Diving Deep Face-to-Face

We all need a climate of compassion to feel safe enough to reveal our vulnerabilities and fears, and open to the salve of unconditional love.

It can be scary to expose our fears and vulnerabilities, in front of others but this group of extraordinarily loving people make it safe to do this.

Premasudha speaks to the heart of the trouble, soothing the wound with unconditional devotion and humour. Sometimes she does a kind of subtle surgery to cut away the ego but the love behind her words makes the operation as painless as possible.

Premasudha so values the company of these stalwart seekers who just keep going on the journey, not matter what difficulties they face.

Respect!

Transcript

I want to hit you over the head really hard. Because how many times have I told you that your trouble with your tummy had to do with, Even though it was a parasite, Had the root of it had to do with trouble stomaching and, And digesting your divinity. And you keep dropping in and ignoring it. It drives me nuts, Because there's a level that you're very devoted to this teaching. But there's a level that the heart of it, You keep dropping, You keep saying no to, And it's like, But you want the benefit of it. Right. So I have to point that out. It's a little weird for Premasuddha, But I understand you. So it's not anything that I judge. Do you understand? It's like, I get why you do it. But I want you to start getting it. And so of course, The symptoms have disappeared. Of course, You feel lighter and happier. That is what this work is about. You're making the shift. Okay. So when you're talking about the ashram and the administration and everything, It's all really a metaphor for it's all showing you about you. It's reflecting you. That's your point of power. So Premasuddha with, You know, In my work, I faced this over and over again, Bringing love and having it trashed or judged or, Or fought. And this has a lot to do with my past lives, And how I was met at birth. And I said to you, When we were talking that, When you were telling me about this, I had this pain in with my left wrist, And the left wrist is birth. And it's how the mother was feeling at point of birth, And my mother did not want me. You see, So this is part of what fuels the drama at the ashram. Yeah, I'm not fully getting it, To be honest. No, You're very scared to get the heart of things, To understand the heart of things, And to understand your own heart. This is why you've got this fear response. I know that it is hard for you to understand, And you're not actually that motivated to understand. You want the fear to go away and pain to go away. You're not so motivated to understand actually what Premasuddha is telling you over and over and over. And I say this with great love. It's like, This is what we're like. It's like all the past lives you've had, There are many past lives that are really related to being a warrior, Like a Roman centurion. So you really understand this kind of battling at the level on the earth level, At the physical level, Struggling, Struggling, And this work is transcendent. And it heals through transcendence. It helps you guys prepare your bodies for a transcendent solution, For your vibration to rise, For your awareness to rise. But that's what's, You know, Unusual about it. It's like a spiritual midwifery. It really midwives you. And some of you, Like some of you, It's like your lives, It's like your worst nightmare to come into your hearts, Even though you want to. There's levels of your personality where it's your worst nightmare. Like Shivamayee has made a quantum leap from resistance. And we had battles, Right? To this, Of totally getting the transcendence. Once you get it, Trilla Chan, You will go, What planet was I on? Really, You will say that. And you also say, Premasutra was so patient with me. And Premasutra loves you very much and understands how hard it is for you to get this. But, And the ones who are listening, You can get it for Trilla Chan, But I might be speaking to you say, Michael, And you won't get it for yourself. You know, This is what we're like. No, True. We can we go like, What's wrong with that person? Why don't they get it? But like, Actually, We're not getting it at our level. Yeah. And the thing is, Trilla Chan, There would be for you to get what Premasutra is talking about, There would be increased distance, You would have to feel less bonded to the ashram and any structure like that. You would feel less bonded to structures, And more bonded to the heart of the journey and more like bonded to Amma. And less bonded to the structure more like that. The structure is never the heart of it. The structure always gets in the way of the heart in a way, Although we need the structures. I mean, This is the human condition, We need the structures, And yet, They're the thing that gets in the way. It's like, You know, If you read about Bhagavan, Some of the most heartfelt, Highest level devotees were expelled from the ashram. But Bhagavan didn't argue with this. He just went and saw them every day. Yeah. So how are you feeling right now? You nailed it. Yep. That's my job. Yeah. What else can I say? Well, You can talk about how you feel emotionally and your how your body feels all the stuff that you might be scared to expose. Regarding I mean, The first part where you know that I'm still not still searching for outside explanations for any physical symptoms. Yeah. Right. Or any kind of rational explanations. Yeah. I mean, This whole stuff goes on since one year, Right? It's not like something new with the digestion. Yeah. I wish so much to finally get into this understanding. And it feels good when you say it, Actually, When you say that, I have the reassurance in this moment, I feel really good and peaceful. But what happens whenever a new symptom comes, Something I fall very easily prey to worry and to find out what it is, Or search outside for help. Yeah. But I think it's getting better. But I think it's getting better. But once I hear you, What like right now, I felt Oh, It makes so much sense. And I feel so much reassured. I feel so reassured and safe. And yeah. You know, This is also why I wanted to see you personally. So Premasut is doing a slight detour to go where Trilla Chan is. Because I just got the guidance that he needed to actually meet me and get bodywork for me. I just follow. It's like, Okay. You see how loving it is. You know, So Premasut is coming to you. And sure, Like, This is what we're like, We get it for a second. And then the old stuff happens again, And we lose it. But we will, You will come back and you will get it more solidly. And for longer. Do you know, It's, It's like a gradual healing. And then once you really got it, You will feel much lighter all the time. Truly, Nothing will really be able to take that from you. You know, You might get your challenges, But you'll go, I really know that on the other side of this challenge, There's feelings of lightness. It's okay. Too many words. It's like, What is it with males that they say women like, Don't use too many words with males just like, And Amma doesn't, Right? Because it's, It's not necessary. Trilla Chan, You are deeply on the right track. Your healing is taking place, Sort of despite your head. I mean, Your head's going to find out that you're healed. And you're gonna go, Oh, I guess this works. Really? And you know, You know, Follow what Amma says, Like your mantra, You know, When the fear starts, Or something happens, You just go, Okay, Here it is, Again, And start saying your mantra, There's some part of you that kind of, You, You kind of wimp out about it, You go, Oh, Here it is. And you capitulate instead of, Okay, I'm going to say my mantra. I know this is bullshit. I'm just going to say my mantra, Or my email premisuda. Do you see what I mean? It's like what putting your warrior nature in support of your own emotional, Spiritual self. Not just fighting for bad or good. With a structure, But actually bringing it home. And supporting your own God self. You guys actually you see this is I was writing this before this satsang, I forgot it was face to face. And I started writing about what I wanted to talk about. And it was exactly this, That you have to support your, Your heart, You have to go that you're worthwhile. So if you're scared, You start the mantra, Do whatever you can. Help yourself and say I am growing beyond this. So there's a total blankness in you that I feel. What is this sort of you've just gone blank. You're kind of saying to me underneath you're going I can't deal with this. Yeah, I know you don't want to, But you will, You will deal