When People Project Onto You

22:24

When People Project Onto You

by Natalie France

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5

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talks

Activity

Meditation

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Beginners

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34

Not everything people say about you is actually about you. In this video, I talk about projection what it is, why it happens, and why it can feel so personal when it isn’t. When someone projects, they’re not seeing you clearly. They’re responding to their own perceptions, assumptions, or internal world and placing it onto you. The instinct is often to correct it. To explain. To make sure you’re understood. But you can’t correct something that was never accurate. This is where discernment becomes important. Not every opinion reflects truth. And not every misrepresentation deserves your energy. Presence over explanation.

Boundary Awareness Shadow Work Visualization Just Like Me Meditation Self Validation Triggers Perception Misunderstanding

Meet your Teacher

London, UK

Meet your Teacher

London, UK

Transcript

Not everything people say about you is actually about you. Hey there, I'm Natalie France, An unapologetic presence coach. And this is a space for women who are consistently feeling weighed down by the opinions of others in society. Today's topic of discussion is when people project onto you. I think one of the major misconceptions about other people's opinions of you is that their are actually about you. And what many people, Many women fail to realise is that when someone says something about you. It actually says more about their internal world. Than it does about you. And let me explain. Sometimes. You might do something. That inadvertently reflects the behavior of another. And not that what you're doing is wrong, You can be doing literally anything. You could just be walking down the street looking good in your outfit, Whatever that might be. But for some reason, It triggers. The negative behavior in another. Now, They could be jealous. They could really like your outfit but know it wouldn't look good on them. They could think you're too nice. It honestly doesn't matter what it is that they're thinking because their thoughts are not your problem. But their internal world for some reason has been triggered by your presence. And because of that, They then react by saying something mean. Or at least what appears to be mean and not too nice to you. The important thing to remember is that. . . Whether it's friends, Family, Or complete strangers. Often when someone says something about you. It's less about you and more of a reflection of what's going on inside themselves. You're not going to know what that is and it's not your place to now try and decide to figure out what that is, Especially when you're just living your life and doing your own thing. Rather than you internalizing someone else's opinions about you. It's important to disconnect. And my main thing is that unless you really believe something of yourself. Never try to make a narrative fit what you're not. Therefore, When someone projects onto you, And I'll come back to projection in a moment, When someone projects onto you. Their internal world. Let it be. Move on. Get on with your life. And if it triggers you in some way, Then that's something that you have to deal with and you have to know. Kind of decide why that's potentially triggered you. It doesn't mean that you make their opinion about you true. But if it's somewhat kind of triggered you in a way, Then that's something you have to deal with. But you don't make their issue your issue. Don't make their problem with you a problem that you have with yourself. Now, I said the word projection a moment ago. It's important to. . . It's important to live. Understand, I'm not a big fan of the word understand. It's important to understand. Paper project. Who they are. Own two offers. Often they're not so nice parts, And this is what I mean by you've triggered something in them. If there's something about them that they don't like of themselves and The most insignificant thing in your behaviour has triggered that in them. They have to go and make a deal with that. They have to go and wait and figure out what it is. That's kind of in their mind, In their life. Now existent. That is creating those internal problems for them. Again, It's not something that you need to unpack, That you need to now uncover, Unless it has triggered you and you have to deal with your own triggers. Because people project who they are. And sometimes people project good things. Don't get me wrong, It's not always negative things that people project. Sometimes there's something about you that actually inspires somebody. They might have a goal and you could be a reflection of the goal that they want to live. And because they're projecting that goal, Someone that they're working towards. They might start seeing great things in you. Because that's where their mindset is at. Again, It's not for you to even take that on. Even if somebody projects something great, You don't have to own it. An opinion is an opinion. Not all opinions are bad. But the point is here is that