The Campfire Theory: Why Friendships Change

A reflective talk on the Campfire Theory, an idea that views friendship through the image of people gathering around a fire. Some stay for a short while, some remain through the night, some leave and return, and a few are still there when morning comes. This talk explores how that image can help us understand changing friendships, appreciate the people who have shared part of our journey, and recognise that a friendship does not have to last forever to have mattered.

Transcript

Lately I came across this idea about friendship called the campfire theory. And I really love the imagery behind it. So I thought I would share it with you. Imagine your life as a campfire. You're sitting there as the evening falls the Fire is cool and burning bright. The locks are glowing and. . . People start to gather around it. Some arrive early, Some come a bit later. And someone might sit beside you for half an hour share a story and make you laugh. Before they get up and leave. Someone else might stay for most of the evening. And a few people might remain next to you late into the night. And perhaps one or two are still sitting beside you when the sky begins to brighten and the sun comes up in the morning. The interesting thing is. . . That around a real campfire. That all seems perfectly reasonable and it doesn't seem unusual at all. You wouldn't think that somebody has totally ruined the evening because they left it 11 o'clock. You wouldn't decide that that conversation you had with them meant nothing because they didn't stay with you until sunrise. You would simply understand it. They were there for that part of the night. And the campfire theory suggests that friendships can be like that too. People come into our lives at different times. Some stay for years and years. Some are very dear to us, Paul. Just one particular chapter. Others drift away. Some disappear and then maybe unexpectedly return much later. And a few people stay beside us through many different seasons of life. Sit with us all through the night. Of course, We find that so much harder to accept in friendship than we would around a night at the campfire. When somebody leaves, We can start wondering what went wrong. Like, Start questioning ourselves, Like, Was it something I did? Should I maybe have tried harder? Did the friendship not even mean anything? Was it something that I did? Should I have tried harder? Did the friendship mean less than I thought it did? Sometimes yeah there is a clear answer sometimes there was a falling out a hurt that happened. An abuse of trust or something that changed between you. But sometimes a person. Simply gets up from the fire and life moves. They change and you change. Circumstances change and eventually the space beside you is empty. Looking at that empty space can still really hurt. We are allowed to miss people, We are allowed to grieve friendships that were once so important to us. But maybe somebody leaving doesn't have to erase the time when they were there. Because they may have sat beside you through an important part of your life. They may have brought you Love the. . . Enjoy into such a difficult year. They may have known a version of you that day. Nobody else did. They may have been exactly the person you needed beside you for that stretch, That period of the night. And then, Their time there just ended. Maybe there's some comfort in remembering that people can return someone can leave the fire and maybe years later somehow find their way back and sit with you a while again. In between life has happened but there can still be something familiar in sitting down beside each other again and feeling that connection again. And then there are the people who do stay, The ones who are there when the fire burns bright and they're still there when it's burning low, When the night gets a bit colder, They remain with you. Those people who do remain beside you through different versions of your life. These friendships are so precious. They don't make the shorter friendships any less meaningful. Not everyone who comes to your campfire is meant to stay until morning. And perhaps, I think maybe that's a part of the idea that I like the most. We wouldn't sit around a real campfire demanding that everyone remain there for exactly the same amount of time. We accept, Of course, That people arrive and leave. We enjoy the conversations while they're happening and we notice who is still there. And we understand that the night keeps moving. Maybe friendships are allowed to be like that too. Some people stay for a short while. Some stay for a season, Some don't. Have to get up and leave in the middle of the night. And some will return later. And a few are still sitting beside us. As the sun comes up. And that doesn't mean the people who left your fire never mattered. But it does mean. They were an important part.

Reviews

Thank you, Mark, for sharing the ‘Campfire Theory’. It reminded me of the good and often unique times old friends and I shared together, even though they are no longer sitting next to me. Namaste 🤓🙏🏻

That was a beautiful picture you created and it has enabled me to move forward from past friendships. Your gentle voice and compassionate presence is evident through this video. Thank you for this experience.