with it. Because yeah, You'll have to. And you'll be so much happier on the other side of this, Man. And then you'll look at the ashram and go, They just don't know. And then you'll, You know, You'll end up helping them just as a byproduct. Because the more people that are walking around in this, The more they'll get it. You're very beautiful. Hmm. Yeah. And I'm feeling like your tongue has got a twist. So it's very hard for you to just speak simply and the truth. It's like, As if your tongue is twisted, And it's the ego, It's okay. And it just comes from a little boy being conditioned by somebody who wasn't in truth. So still, I'm just seeing like your tongue is twisted. And you may have had a lifetime where you had a tongue twisted like that. But the issue is like, Just a trouble speaking simply and truly. Right. And you're going to get through this, I can feel it's like your whole tongue is straightening out. Just as I speak. Yeah. Surprised to hear that. With the tongue. You're surprised to hear this. Hmm. Was at least how I thought I am. I'm very Yeah, Outspoken, Especially when it comes to, You know, Our Dharmic, From my point of view, Our Dharmic stuff, But maybe not enough for myself. But you go too much like the structure of it, Instead of just speaking to the heart. Mm hmm. Yeah, You'll find out. It's clearing. It's really clearing. Yeah, It's just gonna find out. You see, You guys, Part of the thing we're working with you, You can't know what it's going to be like for you when your vibration rises. You see, So you have to be open like a child and and like, Listen to your mama. So like, I know what's going to happen for you. This is it happens for it's part of the journey. It's a structure of the journey. Everybody goes through these things. Yeah, So just like Pramasutra knew she didn't know anything. So how that openness like you, How could you know about what it's like to be in a higher vibration? You can't. So don't get in your own ways. Just let yourself be guided. And then, You know, Go use empirical evidence if it works. If it's working, If it worked in the past, And this person's trustworthy, Just keep following. Right. Right. But it's scary because we step right outside our ego. And it's easy to talk about. And it's very scary to do. But it's right now, It's just scary to stay asleep. You're much safer if you wake up. It's like I, I talked about all the people in California. You know, Only a few people bought extra sprinklers and made their own little fire protection thing for an extra 40 pounds or 40 euros. They saved their house houses, There are only a few people who did that like five out of millions or however many were affected. This work will make you like be able to do like you'll just get the feeling you'll be woken up enough to to set up a simple fire protection for your house that kind of problem solving. This is how premise suit is navigated and raise kids with without a proper income base was just through following guidance. But you have to do it to find out about it. But Trilla Chan, Like your your soul is just making you do it this life. So you're good. But okay, I've got to speak to we got to move on sweet one because there's where we've got other people. So thank you. You're good, Man. You're good. It's all good. Okay, Please come forward. I feel like I could use a little support. Yeah. So in general, You see, You know, I'm feeling, You know, Good things are things are going well, And I'm feeling good about it. And yesterday's satsang was actually really, It moved, It moved some stuff. And it was actually it, The German ashram right is the Saturday satsang was starting. So I went right over and sang bhajans and sang myself I sang Jagoma Kali, Which is wake up, Rise up, Mother Kali. And there was the interesting energy there. And yeah, Just several things going on because you know, My husband and I have been separated for almost a year now. And since we've been back to Germany, Just over a week, Our relationship is better than it ever was, It wouldn't work to be back together. But it's nice to have to have a lot to feel that things have been cleaned out. And, And on the other hand, It's, It's, You know, I've got, I mean, Even just the last few days, But in the last few months, You know, Something's moving, Because the sexual energy that was sleeping, I'm just, It's feeling it's coming up. And, And now navigating, You know, I'm feeling a bit fun, There's, I don't know, There's some emotions there that are not so pleasant, Because, You know, My husband told me yesterday that he does actually have another love interest. But I'm trying, Trying to stay with with me, I know that I'm, You know, Going out, Wanting to, You know, Go that way. And I'm, Yeah, Just, Yeah, Lots, Lots of things. Okay. Okay. So I feel like you really are trying to stay with you. Not going out. And that's really good. Like, I can feel your effort with that. But the way you're doing it is, It's kind of like, It's sort of like a babysitter who's taking care of a child. And she's not that interested in the child, She'll do her duty, But she's not. She doesn't love the child. And so this is similar to Trilla Chan a little bit. It's I want you to love you, Vani. Right. And I want that too. I know. And, You know, Sexual energy does rise with the Kundalini. I mean, It just it is. And and the more we awaken, Like that's part of coming alive. So it's all good. Just Yeah, Witness it. It's easiest. And your husband, Yeah, Will have another love interest. It's like, Your really deep connection to yourself got lost in childhood, And you've never had it back. I can feel this. And this is part of why you want to spend time with Pramasutra when I come to Germany. And it's good. It's good, Because you're wanting it back. But part of you doesn't even know how to receive it. This, This, Your essential Vani-ness, Like, You feel that when you say feel it, It's solar plexus, I feel it. Yeah. It's, It's actually everything you've protected yourself against, Like, This is what we're like, It's, It's, It's, It's, It's everything we're defended against. Right. Right. But, You know, Like, You know, A teacher shows that it's safe. You know, They're a walking example, Right? So, But yeah, I can feel it, Right? Your solar plexus is like, And it blocks your heart connection. So this has been a few things that I've said to you, Like where I've gone, Like, There's part of you, Okay, I'm going to tell you, It's like, Not a dirty secret. It's something you have, You have get, I don't want to embarrass you, Because, But everybody will know this in themselves. There's part of you that would like to like be a teacher and like for the, For the power, Like to be able to boss people around kind of rather than to have a really deep love. Like, This is your rub. There's part of you that really understands the power play better than the actual journey into real unconditional love. And this is not a fault. This is our conditioning. This is what we're like. Premasutra just got smashed so hard that I had to pick myself up around the love. Okay, So. So when I say that, How does that feel to you? It feels true. It's, It's, It's something I was even, I mean, I recognize that in myself, It was even, You know, To a certain extent aware of it. Good. Yeah. So, But you see, That the desire coming into love, There's, There's sort of not much that supports it in our lives. So you have to really want it to bring it forward. Okay, And what tears, Tears, Tears come when I get off of the story and focus back on that, You know, Like I turn on a satsang from you or I, You know, Do my arch an hour, Just sit there, The tears come. There's, There's, There's a certain amount of me that's longing for it. Oh, Yes, Sweetie. This is all good. Don't worry, Like you come to satsangs, You're lovely, You're, It's just Premasutra bringing out her scalpel. And, You know, Yeah, You guys, I mean, This is all of us are like this. In fact, It's, It's a, It's a medal of honor that you come to satsang and, And let me say this to you, Really, Because you see, This makes it impossible now for you to continue, Like it makes it, It's like, You will have to change. Do you know what I mean? I know, And it's what you want. Exactly. That's why I love this scalpel. That's why I sure, Sweetie, Tell me who in the world doesn't get attracted to power, You have to be self realized, To not get attracted to power. So please, Don't take it personally, Please. Okay. I'm, I know that I know this, I know this aspect of me, I think it's been the lifestyle I've lived, It's been hiding for a bit. But I know, Yeah. Okay, I'm going to go in really like, Okay, So