Step 4 Yoga Wisdom: Overcome Shame Through Self-Honesty

Step 4 - Self-Honest & Swadhyaya (Self-Study)
How do we look honestly at our past mistakes, regrets, and shortcomings without falling into the paralyzing trap of shame, guilt, and self-judgment? In this session, we explore Step 4 of the recovery journey—"Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves"—through the liberating lens of its core spiritual principle: Self-Honesty. We will look at this practice through Gyana Yoga (the path of wisdom) and Svadhyaya (Self-Study).

Transcript

So today we're focusing on step four and this the principle of step four is self-honesty and the yama or niyama that it lines up with is self-study, Swadhaya. So this is a practice in which we honestly reflect upon our life and we look at our journey. And so in the 12-step community, When we come to step four, What we're doing is taking an honest appraisal, An honest stock of ourselves. And sometimes it's referred to as kind of a metaphor that's used as a business owner. Taking inventory of their business to see, You know, The goods that are there, To see if there's anything there that is damaged goods to let go of and make space for something new. So part of how that can be beneficial as a metaphor is the importance of taking inventory, That a successful business really is compromised if it doesn't take a regular inventory of its stock and of how things are going, How are things working, And evaluation. When we look at our own life, One of the challenges is that it's more personal. And so when we start to examine our life, It's very easy to fall into the trap of identifying with any behavior or any thoughts or anything in our life that we do not feel good about. In the yoga practice of practicing the yamas and niyamas, This is where we can bring this practice into step four. So the wording in the 12-step community is that we made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. And again, The idea here is that we're willing to look at our lives honestly and to examine how are we doing and how have we done. And with that information, We can begin to address anything that needs to be addressed. Step five is about sharing that information with a trusted guide, A trusted friend. So first we take stock of ourselves and stock of our life. Preparing for today, I was thinking about Swami Sri Yukteswar and something that he said about the meannesses of the heart. I'm looking here for, See if it's handy, A note that I wrote down. One of the things that Sri Yukteswar talked about is that when we awaken the heart center, There are things that can get in the way of that being an expanding experience of connection with others and with life. And so some of the things that get in the way, That contract the heart, Are prejudice and pride, Fear and anger. I don't have it right in front of me, So we can look that up. But the main thing that he's talking about here is that coming into the heart center, The agitation of emotion can throw us, And it can throw us off track. And part of when we're evaluating our own life, There is a vulnerability to that. Part of the vulnerability is that we overly identify with anything that we see. So the practice, And it's a high practice, Self-study is the honest reflection upon life, But from our highest self. So what we're standing in is the truth of our divine nature. And from that truth, From that knowing, We're able to look and see, How did the day go? How is my life going? In the Bhagavad Gita, Very famously talking about introspection, The blind king asks, Asks a sage, How did they? And Yogananda said that that phrase in the Gita is pointing to introspection. It's pointing to self-study. And then again, How do we work with that? So one of the things that Yogananda encouraged was that we be honest with ourselves, That we evaluate our experience, And then we take the experience as information to support us in our journey. To help us move forward. There's an affirmation in one of our yoga postures that says, Secure in myself, I accept whatever is. Secure in myself, I accept whatever is. That self-acceptance is an acceptance that recognizes I'm not my thoughts. I'm not my behavior. I'm not any of the mistakes that I've made. Learn from them. There is an opportunity to be able to say, In this area I could use some help. In this area I'm not as strong as I'd like to be. When we think about the yamas and niyamas, So let me just mention what they are in case you don't know them. Of the yamas is non-harmfulness, Ahimsa. So this is also referred to at times as non-violence. And the violence is not just an outward expression of anger or hurtfulness, But it's even our own consciousness, How we relate to others and how we relate to ourselves. You know, The practice of Ahimsa to be non-harming is to practice being kind and compassionate and understanding and loving toward others and toward the self. Truthfulness, Satya, Is part of what we're talking about here in terms of the self-honesty. It's being able to say the truth of what is. In the yoga practice, Swami Kriyananda said that truth is always beneficial. So he made that point in terms of Raja Yoga and our understanding the principle of truth, That it's not a brutal honesty. Sometimes we can hear that term. Practice of truthfulness spiritually speaking. So he uses the example that if you were visiting a friend in the hospital who was very, Very ill and they might not look well, It would not be a practice of truthfulness or ahimsa to say you look terrible because of the impact it would have on their spirit. So if you're wanting to say, Even if let's say they said to you, I must look terrible because they feel terrible, Right? So a way that you could be truthful is to say, It is so wonderful to see you. You can just go right to, I see your soul shining through. Find a way in which you can practice it and there's an energy and vibration with all of these practices. One of the distinguishing factors about practicing them is they are intent, The, Let's see, What do I want to say? The power of them. Is they give us access to our divine self. So the yamas are what we practice. Sometimes they're called the don'ts. There are things that we refrain from. So we refrain from harming. We refrain from lying. So sometimes it's non-lying, Right? So the idea is that when we practice the yamas in yoga, What happens for us is we have connection to our deepest