What Do You Prefer: To Be Safe Or To Be Free?

Join us to discuss the path to an open heart.

Be a part of a circle of dedicated students, like you, who are taking part in this eternal dance of asking and answering, and evolving as a result.
Make sure you bring honesty and courage, and let us grow together.

Today, we will discuss various issues, such as how to deal with past mistakes, realizing you are the one responsible for your own happiness, and facing the ultimate and only question: what do you prefer —being safe or being free?

Transcript

So,

We're gathered here for an open Q&A where you can share any question,

Lay down any disturbance,

Shed off any unnecessary weight that you feel still stands between you and a free consciousness.

So don't be shy.

Use the spotlight to grow.

So,

Who would like to be the first one to jump into the waters today?

I,

Cynthia,

There is no topic.

You bring the topic.

Anything you feel that still needs resolving,

That feels like a burden and you would like to let go of it.

But,

You do realize that any topic that we bring is just an excuse to spend some time together.

It's not about getting the right answer to the right question.

It's about allowing ourselves to take a deep breath and repose in ourselves.

Jackie is asking,

My husband every day affects responsibility by making everything my fault.

I am very weary of this rejection behavior.

How can I let him have this and not feel tired?

Thank you,

Jackie,

For your question.

First of all,

It's important to understand.

We feel tired.

We feel exhausted.

We feel frustrated,

Burnt out.

Not because of other people's behaviors.

It's never the case.

We have to take responsibility for that.

Why do we feel tired and exhausted,

Depleted?

And it's always because of our inability to accept people and situations as they are.

Yes,

It's not what my husband does or what he should have done,

But the difference between what he does and what I believe he should have done.

This is the difference.

The gap between what is and what I believe it should have been.

This is where we burn energy.

And as long as we live in this gap,

Energy is wasted on nothing.

It's like paddling your bicycle out of gear.

They don't really move,

But you just keep on burning energy.

You see what I'm saying?

My husband should behave differently.

Is that the truth?

How do you know?

My husband should love me better.

You see what you're doing?

You put a condition on your relationship.

You put a condition on your love,

On your heart.

I can't love my husband,

Accept my husband as he is.

He needs to change.

When will I be happy?

When my husband changes.

Okay,

Then you sit and wait.

There is an inevitable victim here that has to wait for life to meet his expectations and conditions.

Otherwise,

I can't be happy.

I can't be content.

So this is something you need to be completely clear of.

As long as you put conditions in your relationships,

It doesn't matter if it's with your partner,

Your boss,

Your mother,

Your kids,

Whatever.

These conditions bring you apart,

Closes your heart.

Because you can only open your heart when these conditions are met.

There is no freedom there.

You are a victim of your circumstances.

I recommend go back and listen to the talk I gave about how to stop suffering once and for all.

Closing this gap.

It's essential.

It's crucial.

It's the most important thing you will ever learn.

I cannot emphasize that enough.

Go and listen.

Spend some time.

Reflect on that.

Could it be that all my frustration is about me unable to accept and embrace reality as it happens?

If it is,

Then I open the gap,

Then I can close it.

It's nothing to do with my husband.

So this is the first thing to know.

Second thing to know is many couples stay together driven by the hope that their other partner will change.

He has the capacity to change.

He has the potential to be somebody else.

I tell you,

Don't base your relationship on this hope.

It's a recipe for disaster.

Instead,

Open your heart.

Embrace.

Accept people as they are right now.

Not as what they could turn to be,

But what they are right now.

And if that is unacceptable,

Then find somebody else.

Do you know what I mean?

But what happens usually is that we replace one vendor with another vendor.

Why?

Because what drives us to meet a partner to begin with is the sense of lack and need.

The promise that he will bring what I miss,

What I can't obtain on my own.

Whether it's a sense of love or security or stability,

Whatever it is.

Affirmation.

Without that input from the outside in,

I'm lost.

So I'm hooking with somebody with that promise.

And if that vendor stops to supply the goods,

I replace the vendor.

Hoping that maybe the other one has some fresh merchandise that I can use.

