Awareness Satsang: Q&A: Genuflecting To The Great Mystery

Life's daily difficulties are part of our spiritual journey. It is easy to get lost in despair, victimhood, boredom and other feelings of fear or alienation. The journey is crafted just for our benefit, but often it may not feel that way. Join these satsang members as they bare their hearts and souls to vulnerably ascend in Premasudha’s loving presence.

It takes a brave soul to step off the wall of alienation and bond with their true Essence. Also known as the hero’s journey, it can be done with love, grace and support! Sometimes it may feel like one is alone, struggling in a dark existence. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Remember, angelic helpers, ancestors, guides and so much help from the spirit realm are holding you in every moment. On the physical plane, Premasudha, is here to help, guide, encourage, and advise us up the spiritual mountain.

May everyone listening ascend to new heights of Embodied Love. May we all boldly go where few have gone before!

Blessings

Transcript

The importance of genuflecting to the mystery, Bowing to the mystery behind our human life. You know, The mystery behind Amma, The mystery behind us all. It's a mystery, It's an unquantifiable mystery that we can never know fully, But we can genuflect to it, We bow to it, We accept what happens with as much grace as possible, And understand everything is coming to teach us, To help us. Yeah, And then it's lighter, And everything, When we do this, Everything gets lighter, But it might take practice. We're always, You know, We're always doing it more, Really. It's a bigger and bigger surrender, It just grows over time. Yeah, You can't rush it, Really, You can't rush it. It's just like a child grows slowly, The same with us spiritually. Yeah, And let's share one of those people that came in with very little garbage, And you can grow really fast, But most of us, We're not those like superstars, But and anyway, They just would have had, They would have done their growth in other lives, So they would have had some lives of hard slog with maybe no seeming results, You know, Or not enough for them. Anyway, I just wanted to say that to introduce. Okay, Bless your heart. So, Who wishes to speak? Is there a question, Or a comment, Or? Maxi? Yeah, Yeah. Yeah, Yeah. I have a question about feeling guilty, Because it's really strong at the moment. I had, I was on holiday and in the woods, And I felt wonderful swimming in the lake, Being in the woods, Being with my children, And then we came back from holiday, Home, Everything back to normal, And I was just in a really bad mood, And what I feel, Or what I do all the time is bugging on my kids, Especially on my daughter, Like I don't, And that really, Oh, It's been so often, And I really want to grow out of it, And then I realized for myself, I realized it much, Much too late, That I'm unfair to her, And being bossy, And saying things I don't want to say, And after that, I feel so guilty, And it's really, Yes, And I was wondering if there's, Yeah, Something I can do about it, Or something you feel you could tell me about it, Yeah, Or is it just something I have to grow out of, Yeah. It's funny, Because I'm, An answer's coming, But I'm feeling that, I'm hesitant to speak it, Because I feel you're just going to take it at a head level. Uh-huh, Uh-huh, And nod your head, And go, Yeah, Okay, That's helpful, Now listen, Sweet one, Sweet one, Maxie, Listen, Bless your dear heart, Everybody who's here knows exactly what that's like, We all do it, Like, You know, So, Great compassion for you, Sweetie. Right, And this is the rub, It's the rub, It's compassion for Maxie, And the reason you want to make a lot of, Well, Make some space between you and me, You know, Because you're not, We're not on the phone a lot, Or anything, Is because you're having trouble with this compassion for yourself, Your ego does not want you to go near it, And part of you, It's like you're almost gagging on the idea of compassion for your, You know, And all the bad names that you have for yourself, You're gagging over a felt compassion for yourself, Which is the thing that will cure this, I mean, Cure it, You know what I mean, It will help unravel it, I mean, If you have felt compassion for yourself, You would, You know, You would have more felt compassion for your child, For your children, Okay, Now, Okay, So, There's a couple of things I want to, I'm going to be very strong, In a way, To kind of, It's like I'm feeling I'm really wanting to take a hammer to this ego of yours, It's like I'm really going to hammer it, Okay, So, Okay, But sweetie pie, I want you to understand that the psychology you were talking about is basically the abuser's psychology, You know, The guy hits his wife, And then he apologizes, Okay, I want you to, Like, Gag on that, Now, You are not, Okay, Sweetie pie, Now, Listen to me very carefully, You are not an abusive parent, Okay, Okay, You're not, You're a really loving mom, Who's got a couple of blind spots, The reason I'm hammering you about the abuser psychology is because I actually really want to stop you in your tracks, You know, So that you actually turn and sincerely seek to feel a compassion for yourself, Okay, You look incredibly, Sort of, Defended and vulnerable, Both at the same time, The reason I have been so heavy handed with this is because I felt if I spoke without saying this, It was just going to go up into your head for another band-aid, And I, Sweetie, Right, Okay, Good, Okay, Yay, Okay, You're, You know, You are my beloved Maxie, Sweetie pie, You are so adorable, Yeah, How many times have I told you what a dear heart you have, How you are so appealing to this one, How, Yeah, Yeah, Right, Right, Right, And