sweetie, I'm doing this for you, To help, To help you be unable to keep doing what you're doing. Okay. So remember that time, I said, Like, When you sent your son into the bathroom, And he went to the front of the line, And I said, You should have come into the bathroom, Brought him in, Spoken to the women explained, It was an emergency and asked permission. Okay, This is, This is what I'm talking about honoring the humanity of people is like, If they're waiting in line, They may have to pee too. But you've got a little guy. But what you did is you pushed him, You said, Go to the front of line. So you stressed him out, Too. Do you see? Yeah. So this is the stuff I see that it this stuff, It's like, You need to wake up, Because as you wake up, You won't do these things anymore. And sweetie, On the scale of sins, This is like point o one sinful, Like, I'm kidding. Do you know what I mean? It's not. It's okay, It's okay. But this is self realization work. You have to be the level of purity that you have to develop to become self-realized is off the charts. So you might as well start. Right? Don't you love it? Who was it for child that was? Yes. That was okay. He knows what he's talking about. That's it. Okay. And sweetie pie, You like I'll tell you funny. She has kept going in face of I told her that she couldn't speak for all the satsangs and you kept turning up and I'll tell you, This gets a level of a badge of honor from Pramasutra when you know, The teachers gone like speak to the hand and you kept coming every week. It's like, Oh my god. Yeah, So I have huge respect for you. And you you listen to me as I say these things. It's like most people wouldn't. Basically, Truly, They wouldn't. Yeah. Yeah. So how does your body feel right now? If you could, There's laughter coming. Yeah. But maybe it's laughter. Do you see how it works? You guys? It's just you could just embrace your humanity. And it's like, It's all a bit of a joke because we're divine beings. And, You know, The main thing is like this to be like, Like a pilgrim, Like, You know, The the pilgrims like that selfless, Constant prayer guy, He just sets out with a prayer, You just set out in the journey, And you just do your best. And if you've got a good heart, You will attract good trainers to you. If you're sincere, You will get sincere teachers, You will get authentic teachers. It's all good. The universe takes very good care of you. Okay, You're, You're looking stronger in I'm seeing your aura just light and expanding. That's it, Sweet one. Yeah, Bless your heart. Yeah, My heart just warms to you. For sitting through this. And yeah, It's like this is it's like an operation. Amma says you have to lie down for your operations. It's surgery that the ego gets cut out. It's horrifying in a way, But then you just feel good after. Okay, Good. Okay, We'll move on to Shiva my a, I get a little self-conscious. I with being praised, You know, Because I, But anyway, I do want to share this, This story from yesterday, I went through the I, I'm a part of a 12 step program. I started in Al-Anon and and now I belong to AA for quite a while now. And so there was our, Our program was asked to do like a thing at the women's jail. And I went yesterday, And four of us went and we met with it was, It was really sad. These ladies were, You know, There's a lot of suffering there. And, And I, And the ladies that I went with it all been to jail, And they'd all been, You know, They, They seem like they had so much to share. And they talked about their, Their experiences. And then I'm sitting there thinking, Well, I've never been to jail, I feel kind of, You know, I would, Anyway, When I, They asked me to share, And I was able to share this kind of stuff that we're talking about, You know, About, About how, You know, When I very first started a 12 step program years ago, How I just didn't believe in God, How afraid I was to believe in God, And how I, You know, Decided just to open the door a little bit. And then I was able to share about the self love, The self compassion, And that our sins really are forgiven. You know, I think really, Until just recently, That was just something that was I never felt in my heart, You know, Right, That are forgiven that I just had to beat myself up about all of my sins, You know, And now I realized that our sins are part of our humanity. And I was able to share that with them, Because I'm sure that was a message they need to hear being in jail. Totally, You know, They can't be good about themselves, You know, And it was just really nice to be able to share this in a heartfelt way. Yeah, With a true heart and really authentically. Yeah. Yeah. And that's a higher vibration, You get to the point where you forgive your sins, You guys, You do, You just go, Oh, Like, Yeah, Okay, Good. Is there anything you was it something else that you wanted to? Oh, I don't know. I understood so much. I'm sorry. Is it Kiran? I can't see her. I just checked her name. Yeah, I mean, I've got so much to that. That resistance has been such a part of my journey, But I feel it lessening. And I was on a trip. I don't know. Anyway, With my nephew, And he was playing Ram Dass. And he Ram Dass had this meditation. And it was so helpful to me talked about imagining my favorite deity, And saying to myself how much I love that my deity or Amma, And he said, You know, It'll feel phony. But as you stay with it, It'll grow, You know, The phony part will lessen and the real part will come up. And that has really helped me, I think, Just to realize, No, It's good to see that our phone. Yeah, And I can pay attention to the phony parts of the negative parts, And they seem so big. But when I tried to concentrate on the true parts, They grow too. Yeah, Just put your arms around your full self, Sweetie. Just around all of you. Yeah, You're just lovable the way you are. Yeah. Right. And what Premasuddha, You know, Wishes to do is witness you because if you guys can receive the love from this one, And really take it in, This could save you a year of mantras. Really, This is we do these exercises, As a way to get to exactly what we're doing here. You see, There's two sides to the religious journey. There's the male approach, Which is great. And then there's a female approach. Now the female approach is, Is just like the mother with the child. And the male approach is, You know, Doing something like mantras and everything. And they're all wonderful. But you can get a transmission just instantly, As the trust builds. Okay, But it's really important to keep doing your mantras. It's sort of like, You know, If you just go to see Amma, And you just go for the hugs, And you don't do, You don't listen to bhajans, And you don't do the practices, You won't grow as fast. So do them all. But remember, This is very powerful transmission. And Sivamaya, There's part of you, That when you were talking, You were sort of stepping aside from premasuddha. Yeah, You were sort of stepping aside. And it's kind of like, You get premasuddha, And you get the love that comes through her and you get how valuable it is. I know this. You pretend not to, But you do. Yeah. So it's kind of enough of anything else. It's like, They're wonderful. Sivamaya, You're a very old soul. And you're coming through this resistance. And the resistance isn't as big as you think. It's like, I've just been gobsmacked at what you've done. Yeah, Just keep going. Okay, Thank you. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm just going to give you a blast of the sculpt energy. Yeah. Right. Right. And everybody. And everybody. Okay. That's good. Yeah, Right. We all need it. Yeah. Really. I mean, We all I know we all feel in deficit. We do feel in deficit until self realization. This is you guys, It's just the way it is. And then at self realization, What happens is you just bond with everything, Your ego dies, And you bond with everything you go. Oh, My God. Yeah. Right. I feel you know, That we're all climbing a little hill. And we're all standing at the top of this hill. And there's this kind of like golden city. And that you're seeing the possibility on a deeper level. Now you're seeing, Hey, I can really do this journey. I can really. Me too. Me too. Yeah. It's like the golden city of selfhood. Yeah, The golden city of self. Right. It's very beautiful. Right. And you're all coming along with Pramasutra much more than you used to. It's fantastic. Okay, Next person, Please come forward. Hi, Pramasutra. It's Eva. Sweet one. How are you? Oh, Well, I'm not so well from from my body, Because I had very intense lower back pain, Lumbago, Since one week. Yeah. And it's, I never had such pain before, Really. And now I'm under painkillers and also pills for muscle release. Because it was so cramped. But it also feels that, Yeah, I'm, I'm kind of fine with it. And the other, I try not to fight and I try just to be with it and to see it's getting better from day to day. But it's because of these painkillers, Which makes me more movable, Which I can, I can move more with these pills. But in my heart, It feels okay. It feels yes, It is like it is, Although I have no earnings right now, Because I can't work, I can't do my body work. And I just have to be with what is right now. I can't change it. It's like, Okay, Being with it, Being calm with it. And being just I try to accept. And there are when you know, When I don't, When I don't move, When I just lay lie, And I feel very often the kind of peace, Inner peace, It's just fine inside my heart. And the body is aching. Birds. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's, There's a lot of angelic input with you. And they, They do want you to like, Lie still like and be with yourself. You said, You know, Be with it, Be with it. But really, What Premasut is wanting is you to be with Eva. Not just the pain, But be with your full, Full self. There's some angels really wishing to communicate to you, And you can't hear them. You can't, You're not, You're kind of disconnected from, From, You're not able to receive it fully. But I want to tell you this, The lower back is self support, Trouble, Supporting the truth of yourself, Not honoring your true nature, Having trouble with that, Which is very understandable. It's how we're taught. But you're working right now, This what you're going through right now, Is a very deep level of that complex. So the pain is up. It's a very deep level that's clearing. Yeah. So it's like whacked you, But it's what you were carrying. And it's just coming out to be cleared. And so it's intense. It was, You know, That kind of self deprecation you've been running has been very intense for you. And it's your soul's wanting your soul's lifting it. I'm is lifting it. So you've got this terrible pain. You know, But it's leaving. It's sort of like, Man, It's like a small price, Right? It's like, It won't even hurt so much after getting this when you really get this, That actually, It's coming up as you're being healed. It's like, Yeah, I told you, I know that I am, I know that I am more than my body. And this is, I know, There's so much more. And very often, I can feel the angels, But I can't hear what they are talking to. Yeah, But I can write that. No. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, It's all good, Sweetie. You can't be criticized. It's like I have praised you so many times. But it's just this self deprecation and you makes it hard for you to really like, Again, Except this is helping to lift it. What you're going through. Yeah, It's coming up from a very deep level. I feel it is very deep, Sweetheart. I never had it before like this. And in such deep level, You know, I have this lower back pain for many, Many, Many years. And now it is so it was so intense, That I never felt this intensity before. But, You know, I couldn't do anything else but taking these painkillers on. And okay, I would have taken the painkillers to like, What's wrong with that? Yeah. Sweetie, Talking to you're a little bit attached to the pain. It's kind of like, It's a little bit like talking to Trilla Chan, You're making the pain a thing, You're making this lower back pain a thing. And Premasutha is saying, It is your self deprecation. What is this self deprecation? Does somebody know a good German word for self deprecation? Oh, Okay. Yeah. Right. Okay. So and you've been sitting with it, Holding on to it. It's like it's wanting to leave. It's wanting to lift. So look at this pain, Like this is this self deprecation lifting, And then act accordingly. Like, Let it change the way that you behave. Don't behave in don't keep the old self deprecation things going. Let yourself change your behaviors. Let yourself change what comes out of your mouth. Let the transformation happen. Because I'll tell you, I'm going to shake you. I'm going to shake you because you you have such a high spiritual understanding wanting to come and I've said this to you over and over and so let it come. I wish I pray for it. We pray for it. And yeah, I give my best but it's Yeah. Oh, Sweetie pie, You're being there's part of you that's like, You know, You're sensitive little girl. So I'm speaking to you the same way I spoke to Bhavani and Trilla Chan. It's like I'm taking a scalpel to your ego. It's not personal. I'm trying to free you. I'm trying to free you. Yeah, Please get this. That's all I want to free you. You're going, I'm hearing you going, It's not allowed. It's not allowed. It's not allowed. You know, There's somebody I wrote and I said, Oh, You can come back to satsangs. But, But you have to bond with Pramasutti. You can't come to satsangs and keep fighting with me. I'm not saying that you can't come to satsangs either. But, You know, Remember, It's the bonding with the teacher, Let the teacher help you. You got an awakened teacher here who's giving, Putting her hand out. Yeah, Right, Sweetie. That's it. That's it. And I'm feeling how much the angels want to communicate with you and they're able now to get closer. I can feel it. You've made a shift. It's like they're closer now. You're going to be more able to hear them. It's like you're not quite willing to let them hear them, But you're willing to let them feel closer even than they did. I think you should be very patient and gentle with yourself. Sometimes we have to take time off working for more than just a week. Yeah. There's something I'd like to tell you. Are you scared of me, Eva? There's some withholds you've got about Pramasutta. Are you scared of me? What is it? Because I'm really, I work very hard. And it's kind of there's a point when I start working too hard, I go, Okay, There's something I said, I'm going to get, I think I'm not scared. I don't think. Is there any kind of withhold Pramasutta? And just be honest. I don't know. I don't nothing I could just know. Okay. Just checking. I'm seeing you picking prickles off yourself. You're just doing these, These prickles, These, You know, Defenses, These prickles, You're just going, Oh, I don't need these. Maybe that's what Pramasutta was talking about. Yeah. So how did it feel when I said I was, You know, The prickles were? Prickles. I don't really know the word, But I can, I can, I think I can feel what you mean, But it's a kind of not understanding the kind of not knowing what you are, What you are saying. Is there a word for prickles? Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe my artist defenses defended by these prickles. Maybe it's like this. Yeah. You're just going up into your head a little bit. That's okay, Sweetie. It's okay. It's like you're on overload. It's okay. Okay. There's no fault. It's all good. Like when you finish with this, I saying, No, You did a good job. Okay. Okay. There's no, This is, It's just fantastic that you come and let me do this. But I just want to tell you that these prickles weren't really attached to anything. They were sort of there on your sweater. You didn't really believe them anymore. And it was really easy for Pramasutta to sort of brush them off. And that's all I'm doing. It's like, You don't believe the prickles anymore. Actually, You really want to receive love. You see, It's sweeter than you thought. And may you, May these angels get closer and closer. And I suspect your back will start feeling better just with this. But maybe not. But, But I suspect it might. Yeah. Good work, Sweet one. Thank you very much. Yes. Thank you, Sweet one. Yeah. It's like going on the rack. You never know what's gonna happen. Terrifying. Good work. Okay, Next person. If anybody has to go, Please just head off and I'll just keep working with people who want the input. Maybe everybody's terrified to come forward now. Hello, Pramasutta. It's me, Marianne. Good. I was thinking I just got should I call on Marianne? I was just getting that. Yeah. So good. How are you doing? I just want to thank you for your prayers. And for the phone call we had on Wednesday. Still working. And yeah, I again had at least two, Like, Proofs that it, It works like that. I'm, I'm planting, Like, I feel like a little plant, Like growing up with my female energy. And this is so relieving. Oh, Isn't it? Oh, Sweetie, It was so, So rewarding kind of feeling Pramasutta felt like she was pulling you out of chaos into your feminine energy, Because that's the kind of chaos that I walked