon a neat little house,

On the door of which was a bright brass plate with the name W.

Rabbit engraved upon it.

She went in without knocking,

And hurried upstairs,

In great fear lest she should meet the real Marianne and be turned out of the house before she had found the fan and gloves.

How queer it seems,

Alice said to herself,

To be going messages for a rabbit.

I suppose Dinah'll be sending me messages next.

And she began fancying the sort of thing that would happen.

Miss Alice,

Come here directly and get ready for your walk.

Coming in a minute,

Nurse.

But I've got to see that the mouse doesn't get out,

Only I don't think,

Alice went on,

That they'd let Dinah stop in the house if it began ordering people around like that.

By this time she had found her way into a tidy little room with a table in the window,

And on it,

As she had hoped,

A fan and two or three pairs of tiny white kid gloves.

She took up the fan and a pair of the gloves,

And was just going to leave the room when her eye fell upon a little bottle that stood near the looking-glass.

There was no label this time with the words,

Drink me,

But nevertheless she uncorked it and put it to her lips.

I know something interesting is sure to happen,

She said to herself.

Whenever I eat or drink anything.

So I'll just see what this bottle does.

I do hope it'll make me grow large again,

For really I'm quite tired of being a tiny little thing.

It did so indeed,

And much sooner than she had expected.

Before she had drunk half the bottle,

She found her head pressing against the ceiling and had to stoop to save her neck from being broken.

She hastily put down the bottle,

Saying to herself,

That's quite enough.

I hope I shan't grow any more.

As it is,

I can't get out the door.

I do wish I hadn't drunk quite so much.

Alas,

It was too late to wish that.

She went on growing and growing,

And very soon had to kneel down on the floor.

In another minute there was not even room for this,

And she tried the effect of lying down with one elbow against the door and one other arm curled around her head.

Still,

She went on growing,

And as a last resort she put one arm out the window and one foot up the chimney,

And said to herself,

Now,

I can do no more.

Whatever happens,

What will become of me?

Luckily for Alice,

The little magic bottle had now had its full effect,

And she grew no larger.

Still,

It was very uncomfortable,

And as there seemed to be no sort of chance of her ever getting out of the room again,

No wonder she felt unhappy.

It was much pleasanter at home,

Thought poor Alice,

When one wasn't always growing larger and smaller and being ordered about by mice and rabbits.

I almost wish I hadn't gone down that rabbit hole,

And yet,

And yet,

It's rather curious,

You know,

This sort of life.

I do wonder what can have happened to me.

When I used to read fairy tales,

I fancied that kind of thing could never happen,

And now here I am in the middle of one.

There ought to be a book written about me.

That there ought.

And when I grow up,

I'll write one.

But I'm grown up now,

She added in a sorrowful tone.

At least there's no room to grow up any more here.

But then,

Thought Alice,

Shall I never get any older than I am now?

That'll be a comfort one way,

Never to be an old woman.

But then,

Always have lessons to learn.

Oh,

I shouldn't like that.

Oh,

You foolish Alice,

She answered herself.

How can you learn lessons in here?

Why,

There's hardly room for you,

And no room at all for any lessons book.

And so she went on,

Taking first one side and then the other,

And making quite a conversation of it altogether.

But after a few minutes,

She heard a voice outside and stopped to listen.

Marianne,

Marianne,

Said the voice.

Fetch me my gloves this moment.

Then came a little pattering of feet on the stairs.

Alice knew it was the rabbit coming to look for her,

And she trembled until she shook the house,

Quite forgetting that she was now about a thousand times as large as the rabbit and had no reason to be afraid of it.

Presently the rabbit came up to the door and tried to open it,

But as the door opened inwards and Alice's elbow was pressed hard against it,

That attempt proved a failure,

And Alice heard it say to itself,

Then I'll go round and get in at the window.

That you won't,

Thought Alice,

And after waiting till she fancied she heard the rabbit just under the window,

She suddenly spread out her hand and made a snatch in the air.

She didn't get hold of anything,

But she heard a little shriek and a fall and a crash of broken glass from which she concluded that it was just possible it had fallen into a cucumber frame or something of the sort.

Next came an angry voice.

The rabbit's.

Pat.

Pat,

Where are you?

And then a voice she had never heard before.

Sure,

I'm here.

Digging for apples,

Your honour.

Digging for apples indeed,

Said the rabbit angrily.

Here,

Come and help me out of this.

Sounds of more broken glass.

Now tell me,

Pat,

What's in that window?

Sure,

It's an arm,

Your honour.

He pronounced it Arama.

An arm,

You goose.

