The Neurodivergent Pause Live: The Minimized Experience

This track is a recording of a live Neurodivergent Pause session that occurred 10/11/2026.
It can be deeply unsettling to finally have language for your experience—ADHD, autism, masking, burnout, sensory overwhelm—only to have someone else minimize or question it.
In this conversation, we explore why dismissal can hit so hard, especially after years of self-doubt or masking, and how to stay grounded when someone else doesn’t fully understand your experience. You’ll learn a simple three-step framework: Pause to notice what’s happening inside, Decide what you need from the interaction, and Respond with explanation, a boundary, or disengagement.
We close with a short grounding practice focused on self-trust and self-validation. Because this was recorded live, you may hear references to audience comments and community discussion.

Transcript

Today we're talking about something that clearly resonates with a lot of people. We had a lot of people signed up today and already 88 of you here. What happens when you finally have the language for your experience and somebody else minimizes it? I have a feeling that almost everyone in this room is familiar with that experience. I know I am. You know, You might tell somebody that you have ADHD and they say, Yeah, You know, Everybody gets distracted. Or you share that you're autistic and you hear, Well, You don't seem autistic. You know, Like, I don't think so. Or maybe you explain something that is genuinely difficult for you, And the response is essentially, You're making too much out of this. Why can't you handle that differently? You know, Everybody has to handle those types of things. And what can make those moments so particularly challenging is that many neurodivergent people have already spent years questioning ourselves, Right? So when somebody else, When we share that, And we're vulnerable enough to do that, And somebody else questions us too, It can land on something really tender. So before we get into it, I want to start by asking you something. Good morning. Welcome in, Everybody. I want to start by asking something. So when someone minimizes your experience, You share that you struggle with, You know, The big overhead light, You share that you have ADHD, And someone minimizes that experience, What do you typically do first? What happens? Do you explain yourself more, You know, Try to like move towards that and try to win them over? Do you shut down and just kind of pull back? Or do you get angry and defensive? So drop that in the chat. If you would like to share, You're always welcome to share. And just a little side piece of business, This is usually about a 30 minute kind of content, You know, So to speak. We'll wrap up with a bit of a meditation at the very end to help ground us and then I'll stay usually around 10 or 15 minutes after if there's any questions or anything like that to just kind of talk with y'all. You know, This truly is one of my favorite things that I get to do is spend the time with you. Absolutely. So feel free to settle in to stay as long as you need to, As long as you like. You can take off if you need to. Like I said, I'll be recording this and so I'll post it later. And so please feel free to take care of yourself in whatever way, You know, Works best for you. So let's see. Shut down. Lots of shutdowns. Lots of pullback and shutdowns. Yeah, Hey Karen, Good to see you. And actually there is, There's quite a few comments. So maybe refresh and kind of join back in. And some of you, Yes, Absolutely. Like Debbie said, Some of you guys are at the point where you just don't share that information because you don't trust that the response that you're going to get is helpful, Right? Absolutely. And so actually, You know, My husband, Jesse, And I, We host a live event here called At the Helm. We host that monthly. And once every couple of months, We actually host this space together. We co-host this live as well. Jesse will be joining me next month for our live where we'll be talking about kind of parts work based ideas around neurodivergence. So I'm actually going to ask our very special guest to come in and join us just for the beginning of this conversation, Because I think he has a story that really tells us a lot about this. So come on in, My love. Jesse is going to share with us his experience. And so I'd love for you to share with us a little bit about the experience that you had, I think, When you realized that you were neurodivergent, You did a lot of internal work, And you, I remember, We shared it with some of our closest friends, People that we really consider family. So Well, First, Thanks for having me on the show. It's a beautiful studio audience you have here. Thank you for having me, Everybody. I really do have the best audience. Um, So, Uh, Late or excuse me, Early forties COVID time. Stuck at home, Started pursuing healing my body. A lot of body issues that I had been ignoring for a long time. So I started going down that rabbit hole of why my body's like this and researching that, Oh, I sat in the W position with my legs splayed when I was a