right, And self-forgiveness and compassion, Self-compassion is self-compassion, Sweetie, You know, Yeah, Ah, Sweet one, Yeah, Ah, Sweet one, Yeah, You're right, Right, Do you remember the last clearing you had, And you, There was a spider with your heart, Yes, Okay, Okay, Now that spider was your intolerant mama, This is what you're clearing, Right, And you really are doing it now, Maxie, This feels really good to me, This feels different than you've done before, Right, And, You know, We get stuff first, And then we pass it on to our children, Yeah, It happens to us, And then we pass it on, Unless we come into a felt compassion, Right, Right, Right, Beautiful, Beautiful, Beautiful, So what happens is the more self-compassion you have, You do stuff like you come back from the holiday, And you say to the kids, You know what, You guys, It's hard for us to come back, It's hard for you guys, It's hard for me, Maybe I'm going to be cranky, I'm going to try not to be, But let's just do our best, Right, Right, Do you see, Right, Right, Now, Maxie, The person that you're abusing first is you, Yeah, So that's where you've got to work, Right, And as you realize this is non-negotiable, You will really see that there is no other way apart from you coming into self-compassion, You know, It's really simple for us to have a phone call to help you, Right, Yeah, Yeah, Right, And you won't be able to hide, But that's a good thing, You know, Because otherwise it's just another generation of, You know, And listen, It's so hard, I mean, There was one, You know, With our kids too, Now it's really important, Sometimes we have a child and there's overhang from other lives, Okay, So we have a tendency to act in a certain way, I had one of my kids, I tended to be too tough on him, And one time when he was five, I took a picture of him when he was sleeping, And the picture showed angel wings, It was slightly blurred and it turned into angel wings, And I knew it was a reminder to me to be gentler with him, Right, All we can do is our best, Sweet one, But the self-compassion thing, I want this to come into your head, About the self-compassion, Instead of, Oh, I'm a miserable sinner for doing it yet again, I want you to work moment to moment on self-compassion, Okay, Yeah, Yeah, And if you can't do that, Then do the lokaha samastaha, So that, You know, By loving everybody else, You're loving the cells of your own body, Okay, And that will bring you into self-compassion too, But if you can just get that you're allowed to, Like, You have permission to feel compassion for yourself, In fact, It is the thing that we so need right now, Yeah, Because if we felt compassion for ourselves, We would feel compassion for all of life, You know, Yeah, Right, You know, It's why I called it the compassionate way, Was because I just had to build on this self-compassion, So to remind myself, I put my email, Like, I mean, I was so weedy, And notes underneath the light switches, And self-compassion, You know, Anything, Hmm, Because once the mind hits that way, The subconscious comes in behind, You know, Yeah, I mean, The subconscious will do whatever our mind repeats. Yeah. Okay. Sweetie. Yeah, I feel so much compassion. Yeah, It's really great that you took your kids on that holiday. Yeah. Yeah, I enjoyed it. Yeah, It was a good time. Yeah. Yeah. So just, You know, Just self-compassion. Yeah. So how do you feel right now? How's your body feel? I feel a relief. I feel much, Much softer, And I can breathe deeper. Yeah, It feels lighter. Yeah, Right. But I want you to understand your psychology, You're clearing from like a mom who was intolerant with you. So this, This is your work. Okay, To help clear your feminine from this prison. Yeah, Yeah. Yeah, That's what I felt to this prison, Kind of like box yesterday, I feel like I'm in box and something. Right. So just, It's nothing to fight, You just be with it. Be with it. And, And I would send compassion to myself for feeling box, Don't, Don't get your head in there. Yeah. Just, There are a lot of sensations and feelings that come up as we move into freedom, You know, Sometimes the air would feel very stuffy for me. And I would know that I was locked in some ego mechanism, Because the air was stuffy, Even when I had all the windows open. You see, It's, It's all stuff just to notice not to fight. It just gives you data about what you're working with. If you're feeling kind of imprisoned, It's because you're Yeah, The ego prisons coming up to be clear, You just soft, You know, Low kaha samastaha, Self compassion. Yeah. Sweetie, It's a very feminine way of living. And once you get it, You'll be set in a way like you will, You just need to get it. And then you will be able to walk forward much faster. You've just been resisting getting it. But there'll be some very good reasons for this. Okay, It's not a mistake. Yeah. Yeah. You've, You've got a lot to deal with. And we're not machines. So Yeah, Thank you. Sweetie. I'm your you know, I'm your I'm your pal. You know, I'm your loving friend. Like think of me like that. Because I really get you and I get what you're stuck in. And I get your ego and I get your soul. And it's all good. Good. Yeah. Yeah, You guys, I get your egos and your souls. It's okay. Just trying to help your soul into freedom. That's it. Okay, Good. Anybody else got a question? I have one from Saskia. Hi, Good morning. I'm kind of feeling like I'm trying to survive till next week. Because I kind of put everything a little bit on hold because tomorrow, All our boys are moving out. And I'm kind of trying to get a grip on it because I feel so stupid because I know it's um, You know, I know they have to move out and I want them to move out. And, And we just were on a little on a little trip. And we were