Are You Lonely? Empty? - Part 1

We can be surrounded by people and feel lonely. What is the basis of this? Why do we feel this and how do we shift it? Join Alara Sage for a deep conversation and experience. This a recording of a live event and the first part of a two part series.

Transcript

Hello,

Hello everyone.

I'm Alara Sage.

And I really am here to help women,

Women who feel disconnected from themselves,

Who have placed their authority,

Their power elsewhere,

In their mind,

In their career,

In others perhaps.

I'm here to help them connect back to themselves,

Connect back deeply into their desires,

Into their sexuality,

Sexual energy,

Their creative potential,

And learn how to bring that,

To actualize that into their physical reality for a very intimate experience with their reality,

Very pleasurable,

Dare I say orgasmic.

Who doesn't want that?

Who doesn't want an orgasmic life?

I'm sure there's somebody,

But I bet there's few.

Today we're here to talk about loneliness,

Feeling alone,

Feeling disconnected.

Topic that I am probably a master at.

A big part of our society,

The majority of people I would say feel this way,

Feel unheard,

Misunderstood,

Not understood,

Not appreciated,

Not seen,

Not accepted,

And not connected,

Not truly connected to themselves or to others,

And thus the feeling of alone.

No matter how many people are around you,

This has nothing to do with extrovert or introvert.

This has to do with connection and the missing link and connection for humanity.

I call myself a master of this space because I've lived a very disconnected life.

My mother was a very disconnected person,

And so from an early age I learned that love was disconnected.

I learned from a very early age that I better fend for myself as far as emotional support,

Mental support goes.

I better just fend for myself and not really ask others to partake in that conversation with me.

I also come from a lineage of women who deem vulnerability as weakness and play this game of being really strong,

Right?

Not showing weakness,

Not showing emotion,

Got it all together,

Got it all figured out.

I got this.

I don't need anybody.

I don't need anybody.

I don't need anybody.

So just take a nice deep breath into your body.

If you're new to me,

Welcome.

I always invite listeners on an experience with me.

This is not just a conversation.

This is an activation for you always.

So throughout the process,

I'll invite you to breathe into your body.

I'll invite you to be aware of what you're feeling,

What you're experiencing so that you can release any triggers or anything that this is bringing up for you.

I'm sure many of you have felt,

I don't need anybody.

It's a very painful place to be.

And the interesting thing about it was I've been there most of my life and I would never have called it painful.

Denial is such a powerful thing.

When we are in denial,

We literally cannot see.

It's not avoidance.

Avoidance is the ability to see something and say,

I don't want to look at it.

I know it's there.

I don't want to look at it.

But denial is so much stronger.

In denial,

You literally don't know it exists.

I used to work with horses and the alpha mares who in wild herds,

They're the ones that lead the pack.

The stallions follow behind.

The alpha mares are extremely stoic.

And I used to work on their bodies.

I used to heal them and bring healing into their muscles and into their injuries and into their pain and into their emotions.

And the alpha mares,

I had to build their trust.

I had to prove myself to them before they would show me even the slightest bit of pain or discomfort.

But once I earned their trust,

They would reveal themselves to me and they would be in so much pain.

Sometimes to the point that they could barely handle it themselves because they had been in denial that that pain even existed.

So it was very tender.

It was a very tender exchange between me and them.

I always had to be careful if I was coming in too hard,

Too fast,

Too much.

They would tell me.

It was very painful.

I don't need anyone.

But I didn't know that.

I felt strong.

I convinced myself that I was strong.

I convinced myself I didn't need anyone.

And don't get me wrong.

I'm still a very independent person and I feel that there's a beauty to being independent,

But there's also a beauty to opening up to others.

And that's really what we're talking about here.

This isn't dependence on others.

This is opening to others.

When we say,

I don't need anyone,

We're not open.

That's a direct,

Just fuck you wall.

That's a fuck you wall.

It's a wall.

It's a barrier.

Because the truth of it is just like those horses.

If we're not allowing ourselves to be felt,

To be seen,

We can't fully receive.

We can't fully connect.

We can't actually fully manifest or enjoy our life.

And the story that I had for so long,

The irony of it is,

I don't need anyone.

Why doesn't anybody accept me?

I don't need anyone.

Why does everybody misunderstand me?

I don't need anyone.

Why don't I feel accepted?

Take a nice deep breath here in through the nose,

Out through the mouth.

Perhaps you can see the beautiful irony of those words.

I don't need anyone.

Why am I so alone?

Why do I feel alone?

Even if you're not somebody who has said those words,

Really what we're talking about here is defense mechanisms,

Walls that we put up out of fear.

When I entered into my spiritual journey,

I was married.

I have two kids.

I got a divorce.

Back to the,

I don't need anyone.

