So how we're going to begin is you're going to sit comfortably,
However that means to you.
It could be legs crossed,
Could be sitting in a chair.
Whatever it is,
Sit somewhere comfortably that you feel relaxed and comfortable.
And you're going to close your eyes and you're going to take three deep breaths.
Deep breath in,
Count to four.
Deep breath out,
Count to four.
And each time you exhale,
You're going to try and relax your body a little bit further.
So you're going to inhale,
Pause,
Exhale,
Pause.
So as you're doing this and you're relaxing,
It's in those pauses between breaths where we're going to go.
That is where your creativity meets your imagination,
Meets your subconscious.
So let's see what awaits you in the spaces between breaths.
You awake to a wet nose.
Not your nose,
But the wet nose of something white and furry and it is licking your face.
You stir and hold your hands out,
Trying to get the taste of dog breath out of your mouth.
The white creature backs away.
It is astonishingly beautiful.
Its fur is perfectly white,
Which accentuates its stark blue eyes and black nose.
It's also the most enormous animal you've ever seen.
Your shock begins to wear off and you have a moment of panic.
You are staring at a giant white wolf.
Sensing your elevated breathing,
The wolf sits and looks at you.
Your move.
Cautiously,
You move your limbs,
Flexing your joints and exploring.
Your hand pauses over your left leg.
The pant leg is torn,
But the dried blood is cleaned and the wounds are sealed.
Cautiously,
You move your leg and pain instantly electrifies your nerves.
Although the wounds are healed,
Your hip is damaged.
Grunting,
You roll over onto your hands and knees.
Cautiously,
You get one leg and then the other beneath you.
Your leg complains,
But the pain is expected and you can put weight on it,
Although your teeth are gritted.
The sound of twigs snapping brings your attention back to the wolf.
It is standing now and it is leaving.
It pauses and looks back at you.
The intention is clear.
Follow me.
Seemingly without a choice and happy to leave this place,
You begin to walk.
The first step causes your leg to buckle as what feels like knives stabbing at your hip joint dig in.
In this moment,
A choice is made,
Or rather a deal is made.
You don't realize it,
But your identity has shifted to include the damaged hip.
You are pain and pain is you.
Either way,
You move forward.
The second step is better and by the third,
Your muscles are compensating.
You are limping,
But you are determined to move forward.
The wolf is always just at the edge of your vision.
A glimpse here,
A glimmer there.
It's leading you,
But more importantly,
It is leaving you alone to make your own way.
Somehow.
You know that if you were to stop or rest,
It would leave you.
This is just another trial in your quest.
But what are you searching for?
It occurs to you that you started this based on a feeling and you don't know why.
You just know that you were determined to complete it.
Gradually the smells and sounds of the swamp fade and you find yourself on hard ground again.
Walking becomes less labored.
You are now the dirtiest and perhaps the stinkiest thing here.
This thought makes you laugh and it's enough to open the emotional floodgates.
Before you know it,
You have to pause and put your hands on your knees.
You are laughing so hard.
Tears streak down your mud-stained face as the emotion and fear of the swamp drains out of you.
Vaguely,
You are aware of the wolf watching you.
It has returned.
Perhaps it thinks this is funny too?
With a sigh,
You straighten up and crack your back.
You are filled with optimism and elation.
The wolf's ear twitches slightly.
Approval perhaps?
The cry of an eagle pierces the silence and you glance up just in time to see the shadow of the great bird passing over before it is gone.
Then the wolf is off again and you are once again putting one foot in front of the other.
You exit the swamp into a treed valley.
Your path went slowly upward until you reach a dead end.
The valley is bounded on the side by a vertical cliff.
It looks to be about 30 feet high.
Somehow the wolf appears on top and looks down at you.
It pauses only for a moment,
Then is gone.
Sighing,
You lean against the cliff face and sink to the ground.
Climbing terrifies you.
It always has.
You know what you have to do,
But every bone in your body objects.
Physical pain can be ignored,
Embraced even.
But psychological fear is something else altogether.
So you just sit there and wrestle with the inevitable.
You know you will climb.
It is just a matter of emotionally coming to terms with it.
You sit there a long time and it is the eagle cry that startles you from your melancholy.