all together. And he was so sad after they left. It was like they came back, But Sunday, They move out for good. Also the last one. And I know they need space. And I know I'll have more time for myself. And part of me is looking forward to that. That part of me is just so sad. And I just, I don't know, I just don't want them to feel bad because they're moving out. I'm just trying to hold it back till next week. And I just sometimes can't. And I do the things, You know, I say my mantra, I'm really good. I just, I just, If I don't go deep in my heart, I'm okay. It's fine. But I also don't want to shut it off. So I'm not sure how to find the balance in all that. You're not going to show your children's, Were you wanting to hide it from them? Is this part of it? I feel like if I start it doesn't stop. And then I can't function in all the whatever, Packing and moving and the logistics of everything. And at the same time, I just feel like stupid about it. Stupid about it. Because it's just the way things go. And you know, I'll have more time. And I'm trying to think, You know, When the kids are little, It's often you wish for more time. And when they move out, I know, I, It's a transition, I realized that, But I don't know, There's something in it that just feels very sad. Yeah, Sweetie. I mean, You know, I'm just trying to think of there's some story about, I don't know, The development of women. And it's like, When the kids leave, The woman actually dies of sorrow. You know, Your, Your mama is dying, You know? Yeah, You're dying. I mean, I'm struck that you that you're so I want to say disrespectful to the, To the emotions coming up, Like, Sweetie, It's like, You love them. Like, It's you're like a good mom that you're feeling this. It's, You know what I mean? If you if they went without you feeling this, Then be a matter of you be a kind of a numbed out mama. But you're a real mama. Are they break our hearts when they go? I mean, We actually die in a way, Sweetie. And, And actually, I think it's important that you really let yourself die with this, That you really let it rip and start trying, Stop trying to manage it. I mean, Just let it rip. I'm just afraid that they feel bad that you know, That they leave a meat behind like a pile of crying. But maybe after they go, Then let it rip. Yeah. Yeah, That's what I'm kind of trying to do. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So you're just doing it for the just when I saw you and when I heard you, You know, Then I can hold it, Then it all comes up all of a sudden. It's, You know, You know, Sweetie on in a bigger way, It's a big soul retrieval for you. It's, It's where, You know, When our, When our kids go, Actually, You know what, With our kids, We, We don't see them so much as we see ourselves. And however, Whatever we've got on top of them, Is actually parts of ourselves that we've kind of pushed away. And those parts can come back to you now. And you will actually see your children differently. Okay, You'll see them more clearly. As you take these parts that you've kind of projected onto them back to you. I can feel this is not particularly helpful. So I'm going to put it like, In some ways, You've really opened to me, But I feel like in some ways, As soon as I open my mouth, You close off. You know, Yeah, I have that running mind. Yeah, It's no, It's I take it in, And I appreciate it. And it helps just my mind starts running. I can't stop it. And I think I'm just afraid to just let the gates open. Yeah, That's what I think. Yeah, You're scared to and you know, You can like, Actually, You see, I think the fear underneath is actually fear feeling this stuff. And you know, Maybe, Maybe you could just ask Amma to help you feel it in a way that is good for the kids and good for you. You know, That doesn't rattle them, But but where you are not trying to control yourself so much, Because I'll tell you what I'm worried could happen. You've been trying to control yourself with the kids leaving, But then maybe when they go, Then you'll have actually walled off the feeling. Like, I want your head to get out of it a bit more. You know what, I feel like I'm making mud pies in the worst possible way with all my words, You know? No. I guess maybe just get the overview that this grief is grief at your own loss of soul. It looks like it's the kids leaving. But it's the grief of your own loss of soul. Yeah. And so just feel it fully over time in the best way for everybody. And then you will, You will be better for this experience. And I can feel it, You will let your kids go freely. That's the important thing. You feel this fully, Then you really let your kids go freely. Because lots of times us moms, We, We, They are told the big letting go is hard. And we, We hold on to them in subtle levels. And at worst, The woman who holds on to her kids in subtle levels, She can paralyze them for their whole lives, Actually. And I'm not, Yeah, No, Really, It's true. And it's all under the radar. Yeah. So I don't want you to worry about that. I have no sense that that's going to happen. I'm just trying to encourage you to really get intellectually, That it's really good to feel what you're feeling. And, You know, Speak to the universe saying you, You really, You know, You're willing to feel everything that you being asked to feel, And to give you enough strength to do that. And equanimity. And so your soul can come back to you really completely. Saskia? Right. I can feel you're, You're uncertain of your ability to do all this. But I'm not uncertain about your ability to do this. I know you can do it. I know you will do it. Sweet one. You will just do it. You wouldn't want to attend satsangs, Do you know? If you weren't willing to do it. Trust in yourself a little more