When I entered into my spiritual journey,

I really thought I didn't need anybody.

Who do I need?

I have source.

I have pure love streaming into me.

Who do I need?

I don't need anyone.

And the isolation continued to increase.

Not just physical isolation,

But emotional isolation.

Until one day,

I just started feeling like I wanted a partner.

And I battled myself with this because it was like,

But that means I need somebody,

Right?

That means that I'm not strong enough.

That means that I'm not connected enough to source.

It means I'm not spiritual enough.

It means all this,

Right?

It means all of this,

All meaning that we give to things.

So I can't possibly have a partner.

Who do you see that's like Buddha and Jesus and all these highly spiritual beings are all alone.

And yet the desire continued.

The desire continued,

The yearning,

Not just to connect,

But for a partner continued until I manifested my partner in a very short amount of time.

And you know what?

One of the first reflections he ever showed to me was how disconnected I was.

Been that my whole life.

He was the first one to tell it to me,

To call me out on it and to insist on a place of love that I acknowledge it because I denied it.

That's strong denial.

What are you talking about?

I'm disconnected.

I meditate for hours every day.

I'm so connected.

I'm psychic tapped into all the subtle energies.

How could I possibly be disconnected?

It's just,

It's just you.

I just don't need you.

And therefore you feel like I'm disconnected.

The beautiful thing about relationships is there truly is no other.

Just projections of ourself into this other being so that we can experience ourselves.

So beautiful.

And when we're open to seeing our own shit,

We get to see it through relationships.

Take another nice deep breath here.

Connection has nothing to do with how loving you are.

Connection has nothing to do with how psychic you are.

Connection has nothing to do with how much you meditate.

Connection has nothing to do with spirituality.

It's nothing to do with religion.

So what is connection?

It's our willingness to truly be seen and our willingness to truly see others,

To see ourselves and our light and our shadow.

You could call that love,

Which it is love.

But connection is about really allowing yourself to be seen by others,

To be felt by others,

To be felt in your power and in your strength and in your brilliance and to be felt in your sadness and in your sorrow and even in your anger and your hatred.

To remain open is connection.

That's not easy.

Coming from a lineage of strong women,

And I use quotations because is it really strong to put up walls?

I don't think it is anymore,

But that's what we've been taught for so long.

Don't show your weaknesses.

Just keep on trucking.

Put your head down.

Carry the load.

Do it all yourself.

Be independent.

Don't give in.

Don't show pain.

Don't show weakness.

That's not strength.

Can you see that?

Can you see how absolutely opposite of strength that is?

That's fear.

That's allowing fear to consume you.

That's what that is.

Strength and courage are in feeling fear and facing it anyways.

So my journey through this process has been first and foremost to really understand presence,

Being in the physical.

One of the other things I was so very,

Very good at was being in my mind,

Being in my mental body instead of my emotions,

Instead of my feminine energy,

Instead of my body,

And using my mind as a very beautiful tool to control my reality.

So learning how to be in my body all the time,

Learning how to feel all the emotions and not just my emotions,

Because even before,

I've always been a deep diver.

I have Mars and Scorpio.

I love going into the shadows.

I love going into the darkness.

I love it.

It's very,

Very natural to me.

So I've felt all the other energies,

But other people's energies,

No.

Other people's emotions,

Other people's pain,

Yes,

I could do that with my clients,

But I didn't want to feel the world suffering.

I didn't even want to feel my partner suffering.

I didn't want to feel the animals suffering.

I wanted to control when I felt it.

Yep,

I'll turn it on now.

I'll shut it off.

I'll turn it back on.

I'll shut it off.

I'll turn it back on.

Those are not boundaries.

That's control.

You're the availability to really feeling.

You're not your emotion.

You're not somebody else's emotion.

You're not the sensation,

The feeling,

But because we don't understand these things,

We're so scared that they will consume us.

We're so scared that if we feel deep sadness,

We'll never come out of it.

We're so scared that if we feel hatred,

It means we're hateful.

Take a nice deep breath here,

Allowing in your own space,

Just any awareness to any fear,

Any resistance to emotion,

To feeling,

The fear that you will be overwhelmed by it,

Consumed by it,

Defined by it.

If somebody sees you crying,

You're weak or you're a sad person or if somebody sees you angry,

You're an angry person.

You're bad.

You're wrong.

How dare you?

This is our society.

This is our society.

You are so much more,

So much more than any emotion that you could ever feel.

And I promise you,

You can feel it all.

When you allow yourself to feel your emotion,

You allow yourself to connect to you,

To your feminine,

To your feminine power,

Whether you're male or female,

No matter what your sexual identity is,

We all have feminine power.

She's your manifester.

She's your creator.

She's also your connector.

She's your connector to the subtle realm and the not so subtle realm.

