Ep 3: The HSP Signs Nobody Talks About

Have you always felt things more deeply than the people around you? Rachel shares what being a highly sensitive person looks and feels like from the inside, drawing on Elaine Aron's research, the orchid and dandelion analogy, and why meaningful work and deep relationships are real needs for HSPs.

Transcript

Hi and welcome to this episode of Awaken Your More. Today we are going to be unpacking what it means to be a highly sensitive person in this kind of crazy overstimulating world that we find ourselves in. And our term highly sensitive person was coined by American, I believe, Psychologist, Elaine Aron, Who in the 1990s came up with this phrase, Sensory processing sensitivity. She kind of found out that a lot of people in society were experiencing things to a more heightened state than other people. For example, Emotional situations, Outside stimuli, And they were processing things like conversations, And experiences in a more heightened way than other people. So she actually found out there was probably about 15 to 20% of the population who are highly sensitive. So that's about one in five. So it's actually no small feat of the population who have high sensitivity. And I just want to talk a little bit about what being highly sensitive means. And I think we can, As society, Be really condemning of the word sensitive. When we're talking about. . . Sensitive people were often, You know, That person's more introverted or that person's not as, You know, Ambitious, Or that person is a little bit more quiet, Or that person is sensitive and emotional. And when we hear the word sensitive, And especially myself, When I've heard the word sensitive in the past, I've been like, You know, I don't really want to have that word sensitive, You know, Even when we're in the shops and we're like, Oh, Sensitive product for skin or sensitive to sunlight, You don't really connotate it with this thing of being good. You kind of think it is something less than or something that is kind of a hindrance to who we are and I think that that is why so many people are like, Oh yeah I'm not really highly sensitive or they kind of get a little bit fearful of associating with some of the highly sensitive person traits because there is that negativity in the word of being sensitive. And I think what comes with this is an understanding that also you can be highly sensitive and have highly sensitive person traits, But that is not your ceiling. And neither is that the total of you as a person, Because we are multifaceted, We are multi-passionate, We are multi-everything in a sense beings, And we can live in juxtapositions. We can be both adventurous and want stability and it doesn't have to make sense. So today I want to just share some of the highly sensitive person traits that I believe to be what I am and I'm not every single one of these. But I think it's important to share that you can be some of these, You can be one of these, Two of these. And it's up to you really if you associate with the label of being highly sensitive because we're all individuals. And I really want to emphasize that we fall into the trap of putting ourselves in a box so much because it makes it easier for us to process life. And I think it's about stepping out of that box sometimes and seeing where we've been limiting ourselves by labeling ourselves. So let's get into some of the signs that you might be highly sensitive. So one of the most common signs that you might be a highly sensitive person, Sensitive person doesn't really matter what label we use, Is that you experience and process the world more intensely than other people. So for me, This has been like so enlightening to know because often when I'm in social events and situations, I really tend to pick up on the body language, Facial expressions. All these like unobvious clues to other people about how other people are feeling. So often I won't be processing a situation for myself, I'll be processing the situation through about seven other people and what they're doing. And when I learned that this was probably actually not normal, It was quite, Quite a relief. But again, What happens with this is this can be a really great gift if we use it to help in our jobs, If we're in sort of healing professions or education professions or maybe social work professions, We can really attune to people and understand them in an empathetic way. But what happens is we often aren't able to switch off from that and disconnect from it. That creates a sense of real overwhelm within the body. And I think that's really why tuning into body-based practices as a highly sensitive person is essential, Because otherwise you are going to be flooded and you are going to be completely exhausted. So it's about really recognizing that as a strength, But also something that does actually need to be maintained and nurtured throughout your life. Elaine Aron kind I'm not going to go into her research because I don't actually really like talking about science. It's not my thing. I'm more interested in the spiritual and emotional and physical way that we can heal ourselves. But I think it's important to understand that she did a lot of research and what happened is she found that people who are highly sensitive were really attuned to their environment. We are affected by our environment a lot more than other people. So I take this example of my own personal experience personal partner. So my partner is like really emotionally intelligent, Which is amazing, But he is like a dandelion and we've had this conversation. He's like, I can kind of be in whatever environment I'm in and I'm not really fussed about it and it doesn't really affect me. Whereas I am like this orchid and this orchid that needs specific environments to thrive, Specific jobs to thrive. I don't like overbearing noise, Although I sometimes like to go to the occasional concert That's the juxtaposition of it. Again, You don't have to fit into one thing all the time. I want to say that is. You know, I'm really like need these specific conditions to thrive. And if not, I start to become really