here, Please. Right. Right. Yeah. Please. You're willing, Please. Right. That's it. He's a really scary time to be letting go of children. It is, You know, It is the toughest. This is the toughest. Right. Right. And you'd have to be a rock not to have some concern about them and, And be feeling all this. Yeah. Sweetie pie. Yeah. Oh, Sweet one. Yeah. Oh, Sweetie. Yeah. Okay. And just, You know, Sweet one, This one has felt all this stuff in spades. Yeah. And that's where this, This wisdom's come from. So just, Just keep going. It's all okay. That's it. That's it. It's good. It's good. I can feel the depth of the clearing you're allowing. You see, You're doing it. You're doing it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Sweetie. You know, It's how I evolved is, You know, It would grab me my concerns about the kids and I keep giving them over to Alma and everything. And it was actually a big way of how I went up the mountain. And it's like, Even though it was terrible feeling so concerned, It sure accelerated me, Which is the whole point. Right. So you're not bad for these feelings. I mean, I was, I'll tell you, I was really bonded with the boys. I raised them virtually by myself. Right. So yeah. And, You know, They'll do just fine. They'll do just fine. You and Michael have given those kids a tremendous grounding, Just tremendous. You know, They're, They're so lucky for the loving family they grew up in. Yeah. Really? Yeah. Right. Right. And this is what's bringing you into being a really wise woman. Yeah, The next phase of life, You know, It's wise woman. This is how it comes in. Right. Good. Good. Good work. Thank you so much. Thank you, Sweetie. Hi. And just remember, You can't do anything wrong with this. It's just a bit messy. No, It's humid and messy. And the boys will be scared, Too. I mean, They'll be excited and scared. Yeah. Yeah. But, Oh, That's good. You guys, You guys have just done a fantastic job. Truly. It's my feeling. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Good. Some praise coming. Yeah, Really. It's the most important job, You know? Yeah. Even Jackie Anastos says, You know, If you if you low parenthood, You don't you don't have much no matter how rich you are. And she I'm sure was a young soul. She was not an old soul at all. But even she saw that. So it is the most important job of all. So good on you. Yeah. Good. Okay. I'm glad you feel better. Yeah. Thank you. Right. Just remember, It's your ticket to your own truth. Yeah. It's feeling at all. Yeah. It's funny. Even doing that, I could feel I muddied the waters a bit. It's you're so sensitive. So sensitive. It's beautiful. I'm going to stop talking. Okay. No, It's just when you said when you said the boys are feeling scared to are going to that kind of backtracked me, Because then it starts again, Because I think they are feeling scared. You know, That's it's just these little subtleties. Yeah, I know. To work with. Yeah. Yeah. But they're more excited than scared. You know? Yeah. And they have to be a rock not to be scared. Again, You know, Have some, But they've got youth and it's all good. This is the you know, This is the hero's journey. We have to step. Yeah, This is just the journey right with her with her kids. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They're not so scared. They're hardly scared at all. It's all good. They're more excited. Relax. All right. Thank you. Yeah. Okay. Another any other questions or comments? Anybody? I've lost you a bit. Hold on. Okay, Here. Hold on. I've lost you to set Okay, Yeah. Who spoke? That was Laura. Yeah, Laura. Oh, Hello, Sweetie. Hi. And I'm glad it's a small group. Hi, Everybody. I'm going into a facility with memory care. And I'm having trouble not exploding at my house me because I have to grovel and play paper to get rides to town so I can check out these facilities next week. And I have just stuff and And I have just stuff and stuff and stuff. And I keep giving it to Alma. But I've been so nauseous from stuffing. And you phone for taxis? Can you use something else? No, I live half an hour at the town. Okay. Okay. There's no bus service. If she takes me to the bus stop, Which is 20 minutes away. 20 minutes walking or 20 minutes driving? Driving. Okay. I could ask her just to take me to the bus or rail vendor so that somebody else could go with Yeah, What worries me about what you said is that manipulation thing, That you're doing the manipulation thing. And actually, Laura, That is the that is your biggest obstacle is, You know, When they do. Yeah, I don't want to. Well, Then sometimes we have to take powerful action ourselves to solve a problem. You know, Like, We don't have to manipulate, We can actually solve it. We're not dependent on this person. It's such a solvable. I'm just wondering, I mean, Maybe it's not in the situation, In the situation, But No, I'll call. I have some friends in town and see if they'll come get me. Yeah, I mean, Why? I mean, It's that in the time I've known you, It's this feeling that you have to manipulate things that is your one of your biggest obstacles. Rather than just taking a powerful action. And I don't want to do that. No. Well, Why would you? Yeah. You don't have to. I mean, You guys, This is okay. Now, Remember, Women in the patriarchy, We're, We tend to not, We tend to not, We tend to, Like, Not realize that not realize that we can actually solve things ourselves. And we can solve things through prayer and get solutions. Right. Right. Right. Right. Manipulation is always fear based, Always. It's never the loving action. So, It's, It's always wrong in that way, Do you see? So, Just don't do it. Really, With you guys, I didn't do it. If I felt I was manipulating, I just stopped. And actually, I was never very good at