Step 5 Yoga Wisdom: Find Belonging Through Vulnerability

Admitting our deepest flaws, hidden mistakes, and chronic patterns to ourselves is hard enough—but how do we break the chains of secrecy and share them with another human being without being crushed by the fear of judgment?

In this session, we explore Step 5 of the recovery journey—"Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs"—through the liberating lens of its true spiritual principle: Intimacy ("Into-Me-See"). We look at how to navigate this transformative process using the tools of yoga, especially the Niyama, Saucha (Cleanliness).

Transcript

So today for our talk, We're looking at step five. And step five in the 12-step language is that we admit to ourselves, To God, And to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs, Is the way that that step is read. And the principle is a principle of intimacy. And the title of our talk today is Intimacy in to Me See. Really the practice is learning how to develop a relationship with a trusted guide, A trusted teacher, And to begin to see how having that in your life can help you to examine your life, To look at your journey and your path, To receive correction as you need it. And support for moving forward. So last week, We were talking about step four, Where you make an inventory. And in yoga, We use the yamas and niyamas for that. So we evaluate just our behavior, Our thoughts, Our practices, Our way of living, Based on the yamas and niyamas. In step five, We share what we see, Right? What we've, You know, We take that practice of introspection and we share it with a trusted guide. And it could also be a trusted spiritual friend. As I was preparing for today and just thinking about how to share this, Many different things came to mind. I found myself looking at the manual. For yoga and the 12 steps, We have a manual for that. What I found is that some of the writing in there was so clear that I thought, You know, Let me look at that. Let me read some of that and let that be part of our talk today. So intimacy with self and others, This is bringing together step four and five. Learning to open our hearts to another, To share parts of ourself that are not easy to look at or admit is the cornerstone of step five and the doorway out of isolation and back into the light. And this is part of the practice that Without introspection, I was saying before, We're not able to really clearly understand what we're needing support with, What does need to be corrected in our life. And with that awareness, The practice spiritually is not to do it on our own. So both in the 12-step community and in the yoga community and Nanda Yoga, We utilize teachers, Right? Ultimately with Ananda we utilize a guru, Which is the same principle of being able to open our heart and open our life to someone who has mastered at least more than us, Right? So a teacher isn't necessarily a master. Most teachers aren't masters. But to be able to choose someone who has demonstrated an understanding of the journey and they embody the spiritual principles. They're living in alignment to the best of their ability. In the 12-step community, The person that you go to for support might be only you know, Seemingly a few steps ahead of you, But it's enough. It's enough if they're sincere and they're also always drawing upon grace and drawing upon the divine. So this is a key principle or a key characteristic of a teacher. A true spiritual teacher, In this context, Is one who calls forth your strength. They call forth your highest self. They see the truth of the circumstance with the dispassionate wisdom of jnana yoga. They help you to look at it from the highest perspective. Asha was giving a beautiful talk this morning of the way of the Ananda Sanghi and part of what she was sharing is that Yogananda master, He was a master so he could see all of us in our true divine state and was continually calling us back to that. And so that's the heart of the practice, Is that you speak with someone who can hold your highest self and your highest truth, And they won't be hypnotized by the storyline, Which we can be ourselves. That's part of the journey as well, To say the facts. To be honest about that and share it with someone who can receive it and help you lift it so that you can move forward with it. Tandava was reminding me last week, I was talking about Swamiji's quote, You know, And again, I wish I would have written it down, But this idea of, You know, I appreciate your humility. I was telling the story where Swamiji was playing a game and he wasn't doing his wasn't very good at it, But he kept acknowledging that he wasn't very good at it. And his team said, You know, I appreciate your humility, But when will you reform? And that's the idea here, Is that we take the information with the intention of moving forward. So I'll read a little bit more from Yoga and the Twelve Steps. Very much my understanding of certainly all of the teachers. That I've had at Ananda, All of the ministers who've helped me, And Swami Kriyananda. So I had a little bit of interaction with Swami Kriyananda, And I feel very blessed for that. Most of it was through his direct, As Asha talks about, The first wave, Right, Of those who were building the founders of Ananda. They taught me a great deal about Swamiji and his style and his way, Which was to be very truthful with compassion and always seeing the highest self, Always calling that forward. So this blend of being able to identify where we need to be corrected, To be receptive to that correction, And then lift our awareness up to the point between the eyebrows where we're calling upon divine grace to to help us. This is a spiritual journey. It's not, I'm going to roll up my sleeves and dig in and I'm going to do it. That's not the intention of the spiritual path in the 12 steps or the spiritual path of Ananda Yoga. It's utilizing these principles and recognizing this is a journey of spiritual awakening. Swamiji was asked one time, What is the most important yoga posture? And he said that which allows you to stand on your own two feet. So that really is something we're looking at when we go to a teacher, When we go to a guide, When we share part of our journey. To when it is, Well, I will say for myself, It's the guideline of this, But it's also my experience. I feel uplifted, Just as was said before, Even if I'm looking at something difficult, Even if I'm looking at something that needs to be corrected. In