Who ever saw one that size?

Why,

It fills the whole window.

Sure it does,

Your honour,

But it's an arm for all that.

Well,

It's got no business there at any rate.

Go and take it away.

There was a long silence after this,

And Alice could only hear whispers now and then such as,

Sure,

I don't like it,

Your honour,

At all,

At all.

Do as I tell you,

You coward.

And at last she spread out her hand again and made another snatch in the air.

This time there were two little shrieks and more sounds of broken glass.

What a number of cucumber frames there must be,

Thought Alice.

I wonder what they'll do next.

As for pulling me out the window,

I only wish they could.

I'm sure I don't want to stay in here any longer.

She waited for some time without hearing anything more.

At last came a rumbling of little cartwheels and the sound of a good many voices all talking together.

She made out the words.

Where's the other ladder?

Why,

I hadn't to bring but one.

Bill's got the other.

Bill,

Fetch it here,

Lad.

Here,

Put them up at this corner.

No,

Tie them together first.

They don't reach halfway enough yet.

Oh,

They'll do well enough.

Don't be particular.

Here,

Bill,

Catch hold of this rope.

Will the roof bear?

Mind that loose slate.

Oh,

It's coming down.

Head's below.

A loud crash.

Now who did that?

It was Bill,

I fancy.

Who's to go down the chimney?

Nay,

I shan't.

You do it.

That I won't then.

Bill's to go down.

Here,

Bill,

The master says,

You've to go down the chimney.

Oh,

So Bill's got to come down the chimney,

Has he?

Said Alice to herself.

They seem to put everything upon Bill.

I wouldn't be in Bill's place for a good deal.

This far place is narrow,

To be sure,

But I think I can kick a little.

She drew her foot as far down the chimney as she could and waited until she heard a little animal.

She couldn't guess of what sort it was,

Scratching and scrambling about in the chimney close above her.

Then,

Saying to herself,

This is Bill,

She gave one sharp kick and waited to see what would happen next.

The first thing she heard was a general chorus of There goes Bill!

And the rabbit's voice along Catch him,

You by the hedge!

Then silence and then another confusion of voices.

Pulled up his head.

Brandy,

Now,

Don't choke him.

How was it,

Old fellow?

What happened to you?

Tell us all about it.

Last came a little feeble,

Squeaking voice.

That's Bill,

Thought Alice.

Well,

I hardly know.

No more,

Thank you.

I'm better now.

But I'm a deal too flustered to tell you.

All I know is something came at me like a jack-in-the-box and up I goes like a skyrocket.

So you did,

Old fellow,

Said the others.

We must burn the house down,

Said the rabbit's voice.

And Alice called out as loud as she could.

If you do,

I'll set Dinah at you.

There was a dead silence instantly and Alice thought to herself,

I wonder what they will do next.

If they had any sense,

They'd take the roof off.

After a minute or two they began moving about again and Alice heard the rabbit say,

A barrowful will do,

To begin with.

A barrowful of what?

Thought Alice.

But she had not long to doubt for the next moment a shower of little pebbles came rattling in at the window and some of them hit her on the face.

I'll put a stop to this,

She said to herself and shouted out,

You'd better not do that again which produced another dead silence.

Alice noticed with some surprise that the pebbles were all turning into little cakes as they lay on the floor and a bright idea came into her head.

If I eat one of these cakes,

She thought,

I'm sure to make some change in my size and as it can't possibly make me larger it must make me smaller,

I suppose.

So she swallowed one of the cakes and was delighted to find she began shrinking directly.

As soon as she was small enough to get through the door she ran out of the house and found quite a crowd of little animals and birds waiting outside.

The poor lizard,

Bill,

Was in the middle being held up by two guinea pigs who were giving it something out of a bottle.

They all made a rush at Alice the moment she appeared but she ran off as hard as she could and found herself safe in a thick wood.

The first thing I've got to do,

Said Alice to herself as she wandered about in the wood is to grow to my right size again and the second thing is to find my way into that lovely garden.

I think that will be the best plan.

It sounded like an excellent plan,

No doubt and very neatly and simply arranged.

The only difficulty was that she had not the smallest idea how to set about it and while she was peering about anxiously among the trees a little sharp bark just over her head made her look up in a great hurry.

An enormous puppy was looking down at her with large round eyes and feebly stretching out one paw trying to touch her.

Poor little thing,

Said Alice in a coaxing tone as she tried hard to whistle to it but she was terribly frightened all the time at the thought that it might be hungry in which case it would very likely eat her up in spite of all her coaxing.

