This life is no longer just mine.
I find myself caught up these days.
While my body is busy morphing into something unknowable,
I can't seem to wrap my isolated mind around this new shift.
No one talks about how lonely it can feel when undergoing metamorphosis.
An unimaginable place.
Stepping between the veil into the unknown.
And as I sit in solitary,
I find myself counting what I might lose.
And as I count,
I realize this life is no longer just mine.
And although I've spent time calling out for this change,
Now that I'm here,
Standing on the threshold,
I'm staggering and debilitated.
Handcuffed in my mind a million miles away,
Something pulls me back to the present.
I sense,
For the first time,
A flutter down below.
Soft,
Yet fierce.
And barely recognizable to anyone but me.
I feel for the first time,
This tiny soul making themselves known.
Thoughts of so-called loss dissipate,
And I place my hands on my growing belly,
Hoping to connect with that presence once again.
And I'm reminded of this remarkable gift I have inside of me.
I'm reminded that no matter what my mind has told me,
Or how alone it seems I am,
I now have the capacity to be flooded with overwhelming love in a mere moment,
All because of you.
I'm reminded that this life is indeed no longer just mine,
But ours.
And as time goes by and my belly grows,
These tiny moments expand.
Sparks of love unfurl into waves of joy and gratitude,
Carrying me to that magical day I will greet you earthside,
Where I get to watch you make your way into this big world,
One small breath at a time.
So yes,
It is true,
There will be things that I may lose in this revelatory process,
But I feel encouraged to dream about all that I will receive,
Levels of love beyond my imagination and current human capabilities.
Once I step foot into this unknown space,
I will finally see and feel what has been calling me,
A new way of being and witnessing this life,
All because of you.
This life is no longer just mine,
But ours,
My sweet child.