into too, Because I didn't know about feminine energy. And you're learning so quickly, Sweetie, You're like, Just, You're just getting it so quickly. And that's so good. And, You know, Marianne's getting it quickly, Because it's painful not to, You know, That's what that's when we get it quickest. When, When we're there, We're in a painful situation. So you're doing it? Yeah, Because really meant it when I said, I just don't want to fight anymore. I just can't and I don't want to. And because it was so exhausting. And my life like for four or five weeks now. It's really so much easier. And I'm, I'm often like, Aha, Well, This, Okay, Now, Whatever, Like I talked to my ex husband, And it was a good conversation. And we didn't have any for five months. So and yesterday, My my daughter came back from a six days trip. She went on a trip with the school and I picked her up and we went home and she was all like, Totally excited because the trip was so cool. And yeah, And then she was in her room and I was packing the stuff in the kitchen. And then I heard like a little what is it a little, Little crying. And I went like, Are you okay, Sweetie? And she said, Yeah, Mommy, I'm totally fine. I'm just so happy. And she was sitting on her bed and was crying because she was so happy. She was so connecting with the the kids there and the trainers and she had such a good time. And I was like, Well, Okay, Sweetie, I know. I know that you were longing for that. So such a long time. And I'm so pleased. You know, When you were at this time of extreme, So when you start moving into the true energy, You get a lot, You get the whole thing, You get big rewards in every direction. So I am so happy to hear this, Marianne. And the only thing that needs to happen with you, I feel like for your, You know, For the ongoing thing is for you to befriend yourself and learn how to turn inside more. You know? Yeah. So I think meditation practice, Even if you, You know, Bruno Gröning would say, Just sit for 20 minutes. And even Bhagavan said that, Too. You can just sit for 20 minutes. You know, It doesn't have to be a big deal. But for you to begin to lodge within yourself, Because your focus goes out so easily to your daughter, To other people, To your job, It's understandable. It's what we're trained in. But you're going to have to train yourself to lodge inside, So that you can start becoming like Pramasutha. Really, Really, This is how you do it. You turn inside, You lodge inside, And you're true to yourself. And then you just become a wise woman. Right. And you're, Like, So there already, But you just need to, You know, You get hypnotized by what's going on outside you by like, What your husband's doing, Or your daughter's doing, You know this about yourself, Or what other people are doing. And it's like to notice that being hypnotized and to come back to to your body. And I have a really good feeling about you, Marion. I have a really good feeling about your daughter. I just, All systems go, You've done just an extraordinarily good job. Yeah. But now start getting to know yourself. And I'll be your big supporter. Yeah, Thank you so much for that. I'll try to remember myself, Like to you said, You call it take action, But don't react. And that's what I'm myself. Okay, But I'll tell you, This is your vulnerability. What you did is you looked up, She went up into your head. And you said, Okay, The formula is take action. But don't react. And it's like, That's gonna lead you into chaos. You need to start getting to know your own heart. You need to start meditating twice a day. Okay? Okay. Yeah, You won't want to. But sweetie, Otherwise, I'll tell you what you're gonna do. If you don't do this. You will hold on to your daughter and use her for light. You hear what I'm saying? I do. Right? You don't want to do that. Because that actually gets evil. You have to find the light in yourself. And that will help her find her light. Well, She's already found it. But you both need to find your light, Not you piggybacking on your daughter through like, Codependence, And using your daughter's light. That happens a lot, You guys with parents and kids. Don't do that. Okay, I got it. You did. I try. Yep, I'll try. You know what? Okay. When somebody says they try, They they're not. They don't mean it. I want you to get like if you just get that you need to find your light or you end up hurting your daughter. It will be easy for you to meditate twice a day. Okay, It takes it beyond trying or anything you go like, Okay. This is part of why you know, This knowledge is such a wise woman knowledge. And it's my trouble with ashrams because it's so deep. It's like it's shocking, Really. Like what I said to you about you'd hurt your daughter if you don't do this. Like it's really true. You know, It's really true. And it's sort of unspeakably deep. You guys, We are all honor bound to find the light within us. If we don't find the light within us, And we try to get it from other people, We are doing damage to ourselves and to them. We can celebrate the light in ourselves and celebrate the light in others. And Marianne, There'll be some times where you think I'm wrong and that you maybe don't like me much. As you know, With this ego work, But you know, Premise it is, You know, I'm just being very truthful with you. It's not like, It's not like that right now. Okay, Good. But I don't like you. It's not like, Oh, How could she say that? As I think? Okay, You have? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Okay. I just have learned when I go near people's egos that sometimes they get upset and call me names. It's like going into a minefield, You know, It's like really, It's really courageous work, Really. Really, It's true. Yeah. So it's much more fun now that the power of it's being recognized, You know, So I don't get hit over the head so much. Okay. So anybody? Thank you, Marianne. Is it who else wants to speak? Go ahead. Amina, It's nice to see you, Sweet one. How are you? Yeah, I'm still thinking about what you said to Marianne and that it's easy to, To fall in this trap for parents. And yeah, I was just wondering how it's, How it's, How this is for me. And yeah, I'm actually still questioning myself. So was it too? I mean, I, I, I I'm not sure. I mean, When, When Marianne was telling about this scene, About her daughter, I, I also, I thought, Oh, This is such, This is really so beautiful. And I felt so happy for her. And is it, So I'm just wondering, Is it, I mean, What's, What's the wrong part of that? I don't really get that. Oh, It's just a, It's just in the whole situation. Like I was just speaking to Marianne from, From the work we've done around a situation. It's like, There's nothing, It's all very beautiful about with her daughter and everything. I'm just giving her kind of a light for the journey to walk ahead. I felt like Marianne would want to avoid meditating. And it was important that she meditated. So I was, I brought out kind of a big reason to meditate. But to get that, You know, You have to find your own light and take responsibility for your own life. We parents, We need to do this. And then we give our children the freedom to have their lives rather than cropping us up or, You know, Having to go to medical school because we didn't become a doctor when we, You know, We were young. Yeah. Don't, Don't worry about it too much. I mean, I just do. It's good to see you at the here and just keep doing your practice. Keep doing your practices. Because we're all here to learn to love ourselves, You guys. And set our souls free. You know? Right, Good. There's a softening in you. Good. Okay, Sweet ones. Is there anybody else who wants to come forward? Yes, Me, Pramasutra, Maxi. Maxi! Yes, It was lovely to see you. Yeah, Thank you for inviting me back. I resonated a lot with what you just said to Eva, Eva, With taking out the prickles. I felt relief with that. Yeah, I kind of like saw myself doing that too. I see more clear now. I feel a relief. Yeah, After that. Yeah, Good. Good, Good, Good, Good. And gentle with yourself. Gentle. But always know that if you've got a hardness around your heart, You're being hurt and everybody else is, Even if nice things are happening. Like the hardness is a hardness. You know? And it's just coming up to be cleared. So let it clear. Don't hold on to it. Yeah, Yeah. Right. Right. Right. We women, We get hard sometimes because we don't want to be crushed. But actually, If we hold on to the hardness, I mean, We will be crushed. And the thing is that if you're, Like Pramasutra has encountered terrible obstacles, But I just was, I just was kind of, I just kept loving no