One of the hardest journeys to begin is the one where you sit alone and breathe.
It is hard to sit in silence,
Breathing,
Getting quiet with the beating of your heart.
Because that beautiful beating,
Which reminds you that you're alive,
Is sometimes far away.
The beating of your heart is not always clear.
It's not always vibrant.
It doesn't sound like your home,
Not anymore.
Your own heart and the comfort it used to bring is hidden under layers and layers that come with things that you have unconsciously added to it.
Shame,
Fear,
Guilt.
The cycles that have taken over your life,
The same actions repeated over and over are hurting your soul so deeply.
I know that nobody understands how you feel.
I know that you mean it with all your heart when you say you're not going to do it again.
Not today.
I know that you wake up feeling so hopeless and broken,
And you mean it when you vow that you will break the cycle.
I know,
I know you mean it.
And yet I also know that somehow during your day,
You feel like you change your mind.
I know how your voice whispers,
Giving you permission to do it again,
Just one more time.
And you mean it.
It will be the last time,
The very last time.
And the cycle begins all over again,
Leaving you broken,
Shattered,
Further away from that beating of your heart.
I know the pain you are feeling.
I know how lonely you are.
I know how you feel that nobody understands you.
I know you feel like you want to disappear.
I know.
Being quiet,
Listening to my words right now is not easy.
It's the pain of feeling that your soul has lost its shape,
That it has scattered into a million little pieces,
And there is no framework to hold your person in this universe.
But mostly it's the pain of not hearing your heart.
It is the disconnection that pulls you further away from your truth,
Seeking outside yourself to escape this pain.
But I am here today to give you a little hope.
I am here to tell you that this is exactly the place where you need to be.
That it is in this disconnection where your truth begins.
It is precisely this pain,
This darkness,
This emptiness that sources the possibility of your power.
It is here where you get to show up for yourself,
Bravely,
Standing still in the dark night in which you have been hiding.
You will hide no more.
You will sit in this space feeling naked and lonely and broken until the pain holds no more power over you,
Until your heart starts to beat clearly once more,
Until you show up for yourself the way you haven't in a long,
Long time.
I am here to tell you that you can do this.
That in this moment,
Right now,
You are perfect and complete and whole just as you are.
That this is the best moment there is.
That you need to honor the struggle and trust the process because this is nothing but a step to get you out and into a life of connection and light.
But you have to sit in silence and you have to look at your truth and you have to hold it with love and with grace.
Your truth,
The one that you fear,
The one that has no name,
Except it does.
It's called addiction.
It's called running away.
It's called darkness and disconnection.
It's called avoidance.
It's called guilt.
It's called shame.
If this is your truth,
Like it is mine,
I know you hurt.
But I also know that you can look at your truth bravely.
That you can detach the guilt and the shame which serve no one.
That you can own it and you can claim it.
And it is by claiming your truth that you can surrender to it.
And if this is your truth,
If addiction rings a bell,
If the cycles are repeated without you wanting and somehow you always end up full of shame,
If this is your truth like mine,
You can turn your eyes filled with compassion towards your heart and breathe.
You can do this.
Please believe me.
You can.
You can heal.
You can change.
You can own your own truth and do something about it.
Now close your eyes and fill your lungs with a deep breath and let go of the fear.
Fill your lungs with another deep breath and let go of the shame.
Fill your lungs with a deep breath and let go of the pain.
Listen.
Listen quietly.
Listen as your heart grows louder.
Listen as your truth sets you free.
Listen.
And in this moment,
In this quiet moment,
Forgive yourself for all the things that you cannot change.
Forgive yourself for running away so many times.
Love yourself because you did what you needed to do in order to survive.
There is nothing to be ashamed of.
Forgive yourself.
That's where the healing begins.
Today is a new chance.
This new breath,
This space,
This moment,
This changes the game,
You know.
Sit in silence with your heart beating louder than before.
Can you hear it?
Sit in silence full of love for the child within.
Can you see his hope?
Sit in silence as you fill yourself with love and compassion and forgiveness.
You can do this.
Today is a new day.
Today is a day of letting go of old stories,
Of old cycles.
Today is a day to reconnect with your soul.
It's a day to be brave.
It's a day to own your truth.
It's a day to lay down the shame and open up to your own magnificent wholeness and power.
Today is the day where you get excited about the possibility of life.
Today is the day where you get closer to your soul just by sitting,
Just right now.
Today you are not small,
Not ashamed,
Not in fear,
Not powerless,
Not running away.
Not today.
Not today.
Decide to fight for your life.
Decide to be your own best friend.
Decide to do the work of healing.
Decide to seek help.
Decide to nurture your soul.
Decide to find home in your heartbeat once more.
Decide to own your truth so you can do something about it.
You can do this.
I know you can.
And so do you.
Now breathe and go.