people project themselves onto others, Whether that's good vibes or negative vibes. They project who they are onto other people. And that often comes out in an opinion of somebody else. Bit of a spectrum of whether it's good or bad, Whether you like it or hate it. You don't have to start to. Become that or focus on that or make that something that now becomes a big deal in your own life. When you look more into the negative side of things that people project onto others, We're thinking about. . . Assumptions. Insecurities. Perceptions. People make a lot of assumptions about someone else's life. And the dangerous thing there is that you don't know what's going on in someone else's head. You don't know what's going on in someone else's existence. And not that I've. . . I want to give so much examples of my own life experience. You know, I've had a lot of assumptions made about me over the years. I've gone through some very dark times in my life. And often when people want to make the most. Extravagant assumptions about what's going on with me. It's normally when I'm probably going through a bit of a dodgy patch in my own life and I'm just trying to figure out what I'm doing. How I'm progressing or not. And then somebody will come along with the most random statement and you're just like. . . You couldn't be so far from a truth, Not something that I say outwardly, Just in my mind I'm thinking. They couldn't be so far from the truth. I will never know. Weather. Where that came from. I will never ever have a clue as to where. That assumption came from and I won't really try to internalise so much that I want to care over. But you never know what path someone is walking. You never know what's going on in their mind. You never know what's going on. In their life behind closed doors. So when people make assumptions about you. It's a very, Very dangerous situation. Path to walk down because. . . How could you possibly know who someone else is or who is there? They're trying to be in your eyes. If you don't live their life 24-7. And this is why it's important for you to note. That when someone makes an assumption about you, Let them make that assumption. Because There's something more wrong with them than there is with you. For you to now have to start defending yourself about what their assumption is, Let them assume. Because it's more to do with them. Whatever assumption they have, It's more of a reflection of their life. Probably something going on in their own mind, In their own subconscious. Whatever it is, It's not your problem, But. . . Someone's assumption of you is literally that. It's an assumption of who you are. Insecurities is a massive one and insecurities are loud. Sometimes the loudest person in the room is the most insecure person in the room. I'm actually quite a person and I. . . I have flaws, I have insecurities, I don't tend to be a loud person. But my insecurities, Personally, I keep to myself. I deal with them when I need to. So not everybody is loud when they're insecure, But often the loudest person in the room in the environment is probably the most insecure person. And even with that kind of cliche statement taken out of the context, Insecurities are loud when they are being projected. And again. You could trigger something in somebody without even knowing. You're just living your life, Doing your thing, Whatever it is, And someone is triggered by your presence. And the way in which your presence has triggered them, It's triggered an insecurity that they have inside of them. Now, Unless it's somebody that's quite close to you, A friend or a family member, You're not going to know that. And even if you didn't know, It's not important. You don't need to know someone's insecurities. Because What are you going to do? Are you going to start to change how you live your life to benefit others? No. If someone has an insecurity, That's for them to deal with in their own time. It's not for you to shrink yourself to make them feel better about who they are. If people have insecurities, They have to deal with them. And overcome those obstacles internally. But yes, Insecurities do form a massive part of people's projections onto others. And again, It's not for you to unpack it unless it's triggering something in you. I have always got to stress, If you feel triggered by something, Then you have to know why or work through the whys. But if it's just random to you, Then you don't need to make it your issue, Your problem. But do know that a lot of people's projections aren't you. Of things that aren't true to you. Generally are things that are true to them or lay closer to them than they do to you. So there's no point in trying to. . . Start having a conversation with somebody who's literally just talking what we can consider waffle. If that waffle doesn't stick to you, If that waffle is nothing to do with you. Do not make it a problem because someone else's insecurities is something so deep root within that if they can't acknowledge that they're the problem, Then there's not much you can do about that. There's also perception. Now, I've got to be honest, I'm not even quite sure why I chose assumption and perception to talk about because there's such a thin line between the two. An assumption