matter what. And they all disappeared. That's especially the female power. You just keep loving no matter what, And they disappear. All difficulties will disappear. That's what happened. Because difficulties, What happens is the softer you get, The better you get treated. It's just like with, You know, The manager again. Like, You know, In the old days, If ever I needed something, It was always $50. And my car has, The battery went flat. And he's going to help me jump start the battery. And I said, Oh, I've got a donation for you. He said, No money, No money. It's like, Oh, You see what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Right. And this is what you're scared about. Like, Is it really safe to love? And Pramasutra is, I've got your back. It is safe to love. I've got all of your backs. This is what this work is. Helping you realize it's safe to love. It's okay, Sweetie. It's okay. Yeah, You've lost, You sort of lost track of yourself a little bit. It's okay. Don't worry. Don't worry. Don't be hard on yourself. Don't be, You've stopped fighting Pramasutra. So, I'm going to be very patient with you. Okay. So, Relax. Relax. Just be yourself. Really, You've stopped fighting me. So, I'm like, Yay. So, You know, Let yourself just be. You don't, You need a bit of training with this. It's going to take a little time. But you're willing, You've stopped fighting me. So, It's all good. So, Let's let it take a bit of time to get there. And just be really good and true to Maxi. And don't push yourself around or think that you have to perform for Pramasutra or anything. Just be yourself. Yeah. Because in order for this to work, You have to let yourself be loved by Pramasutra. And to really know that she really does love you and get you. And then as that happens, The hardness will just fall away. Don't worry. It'll just, And it's all Amma. Like I have to say, It's Amma. It's not, It's just love. It's not Pramasutra personally. It's just love. Yeah. Patience with yourself. Okay. But just get it that you'd rather have a softer heart. Right? Yeah. You'd rather, It's like Eva would rather drop the self-deprecation. Yeah, That's it. Just side with the light. Side with the light and just go forward. We'll bumble into it. That's it. Beautiful work. Beautiful work. Just then Maxi and Eva, Both of you. Beautiful. Okay. Great. Who else wants to come forward? Come on, You guys. Come forward. Barbara. Barbara. Sweet one. Hello, Pramasutra. You understand me? Yes, I understand you. I need somebody to translate, Please. Yes. Someone. Yes, Please. Can someone translate? I would be willing to. Okay. Funny. Good. Thank you. Is a lot going on in her life right now? And there's a lot of times where I feel really strong and connected and like I'm really on the right path. Okay. I'll translate. And then there are the moments where she feels weak and out of energy and just, Yeah, Exhausted. And then about her illness, She says, I know you told me, Pramasutra, That I'll be healed from this illness. And there's just these thought patterns there because she's been sick for 40 years. And she's tired of suffering. Right. Right. Okay. So there are a couple of things. You know, Feeling weak, Really weak and tired and vulnerable is not bad. It's the other side of the polarity. Don't make it bad. And God comes in when we're feeling weak and vulnerable and we turn to God. Okay. She understood. She understood the English. Okay. So it's like the biggest obstacle is that you make sort of it all wrong about your situation. You make your situation wrong when this is the most loving thing that could happen for you. And the whole reason for the illness is love and you're being taught. It's for your learning. And I'm seeing that it's as if there are stones in your stomach, You know, That you can't digest. And it's the stones are kind of, It's like in your thinking. It's your thinking that is hard for you to digest. It's the way you're thinking about things. It hurts you. Barbara, Can you put your photo? Can I see you? Oh, No worries. No worries. It's okay. No worries. No worries. No worries. So how do you feel about what Prema Sutta said? Ambivalent. I can sense, I can feel that what you're saying is right, But my ego doesn't want it to be true. Right. Right. Right. So I have great compassion for you, Sweet one, Right now. Because Prema Sutta knows what that's like. But it's sort of like the pathway to the promised land. It's sort of like there's a pathway and it's like you got to follow the pathway. You might not like it, But it's leading you to the promised land. It's leading you into like freedom. Yeah, I can feel you don't want to change. It's okay. It's okay. You might not like this path, But it's the path to the goal, Where you want to go, To God. It's like you've been memorizing a poem for 40 years and now you're being told that like that's not helpful anymore. Yeah. You're very dear. You're very dear. Yeah. You're okay, Sweet one. You're okay. You know, We all start off too much in our heads, Right? That's our problem. Prema Sutta has to hit us over the head to get us to come down into our hearts, You know? And when Prema Sutta is hitting you over the head, We go, Oh, Oh, Oh, Then we come more into our hearts and it's like, Yay! I'm ready for that. I'm willing to let you hit me on the head. I know. Part of you would be more willing to let me hit you on the head rather than to let me just love you. Even though, You know, Hitting you on the head is like loving you in a way. So, But it's like you're scared of being loved really, Sweet one. So, You're scared of being loved. That's what she's telling you. She's saying that hitting you on the head is a way of expressing love, But actually you're scared of just being loved. I never saw it that way. Yeah, I know. I know we don't. We don't. We go, I've got an illness, It needs help, I need fixing, Help, Help, I'm in pain, Help. We just need love, Yeah. I'm sick, Someone needs to fix me, Help, Help. But she understands, She understands where you are. Right. It's going to take a bit of time to get used to this, Sweet one, So be patient with yourself. See, Our culture teaches us to kind of come in, Sit down and shut up, You know. Yeah, That's kind of what happens to our true self. So, You know, And then we get sick and then we get told what, You know, How to heal it and we try and we go to doctors and everything and it doesn't solve the problem, Which is our true self is been put away in a box. So when you let your true self in, It has a tendency to heal us. You know, It's sort of like, How does one do that? Like, It will take time for this to happen, Sweet one, So relax. So where do you live? Are you near Berlin? I can't remember, Barbara, Are you, Will I see you when I come to Germany? Yes, In Friedrichshafen. Okay, So that'll be, And you maybe come to some satsangs and the talk and have a session and that will give, That will give, You know, Time to work on this, Sweet one, But, You know, You're receiving special prayers from Pramasutha for, To help you receive this love, Okay? Yeah, Sweet one, Sweet one, Yeah, Yeah, Bless your heart. Yeah, So she's going, She'll be meeting you and in session and with much pleasure. Okay, Good, Good, Good, Great. And can you bring a translator, Barbara? I don't have a translator, I don't think. Ich hoffe, Meine beiden Freundinnen, Annette und Evelyn, Kommen auch und eine kann übersetzen. She has two friends that will be coming too and she hopes that one of them can translate for her. Okay, Great, Okay, Great. Okay, Please, You know, With your hearts, If you need to speak, Please just jump in and come forward. I will. Yeah, Thanks, Barbara. With you guys, Sometimes I pull you, You know, I call your names and everything, But it's better if you come forward. And maybe nobody needs anything now and we, We, You know, It's gone on a while, We're going to complete, That would be okay too, But if somebody needs to speak, I really would like to hear what you have to say. Don't think it's too late or anything. I'm Suda, It's Susan. Susan, Yeah, Sweetie. Hi, Since we're, We've had a lot of theme about parenting today. Yes. And so I'm, I have this thing, I'm caught with my daughter and I'm not sure how to handle it. Okay, So she's 20, She just broke up with someone, It's like this major deal. Of course, First love, That kind of thing. And I get really caught up wanting to fix it. I feel like I make it worse. And I don't, I don't know what to do about it. You know, Because like, I get, I get all these texts, And then I try and push her towards love and I'm like, Listen to subliminals, Like whatever, But I don't feel like I'm her