it anyway, Which was, Because I'm just so blunt, You know, I just couldn't manipulate. But, But anyway. Yeah. And even having a conversation with her, Like, Why have things got so tense with her? Laura? We already had that conversation. Just like you said, I got with the tension, And I went to her and said, Can we talk? And I don't want to take her in because she's been taken then, So I don't want to take her in. And so she's not there either. But she thinks it's all me. And basically, If I don't, Yeah, I'm gonna have to go elsewhere for help. Yeah, Or else just go into silence. Be in silence. I do have a retreat coming up. Yeah, But you could have, You could have your own retreat, And just write, You know, Just say, I'm going into silence for a week and just write letters, Write notes. I don't know, But sweetie, God will make it solvable. Like, It's, There's always way more possibilities than we realize. We get very narrow in our approach often. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, Really freeble. I mean, Even like getting, I mean, This, You know, I'm just suggesting, But you could get a little collapsible bicycle, Ride to the bus, Get on the bus. Really, Like the manipulation thing is just so not helpful for you. So I'm kind of like anything other than that. Yeah. Oh, Sweetie. And also, Laura, Dear, I want you to realize something about you that when you get close to people, Your ego sends you up into your head and puts you on red alert, Like alarm bells are not allowed. And you can watch that more. Watch that, Not believe the alarm bells so much. Right. Your ego's very scared of you getting close to anybody. Your ego's very scared of you getting close to yourself. So you have these tiffs with people, You get the wind up, You get these fights. And it's, It's not so necessary. Meanwhile, I can't trust anything that I don't. Yeah. I know you said thoughts are equal one day. Yeah. And so I keep saying my mantra every time I start thinking, But it's really scary. Yeah, Sweetie. Yeah. Yeah. So I will ask Amba to show me where else to go for a ride. Yeah. And just like you said, No manipulation, No matter what. I can do that. Yeah, Like don't do it like a fight thing. No manipulation, No matter what. Like, Just just keep in mind that the universe will give you other ways to go forward other than manipulation. Manipulation is fear. Even if it takes, Even if it's not solved immediately, It will get solved. Because manipulation always has a sting or there's a cost. Anytime we play in fear, There's a cost, Even if it's disrespect of ourselves. Freeble with it, Laura. Freeble with imagining different ways to solve it. You know, Play with it, Just play with it. And also give your relationship with this woman to Amba and ask for grace for your relationship with this woman. Your roommate or whoever is bothering you. Ask for grace. Yeah, You kind of, You don't want to ask for grace, I think. No, I don't want a relationship with her. She's my medical doctor attorney, But I haven't been declared incompetent yet. I haven't. So she doesn't get that. She thinks she's the boss of me and she's not. Yeah. Just keep asking for grace, Sweetie. I just, I know Amba's got you. And next week, Let me know what happens. You know, You've got a hardness in your face right now, And this is your fighty aspect. And I wish you just keep asking for grace and allow the soft energy of Amba in your heart to come forward and give you solutions. Okay, Let Amba solve it, Please. Because we know where you're fighting gets you. Because we know where you're fighting gets you. Right. Like fighting doesn't work. Just keep asking for grace for Amba to solve it. And all my love is for you, And it's a tough situation you're in, Laura. But Amba's grace. Amba's grace. Yeah. Right. Okay. Right. The softening. Good. Yeah. Amba's grace. Right. Yeah. Amba's grace. And even she can get through your head. She will solve even your busy head. Yeah. The only time I don't feel alone is when I'm with you. Yeah. This is the state we're in. Yeah. Yeah. This is the state. That's how lots of these guys feel too. Yeah. Yeah. This state asks for grace. Everything is love. Right. That's it. Everything is love. And Amba will solve this softly with grace. Right. Right. Right. Good. Good. Okay. Blessings. Yeah. Your question helped everybody, Laura. It helped everybody. There's no mistake. Everybody gets their version of it. It's not just you. Yeah. I mean, Where do you think this wisdom came from? From this kind of stuff? Yeah. Just keep breathing. Amba's grace. Ah, Sweetie. Okay. Anybody else want to come forward? And you said you had a question, And I'm wondering, Are you wanting me to invite you forward? Because you wrote to me and said you had a question, But maybe you're not wanting to ask it now, And that's okay. Somebody else have a question? Stephanie, How are you? Yeah, I'm doing well. I hope the audio is okay. If I'm sounding underwater, I can move. Yeah. It's been very heartfelt speakers. Yeah. How's Stephanie? Yeah, You're underwater. Yeah. I think bored at times. Okay, I'll move. I'll move. I'll be right back. Is this better, Pramasuta? Yeah, Good. Go for it. Sorry. Sorry, Everybody, For that. I'm feeling bored, Not sure what to do with my life. Waiting to be with Amba, I guess, Physically, Hopefully, In a little while, But bored. You know, Boredom is fear. You often talk about that rich waiting, And it's almost like I feel like I'm waiting for something, But then the boredom comes in, And I end up just looping around and wondering what is my life, And not feeling in between, Like I can't go back to my old life. My new life isn't horrible, But I feel purposeless and lost. Yeah. I mean, You've left your old life, But you're just having trouble finding