Guys,

I tell you,

This is hopeless.

You find peace.

You find stability.

You find love.

In yourself.

As yourself.

Know thyself.

Then you go out.

Then you are truly ready for a relationship.

Yes?

There are many questions.

Carly is not here to help me.

So the first thing is,

Remember that if you feel tired and exhausted,

It's never because of somebody else.

It's because you cannot open your heart and embrace life as it happens right now.

You prefer your ideas and concepts about it.

And the second thing is,

Let go of your husband.

He is not the problem and he is not the solution.

Let go.

Find peace.

As the answer to the question,

Who am I?

Then go back to the husband and use him as an opportunity to share that unconditional love you found deep in your own well.

Yes?

Okay.

Cynthia,

Guilt feelings from the past.

I affected another human being by self-centered behavior.

I mean,

If you're referring to your own self-centered behavior,

Then yeah,

You know,

At least now you're aware of that.

You used to be self-centered.

You only cared about yourself.

You heard people being oblivious to their needs.

At least now you know.

Now you're aware.

It's okay.

Forgive yourself.

Have compassion.

You know,

You did the best you could at that time.

That wasn't much,

But it was the best you could.

And if it will happen again,

You will do it differently.

That's okay.

That's how we grow.

Don't fold on to past mistakes and generate an identity around that.

Who am I?

I'm that terrible human being that hurts people by being self-centered.

Don't worry about that.

You want to burn your karma?

There's only one way to do it.

There's only one place to do it and there's only one time to do it.

The way is open your heart.

The time is now and the place is here.

Yes?

Truly.

Unless it's gaslighted,

Of course,

Which is abusive.

Yeah,

Some people hurt other people with their behavior,

With their words.

You just make sure that the secrecy of life is maintained and secured.

It's the only world that you need to be concerned of.

That you are safe.

Your sanity is safe.

You're healthy and alive.

And if you live in a condition that doesn't protect that,

That secrecy of life,

Then you pack your bag and leave.

Never to return.

Other than that,

Embrace life.

Things are not always happy and joyful and comfortable and safe.

Sometimes life can be very challenging.

Yes,

So what?

Embrace that.

Embrace the pain just as much as you embrace the pleasure.

Then you're free.

Amy,

So you aren't ever affected by the people around you?

What if someone is rude and dismissive?

Then you have compassion.

Someone is rude and dismissive it means that he's in pain.

He's angry,

He's frustrated,

He's suffering.

He's revengeful,

Resentful,

You know,

So much dark energy is surrounding him or her.

What do you do when you see somebody suffering?

You have compassion.

Compassion meaning you don't try to change him,

You don't try to educate him,

To lecture him,

To preach.

You just,

You know,

Compassion.

I'm here for you.

That's it.

What do you need?

A glass of water?

A hug?

Do you need to stay out of it?

Just tell me what you need,

I'm here for you.

No condition.

That's it.

No judgment.

No,

No,

You should do better,

You should know better.

Let me tell you how you should behave.

I tell you,

That's not how people change because you have an opinion about it.

You want them to be loving and embracing?

I'm telling you,

Be that.

You be that change that you want to see in other people.

First,

Demand it from yourself before you go and demand it from other people.

What was and what I think it should have been this answers my inquiry as well.

Yeah,

This is.

.

.

You know the movie Casablanca?

This is the beginning of a beautiful relationship.

Do you want to begin a beautiful relationship with life?

Start there.

Close the gap.

Jackie,

Yes,

I believe he should love me better.

Now change that.

Instead of he should love me better now you believe he should love me exactly as he does.

To the point.

And if it's not accepted well it's not because him it's because of my opinions about him and his love.

Yes?

Good.

Carlotta,

I ask who I am.

I then I wait what further inquiry here?

No other inquiry.

Stay with this.

Who am I?

Every answer that you get put it aside and go back to the question.

Doesn't matter how appealing that answer is just go back to the question and keep on digging.

There's no other question.

What do you say?

You just keep on digging until there is no answer left and there is only silence.

This is as close as you come to an answer to this question.

