The Cost Of Self-Sufficiency: A Meditation On Control

This meditation is a gentle exploration of the tension between the mind and the body - and the quiet exhaustion that comes from trying to do it all on your own.

If you’ve been holding yourself together through control, overthinking, or self-reliance, this space invites you to soften. To listen. To remember that you don’t have to carry life alone.

Through reflection and embodied awareness, you’ll be guided out of the mind’s grip and back into the body - where trust, surrender, and connection to Source can begin to re-emerge. Let this be a moment to release… and be held.

Transcript

Good morning friends. I'm sitting here and my task for this week has really been to sit in meditation and ask, What challenges are my people experiencing? What are the people in my community, Those that I love, Those that are closest to me, What is it that they're experiencing and what do I potentially know that maybe they don't? And right away this morning I'm sitting with a couple examples where a friend recently realized she was having thyroid issues. She kept having these symptoms, This tiredness and not really understanding why and then going to the doctor to get some blood work realizing there's thyroid issues there. I'm seeing in my intimate partnership where my partner is just really battling with feelings of worth and the challenges that entrepreneurship can bring into a person. Entrepreneurship is like one of the deepest, Hardest initiations I feel like probably besides parenthood because to some degree it is a metaphorical parenthood where you're bringing this entity, This energy, This business to life and it has a mind of its own and an energy of its own and so stewarding that is so challenging. It can be so, So hard. And I'm also seeing these other proof points in the people in my sphere when I'm talking about identity shifts and this like interesting void slash threshold space that I find we are all in in some capacity and what's coming through is this energy of self-sufficiency. That is actually the challenge. So yes, Maybe it's health issues. Yes, Maybe it's confidence or worth issues but underneath all of that it is this self-sufficiency, This need to be self-reliant and I'm seeing where in so many different areas of my life and my community where we're starting to see that that structure, That framework cannot, Does not, Will not sustain us. And so when I'm thinking about health issues, I'm thinking about how our nervous system is constantly giving us signals yet if we're not attuned to the rhythm of our body, We will miss them. And the longer that we miss those signals, Those little pings, The constant waking up in anxiety, The constant feeling of exhaustion or tiredness, This tension and braced energy in the muscles that's vigilant, That's kind of always scanning the environment for threat because we never know when something is going to come and attack us. There's all these signals that the body gives off and when they are ignored, All of a sudden those start to manifest into physical symptoms in the body. This could be migraines, This could be irritable bowel syndrome, This could be issues with your gut and your digestion, This is your thyroid, Right? Because our levels of cortisol, Our serotonin levels, All of these are shifting and dropping or heightening, Depending on the experience that we are enduring psychologically, Emotionally, Spiritually, Environmentally, And beyond. And if we ignore those signals, These bigger problems start to manifest in the body and they become dis-ease, They become illness. Again, I really truly feel like so much of this comes from self-sufficiency. I've got to figure it out on my own. I've got to take action. I've got to I, I, I, I, I, Me, Me, Me, Me, My. And we can feel where that energy, That self-reliance, That self-sufficiency, The I've got to do it on my own, Causes us to shrivel up and die. Literally and metaphorically, You could think of being energetically tapped out. Mentally, I have no capacity. Spiritually, I feel abandoned. Like it is just me out here in the void with no body, Nothing to hold on to, To root myself into. And there's this moment where I think everybody goes through this, Where sometimes we can, In essence, Bring ourselves out of it through different tools and different practices. And yet there is this component, Again, Of spirit that I truly feel we cannot deny that is there. If we just choose that energy, If we stop choosing to be so self-reliant and we start tapping into our source nature. There's wisdom in that space. There's energy and willpower in that space that we don't have to source ourselves. All we have to do is plug into it. And for me, This energy has very much been around in these moments where I just feel like I can't do it anymore. I'm really struggling to keep moving. In that moment, I just kind of imagined myself in the void where rather than I'm fearless about what's coming and I'm in this anxious future casting kind of energy where I'm really locked and I'm almost obsessed with a future timeline that hasn't happened. And rather than sink into all the potentiality of what could be available to me, I stress and I try to grip and I try to keep hold of any ounce of myself that I've known. When really when I just imagined myself becoming weightless, Like what if that gravity could just hold me? What if there wasn't actually anything that I really truly needed to do in that moment other than just release, Relax, Surrender. And I understand first and foremost, Like, How hard that actually is. Sounds great. But the actual act of belief and of faith, I'm going to let this go. I'm going to sink into being eternally held by spirit. I'm going to trust that if I need a moment to rest, I've got a moment to rest. That if I need to take it in order to feel nourished, That is also a part of the plan. That that is also a step forward. I think we get so caught up in having to figure it out ourselves that we forget that there is a source of eternal energy of eternal wisdom that is always available. And it shows up in these like, Beautiful yet kind of sneaky, Undercover ways. Other times, It's just