So you have to be willing to open to her,

Be willing to let the mind open to the emotional body,

To the emotions,

To let go of control.

Because emotions,

The feminine,

Are erratic,

Unpredictable,

Chaotic.

Those words just light me up because that's how we perceive the feminine.

That's how we perceive emotion.

It comes on.

Now there's all this emotion in your space.

You don't know what's happening.

You have no control.

Right?

Your planets can trigger emotion.

Other people can trigger emotion.

It seems unpredictable.

But those perspectives are all from the mind and from the masculine,

The inner masculine that rejects the feminine.

So not true masculine.

So let me just repeat this in a different way.

The feminine is nonlinear.

She is fluid and dancing.

She moves like a dance.

She appears,

She disappears,

She reappears.

The mind is linear.

The masculine is linear.

So to the mind,

That's unpredictable.

When you see it from the feminine,

It's magic.

It's creation.

I don't really know,

But what my womb is saying right now is that babies are not created linearly.

Maybe the heart and the brain develop and then other parts of the body start to develop.

It's kind of unpredictable if you were just to watch from outside and just watch how a baby was created.

It doesn't go linearly.

It doesn't start at the head and end at the toes.

There's no linear creation in Gaia.

There's no linear creation in the feminine.

But if you understand it from the feminine,

Of course you would create the heart and the brain first.

And then of course you would move to whatever other systems and then move to this system and then create this and then create this.

Of course,

That's how it would all play out.

So I want you to really feel what I'm saying here with this chaotic,

Unpredictable,

Wild,

Crazy.

The feminine is crazy.

She gets all emotional.

She gets all wild.

How many times have you felt that in yourself?

Be really clear here now.

How many times have you felt that in yourself when you were emotional?

How many times did you personally feel crazy in some sort of emotional expression?

I felt it a lot.

A lot.

Not anymore,

But I used to.

Now I just let it flow.

I'm like,

Woohoo,

We're on a train,

We're on a ride,

We're doing something,

We're feeling a lot.

It moves very quickly,

Very powerfully through my space.

But before,

When I was in control,

Not to say I'm completely surrendered,

I won't pretend that I'm at that level yet or non-level.

But before when I was in much more control,

Much more in my mind and in the mental body,

It absolutely felt crazy.

I had a spontaneous Kundalini awakening,

Which I had no idea what Kundalini was when this happened to me.

One day,

Driving in my car,

Going to see the horses,

Going to work on the horses,

And I had been meditating at that point.

All of a sudden I hear,

Ohm,

Three times.

I didn't ohm.

I never ohmed,

But I was like,

Okay,

I'll ohm.

I was like,

Ohm.

I gave it my all.

I ohmed.

I listened.

I did what my intuition told me.

On the third ohm,

This energy shot up my body and out my head,

And I went into full body orgasm.

I had to pull my car over because I was in full body orgasm.

It was amazing.

And I was like in bliss and euphoria for the whole day.

And then the next six months of my life,

I literally asked myself time and time again,

Am I going crazy?

Why?

Because all of the emotions that I had stuffed down came pouring out.

One moment I was sad.

The next moment I was angry.

The next moment I was numb.

Then I was laughing at the top of my lungs,

Laughing my head off.

I was all over the charts emotionally.

I kept saying,

Am I crazy?

Am I going crazy?

Am I going crazy?

My intuition kept saying no,

No,

No.

After the six months,

The energy started to calm down.

Then I read a book about Kundalini awakening.

Thanks.

My point being is yes,

It felt crazy.

Yes,

It felt chaotic.

Yes,

I really questioned myself.

I wouldn't give that up for the world.

I wouldn't trade my emotions in for anything.

I can hit an emotion at the drop of a hat and I express it no matter what emotion it is.

And I wouldn't change that for anything because I love my emotions now and what this has enabled my whole point to this.

So it's opened my sacral,

Your emotional body,

Your sacral chakra,

Your chakra of manifestation,

Your chakra of power,

Your chakra of what?

Connection.

You know what has transpired in my life for one deep intimate connection that I honestly just didn't even know existed because I had so many walls,

So many barriers,

The connection to every moment that is ripe,

That is juicy,

That is delicious,

The eroticism,

The orgasmic energy that exists right here,

Right now as I speak in my body,

That a connection to every sensation,

Every sense in my body and the connection,

The availability to other humans,

Which means I don't feel misunderstood anymore.

I don't feel rejected anymore.

I don't feel any of that.

I don't feel like I have to do it on my own anymore.

I don't feel scared to be vulnerable and I don't feel alone.

I don't feel alone.

Take another nice deep breath.

So it's our defense mechanisms,

Which ultimately are where we say that who we are is not okay.

That's what a defense mechanism actually is.

A defense mechanism actually isn't to defend yourself from other people coming into your space.

