Diary Of A Nobody - Final Chapters

The story of Mr Pooter, Carrie, and their son Lupin draws to a close with a rather grand dinner and some happy news. Thank you so much if you have followed this delightful story - written by the Grossmith brothers - from the beginning. It has been lovely to have you with me on the journey.

Transcript

Hello,

It's Mandy here.

Welcome to the final chapters of Diary of a Nobody by Charles and Whedon Grossmith.

Especially warm welcome if you followed the story from the beginning.

Chapter one of Diary of a Nobody was the second thing that I read for Insight Timer and I had no idea then whether the book was going to be well received or disliked or any shades in between.

So I was absolutely delighted to receive such lovely comments and reviews from you and it encouraged me to keep going with the book.

And here we are at the very end of it,

Which I can hardly believe.

I started it in March 2023.

So that's virtually nine months of reading it to you.

Anyway,

I hope very much that you've enjoyed it.

And before we begin tonight,

Just feel free to make yourself really comfortable.

Make any of those last minute adjustments you might need to make.

That's great and I'll begin.

Chapter 23,

July the 1st.

I find on looking over my diary,

Nothing of any consequence has taken place during the last month.

Today,

We lose Lupin,

Who has taken furnished apartments at Bayswater near his friends,

Mr and Mrs Murray-Posh,

At two guineas a week.

I think this is most extravagant of him,

As it is half his salary.

Lupin says one never loses by a good address and to use his own expression,

Brickfield Terrace,

Where we live,

Is a bit off.

Whether he means it is far off,

I do not know.

I have long since given up trying to understand his curious expressions.

I said the neighbourhood had always been good enough for his parents.

His reply was,

It is no question of being good or bad.

There is no money in it and I am not going to rot away my life in the suburbs.

We are sorry to lose him,

But perhaps he will get on better by himself and there may be some truth in his remark that an old and a young horse can't pull together in the same cart.

Gowing called and said that the house seemed quite peaceful and like old times.

He liked Master Lupin very well,

But he occasionally suffered from what he could not help,

Youth.

July 2nd.

Cummings called,

Looked very pale and said he had been very ill again and of course not a single friend had been near him.

Carrie said she had never heard of it,

Whereupon he threw down a copy of the bicycle news on the table with the following paragraph.

We regret to hear that that favourite old roadster Mr Cummings,

Long Cummings,

Has met with what might have been a serious accident in Rye Lane.

A mischievous boy threw a stick between the spokes of one of the back wheels and the machine overturned,

Bringing our brother tricyclist heavily to the ground.

Fortunately he was more frightened than hurt,

But we missed his merry face at the dinner at Chingford where they turned up in good numbers.

Long Cummings' health was proposed by our popular vice Mr Westrop,

The Prince of Bicyclists,

Who in his happiest vein said it was a case of Cummings through the Rye.

But fortunately there was more wheel than woe,

A joke which created roars of laughter.

We all said we were very sorry and pressed Cummings to stay to supper.

Cummings said it was like old times being without Lupin and he was much better away.

July the 3rd,

Sunday.

In the afternoon as I was looking out of the parlour window which was open,

A grand trap driven by a lady with a gentleman seated by the side of her stopped at our door.

Not wishing to be seen I withdrew my head very quickly,

Knocking the back of it violently against the sharp edge of the window sash.

I was nearly stunned.

There was a loud double knock at the front door.

Carrie rushed out of the parlour upstairs to her room and I followed as Carrie thought it was Mr Perkupp.

I thought it was Mr Franching.

I whispered to Sarah over the banisters,

Show them into the drawing room.

Sarah said as the shutters were not opened the room would smell musty.

There was another loud rat-a-tat.

I whispered,

Then show them into the parlour and say Mr Pooter will be down directly.

I changed my coat but couldn't see to do my hair as Carrie was occupying the glass.

Sarah came up and said it was Mrs Murray-Posh and Mr Lupin.

This was quite a relief.

I went down with Carrie and Lupin met me with the remark.

I say what did you run away from the window for?

Did we frighten you?

I foolishly said what window?

Lupin said oh you know.

Shut it you looked as if you were playing at Punch and Judy.

On Carrie asking if she could offer them anything Lupin said oh I think Daisy will take on a cup of tea.

I can do with a B and S.

I said I'm afraid we have no soda.

Lupin said don't bother about that.

You just trip out and hold the horse.