kid. And it was like, That's a sign of autism. And I was like, Well, That's, That's interesting. I never heard that before. And then I was like, What's the other signs? Walking on your toes. Which I did for like the first two years of my life. They were gonna do surgery on my legs. And so all of a sudden, Things I weren't looking for started popping. Yeah, Elders Dan Loves, All of this stuff is pretty related, I think. And so I started going down the rabbit hole and talking to our therapist friends and exploring this and talking to my wife. And all of a sudden it changed my perspective when I realized that I was on the spectrum and high functioning. But had struggled with all these things all my life. And so I did the, You know, The life review of going back through everything and all of a sudden things making more sense and understanding why, You know, Situations were awkward or why I wouldn't get along with certain people or didn't fit in in different places. And it changed my life a lot and helped me understand who I am. I was feeling like that was a big part of my healing journey. You know, Not the physical healing journey. And so. . . I was feeling pretty good about it. I was in the Navy, And I like to fix things. I was a troubleshooter for fighter jets. And so getting to the root of the problem and saying, Oh, I understand things, And it's making sense, That was good for me. So I was pretty excited. I wasn't like down on it or anything like that. And I don't think it's a. A disability, I think, Is a superpower once you understand how you operate. So we invite over some very close friends. They are significantly younger than us, I think 10 years. And I had known the guy for a long time, And I had got him a job working with me, And we'd worked together for a long time, And I knew him since he was a kid. And so we're in the pool and I'm like, You know, I've got some news to share. I've figured out something about myself and like life is making more sense. And like, This has been kind of a revelation for me. And his reaction was so dismissive and condescending. It was like he laughed at me and was like, No. Just no, I mean, You can't get any more invalidating than like, You are dead wrong and there's that's it. That's the end of the statement. And I think we were pretty shocked actually, Because, You know, We were very close with these people. And we kind of, You know, Had, We got taken aback. And then Carolyn kind of jumped in and was like, No, No, Like. We've done our work like we we know what we're talking about and You know, And we kind of went through and there was, There was no budging. Like he was just like, I'm not willing to accept this. And that's it. There's nothing you can say or do to convince me of this. And it was like, Okay. And it, It did, You know, It changed the relationship. It definitely caused a separation. Like we're still friends and I still love them. Um, You know, But it was, It was time that we were moving up and, And going in a different direction and, And they weren't. And so it was, It was very hurtful to me. It was shocking. I felt very betrayed. And just I was waiting for that acceptance and I didn't see that coming and so that was a really hard pill to swallow. And, You know, Since then I've just learned that you have to be compassionate for other people. Like what his reaction was not about me at all. His reaction is about his inability to deal with things that he doesn't understand. Yes, Fear, Truth can take people off guard. Yes. So, You know, I just came from a place of compassion and understanding that, You know, He was raised in a very, Very different and unhealthy environment and is not willing to accept things that are outside of his, Um, You know, His understanding. Yeah. Do you want me to comment on them? Someone was pointing out your necklace. Yes, It is the necklace from The NeverEnding Story. Yes, The childlike empress gave this to me so that people would know that I am working for her. Nicely seen. So yes, Absolutely. So it looks like a lot of people can identify with that. And absolutely, And even 100% from doctors, From systems, Even for myself, Like my husband, Came to me and said, Do you think I might be on the spectrum? And I was like, Oh my God, Like, I'm a therapist. I've been a therapist the entire time we've been together. And I realized how much I was missing this in my own clients. And so Jesse and I are both, I'm a licensed therapist, Jesse is a teacher, And we both also coach, Provide coaching for neurodivergence. And so the necklace is from the never ending story. Is that what you're talking about, Niamh? And so, Yeah, Absolutely. A lot of times, Even when we talk to our doctors, Especially in this day and age of kind of tick-tock diagnosing, I think, You know, As a provider, I get a lot of clients coming in. And honestly, Like, I welcome that. Like, Oh, You saw a thing on tick-tock. It resonated with you. Let's talk about it. But I think a lot of professionals are sort of very dismissive of that, Of like, You know, I realize this thing about myself and I want to talk more about it, You know, Especially if they don't specialize