It's actually to prevent yourself from being seen,

From being felt and from being connected to.

That doesn't make any sense maybe.

Maybe it does.

What do I mean by this?

When we have defense mechanisms,

We have them up because we ultimately reject who we truly are.

We could say we reject a part of ourself.

It doesn't really matter.

You're rejecting.

We defend because we don't feel that who we are ultimately,

Fundamentally,

Truthfully is safe to be revealed to the world.

So we've got to put up all the walls and create little windows to peer out of.

Defense mechanisms don't have anything to do with other people.

That's not what we believe.

We believe it's about the other people.

We believe that we created them because we got hurt.

I want you to ask yourself,

Is that truly what happened?

Just curious,

Just inquiry.

I'm not asking for an answer.

Don't ask yourself for an answer.

Just come from a space of inquiry.

Is that truly what happened to me?

Did I get hurt first and then shut down or did I feel,

Did I believe,

Did I learn,

Was I shown,

Was I taught,

Perhaps I was even born with the belief that who I am is not really allowed?

It's not allowed.

It's not okay.

It's not appropriate.

It's not appropriate.

It's too much.

It's too loud.

It's too chaotic,

Too crazy.

Take a nice deep breath in through the nose,

Out through the mouth.

Because most of the time this happens when we're children.

This happens when we're young children.

This should say it all.

What do we call being two years old?

The terrible twos.

You know what's happening at two years of age?

You're really starting to connect to this chakra and to your emotions and you're learning to really express your emotions.

And what do we call it?

The terrible twos.

And what do we call them?

We call them tantrums.

Inappropriate,

Not acceptable,

Not allowed.

Stop.

Stop doing that.

Go to your room.

Be quiet.

Shut up.

Knock it off.

Don't.

Stop.

Don't.

That's when we learn.

That's long before we go into school,

Long before we have friends,

Long before any of that happens,

Where we get validated later on,

Validated later on that who we are is not allowed because that's already our belief.

So I ask you again,

Did you create those walls to defend yourself from others or did you create those walls to not let yourself be seen?

Those are the walls that don't allow you to feel,

Don't allow you to connect,

Don't allow you the depth of intimacy because this is what we crave in humanity.

What do we crave in humanity?

We crave intimacy,

Not just connection,

Intimacy with each other,

Not just sexual intimacy,

Intimacy here with,

With others.

What I mean by intimacy,

I mean feeling,

Seen,

Heard,

Felt,

Understood.

That's intimacy.

Again,

In all of you,

That's intimacy,

Right?

We think of intimacy with sexual partners,

Right?

Like exposing,

Taking off all your clothes and being naked,

Right?

So think of that in all relationships.

Having that depth of conversation,

Having that depth of understanding and connection,

That's intimacy and we crave it so badly.

And when we have our walls up,

When we're not available to ourselves,

To our own inner feminine,

To our own emotions,

We feel disconnected.

We feel alone.

We feel misunderstood.

We feel rejected,

Isolated,

Abandoned.

This is what I help people with.

It's like I said,

I have mastered the art of disconnection and thus gone through the journey of connection once again.

And this connection isn't just to people,

It's to money,

It's to prosperity,

It's to Gaia,

It's to nature,

It's to animals,

It's to sexuality,

It's to food,

It's to the natural rhythms of and cycles of the planet and of the,

Of the galaxy.

It's connection to everything.

So I hope that I brought you some awareness today,

But more importantly,

I hope that you felt the words.

I hope that you felt seen by me.

I hope that you felt me.

And I'm always here.

I'm always here for intimacy and connection.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you for the hearts.

I love the hearts.

R,

You start by allowing yourself to be present and to feel,

To feel.

I'm dropping,

Dropping the defense mechanisms,

But to feel that's really,

That's really what it's about.

Feeling your own emotions,

Feeling yourself and allowing yourself to feel others.

I'm getting an intuitive hit to carry this conversation into the conversation of boundaries,

Right?

Because this kind of goes hand in hand and I will call it,

Do you feel lonely part two?

And what we'll do is we'll go into the conversation of boundaries.

Okay.

Cause there's a lot of misunderstanding between defense mechanisms and boundaries and they are very,

Very,

Very different.

Okay.

And it's really important to understand the difference because you want to have strong boundaries to feel like you can open.

And of course,

We need to understand what boundaries are in order to have those boundaries.

So I will continue the conversation then.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you all who joined me.

Reviews

Brought me to tears So connected with what your saying and how I act, react, and close myself to the world Thank you for this eye opener

Feeling the feels, keeping it real,
How I adore your zeal, dear lady.

Cried my eyes out.. I feel like we have so much in common.. Thank you for your wisdom.. I love you work & I hope to work more intimately with you.. 🙏🏻💓