like so right in our face. And I can hear the Lord being like, Girl, Just open up your eyes, Like, Get out of your mind, Come to presence for a moment, Because the thing that you're praying for is right in front of you. You are just so caught up. You are so caught up in the story or so caught up in the narrative or the anxiety that you cannot see what has been made readily available right now. So sometimes it's right there, Y'all. Oh, Gosh, In those moments when we awake to it, We just kind of feel like such idiots. You know what I mean? We're just like, Oh my gosh, I'm so stupid. And not from like a negative way, But just, You know, A harmless like, Oh, Dang, I have got to write. Other times it isn't, It is this more kind of undercover. I don't know, It reveals itself through our meditations. But maybe we just kind of ignore it, Because it's not what we think it is, Or doesn't look like what we think it should look like. Other times it shows up in conversations, And maybe we consider it. But then again, Our ego and our stubbornness or fear keep us from actually exploring whatever that idea is, Whatever that answer or solution is. Because we think it's meant to be something different, Or we want it so badly to be something different. I have to say, Dropping into presence as often as I can throughout the day. That has been my savior. My savior, My savior, My moment of just pause, As we call it sacred pause. I'm just gonna take a beat. I'm gonna take a moment just for myself. I'm going to go outside myself, Outside of my anxiety, My fears, Outside of my challenges. I'm going to tap into the energy of like, What if I am so deeply held? Can I sink into that? Can I soften into that even 10%? What if I never had to be self sufficient? And what if at the end of the day, You know, I was never actually doing this on my own? That changes the game a little bit, No? I was listening to Wesley Hough the other day, And he said something that I really resonate with, Which is that as human beings, As creatures of humanity, We don't believe that we were ever truly meant to be self sufficient. We were always meant to walk this path with other in community. Otherwise, I really feel like God would have just been like, Put Adam on the planet and be like, Cool, Bro, Go do your thing, Like roam the earth. Enjoy the playground, Right? But I think God knew man's carnal desires. And so he created community, He created community through Eve. They create a community through their sex through their connection. And then humanity and genealogy has evolved and taken different shapes since then. And yet here we are 8. 6 billion people on the earth, And I fear that people have never felt more isolated. You've never felt more alone. So if that's you, First of all, I see you and I feel you. I have walked that path many times. Many, Many. And a part of me felt a lot of pride in that. Of the reality that I've created for myself. And now that I'm maturing more spiritually, I see that it has never just been me. I have always been in co creation, Just like you are always in co creation. Yes, I have made amazing choices and some very unamazing choices that have taken me on the path that I have walked on that have made my life so beautiful, And at times so incredibly challenging. I would laugh at myself like I intentionally chose the hard path. Part of my soul loves to experience it for myself. Right? I want to just I want to see it and I want to feel it and I want to grow and develop through experience. That's part of what makes me such a powerful leader. Is that when it comes to fear, It still exists, But there's this part of me that loves the challenge. And so I'll choose it. And now that again, I'm growing in my, My spiritual maturity. I love the growth. The tension, The friction, The edge is just exposing me to where I just don't know something that I really want to. And so do I want to go on that journey. And now that I have this awareness that I don't have to go on that journey alone, That I'm always co creating the spirit, I'm always co creating with the people around me who are in essence of spirit as well. Wow, That's a whole different playground. If we're all kind of going through it together, Imagine what we could amplify if we came together in our strengths. How much our gifts become amplified in that space. Wow. It's so amazing to think about and just like let the sensation of that fill my body. And I pray that it fills your body. Even if it's just a tiny flame, If it's just like a tiny flicker of hope, A tiny flicker of curiosity. We can work with that. Amen. So this message today that's coming through me Wow, Again, With just like, So much ease is to ask yourself, Like, Where have I been feeling self reliant? Where have I been thinking that I have to do this all on my own? Or that there isn't support available to me and be really honest with yourself. Like really get in there really get into the psyche, Get into your emotions like, Where is this true? And what would it look like and feel like for me to just soften in my body, To soften my emotions, To soften even just a fraction into deeper trust? A secondary question for that could be like, What would I need in order to soften just 10% more? Is that something I can give myself? Okay, Then how can I be devoted to that? Or is that something that in this season of my life, I really truly need support from other people. Okay, Then how can I be humble enough to ask for that? Maybe we start with one person. Maybe we start with a sprinkle of like five people. Hey, I would love your support this week. I'm just really going through it. Could you blank blank. That feels like a really good place to rest. Oh, Thank you, Lord. Thank you for prompting me to record this for prompting me to share this for anybody that listens to this during any timeline. Let me know what comes through for you. Leave a comment. Email me. Share it with your friends. Have a conversation about it. This message is for more than just me in this moment, Which trust me, It is also for me in this moment, Just as much as I feel prompted to record it and share it with you. So I pray that it supports you. Let me know how it goes.