Bonding To Our Souls

A deeper understanding is surfacing, together with an acceptance that as a human being, we don't always know what is going on.

We all feel lost sometimes; we are even secretly scared that our life will unravel if we listen to our hearts.

The answers come in through our "youness", our being ourselves, living our lives as best we can, trying to follow that still, small voice within our sometimes messy, unpredictable lives.

It can feel unsettling to have unusual inner or bodily experiences that can come with the journey, but they are not to be frightened of.

It is important to realize that the often bossy and judging "expert" voice in our heads is NOT our real self. It is the ego.

Learning to live in yearning for the Creator/Amma; stepping back and witnessing the voice inside us; listening and following the guidance within; and constantly making space inside for a bigger life than we have lived so far, all will accelerate our spiritual progress.

Speakers: Rob, Laura, Saskia, Maxi

Transcript

Okay, So you're breathing grace. Remember, Every breath you're taking, You're breathing in pure grace and unconditional love. The Creator, Amma, Has great understanding of you and your current existence and why things are the way they are. Total understanding and total acceptance. And you're totally safe in all of this. Nothing can ever hurt your soul. Yeah, And your soul is taking care of your human self and you have angels and guides, You have Amma. I mean, We have the Mother of the Universe with us. May you relax into your existence more and more and open up. Relax into feeling safe in your existence and open up. Because it is actually the contraction that hurts you. It's the refusal to love yourself and others that hurts you. Nothing else hurts you. Yeah, Okay, And so it is. Thank you again, You guys. I'm gonna open with two funny facts and they're true. One is that in Nepal, Where, You know, I am, It is the year 2083 and there was just a New Year's celebration on April the 14th. So I asked why the calendar, You know, Why it was 2083? Because ours is, You know, 2026 and it's this way because we date it to the birth of Christ. Well, The Nepalese date their calendar to the time when the Nepalese king told all the members of the kingdom, Everybody, That he would pay off all their personal debt. With that, They started a whole new calendar, A debtless existence. I just found that so kind of funny in a peculiar way. The other thing I wanted to tell you is every year in Thailand, For three days, Beginning April the 13th, There is a country-wide, Three-day-long squirt gun fight where people get big pails of water in front of their houses and they keep refilling their squirt guns and everybody just pours water on each other for three days. So, This is world news. I just had to tell you because I feel like these things say a lot about existence. Like, First of all, They're lighthearted and the second thing is there's so many different ways to organize existence. There may be happier ways to organize existence than we know about in the West. I mean, Actually just opening to that is quite a big deal because if you really open to it, It will help you change. It will help you see that your sacred cows aren't so sacred. Yeah, There's so many ways to live life. Yeah. Okay, So what I wanted to talk about today was the role of an awakened teacher. So, When somebody reaches self-realization, Their ego merges with their soul. Okay, So what ego is left serves the soul. Most of our egos are saying no to our soul energy. They're built on that. They're built on fear and resistance to the soul energy. In the self-realized person, The ego that keeps them functioning on earth plane serves the ego. Yeah, And it's very thin. So, Amma would say, You know, That she gets mad at the children that she spends a lot of time. If you've been at the ashram, She spends a lot of time with these drummer children who are like four, And they also give sayings. I mean, It's just incredible, But these children know that even if she gets mad at them, That she's not really mad at them. It's just a mask she puts on. Okay, So the power the self-realized person has or the benefit to you guys of a self-realized person is in their company, Your soul gets strengthened. You feel it more. You feel like the expanded, You get a sense, You get an experience of the state of being an expanded personality when you spend time with them in their presence. You get it viscerally, And it influences you, Strengthens trust, Gives you an experience of kind of the expansion that they're living around all the time, Or at least the scent of it. It depends how far along you are, How much of a feeling you get from them. The more you proceed on the journey, And the more you expand yourself, Or you trust, And so around them, You really expand. You can feel it. Now, We all know what it's like around Amma. I mean, She's like a thousand of a regular self-realized person. Okay, But I want to make it really clear that that is in a way all they can do for you. They can talk about the teachings of what they found, Which will be the truth of things. It'll be airtight. It'll be solid gold information. But the thing they cannot do for you is to—it's like you have to take the steps. You have to do it. One of the things that can happen is the more—this does happen—that with sometimes those who are most distrusting in a way, Like who are scaredest. They're scared. They really want it all to be true, But they don't really think it is. But what they can do then is hold on to the teacher with a death grip, Which is useless. Because the teacher feels the death grip, And then anything the teacher says or does, The person will just won't get it, Will just let it drop, Because they're too scared. They're too scared to face themselves. But we can't get anywhere without facing ourselves. We're all here in our separate bodies, So everything is one. But each individual in the body has to make a kind of existential decision to bond to the Creator, To face their fears and bond to the Creator. And if a person is unwilling to do that, Then they often get very kind of uncomfortable around a teacher, In a way. And to reduce the anxiety will grab hold of the teacher, Like in a—just trying to fill up the void within them. And the teacher at that point will be giving signals, Pushing the person away. And sometimes the person can experience this as like—then they start going, Oh, What's wrong? What's wrong? And then they get more distrusting. But there's nothing the teacher can really do, Because it is—you guys, You're faced with your lives. Nobody else can do it. So you might—some