in that. You know, So absolutely. So Debbie's got a great point here. Of empathy is such a misconception. I literally thought that's who I was for decades of my life. And then when I went through the process of reexamining everything, I remembered that's not who I started out as. I was the most sensitive kid. I can feel everybody in the room. But life and people taught me that that was not acceptable. And so I shut that down. And, You know, I joined football and I was in the Navy. And it was like, Don't show those feelings. So it was just like, Shut it down. And I got cold. Like I had a reputation of like, If my partner was sick, It was like, Well, Get better. You know, Like I have no empathy. And then once I unlocked those parts of myself and got back to who I was, Like I'm back to being the most sensitive, Most empathetic person, I feel everything. But it is overwhelming, And so a lot of people shut down. All right, Thank you so much. Jesse would stay here and talk to you guys for hours, But I think that there's actually some really good- I've got some other gigs to get to. Let's go. And you knocked my light off. Hold on, Guys. It wasn't you, He says. Hold on guys, My apologies. Okay, So. Thankfully, My husband and I have each other, Right? And I know, Absolutely, Sometimes when we share that with people, They think that we're trying to provide excuses for things, Right? And so I, You know, The language that I use is that it's not an excuse. It's literally just an explanation, Right? Like we understand why these things happen. And then from there, We get to decide, You know, What we what we're going to do about that. Jesse and I, Like I said, Actually, Let me share that. So Jesse and I are going to be talking together. So he'll be here with me together next time. So I've already got the next one scheduled November 7th at the same time. And so I would love it if you guys could join us for that. Jesse is, As you can tell, Just a fantastic person to get to talk with. I feel so fortunate to have him as my partner. So if you would like to sign up for my next NeuroDivergent Live or Q&A, An eye out for the at-the-home lives that we also offer as well. So for a lot of neurodivergent adults, Diagnosis or self-understanding doesn't simply give us a label, Right? You know, So like you guys are saying, It gives us an explanation for our life. Suddenly things that felt like personal failures, Those things that we were questioning about ourselves, Why transitions are so difficult. You know, I used to work at Kaiser and some days I would come in and the expectations would have changed. Someone was out sick, I needed to cover something and I would get really kind of tight around that and I felt like I know I'm a team player. I know like that's dependability and supporting, You know, Supporting colleagues is something that's really important to me. And so I was super confused as to why I felt so rigid around that kind of unexpected change. Well, You know, Hello, You know, Neurodivergence explains why that happened. It doesn't say, You know, Like we said, It's not an excuse. It just means that I now know why that happened, Right? Why we need more recovery time, Why certain things just seem to take more reason or more effort. And so understanding that there's a reason for that, My whole life flashed in front of my eyes when I realized that this was what was happening. And so we realize all of that, Like Jesse shared, Suddenly we have that clarification. We have that understanding. We share it with the people that we are closest with to try to kind of connect with them and help them understand why we interact in the way that we do. And then they say, And this has happened to me as well, And I'm a therapist. Lots of my friends are therapists. I've had plenty of my friends say, I don't think so. You know, I think maybe it's just anxiety or maybe it's this or that. And what they don't realize is that I am just really good at masking. I've been masking my whole life and that that feels, Especially coming from someone I love and trust and someone that I respect as a therapist, That feels incredibly invalidating, Right? So that's not ADHD or you've always seemed fine to me. I mean, How many times have you guys heard that? Like, You know, You seem just fine to me. I don't understand what you're talking about. Well, Yeah, Right? Like it can feel like someone has reached into this new framework and just like pulled a brick out, You know, Or pulled a Jenga cube out. So especially because so many of us learned long before the diagnosis to not trust ourselves. You were called dramatic. You were too sensitive. You know, Like Jesse said, He had to learn to disconnect from that level of empathy. And maybe you were just praised for learning how to push through things. And you learned that we are the problem, Right? So one thing that can sometimes help, Like Jesse said, Is recognizing that someone else's reaction tells us something about their capacity, Not necessarily the accuracy of their experience about us or our experience, Right? So people minimize for a lot of reasons. Sometimes they genuinely just don't understand