what love is, And so everything's like blocked. You know, It's like you couldn't put out the publicity for the prayers because I could feel that you didn't know what love is, So by putting out the publicity, It would kind of fail. Do you know what I mean? Because it wasn't coming from the true energy. So that must have been a bit painful for you to digest, Was it? Yeah, Well, Especially when it was clear there was like two paths in my mind. I could see one type of the publicity or the picture being brighter, And the other one, I went with the ease of whatever was in the background of this picture, And it happened to be dark, And subconsciously, I guess it was the darkness that came through in that moment. Yeah, So you can analyze it to me, Sweetie, But you know, Yeah, I mean, That picture was just, I saw it again, It was used to promote telling somebody about a funeral. It was sort of like by choosing the publicity for that funeral thing, There was no freedom to let the love soar. It would be no freedom to let the prayer soar. Do you see? Yeah. Okay. So, You know, Sweetie pie, I mean, The problem is, I mean, You can speak so clearly about it, But it's this letting it get to Stephanie's heart. Yeah, So I have a lot of compassion for you that you're so like caught between two ways, But unable to find your freedom. Right, And it's as if, You know, You're not wanting to feel the horror of that, The sorrow of that, The cost of that. You're not wanting to get down to the level where it could clear. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, Just seeing that, Admitting that, That you're not willing to, And it doesn't matter how prettily you want to speak about it, That's just where you are right now. Right. And in the unwillingness, There's a cost that, You know, Couldn't, It couldn't go forward with the prayers when part of your identity is being a support for this work. Yeah. Right. Right. I mean, This is a stuff you don't want to like get down to. It's like taking it to heart. And I look, Sweetie, It's, It's, It's okay. I'm just spelling it out. It's, It's actually, Sweetie, It's easier if you when when I've had kids, Because when it's opened because when it's opened to that level, But single people can do it too. And, And you're kind of, You know, You've left the safety of the old way. So, I mean, You're going to have to learn to take this to heart and move through it or just be stuck in kind of a nihilistic thing for your whole life. Really? Right? Because part of your identity is a helper to this work, But actually, I couldn't trust you with the, To promote the prayer. And it's kind of sad in a way, Not that it's all on your shoulders. But how sad is that? Okay, Now we've crossed a line. Okay. Okay. This is where I go, Like, I'm muddying the water with my words, Because you were at the point of feeling, And I kept talking. And now you're, You're shifted back into that old guilt and religious, Miserable sinner thing, And scraping your knuckles on the cement. Energetically, I don't know if you're feeling that, But that's where you've gone energetically. So, I want to, Like, Stop talking. You guys, This is what it's like to be me. It's like a surgeon trying to, Like, It's like, Oops, Cut too far. Oops, Gotta stop. Gotta sew this up. Really? It's like that. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Yeah, You see, We're all like, Human. Right. Right. Right. It's like, It's almost like the, When it dawns on you, How you feel underneath about being stuck like this, And not being able to find your way into love. When you feel it, You will come into that love. Yeah, I mean, That's how it works. I mean, That's how it works. So, Just knowing that, You know, Just knowing the gate is there, The doorway's there, It's nothing that you can force, Or legislate, Or control. But you can speak to Amma like, She brings you through the gateway. Maybe you could make the gateway through in her arms. Maybe before, I don't know, Sweetie, But it's, It's not, It's not the best to keep doing what you're doing. So, How are you? I'm really shaky, Like, I can't, My legs, Especially on my left side is like, I can't stop myself from shaking, Like I'm really scared. Yeah, It's fear. It's a little kid. Yep. Yeah. Yep. And I feel really stuck. Yeah. Right. Good. Good. You are stuck. So, It's good that you're feeling it, And feel this, And just be there. You don't have to fix this. You don't have to legislate, Control this. You just be with it. Just be with it. You're stuck. It's okay. It's okay. But it's better to realize that you're sort of stuck in the birth canal than pretending that you're not, And speaking like a radio announcer, Speaking from a radio announcer level. Well, That's what you do. The Master of Ceremonies, You're good at it, Sweetie, But it's not going to solve this. Yeah. Yeah. Like, It's not so bad. It's very understandable. Yeah, It's okay. So, Just be stuck, You know, Just but take things to heart. Like, You know, Like, That's the trouble with the correct, You know, When I've corrected you, I wouldn't feel that you would take things to heart. I felt like you would take things like you're a miserable sinner. And I wanted you to take it to heart about, Take it to heart about that the prayer isn't going out with the social media, The way it could. And I don't know why. I mean, If I get the feeling to ask somebody else, I will, But I haven't got the feeling to. So, I don't know what's going on either. Do you know? But I know that your view of yourself is a support for this work. And that was a major dropping of the ball. But you're not bad. But this work is to embody love. Right. Okay. You know, Sweet One, What happens with stuckness? For all of you guys, When you get stuck, What will happen is you will