people don't like the name, The word, Taking responsibility for your life, But that's what it is. I mean, You're here to bond to your soul. That's your dharma. Nobody else can do it for you. Yeah, Okay, It's getting through, But nobody can do it for you. You know, Amma's silent, You know? Like if she'll—if you ask a question, Sometimes she answers, Sometimes she doesn't. Sometimes, You know, She would be silent. She wouldn't answer a question with me. I'll just speak about me. And it was like, Well, It's your job to figure it out, And this is what I felt she was saying, And she would work with me energetically. So this is something I want to say. All teachers will work with any person who comes near them. They will work energetically with all of you, Say, To help make it easier, But no teacher can do it. And the work will tend to go sideways, You know, If somebody needs to really grab hold and get more honest and go deeper and really take hold of the journey, And they don't want to. And if they keep seeking the teacher out, The whole thing will start going sideways. Now, I'm really wanting to spell it out, Because it gets so confused, Because we're such a therapeutic society, And we're, You know, And they're coaching and everybody, And it's sort of this is not that. It's not therapy. It's not coaching. You know, We all have to go through the experiences that we have set up for our lives, That our souls have set up for our lives. We have to go through them. You can't get out of them. It's like Alma talks about the arrow of our karma, Is already coming through the air to us. It's how we greet it. It's how we handle what happens to us. It's our attitude to life, Our attitude to what happens. That is key. If you have kind of, If you really have accepted that you have no control over your life, Really, Your soul is living your life, And it's orchestrating everything. So, You might have a sudden thought that you'll go see your mom, And you go see your mom, And you think it's you, But no, It wasn't. It was your soul had already planned this visit in advance. So, Whatever happens to us, If we're, If we can step back a little bit and take this really broad view, We will be much more able to handle anything. And our real soul intelligence, Which is infinitely brilliant, Will be released out to be able to help us. Now, It's not something you can force at all. It's an attitude that comes from deep sincerity, You guys. Deep sincerity on the journey brings you to this. See, What I'm talking about is you get from deep sincerity, And if you're not sincere yet, You just keep at it. You just patiently keep at it. Doing your best, Seeing the lack of sincerity, Feeling bad about it, Giving it over to Amma. You just keep giving everything over to Amma. It's like, You know, For most of my life, I was just following the guidance, Because, And I truly didn't even think much about self-realization, And I didn't think much about anything apart from, You know, Serving love, Wanting the world to be a better place through my actions, But kind of a vague thing of, Oh, It'd be nice to be able to, You just love people more. But I didn't, And I followed Amma's guidance. And then one day, I, You know, I just, It's like I told you, I reached this point where my little cabin, I was evicted because they sold it, And I was like, Oh, I'm going to live in my truck, I guess. And truly, My thought was, Oh, Well, I guess I'll have really good meditations. Really, That was my thought. Oh, Well, I guess. And then, You know, I moved into, You know, A whole expanded understanding, A whole much bigger vista appeared after this. My vibration went way up, But I didn't even know that I was ever going to get there. I had all the same kind of insecurities you have, All the same kind of self-hatred, All the same stuff, You guys, All of it. All I knew is that the only, Like, I'd have conflicts, Or stuff would come up with me, Things would seem dark, And I would just kind of do my best with it. And then I'd emerge, And I'd emerge with a bigger understanding. Over and over and over again. Now, Some of you, And the ones that I'm worried about, Is like, Instead of engaging with this, Like I'm saying, You know, Just live this way. You stand there, And you'll talk about your conditioning like an excuse. Or you'll talk about that you're a doubting Thomas. And it's like, There's no point. It's just ridiculous to say those things to me. It's like, You have to see that you're a doubting Thomas and take it to Amma. You can't put it up like, Sort of, Put a wall between you and me, Like, Well, Like, Do you see what I mean? It's like, I'm going, Like, You guys are responsible. I'm not responsible for your lives. You guys are. You guys are responsible for whether you, Like, Do the same thing that you've done a million times that makes you feel smaller, Guiltier, More conflicted, Or whether you take the time and ask for help and do something different. Yeah, We're all, We're all like, You know, One of the things, You know, For someone like me, Like, It just gets surprising. I mean, It's surprising how I'm treated now. I'm like, I get gobsmacked, But like, In my travels, I just get gobsmacked by how incredible people are to me, Which isn't what used to happen. And I'm just being premisuda. And there's this enhanced thing that happens. People bend over backwards to help me. They just, I mean, I can't even describe it. They all want to talk to me. This is all stuff that, You know, Maybe would happen a bit, But nothing like what happens now. Anama says that, You know, When somebody achieves self-realization, It's like the bees come for the honey. The nectar is available. All of us have nectar. We're all made out of nectar. But you, When your ego dies, It really becomes available for others. They can feel it. You get attracted. Everybody gets attracted because everybody, You guys are all souls, And you can feel it. Yeah, It brings you closer to your own soul. You get reminded of your own soul. Your soul gets strengthened. Something Yogananda said, I just want to read. Most people don't know what or why they are seeking, Nor why they never realize complete happiness or satisfaction. By evading self-analysis, People go on being robots, Conditioned by their environments. True self-analysis is the greatest art of progress possible. So, You know, I can feel, I almost feel like you're, There's this restlessness coming up, Almost in, Because part of you can intuit what I'm going to say. And some of this, It stresses some of you out. And some of you are already doing it. This self-analysis, It's like, At some point, If you keep going, You will get that you are your injured