Hello and welcome to Dear Grief Guide,
A podcast where each week I answer one anonymous letter from a listener feeling lost,
Stuck,
Heartbroken,
Or overwhelmed in the midst of grief.
My name is Shelby Forsythia.
I'm a grief coach and author,
And I'm here to help you create a life you love from the life loss forced you to live.
Let's get to today's letter.
Dear Grief Guide,
Two months ago,
I lost my greyhound Benny to complications from kidney failure.
He had been with me for over a decade,
And saying goodbye was one of the hardest things I ever had to do.
Before he died,
I asked him if it would be okay for me to get a new dog someday.
I wouldn't want to do anything that might make him sad.
Last night,
I had a dream about having two dogs,
My beloved Benny and another dog.
They looked so much alike.
Then Benny disappeared,
And I understood that he had died because I was crying.
In the dream,
I was on my knees hugging the other dog,
Crying and looking up at the sky.
The stars were twinkling all around us.
Then I woke up.
I don't know how to interpret this dream.
I feel like Benny wanted me to know it's okay to get a new dog.
The thing is,
Benny was always so jealous and possessive.
No other dog could get attention from me without him getting upset.
That's why I'm still unsure.
What do you think?
Does this dream mean I have his blessing?
And is two months too soon to bring another dog into my life?
Signed,
Too Soon to Tell.
Hi there Too Soon.
I want you to know that I think it's really honorable that you want to do right by your dog,
Even in his death,
Even though he is no longer here to live through alongside you the decisions that you're making.
I think that of any person on two legs in the world,
You knew his personality and his desires so well that it makes a whole lot of sense that you want to accommodate them,
That you want to take them into consideration as you move forward in your life.
I wonder if you might think of it this way.
Benny hogged all of your attention and life.
He literally milked your love for all that it was worth,
Soaking it up until the day he died.
Now through this dream,
It sounds like he's giving you permission in his own way,
And it sounds like you've interpreted this too,
To give that flavor of all out love to another dog.
I'll tell you that there is no timeline for getting another pet after losing one.
There are people who go out and get a new pet right away,
And there's nothing wrong with that.
And there are people who wait months or even years to get a new pet,
Or maybe don't ever get a new pet ever again,
And there's nothing wrong with that either.
Only you can decide what feels the most right to you.
Something that I want to advise you of though,
Is since you feel you are connected to Benny in death even,
You are connected to him in life,
You are connected to him in death as well,
You might ask him to send another dream,
Or send another sign,
Or communicate with you in a way that is so loud and so unmistakable that you will know you have his blessing and you are co-collaborating on this decision together,
Even beyond life on planet earth.
A podcast I really love listening to with regard to having dreams about life after loss,
Or dreams of our loved ones,
Is called Grief Dreams,
And it's hosted by Dr.
Joshua Black who literally did his PhD dissertation on grief dreams,
The dreams we have of loved ones after they die.
It sounds like just from the tone of your letter and the life that you gave to Benny,
That you have a whole,
Whole,
Whole heck of a lot of room in your heart,
And that he has a lot of room in his heart for you,
Even in what you might call doggy afterlife.
So I'll tell you,
I know this is such a short and sweet response to a letter,
But only you can decide when it's right.
If you'd like to take this dream as a blessing,
I agree with you,
I believe that it is one.
And you might also ask,
If you're a little uncertain,
For another sign,
Tell me again,
Show me again.
Something that I love and personally believe,
And you can take it if it's true for you,
Or if it feels right for you,
Or set it down if it's not.
But my mom died almost 11 years ago now,
My best friend's been gone for a little more than two,
My cat's been dead for six months now.
Something I believe personally about our souls or our spirits when they leave earth,
Is that they're no longer exhausted.
They don't have the human limitations that we do.
They are released from their bodies,
Yes,
But they are also released from things like decision fatigue,
Or needing to sleep,
Or getting sick,
Even.
So when we,
In our human bodies,
Ask them for things,
They have unlimited energy to do that,
To co-collaborate with us,
To send us signs,
To show up in dreams.
I have this belief that if I just ask for help,
Or that I just ask for a sign,
Or I just ask for a message,
Or just ask for another vote of confidence before making a decision,
That I will get it,
And that my loved ones cannot be sick of me for asking,
Because I am not exhausting any of their resources.
They are no longer human or animal,
As is the case for Benny.
He has got all the energy and time and bandwidth in the world to help you make this decision,
And you might consider him sort of a guide in doing this with you.
So that even though you are physically alone in your house right now without him,
You are not spiritually or energetically alone as you continue to move forward.
And I believe this for people who die.
I believe this for animals who die.
I believe they want to stay connected to us just the same way we want to stay connected to them,
And that if we call on them,
They will answer.
It may not be in the timeline we're expecting,
Or it may not be in the form we're expecting.
It may not be through music,
Or birds,
Or finding pennies on the street.
They may invent something else to try to get our attention.
But the request I always make,
Whether I'm talking to my cat,
Or my best friend,
Or my mom,
All these folks I have loved,
Animals I have loved who've died,
Is make it loud.
Make it so obvious that I can't miss it,
And I will know for sure that it's from you.
So too soon to tell.
I hope this is helpful for you.
I hope this is affirming for you.
And I hope this offers a different way of thinking about moving forward with Benny in mind.
I want to say,
If I haven't said it already,
That getting another dog is not a replacement.
It is an expansion.
It is a widening of your heart to accommodate another.
It is not a fill that slot with the next one.
It's not hiring for a new role in a corporation.
It is expanding the house of your heart.
It is adding on a room,
Or multiple rooms,
To make space for all the continued love that you can hold.
Because nothing can take Benny's rooms away.
You can't evict him from the house of your heart.
That's not how loss works.
The house gets bigger.
And I think if we're blessed to live long enough on this earth,
We all die with mansions inside of us.
With all the love that we have and have generated and have received in our lives.
So I hope that's a visual that works for you.
I hope you'll ask Benny for more dreams,
More signs,
More wisdom.
Because I do believe that he is at the ready,
Standby,
Ready to guide you.
And know that in whatever way it resonates with you,
Spiritually,
Energetically,
Emotionally,
This is a next step.
This is a decision that you can make with him together.
Good luck.