Jacqueline,

How do you differentiate from putting conditions and having boundaries?

How do we see we love our parents unconditionally while still respecting our boundaries?

There is a whole talk about boundaries.

Find it on my Insight Timer page.

Listen to it.

When do we need boundaries?

For what?

How is it useful to us?

Listen to that.

I'm not going to repeat myself.

I'm just saying this.

Boundaries are required when I'm afraid.

Otherwise,

There is no need to have boundaries,

Right?

Think about a version of yourself that is not afraid anymore from life.

Not at all.

Just unconditionally loving the opportunity to live and experience the present moment.

Would you need boundaries then?

Boundaries prevent the full potential of experience because you don't allow yourself to expand.

You keep yourself closed in the boundaries.

Until then or until there,

It's OK,

But not beyond that.

That's unacceptable.

You know you're limited by these boundaries.

Yes,

On this path we are growing towards inner freedom.

Freedom cannot be bounded.

These are contradictions in terms,

Right?

You cannot be free and bounded.

Either you're free or you're bounded.

You need to choose.

What is more important for you?

To be safe or to be free?

Let me ask this question again and I invite you to truly meditate on that.

What do you prefer?

To be safe or to be free?

Barbara,

I'm providing home care for a recovering loved one for the next six weeks.

Thank you for the lesson to have the attitude of service.

It is transforming.

Thank you,

Barbara,

For sharing.

The attitude of service is so important You know,

My next book is going to discuss that in detail.

It's called When the Wave Remembers the Ocean.

So chapter dedicated to that.

Service is crucial.

And it's also the fastest way out of depression.

Which is a pandemic in the wisdom world.

If you want to get out of depression,

The easiest way to do it is to adopt that attitude of service instead of thinking me,

Me,

What about me?

What will happen to me?

Now you change that to you.

What can I do for you?

How can I help?

How can I be of service?

Tell me.

And you'll see.

You'll be out of depression in no time.

What do you say?

Be an instrument of service.

More questions.

Jocelyn is saying thank you,

I will definitely find your boundary video.

I choose to be free.

Wow,

What a statement.

That is the most important statement you ever declared.

Cling to it.

For dear life.

Cling to it.

Make it the most important thing in your life.

I choose to be free.

Put it on your fridge.

Put it in your car.

Put stickers above your bed.

This is the most important thing for me.

Bring all your masculinity into it.

This is what I'm gonna get.

That's it.

I don't care about anything.

No more games.

I'm gonna get that.

And it will happen.

Amy,

I feel like I always want more closeness from people in my life.

And I'm left wanting.

Yeah,

I know.

It's painful,

Especially in the first world.

It's a disease.

People are so focused on their own comfort zone.

Amy is saying it's very painful.

It's a culture of isolation.

100%.

I agree.

Look,

I come from Israel.

It's very different.

Very,

Very different.

You know,

Israel is always ranked number 5,

Number 6 in the world happiness meter.

And people are always amazed.

How is that possible?

It's a jungle over there.

It's a never-ending war zone.

How can people be happy in this situation?

And I tell you,

That's the reason,

Because there is a sense of comradery,

Of community.

There is a brotherhood of people that can identify under the same flag,

Same story,

As a nation.

And that is extremely important for us human beings.

So,

My suggestion is create a community for yourself,

Or find one,

And join it.

Even if it's only once or twice a week,

You know,

People that you can feel at home with,

And more importantly,

Grow together in their company.

Instead of complaining about how terrible our life is and justifying each other's misery,

Like we usually do,

Find a community of people that can actually inspire you to grow.

And he's saying,

Yeah,

It's very different in Israel.

I've lived there,

It's almost the opposite.

100%.

And people that doesn't know that kind of culture,

Doesn't know it's even a possibility,

You know.

People think in North America,

That's the way it is.

I mean,

Everybody lives like that.

I tell you,

Get out.

Go travel.

See the world.

There are other ways to live.

And if you cannot find a community nearby,

Find a community somewhere else.

Share your life.

You're not designed to live alone.

One of the visions that we are promoting is to create an intentional community like that.

So if you're interested,

Get in touch with me.