child self. You think you're an adult, But actually, You will be living your whole life from your injured child. And that's why the same things that happened to us as a kid, Happen again in adulthood. It's because we're running that, We're in it, We're broadcasting it. The only thing that will stop that is if somehow you start receiving love. If you start receiving, You start opening to unconditional love, And that will flow in and heal these things. Now, It will actually flow in and heal the pattern, So that you don't, You stop even attracting these events. Now, The easiest is hanging around someone who's self-realized. The easiest is getting hugs from Mama. I mean, Not only is she, She's an avatar, So she's born enlightened, But then she touches us. So, Our bodies get a physical experience of unconditional love. Okay, This changes us. Mama says, One hug will change a lifetime. All you need is one hug for your lifetime, The trajectory to be changed. You can also do it through meditation. And all these, This, There will be moments, And this I feel is what Yogananda is talking about. There'll be a moment where you're faced with, Either you repeat what you did, What you've done, Your conditioning has done. You know, What happened to a child, You repeat it. Or you step out into thin ice, Like Ama says, And you presume that unconditional love is there, That Ama is there, That your soul is there, And that you'll be safe, And you do something different. And it could be just that you have a different inner attitude. It could be that you don't lose your temper, That you don't blame somebody else. It could be quite a subtle thing. So, You know, Pramasiddha looked inside a lot, And over and over again, I saw what happened to me as a child. I kind of excavated it all. It's very hard to put words to because it's such an inner process, And our heads can misunderstand the words. Some of you have like a therapeutic view of yourself. You'll say, Oh yes, Well, This is what happened to me as a youngster. But that's very different than what I'm talking about. I'm talking about when you've really taken it to heart, When you've really taken your life to heart. You've taken your existence to heart. You realize that nobody can do it for you, That you are responsible for your life, And that you want a good life. You want a life where you blossom, Where you help here on earth, Where things are better because you're here and you've lived. It's much deeper than where many of you guys are, And where many of you speak to me from. It's way deeper than that, And that's part of why you don't always understand what I'm saying. And, You know, In the non-dual, They'd say, Okay, Attachment and desires are what stop your mind from really understanding what I'm saying. And our attachments make our minds very inflexible, So it's hard to follow. Now, Premise City is going through a big change. I'm going through a really big step, And it's been going on for about a year. And it's a step into much more love power and a much bigger contribution. So, I'm in this too, You guys. I'm not separate from this, What I'm saying to you. And working with each one of you, I see myself in all of you. There isn't any separation. It's just kind of hitting a kind of a bit of a crisis point in the teaching, Yeah, Where I feel like it has to be better understood, Or, And there has to be more awareness that nobody can do it for you. Now, Some of you are not even interested in self-realization, And it's, You shouldn't, Like, It's okay, There's no problem. Like, It's, There's some lives where it's just not going to happen. It's not meant to happen. And some of you just find the satsangs expanding and comforting. That is all good. No problem. No problem at all. Or you just want better health. No problem. I'm talking about the people that are, Are present to me as seeking self-realization formally. Yeah. You know, Alice in Wonderland, Alice in Wonderland, Where she felt she got big and small. One of the things in the journey, You guys, You may feel like three inches, Physically, You might feel three inches tall. You might feel physically 20 feet tall. It could be very fluid, Okay? You might feel suddenly 300 pounds. You might suddenly feel light as a feather. Just notice all these things. And they're not, There's nothing wrong with any of these things. You don't have to get scared of them. I mean, Obviously, The writer of Alice in Wonderland knew all about it. Lots of the writers knew all about sort of the symptoms, The spiritual symptoms that we can get. We're just in this very organized, Very concrete, Focused world. So that makes us, That causes us to be unsettled about our experiences, More unsettled than we have been at other times. Yeah. One of the things Amma says is thinking about what, Or maybe it was, I haven't heard her say this, But I saw it written in one of the books that she said, Was thinking about what the teacher says to you is at least as powerful as meditation, More powerful than meditation. Because what the teacher's saying to you, Says to you, Is tailor-made for you to help you decode yourself, To help you understand yourself. Often, The people, You know, Who often are doing very good work, They often underestimate themselves. They're so aware of their frailties that they underestimate how good they are on the journey. So I've decided to have, When I get back to Vancouver, I'm going to organize a separate satsang for the questions about the dreams and the, You know, Your greatest strength and greatest weakness. I'm going to organize a separate satsang for that, And the people who want to come can turn up. We'll focus on that. And, You know, Please come, Because anything that helps you understand yourselves, Get to know yourself, Be friendlier to yourselves, To pay attention to these things, Is really accelerating. You see, Most of us are trained to turn away from the gold in us. You know, Today, I went to, I, They have a plastic kettle at the place I'm staying, So I couldn't use it because we know it's carcinogenic. So I went and got a kettle, And by mistake, He showed me two, And there was a bigger one I didn't get. But I got back, And I saw that I had the instructions for the bigger one. Okay, So this store is about four blocks away from here, And I'll tell you, Nepalese trees are crazy. And crossing them, Take your life in your hand. I'm not kidding. But today, I, This really, I had to take this paper back to this gentleman where I bought the kettle, Because I knew that if, You know, He was trying to sell the kettle, And he didn't have this folder of instructions, Maybe the person wouldn't buy the kettle. Who knows? So I, I