truth and our deepest self. It's not an outer moral guideline in terms of a pointing of the finger and saying, Well, You should do this and if you don't, Then you're bad. That's not the intention. The yamas and niyamas tell us how we're off course or on course. So this is where, When we bring yoga into the practice of step four, And we look at the yamas and niyamas, It can give us a clear guideline for our thoughts, For our behavior, In a way that reminds us, Come back, Come back to the path, Come back to who you really are. Letting go of that which obscures the inner light of your own soul nature. Non-stealing Ashtaya and trusting that whatever is yours will come to you. So you don't need to be trying to get that. Sometimes it's talked about in terms of stealing time. So again, It's subtle way in which, You know, How we live our life, Are we able to be respectful of other people's time? Are we able to be respectful of others? Ultimately, Non-sensuality or brahmacharya is practicing, There's a couple of ways of looking at this, But it's practicing moderation and ultimately more and more guiding our focus and our awareness within. So there can be an appreciation definitely of life. Yogananda love. You know, He had a great appreciation of the world and beauty and kindness and friendship. So he was not austere in his way of, To the point that he didn't engage with life and appreciate its beauty. But he was always seeing God in that beauty. Always seeing the divine in everything that he enjoyed. Brahmacharya is like to flow with Brahma, To flow with God. So the practice of that is that when we are smelling a rose, Or eating a beautiful meal, Or enjoying friendship with another, We're connecting to this divine energy within the rose, Within the meal, Within the friend. And that keeps us in our center, Right, Versus kind of looking as if my happiness is the rose outside myself. And then when it fades, I've lost something. The meal is over and I feel deprived. The friend is gone. And I no longer have the quality of connection. And part of brahmacharya and our practice of yoga is finding within ourselves these eternal realities that are not dependent on the outside world. The last of the Yamas is non-attachment and this is attachment to body, Mind, Or personality, Our skills, Our tools, Including our mistakes. So if I am looking at the list of Yamas and Niyamas and I think, Well, I don't feel like I did very well today, Or maybe in terms of non-harming, Maybe I said something that I don't feel good about, Or I was holding in my mind an attitude about someone that is hurtful, Whether they know I'm thinking that or not. So I review my day, And it's easy to go to this place of sadness about it that isn't helpful, And it's not part of introspection. Introspection, I can have feeling about it, But I don't want to get lost in the feeling. I wanted to be able to say to myself, Well, That doesn't feel good. I don't feel good that I was thinking that about another person. I want to be lifting my own consciousness and really only seeing others in the highest way. So I would offer that to the divine. I would recognize that that was a harmful thought, That was a harmful attitude. It's not good for my consciousness. It's not good for the soul that I was thinking that of. So I want to bring that thought, The awareness of that to the divine and ask for help. Help me to have a practice of a higher attitude. The peace and harmony prayer, I've been finding myself reflecting on that a lot lately, And that's a beautiful prayer that Yogananda offered. You can say it towards the world or you can say it towards an individual. The prayer is, Lord, Fill this world with peace and harmony, Peace and harmony. And you say that 10 times. Lord, Fill this world with peace and harmony, Peace and harmony. And after you've said that, You take a pause and ask, Lord, Fill me with peace and harmony, Peace and harmony. And you say that three times, Visualizing divine light, Peace, And harmony. There are many beautiful stories about the power of that practice. So let's say you have a thought about someone, It doesn't feel good, You have tools that you can go to. And that's part of the beauty of what I find of bringing together yoga and the 12 steps. If you've listened to some of the previous talks, I was familiar with the 12 step practice before yoga came into my life. So when yoga came in, I experienced this profound abundance of support for practicing these spiritual principles. I was already practicing them, But now I had more more tools for the toolbox, And a refined way to look at my life. I think that's one of the things I appreciate the most about yoga. There's a refinement of the practice, A very high vibration of self-study and introspection, And a deepening of the soul awareness and soul knowing. So in the Niyamas, The first is cleanliness. And this is the obvious. Of keeping your body and your physical space clean, Keeping the environment clean, There is an expression you might have heard, Cleanliness is next to godliness. And there really is something about the vibration of a clean space. So when we're talking about that, The practice of this is to look at your starting in the physical realm and then refining the practice to your thoughts, To what you're eating, To what you're listening to. Is there a sense of being clean, Right? It's, Yeah, I think I'm just gonna leave it at that, That there's a practice, And I'm trying to think there's an expression that's coming to mind of when you, Clean in your interaction with someone you've been clear you've been direct hopefully very kind right so when all these things come together it supports it so cleanliness the other the next is devotional self-offering so to be coming from a place of the heart and offering your heart to life offering your heart to a situation allowing your heart to be touched by life this is where I was mentioning Sri Yukteswar earlier, That if we can do this in the practice of yoga, When we are experiencing feeling, We are always lifting that feeling here. So we go inward with our awareness and we lift the energy of feeling to the point between the eyebrows. And as that energy lifts, It becomes purified. So there's a way in which Yogananda called this point the seat of super consciousness. He said when our awareness is at this point, We're able to see the unity of all life. We see and feel a kinship with life. And the love