We'll add you to the interested list.

Bella is saying,

Hola everyone,

Just joining,

I'm a new here.

Oh,

Really good.

We are happy with your presence.

Jocelyn is saying,

Inside timer has been that for me.

Good.

It's much better than nothing,

But don't replace the physical world with the digital world.

Yeah,

It's better than nothing for sure,

But find people you can actually hug.

Physically hug.

And don't tell yourself,

No,

No,

It's too much for me,

I'm too old,

Whatever.

My circumstances doesn't allow it.

Life is too short.

Life is too short.

Go find somebody and hug them.

Generate,

Create that community for you.

Let me tell some people,

Say,

Listen,

I'm having a meeting this evening at my house.

Come,

We'll have some tea,

We'll sing together,

Whatever.

Ask a few questions.

Answer them together.

Grow together.

Why not?

What do I have to lose?

Come.

The tea is on me.

Generate that community.

And you be the lighthouse for people in the dark.

Why not?

Floor is saying,

What's one powerful tip you'd give to someone who wants to serve others on this world without losing herself in the noise?

My one tip for you is do it.

Don't talk about it.

Do it.

Go there and do it.

Don't be afraid of how much you give versus how much you get.

The sun doesn't care about how much it gives.

The sun gives because it's the nature of the sun to give.

You find that nature as you,

In you.

If you don't give,

You're going to explode.

Welcome all the people who are here for the first time.

It's really inspiring to see you joining us.

We just started one minute ago.

We didn't lose anything.

But it's your opportunity to ask any question that you feel that still is bothering you and is a weight on your shoulders and you would like to let go of.

I promise you'll feel lighter at the end of this session.

Jocelyn says,

I had the best hug a couple of days ago.

The kind where your heart bursts and your back cracks.

I realized how long it's been since I've had a hug like that.

Unfortunately,

The digital world cannot provide that.

Thankfully.

Go there.

Hug people.

What else?

You see how simple it is?

You just go and tell people,

Listen,

I'm having a reunion Saturday evening.

A get together in my house,

Some tea,

Some biscuits.

Let's just come together and see what happens.

Invite your friends,

Invite your enemies.

Generate some oasis of peace and harmony.

Even if it's just for an hour.

You don't know how huge difference that can make.

Hi,

I wanted to share because I'm having so much anxiety.

I've been abused and traumatized a lot.

I have so much anger and I want to let it go because it's detrimental to my body.

I also have so much shame and regret for trusting and letting the wrong people into my life sometimes despite knowing they are not right for me.

Thank you for sharing.

I do appreciate your honesty and it's definitely a painful situation.

First,

I would recommend listening to this course,

Dealing with Trauma that is available on my inside timer.

There is a whole course there that can help you deal with past events.

So I'm not going to go into the details because the details are there.

I got only one important thing to say about this.

Your body is suffering today not because of what happened to your body back then.

It could be a month ago,

A year ago,

A decade ago,

40 years ago.

Your body is suffering now because you refuse to accept your past.

Past events.

You hold on to the belief that this was a terrible accident that should not happen,

Shouldn't have happened.

You keep fighting and attaching yourself to it,

Creating an identity around it.

Who am I?

I am the victim of those circumstances.

So how to grow beyond that?

The answer is always let go of false identifications.

Let go of past impressions.

Let go of ideas that try to convince you that reality is a terrible mistake that should never have happened.

Come back to the present moment.

Embrace the present moment.

There is no other cue.

Embrace life as it happens and you can do that only here and now.

Let go of the past and if in the past you've been hurt,

Carry that as a sign of strength.

Be proud of who you are.

Life touched you.

It wasn't pleasant but life touched you.

It keeps on touching you but now instead of you life is blocked by the armor that you've surrounded yourself with.

Life keeps on knocking on your door but you're too afraid to open the door because it was too painful.

I tell you,

We are here to be touched by life.

That's why we have a body.

Pure consciousness we were and pure consciousness we will be but now we experience consciousness in a body and for the very short window that you have make sure your door is open and allow that pleasant or pain.