took it back. Now, They were like, The guy said, What country are you from? Like, They were so surprised. I went, Canada. He said, Oh, Canada. Canada is full of very good people, Just like this. And it was because he, You know, We're all just shocked that I'd returned the, The thing. They were shocked at the care. Okay. Right. It's like, This, I wouldn't have done, Yeah, I wouldn't have done this 20 years ago. I was more numb. So now, Less numb. I get the subtler data, I get, You know, Just like that. This is what happens, You guys. You love yourself, You will melt, Your numbness will melt. And when it melts, It hurts. I've said this to you guys. And it's like putting a really cold foot in warm water, It will start stinging. Yeah. I remember getting really lost. I was really lost. I went to a retreat, I guess it was a retreat. I was sort of like, I didn't know which way was up. I really, I just was lost. And I was talking to somebody near Amma. And this guy said, You know, It's really important if you're feeling lost. And he didn't even, I hadn't, We hadn't been talking about it. It wasn't anything. It was God speaking from him, Through him. He said, It's really important if you're feeling lost to just think, Well, Ask, What is my next step? So I was, You know, I thought about that. I was still wandering around Amma and going like, Okay, What is my next step? Then she caught my eye. It's like that. I have been lost so many times. I have been scared so many times. And I would like to reduce all that for you guys. But I'm realizing, As time goes on, That I can't really. It's kind of, I can't. I mean, I sort of can. I mean, Yeah, I sort of can. But in a way, We just have to go through stuff, You know? It's the going through of it that is the making of us. It's like, You know, When gold gets, Or something gets purified, We just have to go through this purification. And most of us are scared to care too much, You know? And look at the world we've got. Like, It's just, But, You know, We're all responsible for our lives, You guys. I mean, Everybody gets their deathbed. I remember St. Teresa said that the reason people didn't grow, Get really on the journey, Is they didn't think that they were good enough, You know? They thought their mistakes, And their sins, And their habits were just so bad that they, They were just bad girls and boys. But the thing is, If you go around thinking that you're a bad girl or boy, And that you don't really get the journey, And you're not good enough for it, What's going to happen is you're going to treat other people like that. You won't see their beauty, Because you can't see your own. That's the number one thing I find in you guys, That kind of, And sometimes people hide it. They can pretend they have good self-esteem, But underneath there, They're dissing their true energy. You know, They're numb to it. You know, Even with, You know, The energy of the awakened person, How much that helps, But we all have different minds, You know? So when Abraham said stuff to me, He would be speaking to me from his clarity, You know, From, He would have had various past lives, But he was clear this life, But he'd still be influenced by his past lives. Then he was speaking to me, And I have a, I had a whole other set of lives. And so sometimes, You know, I couldn't hear him well. I couldn't hear what he was saying to me well. I really hope that all of you have dreams in the next, Help you clear. Because sometimes if, You know, On the journey, If we just stay on it, Just stay on it, We sometimes have these like big dreams, Kind of breakthrough dreams, Kind of dreams that solve a lot, But they've come because we've kept on the journey, We've been sincere, We've kept at it, Kept at it. So I said, Okay, Finally, It's like, It's like the energy of the awakened person, Energy builds, Energy builds, Energy builds, And finally, The psyche makes a breakthrough. And it will happen. It'll happen on the journey. It just happened. So one of the things when people are running, That they're not good enough, Often with their body, They'll, When they get a pain, They will be like, Kind of, Okay, What am I doing wrong? You see, It all goes together. So when I talk about the transcendent body approach, To use it as like a set of glasses to look at your experience from another angle, To help cut through the static, The confusion, And to help you see that maybe you're more on track than you think. Somebody wrote and said that they were visiting their home and they had nausea and headaches, You know? So I went, You know, Nausea, Your stomach, Your divinity, But it's clearing. If you've got the symptom, It's clearing. If you're really on the journey, You guys, If you've got the symptom, It's clearing, The issue's clearing. But if you're standing on the wall of ambivalence and doing more lip service, On the other hand, Sometimes our soul, I think you see, You can have a headache and stomach nausea, But if you do think, Okay, This is clearing, This is what the issue is, It's clearing, And just keep going, You're going to move faster than if you just go, Oh, What's the matter with these people? I just get nauseated around them and headaches and I feel crummy, Which is going to speed you more on the journey. It's funny because, You guys, It's so simple. When you really start to wake up, It's so simple and it's so you. It's so you. It's like it'll just be you realizing that you're you. That's why it's so funny. I think it's kind of crazy talking to you guys because it's so simple that we miss it. It's just you guys being you. That's it. And kind of heading in the right direction. That's it. It's just you being you. Not fixed, Not even better. Just you. Just you being you. That's all Premasut is asking. You being you. Yeah. That's what coming home is. It's you. You realize that you're unfixable, You're stuck with you. It's like maybe things are going to change, Maybe they're not. I worked for a company, Lafarge Cement, When I was in my 20s for a few months. When Peter and I got married, I'd just come back to Canada. And I thought to myself while I was there, It was a terrible, Boring office job. It was horrifying, Except I thought, Well, If this is my life, And maybe it's always going to be like this. I went, Oh, Well. And almost immediately to when I came to that decision, Something changed and I got out of that job just easily, Seamlessly. Yeah. Just be you. That's what I'm so fond of in you guys. It's like I'm so fond of you. And the only thing I start getting antsy is when I'm getting games being games. Avoidances. People wanting my attention, But not wanting to grow. And then I go like, You know, It's kind