Mother’s Guilt: A Misunderstanding of the Heart

Peace and blessings,

Everyone,

And welcome back to Soul Speak,

Conversations for your healing journey.

I am Dr.

Sabrina N'Djai,

And I always begin by thanking so many of you for sending me your questions from your heart and blessing me with an opportunity to give an answer,

Not just based on my heart,

But based on my years of experience as a therapist,

As an author,

As a mother,

As a friend,

As a partner,

As the myriad of roles that I carry on this planet.

And this question is so,

So common,

Particularly for the women that come to me for guidance,

That I wanted to share her question with you today.

And she writes,

Her initials are A.

K.

Dear Dr.

Sabrina,

I am a 56-year-old woman with three adult children.

My children were spaced four years apart,

21,

25,

And 29.

And as I reflect on what's happening to my children right now,

I'm realizing that none of my dreams for them have come true.

I feel like a failure as a mother,

And I blame myself for my children's failings.

Please help.

I am,

I feel like,

I feel like I am drowning in guilt.

So thank you,

A.

K.

,

And I just want to share one,

Well,

A few things with you.

Number one,

There is a common misconception amongst us mothers that we own our children and that we completely design their fate.

There's also a misconception that we know the end of a movie,

That we are in the middle of living.

And there's a common misconception that there is not a divine date with destiny that our children also have to experience.

And so the challenge for us is to,

One,

Recognize,

And this is for you to sit with your own heart,

A.

K.

,

Recognize that most mothers do the best they can with the information that they have at that time.

So if you are sitting,

Writing this question in 2025,

And comparing this wiser 50-something-year-old woman with the 20,

30-something-year-old that started a family,

Well,

That in and of itself is unfair to you,

Mom.

If you are stuck on the fact that you raised children who are now adults,

Who've made mistakes,

Recognize and remember that you too have made mistakes,

That it is through those mistakes that we really learn who we are,

That we choose what we want to worship,

And that we actually find God through our mistakes,

A.

K.

So if you're three adult children,

And I don't even know what the mistakes are they've made,

You just said you feel like a failure.

I don't even know what that means.

But I do know it's a very rare good mother who doesn't feel like she has failed.

I think it's a part of the reality of parenting,

That we have dreams,

They have dreams,

And destiny also has dreams for them too.

So my advice to you,

A.

K.

,

Is can you hold your children,

These beautiful young adults,

With the greatest love?

Can you guide them when they seek it in the way that is most aligned with spirit and your truth and their reality,

And the current reality of our times?

Can you do that?

Can you support them in this chapter of their lives?

And can you surrender to the fact that you have raised imperfect people,

And that you,

My love,

Are also imperfect,

And it doesn't mean that you are not perfectly imperfect.

So shower them with love,

Shower yourself with love,

Give yourself the mercy,

Offer the forgiveness,

And see what happens when you can let go.

Let love be your guide,

Let the regret that might be weakening you slowly dissipate.

Get support,

Get help,

Sit with other women,

Sit with a guide,

Give yourself the freedom of release from this burden.

I so appreciate your question,

I am certain that other people have been helped and guided from it,

And please write me back,

Let me know how you're doing,

And all of you,

If you have a question,

Let me know how you're doing.

I look forward to hanging out with you more.

Peace and blessings.