neurodivergence. Like I think a few of you have said, Like, There's just, There's a lot of misunderstanding about that. And especially the difference between men and women, We kind of view ADHD as those little boys who are just bouncing all over the room and can't sit still. And we don't realize that, Number one, It can look very different in women, But it can also look very different than that hyperactive ADHD, Right? And that a lot of factors go into it. Like you guys have said, Mental health, Physical health, Spiritual health, All of those things also go into it. So it is difficult to differentiate between what is happening. Very often we're seeing PTSD diagnoses anxiety diagnoses, Depression diagnoses, And underneath all of that is this neurodivergence that you've all been masking or kind of managing all of these years. So sometimes accepting your experience would require those people to rethink their story that they have about you. And as much as everyone around us tells us that they want us to grow and thrive and improve, It's actually really challenging for the people in our lives to change the story that they have about us. And sometimes their diagnosis makes them uncomfortable because it changes how they interpret things that happened in the past, Right? They might have to see that They didn't treat us in the kindest or most compassionate way. You know, For example, If our parent has thought that we're just stubborn, It might be really emotionally challenging for them to realize that maybe we were overwhelmed. We weren't being stubborn, But we were just overwhelmed, Right? If a partner thought, Well, You're just not listening because you don't care, It may take some real time for them to consider that our attention works differently, Right? You know, When Jesse and I are out on a walk, He might be talking to me and I'll, You know, Literally, Like, Squirrel, Like. And he gets frustrated, Understandably, Because he also has a difficult time kind of keeping his conversation focused. I did it to him the other night, And he completely lost track of what he was saying. But it takes understanding that we both understand that I didn't do that on purpose just to interrupt him or be rude, And that his frustration came from his need to sort of hold, Right? Co-regulation. That's a great, I don't know where that came from, But goodness, Co-regulation is a great thing to talk about as well, Irene. And might actually be a great conversation for a future live as well. Absolutely. I love how much you guys communicate and talk with each other during our lives. Like I said, Truly you guys are one of my favorite communities. So you don't have to turn every misunderstanding into a courtroom. And I say that because many of us immediately begin building our case, Right? We explain, We explain the explanation, We send the article, We find a podcast, You send my video. And so suddenly you're trying to prove that you're allowed to understand yourself the way that you do. Right? Sometimes education is useful. I hope that some of you have maybe even watched some of my videos about ADHD or autism, OCD, And you've mentioned that this helps you understand other people in your lives, Which, My goodness, Just is so special. And some of you have mentioned that you send, You know, Send these off to other people in your lives to help them understand. And I just want to tell you, You know, How special that is. I hope that those are met with understanding, But like we're talking about, Sometimes people genuinely want to understand. And sometimes they don't have the capacity for that, Right? Right now is an incredibly challenging time. People's capacity can be pretty limited. So is this person confused or are they committed to not understanding me? Those two things require very different energy. If someone's curious, You might explain, You might share a video, You might talk with them about it. If someone is dismissive and committed to not understanding, You may need to set a boundary, Right? And if someone repeatedly refuses to understand or respect your experience, You may decide to disengage. And so when you feel that pull to defend yourself, I want you to pause and ask, What am I hoping to get out of this conversation? Understanding, Respect, Permission, Those aren't the same things, Right? And so I want to give you just a simple framework. To kind of use in these moments. And again, You know, Just I want you guys to take a look around you, Right? There's 260 of us here. Many of you are explaining that you have a very similar experience, And I just want you to take a moment to recognize that you're not alone in this. And so I want to also give you this framework to use. Pause, Decide, Respond. So first and foremost, I'm always going to encourage you to pause, Tune into yourself, And check in. What happened, Right? Did you immediately feel embarrassed? Did you feel angry? Did you feel the urge to explain yourself? You know, So paying attention to both the kind of thoughts and urges as well as the emotions that are happening. That pause gives you enough space to not just automatically fall into that like