This is a letter that I wrote to my son Eric during the pandemic.
I hope that you also find some comfort and maybe it touches your life as well.
I know it did mine.
Hey,
I know that we don't talk as often as we should and that's really my fault.
I've allowed my own depressive demons to often incapacitate me.
It's why I escaped to movies because it's a lot easier to watch someone else's life unfold than to deal with your own.
My depression has nothing to do with you or anything that you do,
Good or otherwise.
It's all about my own struggles to live with who and how I am as a person.
While sometimes forgetting that I have a responsibility to you and your sister as your father,
I'm very proud of you and I wish you all the best in what will be a great life filled with experiences that will continue to shape you into the man you become.
It's my own fears that make me want to provide you with direction through that life because your mom and I just want you and your sister to feel and experience less of the hardships that we had to endure ourselves.
But also we we tend to forget that it's your life to live and not our responsibility to do it for you.
For myself,
I find my way of battling back from the fog of depression is to refocus those feelings into action.
Whatever that turns out to be,
Sometimes good like this email,
But also sometimes bad like hating too much.
I wanted to share my experience with you because I know you're struggling with decisions about your school and career plans,
But also with life for yourself in general.
I just want you to know,
Or if you need to or still want my help,
Just know that you're not alone kid.
I don't want you to feel the pressure.
The pressure of having to stay in school don't worry about money.
It's meaningless in comparison to being able to support what you do or want to do.
I often found myself questioning that path I took when I went back to school in the early 2000s.
I needed to remind myself there was a purpose for completing those degrees.
It was to try to make a better life for our family,
But you need to think about what is best for you because I know that stress of that decision is just as great as the pressure you may mistakenly feel that we're exerting on you,
Or not,
For keeping the commitment to finish that goal.
My only advice,
If you'll think about it,
Is that I feel better about my decisions today than I did within my own moment of decision because I can look back and know that I did it for a reason and I didn't have any lingering feelings to beat myself up over because I finished what I set out to do.
That may not work for you and it shouldn't make you feel that I want you or I'm forcing you to complete school,
But it's a lesson that I learned not to have something to make you feel stressed out about later on in life.
Refocusing all that nervous,
Frustrating,
Scary,
And sad energy into some form of action,
Such as completing a task or finding a job,
Will help you to dissipate that fog little by little.
Why do you think I exhaust myself with yard work at home?
Because I can see an edge sidewalk as a completed task that helps me to move forward little by little.
I do and will always love you,
Not just because you're my son,
But because I envy what a funny,
Intelligent,
Quick-witted,
Handsome man you have become all on your own.
I love you without condition.
Leave school if you feel that's the right choice and only because you feel that it won't become a future regret that you worry about later on.
Love ya,
Dad.
