Hello there,
It's Mandy here.
Thanks for joining me tonight and welcome back to Diary of a Provincial Lady by E.
M.
Dellafield.
When the editor of Time and Tide wanted some light middles,
Preferably in serial form,
Dellafield promised to submit some pieces.
She later said,
The idea had come into my mind of writing,
In the first person singular,
A perfectly straightforward account of the many disconcerting facets presented by everyday life to the average woman.
And Diary of a Provincial Lady was the result.
We've reached chapter 16,
But before we go ahead,
Please feel free to make yourself really comfortable.
Sink down into your chair or your bed,
Relax your hands,
Soften your shoulders,
And release any tension in your jaw.
That's lovely.
So if you're ready,
Then I shall begin.
March the 20th.
More registry offices,
Less success than ever.
Barbara Blankensop comes to tea with me at my club and says that Streatham is delightful and that her friends took her to a dance last night and a Mr.
Crosby Carruthers drove her home afterwards in his car.
We then talk about clothes,
Dresses all worn long in the evening.
This,
Graceful but not hygienic.
Women will never again submit to long skirts in the daytime.
Most people growing their hair,
But eventually Barbara reverts to Mr.
C.
C.
And asks if I think a girl makes herself cheap by allowing a man friend to take her out to dinner in Soho.
I say no,
Not at all,
And inwardly decide that Vicky would look nice as bridesmaid in blue taffeta with the little wreath of banksia roses.
A letter from Dear Robin,
Forwarded from home,
Arrives tonight.
He says,
Wouldn't a motor tour in the Easter holidays be great fun?
And a boy at school called Briggs is going on one.
Briggs is the only son of millionaire parents,
Owning two Rolls Royces and any number of chauffeurs.
Feel that it would be unendurable to refuse this trustful request and decide I can probably persuade Robert into letting me drive the children to the far side of the county in the old standard.
Can call this modest expedition a motor tour if we stay the night at a pub and return the next day.
At the same time,
Realize that financial situation being what it is,
And moreover time rapidly approaching when great aunt's diamond ring must either be redeemed or relinquished forever,
There is nothing for it but to approach the bank on the subject of an overdraft.
I'm never much exhilarated at this prospect and do not in the least find that it becomes less unpleasant with repetition,
But rather to the contrary.
Experience customary difficulty in getting to the point.
Bank manager and I discuss whether political situation and probable starters for the Grand National with passionate suavity for some time.
Inevitable pause occurs and we look at one another across immense expanse of pink blotting paper.
Irrelevant impulse rises in me to ask if he has another supply for use in writing table draw or if fresh pad is brought in whenever a client calls.
Strange machinations of the human brain under the stress of extreme nervousness presents itself here as interesting topic for speculation.
Should like to hear opinion of professor I met last night on this point,
Subject far preferable to molecules.
Long and painful conversation follows.
Bank manager kind,
But if he says the word security once,
He certainly says it 20 times.
Am myself equally insistent with temporary accommodation only,
Which I think sounds thoroughly business-like and at the same time optimistic as to speedy repayment.
Just as I think we are over the worst,
Bank manager reduces me to a spiritual pulp by suggesting that we should see how the account stands at the moment.
I'm naturally compelled to agree to this with air of well-bred and detached amusement,
But I'm in reality well aware that the account stands or more accurately totters on a debit balance of 13 pounds,
Two shillings and 10 pence.
Large sheet of paper bearing this impressive statement is presently brought in and laid before us.
Negotiations resumed.
Eventually emerge into the street with purpose accomplished,
But feeling completely unstrung for the day.
Rose is kindness personified,
Produces Bovril and an excellent lunch and agrees with me that it is all nonsense to say that wealth wouldn't mean happiness because we know quite well that it would.
March 21st.
Express to Rose serious fear that I shall lose my reason if no house parlor maid materializes.
Rose as usual sympathetic but can suggest nothing that I have not already tried.
We go to a sale in order to cheer ourselves up and I buy yellow linen tennis frock,
One pound,
Nine shillings and six pence on strength of newly arranged overdraft,
But subsequently suffer from the conviction that I'm taking the bread out of the mouths of Robin and Vicky.
Rather painful moment occurs when I suggest the Italian exhibition to Rose who replies after a peculiar silence that it is now over.
Can think of nothing whatever to say and do not care for dear Rose's expression,
So begin at once to discuss new novels with as much intelligence as I can muster.
March the 22nd.
Completely amazed by laconic postcard from Robert to say that local registry office can supply us with house parlor man and if I am experiencing difficulty in finding anyone how do we not better engage him?
I telegram back yes and then feel I've made a mistake but Rose says no and refuses to let me rush out and telegram again for which on subsequent calmer reflection I feel grateful to her and I'm sure that Robert would be still more owing to well authenticated masculine dislike of telegrams.
Spend the evening writing immense letter to Robert enclosing list of duties of house parlor man.
Gib the thought of being called by him in the mornings with early tea and consult Rose who says boldly think of waiters in foreign hotels which I do and I'm reminded at once of many embarrassing episodes which I would rather forget.
Also send detailed instructions to Robert regarding the announcement of this innovation to cook.
Rose again takes up modern and fearless attitude and says that cook mark her words will be delighted.
I spend much of the night thinking over the whole question of running the house successfully and tell myself not by any means for the first time that my abilities are very very deficient in this direction.
Just as the realization of this threatens to overwhelm me altogether I fall asleep.
March the 25th return home to Robert Helen Wills and new house parlor man who is I now learn for the first time named Fitzsimmons.
I tell Robert that it is impossible that he should be called this.
Robert replies why not can only say that if Robert cannot see this for himself explanation will be useless.
Then says Robert no doubt we can call him by his first name.
This on investigation turns out to be Howard.
Find myself quite unable to cope with any of it and the whole situation is met by my never calling the house parlor man anything at all except you and speaking of him to Robert as Howard Fitzsimmons in inverted commas are so intending to be funny.
Very unsatisfactory solution.
Try to tell Robert all about London with exception of Italian exhibition which I do not mention but a lad in lamp flares up which interferes and have also to deal with correspondence concerning women's institute monthly meeting replacement of broken bedroom tumblers attributed to Ethel disappearance of one pajama jacket and two table napkins in the wash and instructions to Howard Fitz concerning his duties.
Memo must certainly make it crystal clear that acceptable formula when receiving an order is not righto.
Cannot at the moment think how to word this but must work it out and then deliver with firmness and precision.
Robert very kind about London but perhaps rather more interested in my having met Barbara Blankensop which after all I can do almost any day in the village than in my views on nine till six the best play I've seen for ages or remarkable increase of traffic in recent years.
Tell Robert by degrees about my new clothes.
He asks when I expect to wear them and I reply one never knows which is only too true and conversation closes.
Write long letter to Angela for the express purpose of referring casually to Rose's distinguished friends met in London.
March the 27th.
Angela replies to my letter but says little about distinguished society in which I've been moving and asks for full account of my impressions of the Italian exhibition.
She and William she says went up on purpose to see it and visited it three times.
Can only say but do not of course do so that William must have been dragged there by the hair of his head.
To be continued.