our teacher trainings, So through Ananda, And now I'm one of the co-leaders of teacher trainings here, And I was truly privileged to go through many of the teacher trainings at the Expanding Light with Ananda. This practice is in play continuously when you go through teacher trainings for yoga, For meditation, All the advanced trainings with that. And what happens is you're continually evaluated and you are evaluated in a way that each time you improve. Each time you feel stronger. It's never something that you feel less than. That being said, You can feel quite nervous, Certainly in the beginning, Like, Oh, Someone's watching me. And they're watching me very, Very carefully to point out anything that might need correction. And that's not easy to submit ourselves to that. But what I've found is the great blessing of it is how it has helped me to improve. And I see that as a teacher now, When I'm training others, How it helps them to improve. And part of that journey for the student with the teacher is recognizing that we are safe, That we've chosen someone who truly can hold our journey and correct us in a way that empowers us rather than diminishes us. Right on that point. So this is taken from the 12 steps and 12 traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous on this point of step 5. When choosing someone to speak with, Take great care, Remembering that prudence is a virtue. When looking for a trusted guide, We shall want to speak with someone who is experienced, Who has been able to surmount serious difficulties, Perhaps like our own. So this discernment, It's very, Very important. And one of the things that I appreciate about the practice of discernment in choosing someone to speak with is It's a practice of intuition, Right? You're observing someone. These are the guidelines to observe someone. Do they have what you would like to have in terms of spiritual realization? Are they demonstrating? In the 12-step world, It would be recovery. Are they demonstrating that? Do they have something that's attractive to you? In the Ananda world, Are they demonstrating that they are practicing these teachings, That they're living these teachings? They by no means need to be fully a master yet to help us, To help me on my journey. I had that experience today with Shanti, Who is a dear friend. Also a teacher of mine, A spiritual teacher. And we get together periodically, Which is such a great blessing for Satsang. To share with each other our journey and what we're doing and working on. And then there are moments and opportunities. And today was one of those, That with some of the work, The direction that my work is going, I had the opportunity to really sit and explore that with her. And neither one of us stepped into our time together with that in mind. But there it was. And I will say, I welcomed her feedback, Her perspective, Her questions. Me in the practice of introspection. They were helping me to look and to ask. And I asked, You know, What was her sense of what would be helpful for me? Because Shanti is in my life and I invite her to be in my life. She has a perspective that is very, Very helpful for me. So she can say, Be mindful of this, And I can take that in and work with it. We ended our time together, She was quoting from the Gita and reading a passage of the Gita for me that was so meaningful and helpful, Chapter 18. Talking about absorb yourself. This is Krishna saying absorb yourself in me right dedicate yourself to me Give yourself completely to me and if you encounter a choice in terms of Dharma where you have to make a decision that You feel you are doing you're letting go of one Dharma to do a higher Dharma I will protect you and there will be no ill effect karmically for you. That was exactly what I needed to hear. Exactly what I needed to hear. I find that as I continue on my journey, This practice of discrimination of understanding our Dharma. What is my Dharma? There are these moments where suddenly the work becomes refined or the service becomes refined. Something happens in our spiritual path and our growth. And I see this with friends and students that what was right to do is no longer right to do. Something else is being asked and we feel it. We feel it and we know it. And the temptation is to to hang back and continue doing something that's no longer being asked of us dharmically. So to be attentive to that, To be mindful, Awake, And call on divine grace to guide and support us. It was so perfect to me that after our time together, I thought, Well, There it is. An example of having a spiritual divine friend and guide. And this is what Swamiji always spoke to us about. This is the way of Ananda Yoga, That we are friends together, Divine friends, Helping each other to grow. And as we learn how to let other people in our spiritual family know us, They can support and guide us. I've had many times where a friend will say the very thing I needed to hear. And I just can hear God speaking through them for me. They're my teacher in that moment. They are master for me in that moment. They are Swamiji. It is a profound blessing and what's required on our part is receptivity. It takes receptivity and it takes deep trust to be known. We over-identify, This is the pitfall of introspection, The pitfall of self-study, Is that we over-identify with any fault or failing or mistake that we see. And I don't want to tell anyone about it because I'm feeling like that fault, That failing, That mistake makes me less. And if I tell them, They'll think less of me. It is true that some people do, Right? So it's very important to be discriminating. Not everyone will hold our journey in the highest sense. I have absolutely made the mistake of speaking to someone, Going to someone for support who could not hold my journey well. And I left, The encounter felt awful, And afterward I felt awful. But what's interesting is I learned, Right? And I could go to God in prayer. And in that prayer and meditation, I could feel that was a poor choice on my part. I need to be more discriminating. And I made that mistake a few times each time that I did. There was an opportunity to be more careful, To be more discriminating. Sometimes I wanted someone to be supportive. They never had been. But I liked them. I wanted them to be of support. I felt like I'm going to try again. It wasn't always conscious, Really. Many times it wasn't a conscious thought. I felt compelled. To share with them and later I would feel why did