A Love Letter To Mothers Of Children With Complex Needs

This meditation is a love letter to mothers of children with complex needs. It is a message I needed for myself, so I created one for all the mothers who need a reminder to give love to themselves so that they can better meet the needs of their children, because we are the safe places those children need.

Transcript

This meditation is a love letter to mothers of children with complex needs. My name is Romina Cavagnola. I am a story weaver, A guide for connecting with and sharing your soul stories. I am also a mother. I see you pushing through on the hard days, Fueled only by love and adrenaline, Loving your children fiercely while clawing your way towards those few precious hours of rest before you have to do it all over again. There are those who might judge our struggles or our methods, Who might say we should just be grateful that we have our babies. But our struggles are not about the gratitude for the gift of our children, But about the sometimes extreme, Unending challenges that we as mothers must navigate for the sake of those children. This is not an experience that should be dismissed or invalidated or reduced to a black and white uninformed statement made by those who would judge our experience from the outside, Without any clue just how much we love, Care and sacrifice for our children. To say each day is hard is an understatement. And each day is often so mind-blowingly different that it shakes our foundation, And we find ourselves longing for a modicum of consistency. Or perhaps the days are so heart-breakingly the same that we long for the tiniest bit of change. I could write 100 versions of the kind of day a mother such as yourself might experience, And still not come close to the myriad possibilities that may be your reality. But I see you, Just like I see myself, Navigating each day, Each hour, Every minute, Every second as best I can. Fretting over the reactions I couldn't control because my capacity cup spilled over. Finding comfort in the moments of safety I was able to create for my child. Regretting the words I said or the thoughts I had that do not reflect the kind of mother I want to be. Allowing the joy to flood through me when my child experiences or achieves something I had forgotten was possible. I am you, And you are me, Though our paths and lives are not the same, The emotional storms, The physical challenges, The momentary sparks of hope, And especially the rainbows that peek through in the midst of a dark day. We share them all, You and I, In parallel, But almost never converging. I know it is difficult to find a village when your experience is out of the ordinary. Trust is hard to give, And validation is hard to find. Those who should help us often find it difficult to believe. They dismiss our experiences and those of our children. Those who should love us don't always understand, And sadly, Not all of them truly want to. So, Let us be a village to each other, Here, In this moment. It is up to us to be our children's protectors and advocates. It is our burden and our privilege to carry them in all conceivable ways when they cannot carry themselves. We are, At once, Nurturers and warriors, Simultaneously at war and in retreat, Putting our children first, While struggling to stay afloat. I won't tell you to put on your oxygen mask first. I know you know that's what you're supposed to do. But, It can feel so utterly impossible, That you cannot fathom a way of even reaching for that mask. Instead, I will offer a gentle reminder, One that I often need to hear myself. As your child's safe place, It is imperative that you give yourself the space and care that is needed for you to be able to remain exactly that, A safe place. Time, Space and self-care can seem like a luxury at best, And a fantasy at worst. But, You can spare a tiny portion of the love you give to your child, And pour it into yourself. To love yourself, Is to love your child even more. So, Don't feel guilty for taking a moment to breathe peace, Love and calm into your heart, Mind and body. Give yourself permission to seek the help you need, Whether that looks like a village, Or an appointment with a qualified professional. It is okay to have and meet your own needs. Even when the task of meeting your child's needs, Can feel insurmountable. You were blessed and chosen as their mother, Because somehow, They knew you were what they needed. Sending so much love and strength to you. Take care.