of the heart is divine love. So it's unconditional, It's kind, It is seeing the divine in another and coming from that divine truth yourself. So the offering of the heart to life, As I said earlier, Yogananda was fully engaged in life and he saw God in everything. So that was his way of expressing this. Contentment is the next. I have a friend here, Chidambara, Gave a beautiful practice in a Raja Yoga class I was in, That he offered for the group, Practice contentment. So a sense of being all is well, Right? You're content, All is well. And this is an inner practice, Right? That isn't contingent upon what's actually happening in the outer world. That's a good practice right now to find moments of contentment. And he encouraged the group to find 30 seconds. He said, Each day, Take 30 seconds to tell yourself all is well. Nothing needs to be any different than what it is. That you feel content with what is. And that's a very powerful way to work with that tool and that niyama. Austerity. I mentioned earlier about austere that Yogananda was not severe in his austerity. I mean he was a complete renunciate. But sometimes people practice that in such a way that they are rejecting life and rejecting the world. And the practice in Ananda Yoga is to be able to be removed enough from what's happening and what's going on so that you can move through challenging, Difficult times with a sense of calmness and also a sense of joy, That you're able to stay very, Very deep within your own, We would say in yoga, Your own spine. And from that place, You are able to be uplifted in your consciousness, Even when the things around you and the things that you're moving through are very, Very demanding. In this moment I think of Nelson Mandela and his time imprisonment, Where he was able, In the midst of an intensely difficult situation, Where the guards were cruel to him and mean to him, And here he was imprisoned, An innocent man. He had a practice of relating to others in the highest sense, No matter how he was treated. Swami Kriyananda, Same thing. And from that practice, He was able, Well, Many people, Their consciousness changed around him. They found it difficult to mistreat him because he was so kind. He was so uplifted in his vibration. But he was able to find the light in the midst of darkness. That is what Tapasya can feel like at times when we're moving through a difficult, Challenging time, But we stay connected to the light. The last one, Self-study, Is what we've started talking about today. So this practice of being able to hold yourself and hold your life as you might hold it being in a class, Right? So you have enough distance from what's happening that you can look at it, We would say in yoga, Impersonally. And part of that practice is really understanding, I'm not these things. Say it's not easy to do. So working with others can be profoundly beneficial in this. A trusted friend. A trusted teacher, That someone who is able to understand this practice and hold the practice with you so they keep you connected to the light. So they kind of watch you. In the 12-step world, Often someone will talk to a sponsor to share this information. That's not always a sponsor, A mentor. Really, The guidelines are a trusted friend. Someone who has the capacity to hold your life with a sacred understanding of your divine self. That they won't be confused by the information, They won't suddenly see you differently. And that's part of the fear when we look at our life, Is that somehow I think, Oh, I am that. Shanti gave an amazing talk on Friday, If you haven't had a chance to listen to it, And she said at the end of it, It was part one, She'll be doing part two. She talked about how do we work with our mistakes? How do we face things, Actions that we've done or thoughts that we've had that are painful to see? And they don't feel good. We know, Oh, I wasn't acting in my highest self. She was sharing a story about that, That in the midst of doing it, She had the thought, Don't do this. You're not going to be happy if you make this. " I'll just say she talked about sending an email. And she held it, You know, Really with. . . I just felt such appreciation for her sharing that she was using it as a way of talking about, We do make mistakes. It does happen. And here's what we do when we make a mistake. Well, We rectify it, Right? We own it first. We acknowledge, I was off course there. I acted outside one of the yamas and niyamas. And that is a beautiful guideline. Asha tells the story of someone from the Ananda village who used to post the yamas and niyamas on her refrigerator. She had many young children. And all the children were raised with this sense of, Oh, Something's going on. Let's go look at the yamas and niyamas. And what's nice about that is, Again, It depersonalizes it. It gives us an opportunity to say, How can I correct myself, Bring myself back to center, And try again. So that's part of the practice of this step four and this self-honesty. And it is a path of freedom. There's an expression, The truth will set you free. And so this is a practice to be unafraid. That's part of what we practice is, You know, Maybe I've made a mistake, Maybe I have done something I don't feel good about, But I'm not that mistake. I may have made a mistake, But I'm not a mistake. And that's part of the healing of this practice is we learn that. We learn to hold our own lives with compassion, With kindness, And with strength. It takes a lot of strength and we just move forward. We acknowledge it. We say very well. Swami told the story one time of playing tennis. He was a young monk. It was tennis or badminton, I'm not sure, But he kept not doing it very well and saying, Fault, My fault. " And then at a certain point, One of the monks said to him, He said it better than I can now, But the monk was saying, Well, I appreciate your willingness to own that you're not doing very well, But I'd appreciate it more if you just did it well. And so Swami told the story to say, Yes, We do want to Be honest and be willing to say when we've done something not well. But don't stay there. Keep moving. Then rise. Do what's needed to improve. So I offer you today and this week to see if you can practice holding your life in a way that is kind and loving and compassionate and strong and use the information that you see to lift your consciousness. And to do better if needed. Many blessings to you, Great souls.