proving, Defending, You know, Justifying kind of experience. So, Okay, I just shared that with this person. That felt very dismissive. I felt uncomfortable, Angry, Defensive. And then we're going to decide. What do I actually need from this interaction, Right? Do I want to educate this person? Do I need to set a boundary? Or do I need to kind of recognize that they are not willing to meet me on this and I need to maybe stop engaging? That could mean literally in that moment, Or it could mean just deciding that that this person is kind of placed in a different circle for you, Right? We've got our center circle of people who we trust with everything, Who we know we can be vulnerable around. And then as we go out, You know, We can still have friendships. You know, We still have friendships with those people who provided Jesse with that response, But it's in a different circle. It's in a different place, Right? So do I want to educate? Do I want to set a boundary? Do I want to stop engaging altogether, Potentially? And then we're going to respond at the smallest level necessary. So maybe I know it may not look that way from the outside, But this does have significant impact on me, Right? So I remember when I shared this realization with one of my closest friends who's also a therapist, I respect her immensely. And she kind of gave me the same response Jesse got, No, Like, No, Carolyn, Like, You're not that, Or, You know, You don't have those symptoms. And I told her, Yeah, You know, Actually, I've, You know, I felt like she was like, Acting like I learned this on TikTok, Right? I was like, Well, You know, Actually, I've gone through the diagnosis process. Like, I understand this about myself. And she continued to be dismissive. And then I jumped into defensiveness. I jumped into, I got pretty frustrated with her. Didn't talk for a little while after that. We had to kind of come back together, And I respect her enough that we had that conversation, Right? And she was able to say, Like, I'm sorry. Like, I realize, Like, This is your experience, And, You know, I support you around that. And she may or may not believe me. She may still think that I don't have ADHD or, You know, Anything like that. But she's willing to respect that that's my experience, Right? So you might say something very gentle like, I know that you don't fully understand it, But you don't need to dismiss it either, Right? Or even just very gently like, That felt very dismissive, And I understand that you don't understand it, You know, And that's okay. Or simply, You know, I'm not really looking to debate this, Right? You don't need a five-minute speech. You don't need to pull up all of the articles or assessments or anything like that. Sometimes a boundary gets stronger adds it shorter, Right? Like, No is a complete sentence is a great version of that very short boundary, You know, And so that sort of thing. So let's see. I just wanted to check in. So again, We're going to transition into a short grounding practice. This is a very emotional topic. So the end of my neurodivergent lives are always a little bit of a grounding practice to help settle ourselves, Right? So let's see. I'm going to share here just in case. Donations are never ever expected, But they are always so appreciated. If that doesn't feel good for you, Go ahead and close that out and move on. So absolutely. I'm just kind of scanning through. Looks like you guys are having such beautiful conversations together. Thank you so much, Rumi. Yeah, 100% Karen. Sometimes we have to end friendships with people who don't allow us to be ourselves, Right? Don't allow us how we can be ourselves within that. Yeah, I hear you, Randy. Absolutely. And so Randy said, I feel kind of lost because outside of my virtual world of friends, You know, Here, Support groups, I feel like nobody really relates to this or they act like we're kind of seeking out new diagnoses, Right? But we've been living with this 100 percent. So that's why I know we are also looking for that in our lives, Kind of more of that community. That's one of the reasons why I host this on a monthly basis, Because this is also kind of part of our community as well. You know, So I hear you guys in that. We're actually developing our own community outside of this too, Which will be coming soon. Thank you guys so much for your kind donations. Rumi, Polly, Emma, Julia, Neo, Kathleen, Thank you. Kathleen, My goodness, Thank you so much for your kind donations. The three steps, 100%. Let me go back to that and I'll actually, We don't have our note taker in the room today. In the past, Sometimes people will take notes for us. So the three steps are pause, Decide and respond. And like I said, This will be all reposted so you can come back and listen to this later. And very likely on my website, I'll also post a blog that kind of covers this and talks about this as well. Dear friends, Absolutely. It's so lovely to have all of you guys here. Okay, Pause, Decide, Respond. Thank you, Irene. So yes, 100%. So we're going to, You know, I'm curious, In your lives, What's the hardest for you to tolerate misunderstanding? Is it a parent? Is