get stuck. You will get increasing evidence about what it's like to be stuck. You get increasing evidence. It's like the river pushes the dam. The pressure builds. You will feel stuck. Nothing will work until finally it gets, You get to such a fever pitch that the pressure of the water blows the dam. The pressure of your soul pushes through your ego. The pressure of the baby causes it to be born finally. Like the pressure will release out. Please understand this. But it releases out when you notice the increasing cost of staying stuck. You have to notice that and take it to heart. If you go up farther into your head and you speak at a Master of Ceremonies level, Or you deal with life at a level of even more rarified technology, Do you see what we're doing? The technology is getting more and more developed as the time of emotional chaos is increasing. Because the emotional chaos, It's asking us to deal with our human selves, But we're not. We're going into the increased technology and trying to avoid the whole thing. Okay, So this, Stephanie, Is, You know, When you go into the Master of Ceremonies, It's like trying to go away from the truth of things, Which is you're stuck. Right. And, You know, The thing is that you're going to have to work with this. Like, Keep asking to be brought down to that when you hit the emotional level when we were talking. Notice where you go to it and then you leave it, And you go to it and you leave it. Like, Sweetie Pie, Only you can do this. I cannot do it for you. Okay? Only you can be honorable enough to actually get down to your emotional experience and be with the stuckness and find a way through. Right. And again, I'm muddying the water again with, It's like you're going into Miserable Sinner, But you see, It's up to you to move out of the Miserable Sinner thing to the new spiritual perspective being born, This new, More self-compassionate, More human way. This is why you guys love me, Is because I'm in this. It's what you want for yourselves. Shh. You can have it for yourselves. But you have to allow the change, You know? And you have to catch yourself. Yeah. Anyway, It's all good. So, Stephanie, How are you? Shaking profusely. Yeah. Like, Yeah. Like, My whole body. And yeah, A lot of movement in my feet, Tingling in my feet, My left hand, And my ring finger of intuition. Yeah. But I didn't feel, It's funny because I had a picture of myself while you were talking with Saskia about me being in the birth canal and stuck. And I had been stuck as a baby as well. They had to pull me out with forceps because they didn't want me to come out. That's what I feel like. Like, That's the same, It's the same kind of feeling. Yes. Okay. I just want to say something here. Your birth will repeat. So, The stuckness of the birth will repeat over and over when you're going through a shift. Just, Okay? So, How you are born is how you transform. So, It's good to know that. Right. So, It's not bad. It's going to happen over and over. You'll get quicker and quicker about moving through it. Yeah. Sweetie, You know what I recommend? It's like, You know, If you imagine over and over, You walking across a line. You know, I've talked about stepping across a line to a new understanding. So, You see, Your fear would like to keep you standing in fear, Standing on the wall of alienation, Being a good girl and experiencing these body things like your feet and everything, All that. But you're actually on the wall of alienation. You haven't jumped into the bonding. So, You haven't jumped off this wall, Really. You have in some ways, But not with yourself, Not with your own evolution, With the theoretical thing with the world you have, But your own self to actually bond with the true Stephanie. You haven't. Yeah. So, You keep imagining jumping off the wall or stepping across the line into this new way. And there's something you guys, I really want to make really clear to you. It does not matter what happens in the world so much. So, Not much point in worrying about the world. What's really important is to understand that your next life will be where you leave off this one. So, You might want to get these understandings so that you are well prepared for the next one. Don't put them off. Don't put them off. Yeah. That's all we're always working with is our own evolution. That's all we're ever doing. And when we reach a point, We don't have to come back anymore. So, Just keep taking steps. Yeah. Right. So, This is good. This is good, Stephanie. I mean, It's like you've sort of been busted. I mean, You've just been busted publicly a little bit. You did it on purpose. Because there's no escape. Yeah. You got to take this step. Otherwise, Sweetie pie, You're going to be stuck in this halfway place till the end of time, You know. All you can do is just, You know, Relax. Okay. When I say do it, What I mean is relax about it. Imagine jumping off the wall. Imagine stepping into this new reality and then just go about your business. Don't worry about it too much. Yeah. Okay. Don't stew about it. But I wanted to sort of defund your current worldview. I wanted to knock down some supports for it because it's not helping you at all. Right. Right. And it'd be nice, You know, If you actually knew what I was talking about more. You're very adorable, Stephanie. Really, You're adorable. Yeah. And I know that you left your job. It's all good. It's all good. You want to find out what the promised land is. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And remember that about your birth. It will, Your life will, Your transformation will be, Will have the quality of your birth. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Good. Good. Good. My goodness. This is very productive. We got time for one more. Maybe you're OD'd. I think maybe you're OD'd. Yeah. It was a lot in all those questions. It was very good work. Yeah. Just remember that you're working with your own evolution and yeah, That, You know, Alma talks about our lives are like a sentence and a period. And then the next life starts. Next life will start where we left, Leave off this one. Yeah. And also, You know, If you're feeling discomfort, Also, You know, If you're feeling discomfiture, Be gentle with yourselves because the whole world is feeling discomfiture and we're all feeling everybody's discomfort. Yeah. But if it steers your mind towards Alma and your mantra, That's the whole point of discomfiture that it makes us more likely to turn to the creator, To Alma. That's it. I feel like, Ah, It's interesting. You know, In fairy tales where the princess or whatever was under a spell, Like actually all of us get put under spells, Which is our conditioning, You know? And what I'm feeling is you guys are, It's like you're realizing you've been under a spell of your conditioning and there's some light coming in. And it's very subtle. It's like, Even when I spoke that there was a little bit of a retreat, A hesitation because it's so deep what I'm speaking to. And I really, I often feel like I've got two left boots walking on the inner garden of you guys as I try to put words to these things. Thank you for your patience. Right. You've all been under a spell, You guys, That made you forget your true natures. And there's a mass awakening going to be continuing on the earth, And it makes it easier for us to let go of these spells of, They keep us a little stupid, These spells. They keep us a little asleep, A little stupid, A little slow to learn, A little like groggy. Yeah. They're not safe. It's interesting. You see, All my words have scared you, But you're holding on to the spell now. It's okay. It feels like it's safer to hold on to the old snooziness. It's okay. We'll just be with that. Just be with everything. Yeah. See? And in the permission for you to be with it, You went, Eh, It's boring. Right. It is. It is boring. Being less than you are is boring. Right. And my body would shake, My knees would knock, My legs would tremble, Just as I was moving through things. That's it. That's it. Okay, Good. There's a shift into more trust. It's like, You know, It's all going to get solved. It is. It's all going to get solved, And it's going to get solved so beautifully. And we're all going to discover how loving it is underneath. And we can do that while we're alive, Or we can do it when we pass over. But that's what this one did. It's just loving you guys. And I was so scared. I was so spooked. I was so confused. And it just all fell away. And I'll tell you, The whole thing is just, It's just love. It's just love. Yeah. Right. And it's love that communicates what you're struggling with to me, Accurately enough that I can speak to it. Yeah, I mean, It's love in action, These question answer. It's like, Here it is. It's how loving it is. Amma's here with us. I can feel her grace right now. I can feel her huge grace. Right. Good. Somebody was moving their neck around a bit. Right. Feeling the grace. Yeah. Grace coming into the perspective. That's it. That's it. It's a physical thing. You know, Last night, Was it last night or the night before, I picked up a book by Swaminini. You know, The Australian woman who sits behind Amma a lot. She writes these beautiful books. And she was talking about love coming to her. And all of a sudden, As I read it, I could feel my body just love coming through, Like as if my cells had just opened and all this love came in. It was like, Oh, This is nice. This is so nice. Yeah. So, This is why, Like, Just keep your mind on it. Keep, You know, Pick up books about it. Bhajans, YouTubes, Everything. Keep your mind on it. Because that's why I got that experience of love coming through. Yeah. And I didn't even know that I had been wallowing it off at that level. You see? Yeah. We all just get bigger and bigger and bigger. Yeah. That's it. I can feel you guys. It's like coming out of this spell and allowing Amma's grace. Yeah. Yeah. And all she wants to do is to help us. Yeah. She says that she came to earth as a mother for a sick baby. But that's how she feels. And if you've ever had a sick baby, You know that you just, They're on your mind 24-7. And you just do anything for them to get better. And you just want to hold them and be with them and encourage them. And that's the way she is with us. And she's working with our psyches, All of us. She's doing that. She's doing that. And the more we can let it in. Yeah. Yeah. Just let it in. She would do anything. Look at her. I mean, She even came to the US. And she said that she came in response to her children's love. And I mean, You know, If you really look at what she says, I mean, She's saying it. That's why she came to the US. She felt the love for her. She felt our love. So she came like the loving mother who knows the children really need her and she comes to you at night time, You guys. Yeah. Actually, She's just saying that this is helping her come more to you at night time. Just what you're doing. Just what we're doing. That's it. That's it. Well, May you have a very peaceful day today. If you're here or if you're in Germany, May you have a very peaceful evening. Yeah, You guys. Thank you for coming. And thank you for letting me speak so bluntly. It's like, Yay! It's just like, You know, Cutting out all the stuff you don't need. Yeah. Yeah. Because this era is a time of just baloney and false talk and everything. So we can get caught in that. So it's really important. Stay true to your heart. Yeah. Okay. Bye, You guys. Bye. See you tomorrow, Maybe. See you tomorrow. Blessings. Blessings. Yeah.