of like I'm madly in love with your you-ness. It's true. And it's actually why I'm so patient with you, But I finally get to come on. I love your you-ness. I do. Yeah, It captivates me. Truly. This is actually what I think people, Why everybody like fusses over me, Because I'm captivated by their you-ness. Like whoever I meet, Their beingness, Their you-ness, Their personhood. Right. Amma says that she loves the way we walk and talk. You know, You look around, You look at all the different shapes and everything, And she loves the way we walk and talk. And it's like, Oh my goodness. Yeah, Your you-ness. It's good. Has anybody got any questions or comments? Or anything that's kind of, They came in wanting to ask about? I have to say, Guys, Sometimes people write and they say, Oh, I'm sick, So I'm not coming to satsang. And I'm like, If you're sick, Come to satsang. Like, Hello? Just lie there. Be sick. Just listen. For me, It's like, I couldn't, Nothing would get between me and satsang. I could be at death's door, I'd still turn on satsang. Yes. Rob, How are you? How are you doing? Yeah, I'm pretty good. It's no energy in India, So we sit in the dark. But I had a really different week, As I, On Monday, Got a single room, My cave, I called it. And after even some hours, All the thoughts I had over the weekend were subside. And I really, Really got into the cave and to be with myself. And yeah, It helped a lot this week. Good. Okay, So you followed through on the suggestion. That's really good. Yes. And you feel better. Yeah, Feel much, Much better. And one learning is once a week, I want to really do a one day, No talk and just do myself in the morning and then be in the room all day long. That's one thing I want to do once a week, At least. And a lot of other stuff also came up. Like, Of course, In the beginning, When I packed my stuff, It felt like really intense, But a lot of emotions of, Oh, I have to go abundance, Abundance, Abundant. Rob, Rob, Rob, Could you speak a little louder? It's, It's, I have to strain to hear you. Okay, Yeah, I try. Yeah, That, Like, The whole, The whole process of like packing and moving was, Yeah, Was interesting. As the like, Many, Many thoughts came up, Like, Like being abundant, I have to go. So fear. Yeah. What's going to happen? Yes. Yes. And yeah, And one, One day, I don't, I don't remember which one. So it's about like, I had like this feeling of, Ah, This is, This is not like the voice in me. This is not me. It's like the, The identification. There was one specific point, But I felt, Okay, This is the, This is how it feels like, When you really identify it, That's, That's not me. It cannot be me. It's some, Something, Something wants to disturb me, But I'm not, I'm not, Not, Not identified with that. That was, Yeah, Was, Was one day after I moved. And yeah, And otherwise, Then the week was going, Going, Yeah, Really smooth. And yeah, In the sense of, I had like a lot of room and space and I loved it. And it really felt like how, How, How crazy it was in hindsight to ignore it. Yeah. To ignore this, This pull of, Yeah, Creating my own space to give the space to me. Yeah. Yes. Okay. I hope everybody heard that. You guys, This is what it feels like when you're coming out of conditioning. It feels like it's not allowed, But then you do it and you go, Oh, This feels so much better. I didn't realize I had this freedom. I could have done this anytime. Another big clue when you need to do, Need to follow your guidance is the thoughts will come up very strongly and you'll get, You'll start feeling like really uncomfortable. And what's happening is your soul is wanting a step forward and your ego doesn't want you to do it. So it will fill your mind with phantom fears and negative thoughts. But then you do it just like Rob was saying, Take the time. He found, He came home to his heart, You know, It's coming home. It's like doing these things. Yeah. It's good. And that realizing you guys, The voice is not you. The thoughts that you're getting and the voice that says, Well, Don't, Don't leave here because you're going to be abandoned. It's, It's just, It's, It's just the ego. It's not the real you, But it feels like you and it feels scary to ignore it, To do something different than it's saying. To go against the voice can be scary, But this is the whole point of witnessing. You witness, You witness the voice, And you realize that you're, You're, It's not you. Yeah. These are steps into freedom. And then, Rob, Because you've been able to give yourself the space, You'll be able to give your partner the space. You know, We end up giving everybody the space that we give ourselves. Yeah. I was realizing, You know, How, Seems like the culture is getting scarier and scarier, You know? And, You know, If you've got a whole bunch of people who are just following the voice in their head, And they, They're too scared to, You know, Step back and realize it's, It's not the real them, Then the, Like, The culture is just a mass of individuals choosing fear, Individually. And the thing that changes our culture, If a whole bunch of individuals start doing different things, A different thing. Hey, Pramila, It's Laura. Laura, Sweet one, Yeah. How are you? Can you hear me okay? Yeah, Thank you. This morning, Someone sent me that email about Alma's quote about karma and the arrow. So, When you told that quote, It just blew my mind. The quote? I couldn't hear that. Alma's quote about? Karma and the arrow, The one you told today. Yeah, Yeah, Yeah. Oh, Funny. This morning. Oh, So you're, You've got an echo. You've got a double echo, Right? Like, Yeah. Synchronicity everywhere. And synchronicity everywhere. Yeah. So, Was that, Like, Did you take it that it was a message for you, Laura, Then? The Alma's comment? That you heard it twice? Did that relate personally to you? No. When he sent the email, It did, Because we had just been talking about it, And there was a situation I had been avoiding. There's another resident here who is really confused, And the old me would take care of her and guide her on trips, But I was told that's not my job, So I didn't do it. So, It's just confusing. So, You're talking about that you help, You would help her out of feeling obligated rather than it coming from your heart, And you didn't want to do that anymore? Is that what you're saying? I was told that it's not my job to be her caregiver when we go to church, So I did not do that today. Okay. So, Why do you think you heard that comment from someone? Like, Who was it? Who said it? A mentor, Because I felt obligated. I'm confused, Pramasutha. Yeah, I know. I don't have dementia, Because I took a test and