I tell them again. They've never been able to help me spiritually. They've never been able to help me hold. My journey in a way that empowers me. Well, It was, We can say karma. I mean, There's different reasons for it, But the most important thing is learn. Say, Okay, Well, There it is. It's painful. And pray for me. It's also part of the practice. I pray for help. Please help me be more discerning. And over time, I've gotten better and better. I've surrounded myself with trusted spiritual friends, A trusted spiritual family, A community of kind, Loving souls, Not self-realized in their own understanding yet. We're all ultimately already there, But they don't need to be. People don't have to be perfect to help. And that's important. So I'll read a few more things. Well, One thing I'd like to read, This is from Raja Yoga that Swami Kriyananda wrote, And it's in the chapter of Life as a Battlefield. Step six in Raja Yoga, Pages 160 and 161. This is what Swamiji says. It is no mark of spirituality to never be tempted. Never to be disappointed. Never to fail. These are marks usually of people who have chosen anthills, Not mountains to climb. The mark of spiritual growth is that for every setback, There is an increased determination to succeed. And that for every obstacle there is an increasing surge of energy. Until at last the energy generated suffices to demolish the opposition and allow one to sail forward on the upward journey. Yogananda said, A saint is a sinner who never gave up. These words for me are deeply comforting. They give room and space and they speak to this practice of step four and five. It's Swamiji used to say, When you see a fault or failing or something that a limitation in a behavior pattern, Rejoice. Because then you can work with it. You can use the tools and practices of yoga to draw the divine grace needed to transmute that energy, To lift that energy, To dissolve that vritti. And be free more and more. So it's again, It's a very deep practice and it's not an easy practice. As we grow spiritually. This again is from Yoga and the 12 Steps. As we grow spiritually, We learn step by step how to walk on our own two feet. While at the same time how to open our hearts to the loving support of friends and guides who can help us find our way back home to our highest self. From Raja Yoga against Swami Kriyananda, A quote, We need help on the path to enlightenment. That kind of help which will enable us to walk surely by our own power. This teaching of letting other people know you. Letting those who've gone ahead of you. Offer their hand of support, Offer wisdom. Offer tools, Be encouraging, See the truth and point that out to you so that we can be set free from delusion. Earlier in the practice of attunement, We're practicing intuition, And we really want to have on board this tool of teacher and guide to help us check out our intuition. Again, For me, With my work with dharma, Trying to listen sensitively, Is this my dharma? Is this what's being asked of me? One way that we talk about dharma is that it expands the consciousness. So karma, Those are the patterns that are in place because of what we've done in the past. They're very familiar. They tend to be very easy and unconscious for us because we've done them. Those patterns, They're laid down. We might have good karma in terms of our spiritual aspirations. That we've built, And it makes things that are in our spiritual practice and our spiritual life easy. That's beautiful. Ultimately, Even good karma, We're transcending. But dharma is that which expands our consciousness, Right? And it's something we feel called to do. And when we're evaluating, Is the action that I'm taking dharmic, We want to be asking ourselves, Is it helping me to grow spiritually? Because some things we're very good at don't help us grow spiritually. We're good at them, Maybe other people really value them, And we get a lot of support and encouragement for doing them. But if they aren't helping us spiritually, They are not dharmic for us and not a good idea. And that's not always so easy to understand. So having a guide in your life that can say, You know, You have a tendency toward this. And when you do your own inventory, It's not as much of a surprise. You can hear it and say, That's true. That's true of me. I do have that tendency. Know it yourself, Have teachers in your life who also know it, Who can point to it in a kind and compassionate way and help you make a different choice and live with the discomfort of that different choice and call upon grace to support you. Asha has talked about there was a certain point in her journey with Swamiji that she decided that whenever he asked her how she was, How she was doing, She'd say, I don't know, Sir, How am I doing? So that was such a complete commitment of trust and faith in her teacher. She thought, Well, You tell me how I'm doing. Because she had learned, He would tell her. He would. He would be very clear and very direct so that she could work with that. And if anything needed to be corrected, He would help her to see that and make the correction. Without identifying with it, Shanti gave two beautiful talks on really this topic of how we work with mistakes, How we work with what feels like a failure. I highly recommend them. So it was a two-part series that she gave and you can find that You can find that on our website Really lovely just talking about this is part of our journey spiritually and it can be an opportunity for us to Release old patterns and take the next step forward Right and bring in more grace and more light into our life. So one of the practices for working with this is to reflect upon a time when you've looked for spiritual support. To ask yourself, Do you do that in your life? Do you have people in your life that you can go to and share what's challenging you? What feels difficult? What is holding you back? Or that you're not sure about. You're feeling like you want to go forward, But you're not sure it's the right decision. You're not sure that it is intuition. It seems like intuition, But you need help knowing that. So this is a beautiful way to examine. Use the introspection to ask these questions. Where do you get support? How do you draw upon the tool of teacher and guide? How is it helpful for you? How are you working with that? And how does it build a sense of intimacy and community? And support. So many blessings to you great souls. Wishing you a beautiful day and a beautiful week.