down. I start to become anxious. And I guess for a lot of the time, Highly sensitive people can just kind of chalk themselves up to being anxious. I think it's about realizing that where is your environment actually draining you? Because your environment can drain or sustain you so much if you're highly sensitive. And I guess. For me, I lived a life in Asia and I mean, I'm very abundant life in Asia and I really love that life and miss it terribly. But there was a way that my nervous system just wasn't being met. And I guess this is because it was so in attack on the senses the whole time that eventually my nervous system just became so fried, If that's even the right word. And I think if you're highly sensitive, This is more likely to happen. And it's about really recognizing what you can do. In order to help yourself within your environment. And you might not always be able to take yourself off to the places that like help you. I am a big ocean person. That is where I am happiest the most. And I guess, Yeah. I guess it's about really. . . It's about really understanding that and not trapping yourself in a place but also if you can't be somewhere that is going to help you, What can you do? What can you do to help you? I want to emphasize that a lot of people in creative jobs, A lot of people in healing jobs, A lot of people in jobs that give, And I'm not saying all jobs don't give but like People who are highly sensitive have to have some sort of purposeful job, I've found, And it's more likely to be something that is aligned to their values or something that lights them up or something that gives back. And when highly sensitive people aren't in this specific kind of role, It has this really taxing, Effect on the body and in our minds because we are purpose-driven. And I don't always mean purpose in terms of career, I mean purpose in terms of doing something for other people. And this is because again, It links to our emotional empathy and our awareness. And I think often we find ourselves funneled in to careers that might not actually be aligned with who we are, Because society tells us that we should go to university, We should get the grad scheme job, We should do this, We should get a job in marketing. And I guess I only speak from experience, Because you know, I kind of did the PR marketing role. I'm not saying that's a bad thing, But for me, It was definitely like a learning journey of like, Oh my goodness, I don't want to help rich people get richer. This is against my values. This is against who I am as a person. So I think it's about really recognizing that where is your light going? Is it going to something that you feel lights you up and others, Or is it being dimmed? And that is a process of learning and discovery, But it might also be something that is secretly taking away your energy. And I also wanted to talk about like relationships. I also wanted to talk a little bit about relationships and in terms of both emotional relationships, Like, You know, Loving, Like romantic relationships and relationships with people. And as a highly sensitive person, This is probably like I think a good thing and a bad thing, I just really find small talk hard now. It used to be better at it, But nowadays I'm like, If you're not there for the deep, Meaningful convos, I can't do it. And I mean, Everybody is different. I just need those friendships that offer depth, Not surface level chat. And I think I broke up with one of my past partners actually, Because they were just, You know, This is no disrespect to whoever they were, But they were just not able to access a deeper level of awareness. And I think when we can't access or be around people who can access that level of awareness, It can become quite taxing because we do generally need those good relationships as sensitive people. That's why it can be quite lonely sometimes being a highly sensitive person because not everybody is and not everybody is able to offer those deep meaningful connections and that's just the way people are wired. So that's why I found it really helpful to kind of seek out other sensitive people and do things that kind of light me up and passions that align because they're probably gonna be those kind of people that go into those areas anyway. And I think romantic relationships are particularly important for sensitive people, I definitely think. That from my own journey, You kind of need to be with somebody who's not like exactly like you. Otherwise, I think maybe sometimes that can be a big But I think one of the signs that you are a highly sensitive person is that you probably need a partner that is emotionally aware and emotionally in tuned, Even if they're not on the same level as you. So. I want to just emphasize that these are just some of the things that helped me recognize that I was a highly sensitive person. I want to reiterate that I am a juxtaposition. I am not a one-dimensional highly sensitive person who ticks every single highly sensitive person trait. And I think if you're watching this and you're like, Or maybe on a couple of those, Yeah, You might have highly sensitive person traits. You might just be more sensitive and that's okay. And it's not always about taking the label and running with it because I think that's where we can kind of box ourselves in and we can hit a capacity on where we can go in life. But it also takes away from what we can experience as the total of our lives. So if you're a highly sensitive person who also likes going to concerts and dancing, And raves then you are a highly sensitive person who likes that as well and you shouldn't feel like that is something you should be ashamed of. So I really hope this helps shed some light on some traits of being a highly sensitive person and I hope it also made you realize that it doesn't also need to be so serious because there's a lot out there that is like a lot of like serious stuff and I'm like yeah I'm a highly sensitive person. I find that I cry at a lot of stuff and my partner I was like, Why are you crying? I'm gonna cry at the music on the radio. And I actually really liked that about myself. So, Namaste.