Welcome.
My name is Kimberly.
Before we begin,
I want to take a moment to thank you for being here today.
Taking time out of your busy day to listen to something like this is a real act of self-care.
If you are irregular here,
Let this be a gentle validation that The time you invest in your well-being is making a difference.
And if this is your first time,
Welcome.
Make sure to give yourself some grace and time as you explore what feels supportive for you.
So before we dive in,
I just want to set a clear and important boundary.
This conversation is meant for safe.
Committed relationships where love has felt stifled by life stress.
It does not apply to relationships involving physical,
Emotional,
Or verbal abuse where step one is always prioritizing safety and removing yourself from the environment.
With that said,
Let's begin.
When couples feel like they are drifting apart,
Constantly arguing over minor things.
The immediate assumption is often that they've outgrown each other.
But.
.
.
If you loved each other once.
And now feel stuck in a cycle of irritation.
And frustration.
One vital question worth asking is.
.
.
Did you really fall out of love?
Or is your nervous system just completely exhausted.
To understand this,
We do need to look at the biology of stress.
In the body.
As you know,
Your heart is a powerful muscular organ,
Dense with nerve fibers that are constantly communicating with your brain.
So.
.
.
When living under chronic stress,
Maybe it's a job,
Maybe it's raising a family,
Taking care of elderly parents,
Your body enters a fight or flight state.
Which releases cortisol and adrenaline.
So when that happens your muscles will contract and tighten up and this includes the intercostal muscles around the rib cage.
And it also includes the tissues around your heart.
So when your heart space is physically tight and armored,
Your body registers a subconscious signal of danger.
So this is an automatic response in the nervous system.
Biologically speaking,
A human body in survival mode shuts down emotional bandwidth,
Intimacy,
Playfulness.
With that,
It could also shut down compassion and understanding and patience.
This is survival mode,
And it forces our body to conserve energy.
So it turns minor surface stressors like dishes,
Scheduling,
Into major perceived threats.
So it doesn't mean that you are lacking love.
It just means that your nervous system is running on empty.
So,
How does physically soothing your nervous system,
Emotionally soothing your nervous system translate into patience and understanding and compassion for your partner?
When you engage in practices that calm the nervous system,
Some examples,
These are just a few,
Include deep breath work,
Vagus nerve stimulation,
Restful meditation.
You then enter what is called a parasympathetic state,
And this is often referred to as the rest and digest mode,
The rest and digest response of our nervous system.
So in this state,
Our heart rate lowers.
And the physical muscle tension around our chest and our ribcage is able to relax.
It then sends signals to our brain's fear center.
And that fear center is able to also calm down.
So as the muscles around our heart and our ribcage and our chest relax and the tightness starts to dissolve,
In the brain.
The area responsible for empathy.
And understanding where someone is coming from and staying calm under pressure,
This is the area in the front part of the brain.
It comes back online.
When your body isn't stuck trying to defend itself from stress.
Again,
Your nervous system signals to the brain that you are safe.
And this physical feeling of safety is what creates room for emotional kindness.
So the reaction from a place of self-protection,
It suddenly turns into patience and an ability to listen and forgive,
And it can reopen your heart to your partner.
Think about a physical wound.
It naturally knows how to heal when it's under the right conditions.
So a relationship strained by stress can return to wholeness when the body feels safe again.
So please know that self-care is not selfish.
It is relationship medicine.
By taking the time to soothe your nervous system,
You cultivate the inner space required to love freely,
To open your heart more,
To hold grace,
And reconnect with the person that you chose.
So how can you start soothing your nervous system today?
It's really about finding a practice or a number of different practices.
It doesn't have to be one that feels doable and inviting to you.
Some examples,
It can be simply lying down for five minutes and listening to some ambient music.
Maybe it's a guided meditation that you prefer.
Maybe it is yoga nidra referred to as yogic sleep.
So these are just a few examples.
But if you can.
Whichever type of practice that you choose,
I do encourage you to take it outdoors.
Step outside.
Lay a cotton blanket down on the grass,
And let your body ground against the earth.
Feel the natural surface beneath you,
The warm sunlight if the sun is shining,
And allow yourself to also hear the soft sounds around you and the environment.
So keep in mind that these are just a few of many ways that you can regulate your nervous system.
An app like this is wonderful.
It's an accessible place to start right from home,
But I do encourage you to listen to your inner wisdom and trust your gut and follow your intuition on what your body your physical body,
Your emotional body,
Your mental body needs.
And one other thing to remember that if slowing down feels uncomfortable at first,
Just give yourself grace.
In Ayurveda,
Which is the sister science of yoga,
Ayurveda is roughly translated as the science of life.
We know that like attracts like.
So when you feel stuck in a state of high stress and constant busyness,
Your system gets used to that momentum.
And stillness can feel foreign at first.
It does take time to allow your system to settle into a new,
Peaceful baseline.
Your practice a chance.
Find something that resonates with you.
Stay patient with yourself and don't give up.
Your nervous system wants to find balance and every small step you take to nurture it is a step toward healing yourself and your relationship.
Thank you for taking the time to listen to this today.
Namaste.
