When you find your way through your pain,
Through your hatred,
You will emerge with clarity.
This clarity comes from empathy.
The empathy that you have for yourself,
Which guided you through the incredible and profound experience of hate,
And the empathy that emerges for the one you once hated and once loved.
When you find your way back to this love,
You'll be able to decide from a place of love whether to renew and re-strengthen your relationship or to move on and say goodbye.
You will be able to choose from a place of love,
Not anger or fear.
When you make decisions from a place of love and not hate,
Only then can you be sure that you're making the right decision.
There are certain times,
However,
When it's not possible to do this.
There may be situations where you fear for your safety and you fear for your health.
In situations like those,
Don't wait until you've processed everything.
You need to put your own health and safety first.
There is always time later to figure things out.
Working through hate by staying present through hate.
By staying present through hate is in many ways a process of grieving.
We are grieving something that's been lost and that is incredibly difficult because sometimes what's been lost is our own perception of something,
Our own belief of something that was never true in the first place.
While difficult and sad,
This is always a good thing.
It allows us to see more clearly the world around us,
See more clearly those close to us,
And it doesn't always mean that the love is lost.
That love simply changes shape to more closely reflect how things are and not how you wish things are.
Sometimes love can even grow stronger because of this.
We can show our real selves we can show our vulnerable side and say,
This hurt,
You hurt me.
That can be an incredible opportunity for new growth.
Sometimes we go through this and realize that while we still care deeply for the person we once love and while we may still even love them,
That dynamic,
That relationship is not working for us.
It's not what we need or want.
Even though we wish things were different,
That's not what it is right now and that's okay.
This is a good thing.
This is how things are meant to be and this realization will help you move forward into something that does work,
That does make you happy.
Sometimes it's hard to let go of the hate.
We cling to it even because we realize that when the hate is gone,
We will be forced to contend with the reality of the loss.
When we hate,
We're still attached to how things should be,
How things ought to be.
We're operating from the perspective that our false perception is the expectation,
Is the norm.
But when we are able to move through hate and when hate leaves us,
We are no longer attached to that false perception.
That can be scary because we want to hold on.
I'm not telling you to let go.
You will hold on for as long as you need to and when the time is right,
You'll find yourself letting go so you can reach for something else,
Something better,
Whether that's with that same person or not.
And this process is so painful and it is so hard and you're going to want to force yourself to let go.
We wish we could just turn off all of the feelings so that we can go back to feeling good,
Feeling okay,
Feeling normal.
That will happen when the time is right and the best thing you can do to help that is to just stay present with your feelings and accept that right now,
Wherever you are is where you are.
Hate and love are the same thing and because of that,
The more that we hate,
The more that we loved in the first place.
And we may wonder why do we even open ourselves up to this kind of pain?
If we had a choice,
Maybe many of us would choose not to love and we see that with people.
We see them turn away from things that can be harmful to us.
We see them turn away from things that could bring them great joy.
But this pain that you feel,
This is a sign that you are alive and that you are open to experiencing all that life can offer you.
Without this,
We're not fully living.
So while this is hard,
While this is so painful,
This pain is a reminder that you are alive.