spiritual guide. No. Per se, Right? I'm her mother. Yeah. And I don't feel like any of it's helping and I want her to help herself. And then like all this self-hate comes up and then there's all this stuff, Abandonment, Because she lost her father when she was five and she and I were together alone, Just the two of us for a very long time. Yeah. So there's definite codependent stuff. And I feel. . . But she's away at university now, Right? Yes. Yeah. And then, You know, The last time I want to come home, I'm like, Oh God, Like, I'm just, I feel like I'm just making it worse. And I don't, I don't know how to respond to this. And then, You know, She feels like no one will ever love her again, Blah, Blah, All this stuff. And yeah. And then I try and just focus on do better myself for myself, So she can have her own light. You know, My end of my head's like, Blah. Yeah. Yeah, So I don't. Well, You know, In situations like that, Like for Premasutha, I would know that I was off, And I would, Like, Watch myself, Observe myself. I prayed desperately for guidance, And I, You know, Know that it was important that I became more non-attached to this person. But you have to do it at heart level. You know, You can't just force it. It has to just happen organically. So she could come home for a long weekend, Maybe. Is that what she's suggesting? Yeah. Yes, I think so. You know, And she can be, It can be moments of, Like, A little bit of melodrama, And then tomorrow it'll be a different story. You know, So it's like, Well, You just need to come for a weekend. Yeah, Just let her come home for a weekend. What's the problem? Like, That just seems like a mammalian thing. Yeah, I think you're getting caught in your head. It's just like a mammalian thing. Let her come home for the weekend, And give her cocoa, And, You know, Tell her, Like, That it's hard, You're sorry, And that, Like, Life's a bitch. But sometimes, And I don't know, Tell her you don't know how to help her, And you're scared of making things worse. And that it's, You know, Susan, I think you're, You know, Uh, You have to want to come into your real self, Sweet one, Deeply, For it to happen. Okay, I'm just telling you that as a reminder. It's not a trivial thing. It only works if it's a deep intent. If it isn't a deep intent, It will just make life more chaotic. To try to evolve with a kind of, Uh, But a not really kind of confused thing. So, That's something to think about. Okay, I would just be, Yeah, With your daughter, Let her come home. I mean, Why wouldn't you let her come home for a weekend? Like, What's the withhold? It's kind of like, What's happening here? Oh, I, I'm not opposed to her coming home for the weekend. It's just sort of all the stuff that came before that. And then I feel like I was just making it worse. Trying to give advice. Yeah, Sure. So, But she could come home and you guys could go for walks and you could watch yourself, Try to give advice and feel how much it doesn't work. Yeah. And, You know, Maybe it will be a big disaster, Her coming home. And then maybe that will help her become more independent. Yeah. Yeah. Right. I mean, I think you just got to give it to God, Maybe. Yeah. And, And let it inform you about what to do. But, You know, Letting her come home for the weekend seems better to me than texting and pushing her away, Like, Texting, Getting upset with her and pushing her away. It's like, Just be a mammal, Let her come home to the cave for a bit. And, You know, Maybe you'll feel better with her being there physically too, For a bit. Give her some hugs. You guys maybe can do some favorite things that you like to do. Yeah. There's part of you that's not available to me as we're talking, Though. That's why I said that. I guess I'm just, Yeah, Well, I mean, In your head a bit. Yeah. Yeah, I am. Well, It's like I, I've noticed that I was trying to give advice and that it was a disaster not working. And then I was like, I don't want to be your spiritual teacher. Like, This is just like noticing and kind of like, Try, Like not wanting to be into that, That pattern when she when she gets like this. And it's really been. So that's kind of, Yeah, I'm really, Really. Yeah, I'm really. Yeah, I've been like yesterday, I was really feeling a lot of sadness around it. But I noticed I'm seeing more how the world around me is reflecting myself instead of blaming everything. And so and and part of it is like the this feeling of like, Abandoning myself and what, What the consequences have been for me. So you could also say like, You know, If she comes home, Like this is pressing my buttons and stuff's coming up for me. You don't have to talk about what's coming up for you. I wouldn't just let her know, Like, Just come down to the ground. You know? And yeah. And face the situation like part of us running, Running, So just come down to the ground, Face it, Face her face yourself, Embrace, Whatever, All of it. Stop trying to like manage it or orchestrate. Yeah, Yeah, They said, And just decide, Okay, This is what premise to do is really good at. I would take a situation like this. And I'd say, I'm going to emerge from this situation with more in my truth. And I would just set that as the intent. And then I would just walk through the situation. Okay, Like have that as your intent, Trust that God will get you. So at the end of it all, You're more in truth. Because what you're trying to do is manage this chaos. It's terrible. So do it. Yeah, Terrible. It's hurting everybody. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Yeah. I see that. Okay, Good. A big intention. Yeah. Yeah, You're more in truth. And hopefully she's more in truth, But you can only control yourself. Yeah. Yeah. And, You know, You're just going into your head and circling around in the fear coming, You know, Scared of your heart, Scared of her pain, Scared of your pain. Yeah. This is what we do. It's just, I mean, I don't know how we manage to live and earn our livings with, Really, With ways we're so off balance. I mean, I just, But then you look at the world, You go, Yeah, Well, Here it is. Yeah. All right. Okay, Good. Thank you. Okay, Thanks. Thanks for speaking, Susan. Okay, We got a little time. You're like kids to me, You know, Wanting to come forward, But then bit shy. Hi. Oh, There she is, Shell. Good. Hi. I'm glad you came forward. How are you, Sweet one? I'm good. I'm good. I'm getting a little bit of pain somewhere in my kidneys. You're getting a little what? Pain? Pain in your kidneys? Pain. It's fear. Fear is coming up to be released. Yeah. Yeah. It's good. It's coming up to be released. It's good. That's good. Yeah, It is good. Yeah. So how are you? What's going on? Well, I've spent today in bed, Which is so unlike me. I don't actually remember the last time I did that, Just to rest myself because I'm in pain. Good. Good that you stayed in bed. Good. Because your kidneys were in pain, You mean? Yeah. Because your kidneys are hurt. Yeah. Yeah. That's good. Have you been noticing? I wasn't sure what it was, But that's what I do. That's what I'm doing. Have you been noticing your thoughts at all? Oh, They're there all the time. Yes, I try to notice them and keep an eye on how I'm feeling at different times and why I'm feeling or not. I'm just wondering because, You know, Often whatever is bothering us is in our thoughts as well, You know, The issues in our thoughts. I'd say I'm feeling insecure in the world, But who isn't financially? And that's a big thing for me at the moment. I can see that. Absolutely. Okay, Good. Okay. Okay. Remember, It's clearing. So this is part of the fear. Yeah. But yeah, It's widespread. It's all over the place. Even the billionaires are losing money. Poor souls, Right? Yeah. Yeah. Right. Well, We're, You know, We haven't, We didn't wake up after COVID, You know, So. Mama said that, That even COVID didn't, We're still not waking up, So. One at a time, Huh? So, Yeah. So, What do you need from me? Just say what comes to your mind. What you're already giving me from Masuda. Oh, Sure. That love, Yeah. What is already being on offer is what I'm actually loving every weekend and being touched deeply every weekend. And it's like an anchor, If that's the right word. Yes. It's like, That happens every Saturday and every Sunday, This is happening and it's here and it's so available and I'm so grateful. I can't tell you how grateful I am. I'm so touched, Yeah. That's what I'm getting, I'm already getting it. There's nothing more I can envisage that you could possibly offer me that you already aren't offering in this group, Already isn't giving me, Yeah? Yeah, That's lovely that, That's why I do it, Yeah. And