is really. . . Someone believing something to be true without having the knowledge to back it. But in the perception. Peace. Perception is really to kind of have a sense. That something is happening. So where is an assumption of you would be based on trying to fill in the gaps. Perception is based on observation. What they think in their present moment and here and now. To be fair, The line between the two is so thin, There isn't much difference between the two, But some people do perceive things of others, They do perceive. Someone to be a certain thing or behave in a certain way. For example, You can assume that someone is quite rich and you can assume they're rich based on just past behaviours. Maybe someone has a very lavish-looking lifestyle. Now, There's many people who fake it till they make it, But that's never here nor there. But maybe there's something in your past behaviours that have made you come across as if you have quite a lavish lifestyle. So someone assumes that you're quite rich. Whereas they can also perceive you to be a very rich person, And maybe they perceive you to be rich. By observing your behaviour in the very present moment. They're perceiving something that you're saying or that you're doing. You might be talking about going away. On the holiday, That might be perceived as quite an expensive luxurious holiday. Well, Maybe you spend months and months and months saving for the holiday rather than just being able to pay for it outright. So someone is perceiving that you are rich. Again, There's a thin line between assumption and perception. The two are very much alike. Entwined in one another. But whether you're rich or poor. Doesn't really matter. Someone can perceive you to be something that you're not. And one thing I just said a moment ago is fake it till you make it. A lot of people. . . In society. Will be perceived to be rich based on how they dress, The The things that I have, Maybe I have quite a flash card. They might. Designer clothing. And things like that. Now, This is an interesting example to give because often when you're perceived to be rich, It's based on having things that aren't even assets, Like a car. Unless it's a vintage car, A car's not an asset. And designer clothing is most certainly not an asset either. That's just paying for a label. But people will perceive you to be rich based on how you look. Now, There's a saying that I used to hear quite a bit back in the day is that rich people dress poor. You can see somebody walking down the street with holes in their jumper. And ill-fitting clothing and not know that person is rich rich like proper rich because you perceive them to be poor based on how they look. So that's, Again, That's people. Make an opinion of others because they perceive something or they assume something. Whatever it is that's really matter. But it's not for anybody else to start concerning themselves with that because it's a projection. People project what they think. Money looks like. And I'm just using money as an example, I think it's a very good example to use. People project what they think money looks like and actually what money looks like in. In superficial terms, It's not what it is in reality. And I think that's one of the major ones that people get wrong in terms of perceptions is because when you see somebody who looks flash and you perceive them to have a lot of money, I'd actually go down the opposite route. I'd actually think that somebody who looks flash is probably poorer than you realise. But even if I have that thought about somebody, Even if I project that kind of thought about somebody else, That's the main problem, That's not a them problem. I'm not poor, But by me assuming or perceiving that someone who looks flash is actually less than, You could argue that's triggering something in me to project that onto them. And I don't often project out verbally. Sometimes my opinions about others are just very much what I think inside, Because one, I'm not really that way inclined to kind of be that mean, But two, I don't think I'm that important that my opinion of somebody else needs to be shared with them either. Let me just give you an example, I think I'm giving you a very good example as to where people's perceptions of others go very wrong and I think the The rich lavish lifestyle. That's perceived of others is a very big one because Just because someone is able to flash the cash doesn't mean they really have the money to be flashing. But they do it to look a certain way. Fuck you. Outward validation. It goes on such a bigger kind of journey. I think I mentioned validation in the previous video. But. . . What people are seeing. What people perceive. And the insecurities. It's all about them. It's all about them internally. It's all about what's going on in their mind, In their life, In their world. It's never. . . Really your problem, They will make it your problem because they want to. They will make you a target because they feel they can. But how you are as an individual and how you move forward from that is what's the most important part. The issue for you with taking on someone else's assumptions, Insecurities, Perceptions, Whatever it is. Is that you're probably going to feel misunderstood. And that's