I breathed through it, But I'm confused. I don't know. I don't know that what somebody said to you has any meaning at all. It's kind of like whatever you want to do, If you want to help this person, It comes from your heart, Then do it, And if it doesn't come from your heart, And you do it and you're not happy when you're doing it, Then yeah, Maybe step back, Try something different. Okay. I mean, The fact that somebody told you something, Like, I don't know why. It was interesting that you used this person said it, And then you went, Well, Yeah, So I followed that authority. It's just somebody saying something. It's like, I mean, Our culture is getting colder and harder, So there are a lot of people who will kind of discourage kindness and compassion. They'll just make you feel like you're weird for being that way, So I'm not quite sure whether it's, I'm more interested in how you feel. Like, Did you, When you help her, Were you happy doing it, Or did you feel like it was like a duty and you didn't want to do it? When I helped her, It's because I wanted to, But I wasn't always taking care of what I needed to do, If that makes sense. Well, No, It doesn't to me, Because it's like, I don't know, It's kind of like, It's just kind of, You know, If you want to, I mean, I help people all the time, Just because I want to. It's like, It's not anything that conflicts with, Like, What is it that you need that you would be poor for not helping this woman? I just don't see how this makes you poor. How does it take something from you, If, Unless you don't want to do it? No, I'm fine doing it. She's, Her family is supposed to provide a caregiver for her, But I'm fine doing it. I don't care. Yeah, I just, I don't know, I just, Let's just all be simple, Like, You know, If you want to do it, Do it, And if you don't, Don't, But don't, You know, Don't make it too complicated. You know, I stick with my internal. Laura, When I stick with my internal thing, It's like with you guys, How I am with you is what I feel like being like with you. You know, If I'm getting antsy with you, It's because I'm feeling that way about something that you guys are doing, So I stay very simple. If you want to help her, Help her, And if you don't, Don't. And you can check how you feel each way. When you help, How do you feel? And then, If you don't help, How do you feel about that? Okay, Thank you. I feel like there's part of you that feels that I haven't really got what you're wanting to say to me, That I haven't really got you. I don't get me from the Suda. I don't expect. Now, I know you're connected to Amma, And so, Of course, You get it. My understanding is that I'm supposed to go inside and follow how it feels, Not what I hear from the outside. That's all. Yeah. Okay, Thank you. I can do that. Yeah. You know, Laura, You have a fight going on, And you've had it on as long as I've known you around just loving yourself and others. And I'm not talking about, You know, Warmth and hugs and everything. I'm talking about the bigger love, The bigger love. And I've seen you try very hard, And always I feel like you feel that you're doing something wrong, And you're not good enough, And that somehow you're missing it. That there's a kind of a game, And you don't quite get the rules of it, Or that you're sort of got a little bit too left feet, Or that if you're past a cup of tea, That you're going to drop it. Right, And that's where I think you need to love yourself, Right in there. You need to have love and compassion for yourself, Right in there, For how, You know, How uncomfortable existence is for you, And how difficult you find relationships. This is the kind of, Yeah, Right. We all know this. I mean, This is nothing, Laura, That I haven't felt about myself, What I'm saying to you. And always, You know, I've said this to you in a way before, But always I felt like that part of you gags over this turning to love Laura, And not love her with a kind of instruction to do. Okay, Like in future, I love myself, So I'm not going to help this woman, Because I'm not, It's not my job. Not that kind of love. A love for just even being confused about whether to help this woman or not. So, How do you feel when I say this to you? You're right. I don't know how to love. I haven't been able to love myself, And that's where it starts. No. Yeah, And say to me, And I have no intention of changing. Say that to me, Please. And I have no intention of changing. Right, So how does your body feel when you say that? My body feels more present, But I don't believe that. Sorry, Your body feels more present, But what? But as I said that, I didn't think it was correct. Right. I need a lot of mercy from Sheba. So, I'm seeing a little girl coming up to a door, And then to open it, And she just turns away. Over and over again. And Laura, This is not just you. Others are like this. But this is what I'm talking about, You guys. This is right where the miserable sinner and self-judgment comes in, And it stops people from waking up. It stops them from feeling their true nature. And it's such nonsense. Laura, You're not nonsense at all. But the self, You know, Not liking yourself, It's all nonsense. It's the voice that Rob was talking about. It's not the real you. Yeah, I can feel, Especially the women in this group. The women all know what I'm talking about, And they all know what you feel like. And you know, Underneath, It's like you'll be running. If I go through that door, I'll die. And actually, Sweetie, You would be reborn. You guys, Don't underestimate how tricky the ego is, And how it makes stuff scary that is just not scary at all. It's if you just do it, You'll go, Why was I ever worried, You know? And sometimes it's not an action. It's just, You know, A joke, You know, Like just deciding not to be so hard on yourself, Or a decision not to listen to other people's opinions so much. Has anybody else got any questions or comments? Thanks, Laura. Hi, Pramasutha. Saskia here. Hi. Yeah, Saskia. Well, Before Laura started speaking, I felt it started in the middle of the satsang. I started feeling very heavy, Like I had a really heavy weight on my chest. And I had trouble breathing. And I tried to stay with it. And then I noticed that I did have no interest in listening to myself about that. I felt very strongly that I was very scared listening to myself. And it was just a feeling when I listened to myself, I don't know, Something falls apart. And then while you were speaking to Laura, About not loving ourselves, I tried to let compassion in and just accept it, Embrace it, Hug myself. And the rock, That weight was lifted. And I felt much, Much better. I kind of felt a