I'm so grateful you do. Oh, Sweetie. I'm grateful you guys turn up because it's like, Walking around like this, It's like a mom who needs to nurse, And you know, Your breasts hurt if you can't, And sharing it just, It's a big relief for me. Yeah, It's joyful. And then watching your, The progress, You guys, You know, And the thing about the satsang is, Yeah, You turn up, You will grow. Like, It just, It has a life of its own, You just grow. So, You're just going through this now, And yeah, It's a clearing. Yeah, And you're very clear about which way you want to go, That you're really clear about that you want to grow. So, You are, Yeah. Pramasutra just finds you very heartfelt. Yeah, Very heartfelt. Yeah. Yeah, It's adorable. It's adorable. Yeah. Well, May this, You know, It's complex, It's lifting, And may it just be as quick as possible. What's that? Is that a flower? No, I thought it's a flower. It's pretty, Yeah. Yeah, May it, You know, Start to lift, And you start to feel better. Ruthann, You're calling me to call on you, Sweet one. You haven't come forward, But how are you? Hi, Pramasutra. Sorry, Just, I keep thinking, Yeah, I'll speak, And then I get all shy, And I don't speak. Anyway. It's just like a bunch of six-year-olds. It's okay. It's okay in the classroom. Yeah, It's okay. It's adorable. Yeah, I've been like this all my life, So. Yeah, That's okay. Yeah. Anyways, As I think, I may have mentioned in one email to you that I've had a really great month. Lots of love and connection, Feeling really good, Surprisingly, Because I rarely sleep and anything, And other stuff. But last night, Man, Not one minute of sleep. And oftentimes, I'm able to deal with that by breathing and just sort of keeping my attention and focus on my breath. And I don't go into dark, Try not to go to dark places. I mean, I notice stuff. But last night, Boy, My thoughts were really dark and unusually dark. And I had a couple of insights that honestly, I can't even remember now. But I remember thinking through or feeling something. Oh, Yeah, That's why or whatever. I mean, Even at one point, I said, Oh, Pramasutra doesn't want me to come here because she doesn't like me or she's just, It's all my bullshit. It's not. Yeah. It's just, And then I feel like eventually I think I like, I don't know, I kept looking at five o'clock and still heads up. So I started doing some of the mantras that I have, You know, Like for decades, You know, This too shall pass and that I will not mind be done. And anyway, So I'm just exhausted. I mean, I've been I'm used to my exhaustion, Because it's there a lot because I don't sleep. But yeah, It was just a hard night last night, Because there was a lot of negative stuff going on up there. And I don't know why, Because I'd had such a great month of open heartedness and love. And, And that's why I, You know, I came here because I've been listening to the satsangs for four months and thinking, Oh, This is this might be a, You know, I do a lot of stuff with spiritual healers, Not directly, But reading and practicing. Anyways, So I just thought it was strange that last night was really a negative time for me. Well, You know, A couple things. One is it, You will get some negativity after a nice positive run. It's inevitable. It's a pendulum. Also, You know, This is really also really deep work. And so sometimes, You know, There's a fuss, People experience a fuss before they come like the night before. Yeah, That's not that unusual. You know, The, You know, It's kind of preparation for the shift that happens during the satsang. But you sure have, Like, You're a real spiritual student that you go through this sleepless nights, It's the University of the Sufi, They call it, You know, Sleepless nights, You must have had a lot of, You know, Meditation, A lot of I mean, I used to have a lot of trouble with sleeplessness. So my hat off for what it's like. It's a struggle. Yeah. It's a struggle just to be with people, Because I, It takes energy, You know, To, To be with people, People don't want you to silent and tired all the time. So it's hard. But you know, I there's so much so many blessings in my life. So I I go back and forth. I really comparatively I, I, I have nothing to complain about. Okay, My hat off. I'm impressed. No, You'd say that. And Pranasiddha doesn't flatter. So what I saw you do was actually you kind of came out of a shell, And you turned around, And then looked at the shell that you'd been in. So that's interesting to me. I wonder if you will feel this then in the next few days or weeks about what I'm talking about. But it's as if you're, You're, You're going to move into more freedom, I can promise you this. And it's, It's not a fake thing at all. It's real. Yeah. And you're going to, Yeah, You're going to like, Understand what you've been caught in more. That would be good. Thank you. Would that be good? Yeah, It would be great. Yeah. Well, You did you came right out of this shell thing. It was like a suit of armor. Not quite a suit of armor, But a little bit like that. And then you're just looking at it. And you're going, Oh, I was inside that for a long time. Mm hmm. I think you've got quite a spiritual capacity to grow through then. I think you've got the power to go up in vibration. And you just need a little bit of support for this. Yeah, I feel that deeply. I feel that really, I've felt this way for decades. You had a lot of spiritual capacity to go up, You mean? Yeah, Yeah. I have felt that. I know that I just need somehow, God or something has to help loosen the chains. Well, Yeah, We need know how, Like, We, Our culture, We, We're clueless. Our culture, Like, You know, So, Sweetie, I mean, It's fantastic what you're, What you're doing that you've kept on with it. Yeah, Well, I didn't, I don't think I have a choice. I think that's it. It's just the way it is. It's the way it is. I mean, You said a remark a month ago in one of your satsangs, And I went, Oh, My God, I think that's me. You said there were times you felt like, Oh, Well, I'm just going to be an old lady caught in my ego. And I kind of feel like that, Because it's been so long. And I, I just, Yeah. But I'm not giving up. So. Yeah, I think there's a lot of love that's going to come to you, Sweetie. Listen, I think this work, This kind of work, The female face of God, The emotional, Spiritual is so overdue. And it's part of that we haven't, And because it works, You can really grow, Whereas we might, We haven't got this about practical help to actually help people grow individually. It's not that widespread. It's not that developed. There's a lot of love coming to you, Ruth. Is it Ruth Ann, Or should I call you Ruth or Ruth Ann? Oh, Yeah, That's it. I guess I was named Ruth Ann. But when I was a kid, I hated it. I desperately wanted to fit in. And Ruth Ann was a very different name. And so I told teachers, It's Ruth, Ruth, Ruth. And then, And then after university, I said, Oh, Well, Ruth Ann is fine. And then, Anyway, My family calls me Ruthie. Most people call me Ruth Ann. Some people call me Ruth if they've known me from a long time ago. It's better spiritually for me to call you your full name. You know, No. So I'll say Ruth Ann. So there's a lot of love that's going to be coming to you, Sweetie. And yeah, It's just coming. And it's just coming and you believe it. It's like you, Like, Yeah. And I think things are going to change for you, Sweet one. I do. Thank you. Yeah. So I mean, Honestly, I have lots of blessings. So I'm not. I mean, Yeah, I truly have lots. I mean, Oh, I can't count them all. There's so many and I and I feel Yeah, I just know it's there. I just, For whatever reason, I keep blocking myself. Well, It just reminds me a little bit of Eva with the angels and knowing the angels were there, But not quite being able to hear them. It's a little bit right. Right. So there's still a lot of love. And okay, Thank you. Okay. And yeah, So hopefully see you next week. I'd love to hear. Yeah, Thank you very much. Yeah, I just I don't want you to feel obligated or anything. It's just, It's just like this shell is just being washed away by all this love. And it's just coming. Yeah. So I'll be interested to hear. Yeah, And we'll bumble into it. And maybe we need some phone calls or whatever. We'll just bumble into it. Don't worry. And it doesn't happen overnight. It'll just Yeah. Thank you very much. Yeah. Okay, Good. Oh, My goodness. The big love fest. Yeah, Blessings you guys. This is such a joy. Thank you for turning up and staying for the long, Long haul and all my blessings to you. And you're just coming along so well. It's just awesome. Keep just keep going.