Ah,
You're still awake.
What a shocker.
You've spent the last 16 hours acting like the world would collapse if you didn't reply to that email.
Now you're surprised your nervous system is stuck in fight or flight.
You're not a hero for staying awake.
You're just someone who doesn't know when to stop holding the steering wheel.
Every night is a mini death.
You don't go to sleep.
You relinquish control.
If you think you can try to sleep,
You're missing the point.
You can't catch the wind and you can't force the brain to stop buzzing.
Stop being the protagonist of your own insomnia and just be the meat sitting on the mattress.
You're not a machine,
Are you?
You're a bag of water and an ego that needs to power down.
The more you try to relax.
The more you're actually just practicing trying.
It's a waste of energy.
Notice the breath.
It's been doing the work for you since you were born.
Without you once asking it for a progress report.
It doesn't need your input.
And frankly,
Neither does your nervous system.
Stop micromanaging your own biology.
You think that thought about tomorrow's meeting is profound?
No,
It's not.
It's just mental indigestion.
Your mind is like a sticky billabong full of debris.
You don't need to fish the gum leaves out.
Just watch them float by.
Or don't,
Who cares?
You're going to die anyway and the world's going to keep spinning.
That's not meant to be dark.
It's meant to be the most relaxing thing you've ever heard.
You're worried.
So what?
You're wide awake.
So what?
The obsession with needing to be asleep is what's keeping you awake.
It's a hilarious feedback loop.
And you're the only one who thinks it's serious.
Your body's getting heavier.
Because gravity exists,
Not because you're achieving a deep state.
Stop looking for a trophy for closing your eyes.
You don't have to trust the process.
There is no process.
There is just you,
The bed,
And the fact that you have literally nothing else to do.
If you don't fall asleep,
Great.
If you don't,
You're still resting.
Stop negotiating with the universe.
It doesn't care if you're well rested.
I'm going to stop talking now,
Which is the only thing you actually needed to happen hours ago.
Stop waiting for the magic moment to drift off.
It isn't coming.
Sleep is just going to happen to you while you're busy thinking about how you're not asleep yet.
You are not special.
Your insomnia isn't unique.
And you're going to be fine.
Close your eyes,
Or don't.
It makes no difference to the cosmos.