little child running to me, Hugging me. And for a moment, It felt much better. Yet, It doesn't feel real. The whole thing doesn't feel real. And. . . Yeah, It's not. It's not really. None of it is, Right? Well, Your head gets in there. Sorry, I didn't understand. You were cutting out? No, No. Your head gets in there, Sweetie. Your head gets. . . Yeah, I mean, There's nothing about your appearance right now. You don't look like anything's resolved. You know, When you were talking, You just looked like a scared child. Yeah. I mean, When you talked about. . . I know. . . . That, You know, It was resolved, It was like, Oh, So I'm glad you saw that. Yeah. I felt it for a moment. I truly felt it for a moment. But it wouldn't stay. Well, Also, You know, If you felt it for a moment, That's good. So you just, Just. . . That's it. You feel it for a moment. Maybe the moment will get, Like, It'll be two moments in a. . . Okay. Yeah, It's kind of, Okay, Sweetie. So this is, Yeah, It's your journey and your observation, Your self-observation, Right? Yeah. It's like, Yeah. It's, This is just, You know, The data. I mean, Writers, I mean, You remind me of me a lot. I mean, I think writers are heady, Sweetie. And we also get in there with our analytical mind and linear minds and get right in there with a lot of this soul data that you're experiencing. So it is, I did it too. The head is trying to understand it, But it can't. Yeah. Yeah, It's trying to understand it, But actually, It's also trying to interrupt it. Like, Your head is your ego. Please understand this. Yeah. Say, I'm scared. I'm scared. Yeah. Say, I'm scared of my wilder feelings. I'm scared of my wilder feelings. Yeah. Say, I'm scared of my feelings. I'm scared of my feelings. I'm scared that my whole world is going to fall apart. With my feelings. Yeah. Yeah. You know, Yeah. And this is, You guys, This is the journey. I mean, There are parts where everything falls apart. You know? You know? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, This is our existential thing. I mean, This is the stuff we have to face. Yeah. Yeah. I still want my feelings. I still want to learn to feel my feelings. Yeah. Good. No matter. Good. Yeah. Yeah. How do you feel right now? I'll get there. I'm okay. Actually, You're kind of already there. Like, You stepped across the line there. You kind of went, Yeah, I want my feelings. Like, That's it, You guys. That's it. It's like, No matter what, I'm going to follow my dharma. I'm going to be true to myself. I'm just going to follow what I know is true. Yeah. Right. Yeah. That's the safest thing to do. Yeah. You know, We've all been conditioned. And, You know, We're so scared of the truth, You know? I mean, I was, Too. Just even Rob taking a week of a bit more space, And he went into silence for five days. Yeah, The ego finds this terrifying, You know? Yeah. I always, You know, Would go, Like, Well, With the feelings. Like, If I was even coming to Nepal, I just got this strong feeling to do it. So I followed. And there was one point where I thought, Do I really need to go to Nepal? I mean, Maybe just stay at the ashram. Why do I need to go to Nepal? But the feeling of not going to Nepal was far worse than anything. It was like, Oh, I have to go. Yeah. So I came to Nepal. Yeah. I just follow. And then when you follow, You will see the reasons why. It's like Rob. He followed, And then he got the reasons why he was asked to take that space for himself. We cannot figure this stuff out in advance, You guys. You have to follow. This is the walking out on thin ice that Alma talks about. Yes. We're all scared, You guys. A normal person is absolutely terrified of their soul energy. So this is what you have to, Like, Learn to face. You know, It takes time. There's some real warriors in this group, Though, I have to say. The ego is very tricky. Yes, It is very tricky. And it will try to keep your thinking very small and self-obsessed in a, You know, In a not a good way. Yeah. And as one proceeds, One starts being able to see more clearly how the ego functions and what it does. This is the self-analysis that Yogananda is talking about. You get the experience of how your ego functions and how it keeps you small. And you learn not to pay attention to it. Yeah. I feel I can trust the tiny moments. Yeah, You get, You trust, You know, You trust, You start walking. It's like what I was talking about when I was going through these things. I did the things that made me feel more whole, Better, Bigger, Wiser, Bigger minded, More expanded, More heartfelt. You know, I was thinking about with all the socialization about things that I know, I don't know them now, But I sure knew a lot of them years ago, Who, Because they owned an expensive property, They thought they were happy. They really did. They persuaded themselves they were happy because they owned the property. They had no connection with how they really felt at all. And that's how many of us are. We started off like that. We're socialized like that. So, You know, The, The work of becoming more in touch with yourself. It's, It's, Yeah, It's something heroic. I remember a therapist even saying to me that he knew women who, When they were upset, They went and got their hair done. It's like getting your hair done, Right? Retail therapy, Right? Okay, Sure. Let's do it. It's a joke, You guys. That's a joke. Thank you, Pramasutha. Yeah, Well, Thank you for coming forward, But I, It's good. It's good. Oh, It's you opened. You did it. You opened. Okay. Yeah. Sorry, Did, Maxi, Did you want to speak? Yeah, Sorry. Thank you. Yeah, Sorry for interrupting. Hello. I wanted to share my experiences with the last two Darshans with Amma, That it was, Yeah, That she was like, I was always kind of yawning for her touching my bag. The last two satsangs, She finally did it. And I had like immense like heart. Yeah, It feels like heart pain, Like when your heart is very hard and can't hardly breathe. I had that before Darshans. So she rubbed and touched my bag. And it felt so amazingly, How it changed how she's reacting, Like with me before the Darshans. I never really had a feeling. And so it was really sweet to see how, How the process also shows how Amma really loves you and is in touch, Deeply in touch with you, Right? She knows deeply in touch with you, Right? Yeah, That's what I told her. Yeah. Yeah. And what I could also feel was like the, Like a lot of emotional arouses coming after that, Like after the Darshan two days ago, It really sent me into deep emotional pains. So yeah. So for me, It feels like a clearing too. It'll be a clearing. Yeah, The deeper, You know, It's, It's just clearing so that you can have that really huge love power in you. That's just wanting to be born. So you're just, It's just clearing the sludge off. Yeah. And it feels really, Oh my God. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I know. And so familiar, Right? You know, This stuff, Not only from this. I just had a break and I really enjoyed the break. Yeah. Oh, From other lives. Yeah. Speak louder. What, What did you say? Yes. I still know it. I said, I know it from before when I was at home, I just said a little break here the first three weeks. It was really just bliss with Amar and then it all, Yeah, It just comes up again. So, Right. That's what happens. Honeymoon and then sludge. It's just like clockwork. You guys, It just will happen. Yeah. And I keep getting like, I get better at watching it. I mean, It doesn't feel nice, But it's I take it as it comes and much easier for me to get it and not believe my mind. And yeah, Just, Yes. I've been praying and asking Amar, Okay, What do I have to learn? Please show me because there are all these voices telling, Telling, Telling I'm just, Okay, But what do I need to learn? Please Amar, Show me. And that really helps me through it. That's good. You guys, That is the most powerful way you can live. Just live like that. Endlessly yearning. Show me Amar, Show me, Show me. That's it. That will move mountains. Yeah. And even if it doesn't feel like it, Yeah, That yearning. Like Bhavani told me, You have to pray like a fire. That helped me too, That image. Did you hear that? Yep. Yeah, I did. And it's good because actually, If we can let it get to a fever pitch like that, If we can let ourselves be really bothered and, You know, Amar talks about stewing. What's the word she uses? It's not stewing. That's my word. But when your head heats up, It heats up and it's, You know, I said in this, You saw it in one of my books, I said, You know, I thought my last name should be Stewart because I was stewing all the time. With this stuff. Yeah, Your head gets hot. This is the purification. This is what, You know, Yeah, It gets really hot. It's horrible. But it's purifying, Like it turns, Like turning coal into diamonds. The pressure turns coal into diamond. This kind of emotional pressure that we get, Like it, We just turn into like our heads get hot, Like a furnace. I know it so well. I used to berate myself for that. But it was just, And the more powerful you get, Like the bigger a furnace it gets. And you can handle more and more of a big furnace and you don't get so bothered by it all. Yeah, It's very beautiful, Sweetie. I can feel your trust in Ama. Yeah, It's true. Yeah. And you know, You know, Maxi, That is your trust in Maxi. Yes, Yeah, I can feel like I can handle it. It feels. Yeah, It's the same. Like when you get how much Ama loves you, It'll get like, You'll get like how much you can trust yourself. You start trusting life. This is what happens. I mean, I'm so glad that you're doing it so quickly. Quickly, Okay. Yeah, But we have to do it quickly now. Yeah. We need an army of wise people. For the coming years. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I would like to share like, I had to take my son out of school for coming here. And I had to like apply for him at school. And they told me we allow it now, But we will never allow it again. The teacher wrote, And I could feel like, Oh, Well, You never know. If Ama wants me to come, I will come, They will allow it. And I could see how I didn't grab me, You know, Like the eagles trying to, And then I'm not. No, Ama will make it. That was so, That was lovely. That's it. That's it. Wonderful. Yeah, That's it. And it reminds me of speaking to somebody who went to a fortune, You know, A astrologer, And the astrologer said something to them. And I said, You know, You make the shift in that they didn't like. And I said, You make the shift inside, You will end up going to another astrologer who tells you something completely different than the first guy, Because you've changed. So you will get, Which is just really, It's what you're saying, Our existence, You guys will change as we change. You wake up, Different things happen. It's very fluid. We are in a dream. It is not cold, Inflexible reality. It is actually as flexible as a dream. And if you look at how things have changed in a decade, The dreamlike quality becomes more obvious. Yeah. It's very beautiful, Maxi. Are you complete? Or do you need anything more? Is there more to say? No, I guess I'm good. Yeah. I feel like stuff has come off your shoulders with this, With Amma. Like when she, With the heart connection, It's like, Then, You know, It's not on Maxi's shoulders, It's on the universe's shoulders. It's on Amma's shoulders more. And this makes me very happy. It's, It'll, It's, This is coming out of the ego. This is what happens. This is how we come out of the ego. We realize that the love that Pramasut is talking about, That I'm talking about today, It really exists. And you're held in it. And it is taking care of you. And when you open to it, You, You get your freedom. Yeah. And you get your freedom through your you-ness, Just like with Maxi, Saying, You know, She had this experience with Amma. She wanted Amma to help her with her scrunched up heart. And then Amma did. And then Maxi's been in the soup for the last couple of days. It's just Maxi's you-ness. She's doing it through her you-ness. This is what I'm wanting you guys to get. Saskia, Just do it all through your you-ness. Yeah. And you're, You're getting it. It's like, I'm, I'm like, I feel like the group's waking up. It's very good. J Ma. Yeah, J Ma. We do wake up, You guys. We do. We do. It's like, We do get there. You just end up waking up. It's like you've planted some seeds. You've got the warm soil. You have the water. You just end up sprouting. Well, My dears, It's, We've been at this for a couple of hours almost. It's almost two hours, So I think I'll let you, I'll let you go out and play. You have a lunch break, A recess, You know. Unless there's something really pressing that somebody really wants to say, Or needs to say. Yeah, I'm flying home. So, When I get home, I'll set up the special satsang for the dreams, Early memories, To talk about, To help you understand yourselves better, And also your greatest strength and greatest weakness, Again, To help you bond with yourselves. And we'll, But that'll be a special satsang, And then we'll have another regular one. So, I'll let you know when I am, When I get back. Anyway, Thank you for coming. There's real movement. Yeah, I can feel real movement. Keep it up. Keep it up, You guys. Take care of yourselves. Blessings. Thank you.