You catch only its shadow as its flight path disappears over top the cliff.
Without even realizing it,
You are standing.
I guess it's time.
With a deep breath,
You reach up for a handhold and then a foothold,
And then your feet leave the ground.
This isn't so bad.
Another step.
Another reach.
Your hip cries out,
But you grin and bear it.
The first 10 feet are easy,
But then you get stuck.
The next handhold is just beyond your reach,
And the next foothold requires you to shift your weight over to one side and really stretch.
Your first attempt is shaky and you break out in cold sweat.
The anxiety overtakes you and your mind begins to scream.
Every dark emotion runs rampant within you.
Your arms feel like they are cramping and your breath becomes ragged.
Tears begin to pour down your face.
With an effort,
You gather your breathing and then you push off and grab for the next handhold.
Your fingers brush it and you slip.
Your legs find nothing but air and you fall 10 feet to a heap on the ground.
Your hip really screams now.
Actually,
That's you screaming.
And you let it all out.
The frustration,
The anger,
Even the joy,
It all comes out as you scream as loud as you can.
You throw rocks and pound the ground.
The wolf is nowhere to be found.
It's just you and your pain and your fear.
Exhausted?
You eventually stop and roll over onto your back.
The fire of frustration and hopelessness is replaced with something else.
Something hotter.
The fire of fanatic belief in the path before you.
Rolling over,
You slowly get up.
Your hip screams.
If it was angry before,
It is excruciating now.
But you're beyond pain now.
With a grunt,
You begin climbing.
You are faster this time.
And before long,
You are at the same spot.
Again the fear comes.
Again your limbs shake and you panic.
But then suddenly,
An image from your dream,
Hanging on a cliff just like this one.
With a crocodile,
A wolf,
And an eagle etched into the rock.
Slowly you release one hand.
You break off a piece of rock,
Sharp enough to carve,
And you begin to draw.
You draw the images you saw in your dream.
With each stroke,
You feel invigorated.
The fear fades.
You feel more limber.
With a last glance at your work,
You cast aside the rock and you leap.
This time you grasp it and pull yourself up.
And then up.
Again and again.
Slowly you ascend.
Your mind is laser focused.
There is no room for doubt and therefore no room for thought.
20 feet,
25 feet,
30 feet.
And then you were there,
The top of the cliff.
First one hand and then the other.
You pull yourself up and are about to hoist your leg over the top when it grabs you.
The great eagle is there.
Beak to nose it hovers,
Its talons grasping both your wrists,
Suspending you above the ground.
Your legs dangle.
Its eyes are so deep,
It's like the black abyss of inevitability.
And then it is flying out past the cliff edge over the valley,
But you are only vaguely aware.
The eagle's eyes fill your world and suddenly you are back in the heat and the sulfur.
You see the black dragon,
You see the pond,
You see the fire and the warrior with the shield.
But this view is from above,
You see the bird's eye view.
From here the back of the dragon is sleek and tensed,
It's fire focused.
And the waves of heat rolling off the warrior's shield distort the air.
But it is the same fear of heat and flame and death.
With a start you are snapped back to reality.
The eagle dangles you effortlessly over nothingness and then with a cry.
It lets go.
Life seems to speed up.
One moment you are dangling in the air,
The next you are falling ever faster to your inevitable doom.
Death awaits.
You have but a moment to wonder where you went wrong and then the cold water of the swamp consumes you.
The impact is hard enough that you are knocked unconscious and your body slowly descends into the murky depths.
But then the hulking shape of the crocodile appears,
Barely visible.
And for a moment you float suspended in the depths,
Your arms floating in front of you,
Your hair waving in the water and the great beast directly opposite.
Perhaps another moment of judgment.
A choice is made and the crocodile opens its maw and ever so gently takes you in its mouth and ascends to the surface.
Its head emerges from the water and it effortlessly pulls you to shore and drops you.
There the wolf awaits.
The two lock eyes for a moment.
There is an exchange of something.
But it is impossible to know if it is past,
Present or future.
And then the crocodile retreats back into the depths and the wolf turns as if to leave.
It pauses.
And for a moment it bends down and sniffs your face.
Satisfied,
It bounds away.