it your partner? Is it a friend? You don't have to share details if you don't want to. But I was just curious. I would love to kind of see, You know, Again, I think it's helpful for us all to recognize that we're very intertwined in this. So many of us have, You know, Very similar experiences. Thank you, Karen. Thank you, Lisa. Thank you, Kate. Adult children, Partners, Family. Parents. They have no desire to understand. Like I said, Remembering that for our parents, For our family, This means that they have to rethink how they've interacted with us. How they've treated us, How they've understood us. Doctors, That's a great one, 100%. Like, This means that they have to reframe that for themselves and kind of question, Maybe even question themselves. And that can be really challenging. You know, Sometimes people are not willing to do that. Yeah, When we're ships in the night, Absolutely, Irene. I hear ya. Absolutely. Adult children, A lot of you guys, Adult children, Yeah, Because again, Like I think they hear that as like an excuse for old behaviors when really we're just we're just trying to explain, Right, That we're understanding this better, We're excited about that. Absolutely. Oh, Lovely, Sarah. Glad to hear that, That your partner has done some research as well. So. Deep breath, Guys. I want you to, If you can, Potentially step back from your keyboards. We're going to move into our closing meditation, So feel free. It is just about the top of the hour here, So I know we're going a little bit over. I knew that bringing Jesse in was going to do that, But we're going to go a little bit over to do our meditation. Like I said, You are free to stay. You can always take off if that's what you need to do. You can, And yes, Susan, There is so much crossover, Right? Differentiating between all of these things can be challenging. So feel free to settle in. You might be standing, You might be moving around, You might be folding laundry, You might be seated and relaxed. If you can, You know, Give yourself that moment. You know, Step away from the keyboard, Relax, Give yourself a bit of a breather. Before we close, I want to give us just a few minutes to practice staying with our own experience without needing anybody else to. To agree with it or understand it. Get yourself settled in wherever feels comfortable. Like I said, You might be walking around doing laundry or seated and relaxed. If it feels comfortable and safe, Feel free to let your eyes close or your gaze soften. And just notice the support underneath you. Notice the ground that rises up to meet you. And think down to what's beneath that, Right? We're all probably in buildings and recognize that there's layers beneath us, But underneath that is the earth that rises up and supports all of us. We are all connected, Standing on the same earth together. Notice one breath arriving and leaving. There's nothing that you need to change. Just give yourself a moment to sit with your breath. And gently bring to mind something about yourself that has been difficult to explain to people. Not the most painful thing. To something that you found yourself defending. It might be how your brain works. Maybe it's a need that you have. Or maybe simply that something is harder for you than it appears on the outside. And notice what happens in your body when you think about having to explain it. We're not analyzing, We're just noticing. Now imagine setting down the argument for a moment. You do not have to convince anyone. Right now. And you can quietly offer yourself. I know what this has been like for me. My experience does not become less real because someone else doesn't understand it. I can want to be understood without abandoning myself when I'm not. Take another easy breath. And maybe ask yourself. What would trusting myself look like here? Just let the question be there. What would it look like to trust myself? Another deep breath in through the nose. And out through the mouth. That helps to regulate our fight or flight system. Return to the sensation of your weight in the chair. Or your feet on the floor. Tune back into the sounds around you. And when you're ready, If your eyes were closed, Feel free to come back to the room, Eyes open, Maybe a nice big stretch. Believe it or not, We call this like the Superman pose, Taking up space. We've talked about that recently, Kind of that idea of like, We're not allowed to take up space. And so really kind of taking up space by stretching out big can help us feel a little bit safer. So return to the room. Absolutely, When I asked myself, What would it feel like to trust myself? All of a sudden, I didn't feel the need to explain this to anyone and help them understand why I have that certain need, But simply to be proud of myself, Right? That I know that about myself. I know that I need, You know, Sometimes I can get a little overstimulated and I know that I need a little bit of a moment away, A moment of quiet. And so I hope that you guys also, Maybe some of you felt that, Kind of that dropping away of the need to defend and the ability to trust ourselves. Oh, Is it really? Is it World Mental Health