Hardly knowing what she did she picked up a little bit of stick and held it out to the puppy whereupon the puppy jumped into the air off all its feet at once with a yelp of delight and rushed at the stick and made believe to worry it.

Then Alice dodged behind a great thistle to keep herself from being run over and the moment she appeared on the other side the puppy made another rush at the stick and tumbled head over heels in its hurry to get hold of it.

Then Alice thinking it was very much like having a game of play with a cart horse and expecting every moment to be trampled under its feet ran round the thistle again then the puppy began a series of short charges at the stick running a very little way forward each time and a long way back and barking hoarsely all the time until it sat down a good way off panting with its tongue hanging out of its mouth and its grey eyes half shut.

This seemed to Alice a good opportunity for making her escape so she set off at once and ran till she was quite tired and out of breath until the puppy's bark sounded quite faint in the distance and yet what a dear little puppy it was said Alice as she leant against a buttercup to rest herself and fanned herself with one of the leaves.

I should have liked teaching it tricks very much if I'd been only the right size to do it.

Oh dear,

I'd nearly forgotten that I've got to grow up again.

Let me see,

How is it to be managed?

I suppose I ought to eat or drink something or other but the great question is what?

The great question certainly was,

What?

Alice looked all around her at the flowers and the blades of grass but she did not see anything that looked like the right thing to eat or drink under the circumstances.

There was a large mushroom growing near her about the same height as herself and when she looked under it and on both sides of it and behind it it occurred to her that she might as well look and see what was on top of it.

She stretched herself up in tiptoe and peered over the edge of the mushroom and her eyes immediately met those of a large blue caterpillar that was sitting on top with its arms folded quietly smoking a long hookah and taking not the smallest notice of her or of anything else.

The caterpillar and Alice looked at each other for some time in silence.

At last the caterpillar took the hookah out of its mouth and addressed her in a languid,

Sleepy voice.

Who are you?

Said the caterpillar.

This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation.

Alice replied rather shyly.

I hardly know,

Sir,

Just at present.

At least I know who I was when I got up this morning but I think I must have been changed several times since then.

What do you mean by that?

Said the caterpillar sternly.

Explain yourself.

I can't explain myself,

I'm afraid,

Sir,

Said Alice because I'm not myself,

You see.

I don't see,

Said the caterpillar.

I'm afraid I can't put it more clearly,

Alice replied very politely for I can't understand it myself to begin with and being so many different sizes in a day is very confusing.

It isn't,

Said the caterpillar.

Well,

Perhaps you haven't found it so yet,

Said Alice but when you have to turn into a chrysalis,

And you will someday,

You know and then after that into a butterfly I should think you'll feel a little queer,

Wouldn't you?

Not a bit,

Said the caterpillar.

Well,

Perhaps your feelings may be different,

Said Alice all I know is it would feel very queer to me.

You,

Said the caterpillar contemptuously.

Who are you?

Which brought them back again to the beginning of the conversation.

Alice felt a little irritated at the caterpillar's making such very short remarks and she drew herself up and said very briefly I think you ought to tell me who you are first.

Why?

Said the caterpillar.

Here was another puzzling question and as Alice could not think of any good reason and as the caterpillar seemed to be in a very unpleasant state of mind she turned away.

Come back,

Said the caterpillar calling after her.

I've something important to say.

This sounded promising,

Certainly.

Alice turned and came back again.

Keep your temper,

Said the caterpillar.

Is that all?

Said Alice,

Swallowing down her anger as well as she could.

No,

Said the caterpillar.

Alice thought she might as well wait as she had nothing else to do and perhaps after all it might tell her something worth hearing.

For some minutes it puffed away without speaking but at last it unfolded its arms,

Took the hookah out of its mouth again and said So you think you've changed,

Do you?

I'm afraid I am,

Sir,

Said Alice.

I can't remember things as I used and I don't keep the same size for ten minutes together.

Can't remember what things,

Said the caterpillar.

Well,

I've tried to say,

How doth the little busy bee but it all came different,

Alice replied in a very melancholy voice.

Repeat,

You are old,

Father William,

Said the caterpillar.

Alice folded her hands and began.

You are old,

Father William,

The young man said and your hair has become very white and yet you insistently stand on your head.

Do you think at your age it is right?

In my youth,

Father William replied to his son I feared it might injure the brain but now that I'm perfectly sure I have none why I do it again and again.

You are old,

Said the youth,

As I mentioned before and have grown most uncommonly fat yet you turned a back somersault in the door.

Pray,

What is the reason of that?

In my youth,

Said the sage,

As he shook his grey locks I kept all my limbs very supple.