where there's a major, Major disconnect, Because. . . Someone else's problems with you. Doesn't mean that you're being misunderstood. Someone else's problems with you. Is problems they have with themselves. And I've said it many times already, Someone else's problems with you is not a problem you now need to have with yourself. And alive. Definitely going through life. Especially when I was younger. Feeling that I was misunderstood a lot because I'm quite quiet, I'm quite reserved, I'm naturally that way inclined and I always used to feel like being quiet. Was a problem. And some people don't like quiet people. I cannot deny that. Some people don't like quiet people. But that's how I am. That's who I am. I don't have to change that for others, But I used to feel like I was misunderstood a lot and I was just like, I'm quiet. And you'd be surprised by being a quiet person, You trigger people so much. That they want to call you every name under the sun. I've been called. Let me think. I've been told that I think I'm too nice. I've been called a term called stush. It's quite a slang term, That's what I was thinking of in my head a moment ago. A term called stush, Which again really just reverts to thinking that you're too nice. I've been told that I'm high maintenance. I've been told that I that I need to bring myself down a peg or two. I mean, I've never known. . . Why would I need to bring myself down in a pic or two? Why would I need to ever bring myself down in any? Any situation, But a lot of people have been triggered by my quietness. Over the years since childhood to adulthood. And that's not something that's ever changed. I've always been quiet. I'm very much an introvert. I've never been an extrovert, And I don't want to be. And I'm only saying this to you as an example because. . . Because I felt misunderstood for most of my life, Most certainly up until my early to mid-twenties. I felt misunderstood. And not that I really have ever cared about anybody's opinions of me because I've had to learn quite quickly from a young age not to care about people's opinions but that doesn't mean that I didn't question Why? Someone always has something to say and especially because I felt like I was misunderstood and I felt like because I was misunderstood or feeling that I was misunderstood. I felt like I had to correct. The narrative. Now this is something that becomes. A bigger problem when you start trying to kind of bat balls that are coming at you and I use that as a phrase like someone kind of throwing a tennis ball at you and trying to hit it away, Throwing another tennis ball at you and trying to hit it away. You'll be playing tennis all your life because if you're always trying to correct each and every narrative that somebody has of you, You are never going to be able to live a normal life, Guaranteed. You're always going to be trying to defend your honour to people who don't deserve it. You know, If somebody wants to think something of you, If somebody wants to misunderstand you, Let them. That's their problem. But when you start focusing on trying to correct their narrative, That's so much energy wasted from you that you can put into other things. Because for every opinion that you try to correct, You are taking the life out of yourself that you could be putting into something that will better you. Let them have their opinion. Let them think what I want to think. Let them out. Have whatever it is they want to believe about you and keep it in their corner. Don't make it a problem for you. If you feel misunderstood, Then work on why you feel misunderstood. Not with them, With yourself. Because again, If you're feeling that way, Then that's just something that you have to deal with on your own. It's not to say that you should ignore your own feelings, But don't make your feelings about them. If you genuinely feel misunderstood and you think it's something that you need to unpack and deal with, Then go and work on it, But don't start correcting narratives about you, Don't start correcting people's opinions about you, Because that is a them issue, Not a you issue. Therefore, The shift I want to leave you with, What you want to be doing in the moments that these things happen, When people have opinions of you that have got nothing to do with you at all. Is that. There was no point in correcting the narrative. Of something that was never accurate in the first place. If it's not true of you. Leave it alone. Let it, Let it, Let it be. Let it be. People who know you. Will know you. They'll know the true you. They won't need to be convinced of who you are. People who don't know you, Don't need to have the narrative corrected for them to try and know who you are. Don't let them. So Never waste your energy. Looking to correct. The narrative of something that wasn't accurate in the first place. You don't have to defend yourself. And not everything needs engagement. Sometimes, Walk away. Walking away. Is better than engagement. You don't have to defend yourself defending yourself can sometimes assume that potentially there might be a little bit of a trigger there anyway. For you that is. Thankful. Leave it. Walk away. Get on with your life. Don't engage. How do I open it a little bit? Over explanation.