Dear,
There is a deep pain and hurt in you.
I know how hard you have tried to free yourself from it.
The pains you go to to forget it's there.
What if it wasn't the pain you needed to remember to heal,
As much as yourself underneath it?
What if in all the time you have spent trying to stare your pain in the eyes,
You needed to look into your own?
What if in all the time and energy you took to hide from your pain,
You were hiding from yourself?
So,
Now,
Close your eyes or hold a soft gaze.
She's waiting.
He's waiting.
They're waiting.
Take a deep breath and know what hurt you cannot reach you here.
Take a few more deep breaths and then slow into a steady breath as you walk down a wooded path.
You see water.
The path leads to a smaller path with high grass growing on each side.
There is brush and cattails and you almost miss the opening to the dock that leads out onto the water.
No one else is here,
Just you.
The wind blows the spiderweb on the dock and a dragonfly speeds by.
And then you notice the water lily growing.
Two,
Then three.
But beneath the dock is mud.
The water is green and murky.
The longer you look,
You see all who live in her murky waters.
The snails,
The frogs.
There goes the dragonfly again.
Take a deep breath in.
You stand on top of peaceful waters and you are safe.
You look down to see your reflection.
What do you see?
What do the shadows hide?
Do you remember how you used to smile?
My dear,
Let yourself smile.
Breathe and smile.
You are not forgotten.
The frogs start to hum and croak in celebration.
Look out further to the ripples in the middle of the lake.
Do you see them dancing in the sun?
Do you remember what used to make you feel like that?
Let it join with your smile,
Your smile and your dance.
They are still yours.
They are still there.
What is forgotten is never fully gone.
Not when we are quiet.
Not when we are silent and still.
Who we are is found all around us when we remember what soars above the pain.
There she goes,
The robin soaring just above the water's surface,
Free.
The pain has wounded you,
But friend,
To heal is to remember.
Feel the breeze on your skin as it rushes past your face and crests your ears.
Feel how gently it touches you.
Let yourself gently brush your own face.
And on the cheeks where every tear has fallen,
Let the sun bring back life.
Tell the part of you forgotten that you remember,
That you are loved.
Let yourself smile and feel that love.
And with your breath,
Reach down,
All the way down your throat and into your lungs and heart.
Turn around now and notice the dozens of dragonflies who have gathered behind you ascending on the dock.
They come here as witnesses.
Symbols of transformation.
Reminders that self is not something we build,
But something we return to.
You are returning now.
Let yourself take flight like the dragonfly from this lake,
From this dock.
As many times as you need to,
Into love,
Peace,
Gratitude,
And the self you are behind,
Beyond,
Ahead,
And within the pain.
The you you are longing to remember.
