I am here with you.
In this place I call the in-between.
That place where it feels like things will never get better again.
Where you feel stuck between your old life and the new,
That doesn't seem to show up.
I know this can feel like forever.
Like it will never pass.
But it will.
About two years ago.
I came back from living in Egypt for two years.
The most adventurous time of my life so far.
But when I came back home,
Reality hit me.
Harder than I expected.
Everything seemed to crumble.
My relationship ended.
My mental health started to feel shaky.
I became isolated and lonely.
Money evaporated.
And for many months,
I spent a lot of my time crying in solitude.
Releasing emotions I didn't know were there.
My energy collapsed.
And so did my body.
I couldn't work or create anymore.
After one and a half years of feeling like this and nothing changing,
I felt like it would never end.
But something inside me kept going.
Knowing.
This was all meant to happen.
I had to go through this phase so I could eventually start a life without all the baggage I had been carrying for so long.
This story isn't about me,
Even though it seems like it.
I am simply sharing it because I know someone out there might be going through something similar.
Most of us end up in a place sometime in our lives where things feel too much to bear.
And I am here to remind you,
It will pass.
Even if it takes so much longer than you thought you could handle.
Even if there is no proof of change anywhere to be found.
Because after my complete collapse,
Not seeing where life was taking me,
I realize.
I can breathe again.
But this time.
I can breathe more calm and steady.
Than before.
As if my body needed to go through this process for me to become freer.
To find myself again,
Slowly,
Without pressure.
To build a life upon flow,
Self-love and respect for my body.
Instead of pushing through life,
Trying to make things happen that aren't meant for me.
When you are in it,
In that place,
The in-between,
You might not believe this could ever be worth it.
That's what I thought.
This pain.
These doubts.
All the emotional purging,
How could this ever be worth it?
But someday I realized I felt lighter.
And that's when you might say to yourself.
.
.
It was worth it.
If you are going through a difficult time,
You are releasing and making space for something completely new.
You are shedding the old you,
And something else will come to life.
Think of it this way,
Being pregnant takes time and giving birth is painful and messy.
But what will come after it makes your reality shift into something completely new.
Something you couldn't have imagined.
You are now in the place where you are building resilience,
So that you can lean upon your strength for the rest of your life.
This doesn't make it all better or easier now,
But perhaps my words and love will help you feel a little bit calmer.
As I am sharing this,
I feel so alive.
My body is slowly building again,
Trusting my guidance.
My love for life is back and it feels more real than I have experienced before.
Because the pain broke my heart open and allowed it to expand even more.
It now feels like a fire has been lit inside of me.
I am no longer that person I was before.
I became someone who knows.
That no matter what.
We can count upon our own strength and we can trust something is coming.
I am not sure what I have gone through,
A kundalini awakening,
A nervous system shut down,
A depression.
The truth is it doesn't matter what you name it.
It was part of my journey to meet myself again.
And if you are now in the in-between.
I hope my words have found their place,
Where they were supposed to land.
And that they bring some comfort.
I am sending you soothing energy and trust.
Trust that everything is happening at the right time for something.
That you can't imagine yet.