Day, Tammy? Wonderful. Well, Thank you all for being here to celebrate that. So as we finish, I want to leave you with one thing. Someone else's understanding can be meaningful, But it does not have to be the foundation of your self-trust. You are allowed to know yourself. You were allowed to learn a new language for your experience. You were allowed to stop auditioning for permission to take your own needs seriously. So sometime this week, If you notice yourself beginning to overexplain, Getting defensive, I want you to try. Pause, Decide, Respond, And ask yourself, What am I actually trying to get from this conversation? And does this person have the capacity to give it to me? That question alone can save us a tremendous amount of energy. So thank you so much for spending time with me today. And remember, Oh, Karen's got a quote for us. The highest form of human intelligence is to observe yourself without judgment. Absolutely. It can be really challenging, Right? 100%. So I'm going to share that again. Thank you so much, Kate, For your donation. Let's see, Here it is, The Neurodivergent Pause. So this will be next month. Jesse and I will actually just be getting back. We're going down next month to the Hollywood Bowl to see Aerosmith perform, Aerosmith and a ton of people. We're very excited. That's his favorite band. And so that'll be that next weekend is November 7th for the Neurodivergent Pause. I hope that you can join us for that. It's always fun to have Jesse as a part of the conversation. He gives us a great perspective. So let's see. I've got about 10 minutes. We're actually going to be taking off here soon and going up to see a couple of our kids that live. We're in California. They live up in Nevada. One of our kids is a filmmaker and is in a film festival today. So we're going up to see them. That's lovely to hear, Monty. And hello. It's so nice to see so many of you that I've seen, You know, Through the comments. It's always really lovely to see you guys here. And get to actually interact with you. So I would love it if you were able to join us for next month's NeuroDivergent Pause. Thank you so much, Randy. And yes, Thank you to everyone. You know, I am a part of this. I get to facilitate this and get to share this information with you guys. But truly, You know, I think so much that the conversations you guys have with each other are such important pieces to that. So thank you so much. Any last questions or needs before we wrap up for today? Like I said, I've got about 10 minutes. Venmo. Do I accept Venmo? I do. But certainly you don't need to do that, Irene. Thank you so much. What a generous question. Thank you, Diana. Thanks so much, Chris. Frida, Thank you. Let's see. Just looking to see. And again, I think sometimes my comments feed is a little lagging behind you guys. So if you've commented and I'm just not seeing it, You're welcome, Susie. I'd love to have a list of those reminders about other reactions and self-trust if possible. You got it. Like I said to you, On my website, I will probably start posting these as like a blog so that you can get that. I can't do that here on Insight Timer, But absolutely. Oh, Thank you, Beth. How do you know if someone is neurodivergent if not diagnosed? I think we can identify with neurodivergent traits, Right? Like there are lots of great resources out there to do some self-assessments, Kind of understand that a little bit. But truly, To be diagnosed with something like ADHD, Autism, Those kinds of things, You would want to speak with a psychologist, A psychiatrist. We're not just looking at what's happening now, But historically. So very often they want to talk with family members or people who knew you when you were younger and kind of get a better idea of the fullness of the picture. So it is an actual diagnosis. Process. But like we said, For both Jesse and I, We just kind of started putting the pieces together and then, You know, Talking with someone from that. Absolutely. Any other neurodivergent meditations. I've got a ton of them on my page. And you can find, If you search on Insight Timer and just search like ADHD or autism, You're going to come up with a ton of information. A lot of my materials, You'll find those there, But there's tons of that stuff available here on Insight Timer. Yeah, I know, Randy, That 30%. I always feel bad, You know, That it just kind of goes into the ether. Yeah, But that is an insight timer that's doing that. Absolutely. Is there a connection between being an ACA and having ADHD? Adult child of alcoholic? Am I understanding the ACA reference? Deb, What was the question, Deb? What would be a short elevator speech about our ADHD if we gave to explain? Huh, Is that the question I'm guessing? Yeah, Adult child of, Okay. So what would be a short elevator speech? Hmm, That's a good, That's a really interesting question. I don't know that I've ever really like thought about that. If we even need to explain, Absolutely. But just kind of, I typically just share with people that, You know, That I've realized that I am, I always just say neurodivergent. I kind of, I identify definitely as having both