By the use of this ointment,

One shilling the box allow me to sell you a couple.

You are old,

Said the youth,

And your jaws are too weak for anything tougher than suet yet you finish the goose with the bones and the beak.

Pray,

How do you manage to do it?

In my youth,

Said the father,

I took to the law and argued each case with my wife and the muscular strength which it gave to my jaw has lasted the rest of my life.

You are old,

Said the youth,

One would hardly suppose that your eye was as steady as ever yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose what made you so awfully clever?

I have answered three questions and that is enough said the father,

Don't give yourself airs.

Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff?

Be off,

Or I'll kick you downstairs.

That's not said right,

Said the caterpillar.

Not quite right,

I'm afraid,

Said Alice timidly.

Some of the words have got altered.

It is wrong from beginning to end,

Said the caterpillar decidedly and there was silence for some minutes.

The caterpillar was first to speak.

What size do you want to be?

It asked.

Oh,

I'm not particular as to size,

Alice hastily replied.

Only one doesn't like changing so often,

You know.

I don't know,

Said the caterpillar.

Alice said nothing.

She had never been so much contradicted in her life before and she felt that she was losing her temper.

Are you content now,

Said the caterpillar?

Well,

I should like to be a little larger,

Sir,

If you wouldn't mind,

Said Alice.

Three inches is such a wretched height to be.

It's a very good height indeed,

Said the caterpillar angrily rearing itself upright as it spoke.

It was exactly three inches high.

But I'm not used to it,

Pleaded poor Alice in a piteous tone and she thought of herself.

I wish the creatures wouldn't be so easily offended.

You'll get used to it in time,

Said the caterpillar and it put the hookah back into its mouth and began smoking again.

This time Alice waited patiently until it chose to speak again.

In a minute or two the caterpillar took the hookah out of its mouth and yawned once or twice and shook itself.

Then it got down off the mushroom and crawled away in the grass merely remarking as it went,

One side will make you grow taller and the other side will make you grow shorter.

One side of what?

The other side of what?

Thought Alice to herself.

Of the mushroom,

Said the caterpillar,

Just as if she had asked it aloud.

And in another moment it was out of sight.

Alice remained looking thoughtfully at the mushroom for a minute trying to make out which were the two sides of it and as it was perfectly round she found this a very difficult question.

However,

At last she stretched her arms round it as far as they would go and broke off a bit of the edge with each hand.

And now,

Which is which?

She said to herself and nibbled a little bit of the right hand bit to try the effect.

The next moment she felt a violent blow underneath her chin.

It had struck her foot.

She was a good deal frightened by this sudden change but she felt there was no time to be lost and as she was shrinking rapidly so she sent to work at once to eat some of the other bit.

Her chin was pressed so closely against her foot that there was hardly any room to open her mouth.

But she did at last and managed to swallow a morsel of the left hand bit.

Come,

My head's free at last said Alice in a tone of delight which changed into alarm in another moment when she found that her shoulders were nowhere to be found.

All she could see when she looked down was an immense length of neck which seemed to rise like a stalk out of a sea of green leaves that lay far below her.

What can all this green stuff be?

Said Alice.

And where have my shoulders got to?

Oh,

And my poor hands,

How is it I can't see you?

She was moving them as she spoke but no result seemed to follow except a little shaking among the distant green leaves.

As there seemed to be no chance of getting her hands up to her head she tried to get her head down to them and was delighted to find out that her neck would bend about easily in any direction like a serpent.

She had just succeeded in curving it down into a graceful zigzag and was going to dive in among the leaves which she found to be nothing but the tops of the trees under which she had been wandering when a sharp hiss made her draw back in a hurry.

A large pigeon had flown into her face and was beating her violently with its wings.

Serpent,

Screamed the pigeon.

I'm not a serpent,

Said Alice indignantly.

Leave me alone.

Serpent,

I say again,

Repeated the pigeon but in a more subdued tone and added with a sob,

I've tried every way and nothing seems to suit them.

I haven't the least idea what you're talking about,

Said Alice.

I've tried the roots of trees and I've tried banks and I've tried hedges the pigeon went on without attending to her but those serpents,

There's no pleasing them.

Alice was more and more puzzled but she thought there was no use in saying anything more till the pigeon had finished.

As if it wasn't trouble enough hatching the eggs,

Said the pigeon but I must be on the lookout for serpents night and day.

Why,

I haven't had a wink of sleep these three weeks.

I'm very sorry you've been annoyed,

Said Alice who was beginning to see its meaning.

And just as I'd taken the highest tree in the wood,

Continued the pigeon raising its voice to a shriek and just as I was thinking I should be free of them at last they must needs come wriggling down from the sky.

