So what does codependency have to do with addiction recovery?
Actually quite a bit.
So in this video,
You're going to learn why codependency plays such a critical role in addiction recovery and especially how it can help you avoid relapse.
So in the first few years of recovery,
Your whole focus as a recovering person is on creating a new foundation of skills so that you don't go back to using.
This often requires changing your daily habits,
Looking at your relationships,
Where you hang out.
So those first few years,
You're really focused on changing your life and changing your habits so that you don't go back to that addictive behavior.
You start to identify people,
Places,
And things that could lead you back to relapse.
But usually there's a point at three to five years where a lot of people leave the program or they relapse because they don't have the skills to deal with what's happening in the moment.
And what's happening in the moment is that often This is the time when more feelings from the past start to surface.
Relationship problems start to make themselves evident.
Childhood pains start to be remembered.
And all of those things relate to codependency.
So let's talk about each one and how they can impact your recovery.
The first one is codependent relationship patterns.
This is where in recovery,
You might realize that relationships are really tough and yours are dysfunctional,
Where you might not have a solid sense of self.
Partner or you look to the relationship because sometimes people have back-to-back relationships as a way to avoid that empty hole that made them want to use.
So what you want to do is you want to start assessing any type of codependent relationship patterns like people pleasing,
Not being able to set boundaries,
Putting yourself last,
Feeling less than other people or better than other people because sometimes in codependency we could vacillate.
But all of those are really important signs because if you can If you can identify your codependency early and start to deal with it,
You can definitely avoid relapse.
Because a lot of people relapse over their relationships.
So if you start to notice that,
Wow,
I really give myself away in relationship,
Or I sacrifice too much of myself,
Or I never say no,
And then I get super resentful and explode on them,
Those are all gonna lead potentially to relapse if they're not dealt with.
Because part of addiction recovery that's so challenging skills to live life.
We have those gaps in our learning because we didn't learn them growing up,
Because the addiction actually thwarted our growth and it made learning those skills extra difficult.
The other part is childhood issues of abuse and trauma start to surface around this time as well.
You might start remembering issues of abuse or childhood trauma that you have not thought about in years,
But because your feelings are starting surface,
They're starting to bubble up and you don't know what to do with them because they're intense.
So this is another way codependency shows up because most children from dysfunctional families who end up being codependent don't get the love and attention they needed growing up.
So they either decided to use substances to escape the pain and or they learned relationship skills that were unhealthy,
Like people pleasing,
Like not being able to tell the truth to someone.
Or to have a healthy back and forth and not get too dependent on the other person for your validation or your happiness.
Because those type of relationships are codependent and lead to relapse when we don't know how to deal with them.
Because what happens in early recovery is relationships end because we don't have the skills to know what to do.
And if you can recognize that,
Hey,
You have some codependent tendencies,
That's gonna go a long way in you being able to preserve of your addiction recovery and avoid relapse.
But what often happens is that people say,
I don't wanna work another program.
So they say,
I'm just gonna do my codependency work in AA or in OA or in whatever program you're in.
The problem is,
Is that as you know,
Each program has its own focus.
And the whole focus is to stay in recovery about that particular issue.
So if you bring up issues of codependency,
They're gonna look at you like,
That's not our focus here.
So eventually you may try to do that work in your original program,
But eventually you're going to need to check out Al-Anon or do some therapy or Codependence Anonymous so that you get the help you need.
Now the third and last way that codependency shows up in early recovery is low self-esteem.
Because without using,
Usually the gaps of not feeling good enough,
Starting to compare ourselves to other people,
Start to become more obvious.
We start to realize that the false confidence we had in our addiction,
We no longer have.
Have.
This also signals that you may realize that you don't trust yourself or you don't have a really good sense of your intuition because you never learned to cultivate it.
So when you grow up and there's codependency,
You look outside of yourself for that validation rather than learning how to validate yourself.
So in addiction recovery,
If you're looking to your job or your relationship or a volunteer position for your worth,
And those get taken away from you,
Which let's face it,
Change always happens,
That really impacts how you feel about yourself if you don't have the right tools.
So the goal is to embrace and love who you are versus always trying to matter by what you do or what you give for others,
Which is where the codependency comes in.
Now,
This can also lead to relapse because codependents tend to overdo things.
They tend to give until it hurts.
Maybe you're doing too much service at meetings and you are wiping yourself out.
Even though service is wonderful,
If you wipe yourself out to the point where you hit a wall and say,
Oh my God,
I need relief,
And that drink or that drug or that dysfunctional behavior looks good again because you need that relief,
That's where the relapse comes in.
So we have to really be mindful if we're overgiving or overdoing,
We're really not taking care of ourselves and we're contributing to halt.
To hungry,
Angry,
Lonely,
Or tired.
Because when we're in that space,
That can lead us to choose to use again.
So why is codependency so critical to deal with in addiction recovery?
Because eventually,
All of us hit that wall where our relationship dysfunction becomes apparent,
Self-esteem issues come up,
Childhood issues come up.
Maybe you had a parent that was alcoholic or addict,
And now you need to deal with your own codependency around that person.
So for instance,
When a relationship ends,
You may want to use.
Or when the intense pain of childhood surfaces,
You may want to use a substance to escape.
Or when you find yourself repeatedly not feeling good about yourself,
You may hit that wall and decide to use again.
So these are all really important issues to address in early recovery that stem from codependency.
Because the worst thing you can do in early recovery is to ignore them.
So I want you to flag these issues early so that if you start to notice,
Wow,
My emotions are getting intense,
And some childhood pain is coming up,
Or you're noticing some codependent tendencies,
That's the time to dig deeper in your recovery,
Because that's the second layer of recovery for me,
And for everyone that I've worked with,
Is they do the addiction piece sometimes first,
And then they realize the childhood pain and the issues of codependency are surfacing two to three to four years later,
And that's your opportunity to deepen your addiction recovery so that you can and look at your codependency and start to heal them.
Now in my own story,
I started with food addiction recovery and it took me a little bit longer,
Probably 10 years of my food addiction recovery before I realized my relationships were not working well.
And when I finally was willing to start another program,
That's when my recovery really took off and I started to feel whole again.
Because when you marry addiction recovery and codependency recovery,
You can be whole.
For you.
Thanks so much.