Carry that proudly.

This is a sign that life touched me and that's what I'm here to do.

Allow that.

And go to that course.

Do that course.

April,

I asked one teacher earlier but I am wanting to get multiple perspectives.

Late last night I thought of some children I used to nanny 10 years ago and I found out their dad passed away two years ago this month.

From what I read it was an unexpected loss.

I feel really sad for their mom and kids but I'm not sure if it's appropriate to send a sympathy card because then today I looked up her address to see if they still lived there but they moved.

So would it weird if I sent a card to their new address?

The people that asked me what to do,

Should I do this or that,

I always give the same answer and that is you do what is the right thing to do.

And how would you know what would be the right thing to do?

It's what you've chosen to do if there was no fear guiding you through April.

This was a gesture of unconditional love.

What would love do?

If love feels like sending a card then do.

If love feels like not sending a card then do that.

That's always the answer to all the questions regarding doing.

What to do?

You do what love would have done.

TBH,

It shouldn't have.

My mom says I did to myself it makes me feel even worse.

Even if I let go of the past,

My parents just drag me back into it by saying it's your own fault.

If I knew I was destroying my life,

I would never have taken that step.

Your life is not destroyed.

Your life is not destroyed.

Life cannot be destroyed.

It could be terminated.

But you are still alive.

Your life was not terminated.

How do I know that you are still alive?

Because we are communicating.

Let go of the idea that they were destroyed.

Let go of the past and past impressions.

Leave it.

It's already done.

You know the story of the two monks walking by the river?

So there's an old monk and a young monk walking by the river and finally they find a crossing but they see a woman standing on one bank and they ask her how can they help?

And she says I need to cross but I'm too afraid.

So the old monk without any question just lifts that woman and walks with her to the other bank and puts her down on the ground and says goodbye and they continue to walk.

After 10 minutes the young monk is just he can't continue to walk he stops and he says what did you do?

How could you break a vow not to touch a woman?

And the old monk is saying well I let go of that woman 10 minutes ago on the river bank.

You still carry her with you.

Do you see what I'm saying?

Don't carry your past definitely not as an identity.

Things happen some are pleasant,

Some are unpleasant some are painful,

Some are pleasurable let go.

Life is happening now whatever happened in the past give it to the past don't keep carrying with you these past events.

Well forgive yourself forgive life forgive other people let go don't carry that burden yeah of course your body will bury the consequences because you keep carrying that heavy load it's difficult to carry that physically,

Emotionally energetically it's very difficult let go ask yourself why are you holding on to it?

Why won't you just let go?

Embrace it instead of rejecting it.

Jocelyn when I was 20 years old I suffered a rare autoimmune disorder that left me paralyzed from the waist down and visually impaired because I was on life support for so long and there was a time where I was unable to breathe on my own.

They had to put a thresher on me in and as a result I had really nasty scars on my neck when I first glitter to really to the hospital I was I always wear scars and one time my grandmother commented that she liked the scar I was worried I replied that the only reason I worried was to hide the nasty scar my grandmother looked at me with tears in her eyes and said so boldly my grandmother was a very reserved Christian woman and you would never hear her swear and she said honey you wear that scar like an effing badge I will never forget the story and still carry it with me today and always.

Yes a resounding yes be proud of who you are be proud of what happened to you don't blame and don't carry shame you are gorgeous,

Beautiful,

Perfect specimen of divinity experiencing itself as a human wow wow yeah wear your scars like trophies we have a body so life can rub against it and your body is temporary you know this rubbing against life will eventually kill it I guarantee that's what it comes here to do to rub against life until it's dead but until it's dead you have the opportunity to live and experience life don't hide from it don't throw that opportunity just because it might be painful embrace the pain just as much as you embrace the pleasure yes so dear people thank you very much for coming do go listen to those tracks take that course keep on investing in your journey to an awakened consciousness invest time invest attention invest anything that is required make it the most important thing for you we'll meet again this Thursday 7.

30 Mountain Time evening to continue our discussions about relationships so don't miss it as Barbara said homework is important don't skip it love you very much bye bye