Oh,

Serpent!

But I'm not a serpent,

I tell you,

Said Alice.

I'm.

.

.

I'm a.

.

.

Well,

What are you,

Said the pigeon?

I can see you're trying to invent something.

I'm a little girl,

Said Alice,

Rather doubtfully as she remembered the number of changes she'd gone through that day.

A likely story indeed,

Said the pigeon in a tone of the deepest contempt.

I've seen a good many little girls in my time but never one with such a neck as that.

No,

No,

You're a serpent and there's no use denying it.

I suppose you'll be telling me next that you never tasted an egg.

I have tasted eggs,

Certainly,

Said Alice who was a very truthful child but little girls eat eggs quite as much as serpents do,

You know.

I don't believe it,

Said the pigeon but if they do,

Why,

They're a kind of serpent.

That's all I can say.

This was such a new idea to Alice that she was quite silent for a minute or two which gave the pigeon the opportunity of adding you're looking for eggs.

I know that well enough and what does it matter to me whether you're a little girl or a serpent?

It matters a good deal to me,

Said Alice hastily but I'm not looking for eggs as it happens and if I was,

I shouldn't want yours.

I don't like them raw.

Well,

Be off then,

Said the pigeon in a sulky tone as it settled down again into its nest.

Alice crouched down amongst the trees as well as she could for her neck kept getting entangled among the branches and every now and then she had to stop and untwist it.

After a while she remembered that she still held the pieces of mushrooms in her hands and she set to work very carefully nibbling first at one and then at the other and growing sometimes taller and sometimes shorter until she had succeeded in bringing herself down to her usual height.

Reviews

My takeaway: glad I found part 2...on the hunt for the next installment ....then through the looking glass....this story makes perfect sense drifting into the nonsense of Dreamland as a bedtime story, Listening is better than reading ....love this :) KEY: 5*Insightful 4*Interesting 3*Okay 2*Not For Me 1*Irritating

My favourite teacher to listen to. Very soothing. I hope you will read more of these. Your reading of the prophet is my favourite 🙏🏻❤️

Thank you. Something about your reading of Alice that gets me back to sleep most every time.

I love these two recordings - they help me relax and go right to sleep. Thank you. I would love more chapters!

Another lovely retelling of part of this classic. Thank you 🙏🏻
Perfect to help me get back to sleep when I wake in the night & I’d love to hear chapter 3 too.

I really enjoyed this. You’ve got the most wonderful voice for storytelling. Please record chapter 3. 🙏😃

Just lovely. And I love the way Mr Johnson’s reading brings out the humor in the writing.

Andrew, is there a reason this track cannot be downloaded to my device? I want to create a playlist with parts 1 and 2 but I can neither download it nor successfully add it to a playlist. PS. Hoping for part 3 soon! Thanks!

Amazing! Fell asleep so fast. Are you possibly working on part 3?

Loved it! Worked for me. Soothing voice and good rhythm.

Please do a part 3!

Part 3 and beyond please 🙏 just wonderful.

Thank you for this Andrew, I’ve been hoping for another bedtime story from you!
I was wondering whether you had any other feedback that when you download it for offline listening, it doesn’t play and gets stuck loading? I have successfully downloaded other tracks from you without issue, and also downloaded other peoples’ tracks since trying this one. Have tried updating the app and restarting as well.
Anyway, just wanted to let you know :) I’ll happily re-listen to it online for now!

I have also been waiting forever for just this ! I couldn’t count how many times I’ve listened to part one! Carry on if you will and thank you!

Lovely

Thank you Andrew for recording part 2! I loved it! Some parts made me laugh! Haha. Can't wait for part 3. Your soothing voice always helps me fall asleep! I love everything you do! And you will ALWAYS be my calming influence! 😇🙏🏻💕🙏🏻💫

Really enjoyed part 2 and looking forward to part 3, thank you 🙏🏼

This just made my day, my week, my month, my year! Part 1 is legitimately my favorite track on IT. Playlist with 1 & 2, here I come! Thank you for everything you do! Sending you so much love and gratitude! 💗

I've been waiting literally 3 yrs! The 1st one is my top play in my list, I use your stories to fall asleep to almost every night! Your voice is wonderful, and yes please continue with Alice and other stories 📖

An excellent read of a great story! I feel like I've waited years to hear this since the first instalment & it did not disappoint 🥰 'Eagerly awaiting a continuation 🙏 Thankyou

Thank you for part 2…this Alice is in heaven listening to your voice telling my favorites story 🐇 🎩 🌹 🫖