traits of autism and ADHD or ADHD, But a lot of people aren't familiar with that, That phrase. So I always just share, You know, That I identify as neurodivergent. That makes some things a little bit more challenging for me. And so, You know, I'm working on that myself, You know, Absolutely. And so just recognizing that sometimes we need to explain those things. Yes, Some of you may want a tattoo. You may want something like that. You know, Like I got this tattoo to let my children, My clients know that I'm an ally. I'm here to support them, Especially during this time of our country. Strangers don't need to know specifics, You know, 100%. So, But when we're thinking about that elevator speech, I think we're thinking about having that conversation with people that we care about. And so again, I think if we stay in that I perspective of, Hey, I've realized this, And this is something that I am working on, And I will let you know different things about like, How to best support me if you're interested. But I always kind of try to just stay in that I space. I understand this about myself. I need to step outside. I need to take care of myself in that certain way. One of my closest friends, She's always kind of had that challenge of like too much in one day. Once she told me that she, You know, I invited her to do something and she said that, Well, You know, I'm getting together with another friend for tea that morning and I just don't have the energy to do that in the afternoon. And there is there's a part of me, Of course, That wanted her to say like, Oh, Sure. Like, Yeah, Let's get together. There's a part of me that was frustrated with that boundary. There's a part of me that was a little frustrated with the fact that she, You know, Couldn't do that for me. And there was a part of me that didn't really understand that, That that's part of her neurodivergence and that she was honoring that. Of course, My response was like, Sure, You know, I understand all of that stuff sort of happened internally. But, You know, Just recognizing that we have that too, You know. Yeah, I can understand that, Monty. I think for me, It's the biology of it, Right? That our brains are literally different. And while things like meditation can also change the structure of our brain, So why can't trauma change the structure of our brain? I think Gabor is just a very interesting, Has such interesting research and interesting perspective and can be really helpful for a lot of folks, Absolutely. How do we tell a manager we suspect we're autistic when we don't really want to be labeled that, But we want them to understand why we get exhausted and burnt out from socializing? I think that that's, Again, Like interesting question. Even right now, Like in the United States, Being diagnosed as neurodivergent feels a little scary because we've kind of been told that we're being put on lists, Right? So I've had several clients tell me that they're not going to get diagnosed, That they understand the symptoms that seem most present for them. And we are working on ways that they can manage some of those things without a formal diagnosis, Right? So that's always a possibility. You don't have to have a formal diagnosis to identify with certain symptoms. And if it works for you, If the coping skills work for you, If you are able to understand yourself a little bit more deeply, Then why not, Right? Like, How does that impact anybody else? And so, Yeah, If you have HR that you trust, 100% talking with them about that, Or just letting your manager know, Hey, Here's the ways that work for me. If you truly want to have accommodations in place in the workplace, You are going to need a formal diagnosis and medical accommodation request. My hope is that your managers can be understanding and kind of recognize what you're doing. What kind of provider do we ask for for ADHD coaching? So just someone like myself. So I provide ADHD and autism coaching as well as the therapy work I do, But coaching allows me to work with people all over the world. And so looking for someone who says that they specialize in that, Absolutely. And like I said, I think you can find a lot of us here on Insight Timer, That sort of thing. A lot of the people here are providers, Coaches, Therapists, That sort of thing, Psychologists. So nice to see you guys all here and take very good care of yourselves. I'll see you soon. I hope.

Reviews

I’m so glad this was provided because I knew I wasn’t able to attend 🙏🏻. I love the pause, reflect, then respond method. Earlier today I had an exchange via text with one of my closest friends and just instinctively knew I needed to pause before I responded. It actually had nothing to do with neurodivergentism, but I knew I needed to stick to the facts, use “I” language and then set a boundary with myself to let it go afterwards. She got into a pissing contest and I already had gone for a nature walk so I just kept walking. It certainly did take up a lot of space in my head, but instead I focused on a walking meditation. Hopefully I can attend the next one. 🙏🏻✨💜

Excellent talk, so very validating, thanks Karelin
See you November 7