Athiba Remembers She's Not Alone

In the West, we are often trained to be alienated from our true Natures. Many of us grow up in homes in which we are not embraced for who we are and love isn't flowing. There is great compassion for why we close off the eternal Love that we are. Our experience is that it's not allowed. Working with a realized teacher, we have an experience of Unconditional Love. We are embraced for our Humanity & our Divinity. In this clip, Athiba bravely admits that it's hard to let go and trust this Love. In admitting and allowing the group & Premasudha to embrace her, she remembers the felt experience of being Greatly Accompanied.
Speaker: Athiba Monica Brach.

Transcript

It's okay if you don't accept what I'm going to say,

But if I knew I could really let myself go with somebody without being afraid of being criticized and pushed back,

I just can't let go.

Right.

No.

So I would focus on self-compassion for this woman who's so stuck,

Who's surrounded really by loving teachers and who can't let go.

I would just have a lot of focus on endless self-compassion,

Sweetie.

It's not fixable.

You can't fix it.

The part of you that would fix it,

The ego,

It'd be the ego that would try to fix it,

And it's the ego that won't let go.

Do you see?

You've just been sort of checkmated by your ego and you've believed it,

And that's great empathy.

It's like,

I know what it's like.

I mean,

I'm so afraid of being left alone and being criticized,

Both of it.

And so far,

I haven't been able to come over that and do it myself.

I don't know.

No,

But the thing is,

You know what happens is then we get criticized and left alone because we're scared of being criticized and left alone.

Yes,

Exactly.

Right?

I don't know how to get out of this vicious circle.

So it's just seeing it and realize how trapped you are and just talk to Amma and,

You know,

I would do this self-compassion because I was so unfixable like this.

Yes.

Like a shaman and therapist tell me I was too resistant for them to work with.

Like I know the territory you're speaking from.

It's not foreign to premasuda.

When you talk to Franka,

Even before she answered,

I felt what you were talking about.

First,

I thought,

I don't understand,

I don't get it.

But then I felt the tingling all over my body about this presence,

This divine presence.

And then I remembered.

I mean,

It hasn't been often until now,

But I have these moments,

Fortunately.

Once in a while,

I have these moments that I feel this unconditional love,

Being loved,

You know,

Not in me that I can love unconditionally,

But that I'm held in love.

And I notice it mostly when I'm at the end of the rope,

You know,

When I don't know what to do anymore and I'm criticizing myself and I feel I'm doing it all wrong.

And then sometimes I pull a card from Amma's deck and then I pulled the card,

Amma is with you.

And then it was really a consolation because I did not know what to do anymore,

You know.

You know,

Atiba,

If you have had those experiences of,

You know,

Being embraced by the divine,

That's it.

You know,

If you know what that's like,

Then that's it.

Like,

You're a success.

Really.

Over time,

Your soul just makes them more possible.

You guys,

Your soul enlightens you.

Your soul does it.

So if you've made that breakthrough,

That breakthrough is just over time going to get bigger.

I promise.