I don't think Sarah understands it.

They stayed a very short time and as they were leaving Lupin said I want you both to come and dine with me next Wednesday and see my new place.

Mr and Mrs Murray-Posh,

Miss Posh,

Murray's sister,

Are coming.

Eight o'clock sharp no one else.

I said we did not pretend to be fashionable people and would like the dinner earlier as it made it so late before we got home.

Lupin said rats you must get used to it.

If it comes to that Daisy and I can drive you home.

We promised to go but I must say in my simple mind the familiar way in which Mrs Posh and Lupin addressed each other is reprehensible.

Anybody would think they had been children together.

I certainly should object to a six months acquaintance calling my wife Carrie and driving out with her.

July the 4th.

Lupin's rooms looked very nice but the dinner was I thought a little too grand especially as he commenced with champagne straight off.

I also think Lupin might have told us that he and Mr and Mrs Murray-Posh and Miss Posh were going to put on full evening dress.

Knowing that the dinner was only for us six we never dreamed it would be a full dress affair.

I had no appetite.

It was quite 20 minutes past eight before we sat down to dinner.

At six I could have eaten a hearty meal.

I had a bit of bread and butter at that hour feeling famished and I expect that partly spoiled my appetite.

We were introduced to Miss Posh whom Lupin called Lily Girl as if he had known her all his life.

She was very tall rather plain and I thought she was a little painted around the eyes.

I hope I am wrong but she had such fair hair and yet her eyebrows were black.

She looked about 30.

I didn't like the way she kept giggling and giving Lupin smacks and pinching him.

Then her laugh was a sort of a scream that went right through my ears all the more irritating because there was nothing to laugh at.

In fact Carrie and I were not at all pre-possessed with her.

They all smoked cigarettes after dinner including Miss Posh who startled Carrie by saying,

Don't you smoke dear?

I answered for Carrie and said Mrs Charles-Pooter has not arrived at it yet.

Whereupon Miss Posh gave one of her piercing laughs again.

Mrs Posh sang a dozen songs at least and I can only repeat what I have said before.

She does not sing in tune but Lupin sat by the side of the piano gazing into her eyes the whole time.

If I had been Mr Posh I think I should have had something to say about it.

Mr Posh made himself very agreeable to us and eventually sent us home in his carriage which I thought most kind.

He is evidently very rich for Mrs Posh had on some beautiful jewellery.

She told Carrie her necklace which her husband gave her as a birthday present alone cost 300 pounds.

Mr Posh said he had a great belief in Lupin and thought he would make rapid way in the world.

I could not help thinking of the 600 pounds Mr Posh lost over the parachica chlorates through Lupin's advice.

During the evening I had an opportunity to speak to Lupin and expressed a hope that Mr Posh was not living beyond his means.

Lupin sneered and said Mr Posh was worth thousands.

Posh's one price hat was a household word in Birmingham,

Manchester,

Liverpool and all the big towns throughout England.

Lupin further informed me that Mr Posh was opening branch establishments at New York,

Sydney and Melbourne and was negotiating for Kimberley and Johannesburg.

I said I was pleased to hear it.

Lupin said why he has settled over 10,

000 pounds on Daisy and the same amount on Lily girl.

If at any time I wanted a little capital he would put up a couple of thou at a day's notice and could buy up her cups firm over his head at any moment with ready cash.

On the way home in the carriage for the first time in my life I was inclined to indulge in the radical thought that money was not properly divided.

On arriving home at a quarter past 11 we found a handsome cab which had been waiting for me for two hours with a letter.

Sarah said she didn't know what to do as we had not left the address where we had gone.

I trembled as I opened the letter fearing it was some bad news about Mr Perkupp.

The note was Dear Mr Pooter come down to the Victoria Hotel without delay.

Important.

Yours truly,

Hard Fur Huttle.

I asked the cabman if it was too late.

The cabman replied it was not,

For his instructions were if I happened to be out he was to wait till I came home.

I felt very tired.

I really wanted to go to bed.

I reached the hotel at a quarter before midnight.

I apologised for being so late but Mr Huttle said not at all come and have a few oysters.

I feel my heart beating as I write these words.

To be brief Mr Huttle said he had a rich American friend who wanted to do something large in our line of business and that Mr Franching had mentioned my name to him.

We talked over the matter.

If by any happy chance the result be successful I can more than compensate my dear master for the loss of Mr Croberland's custom.

Mr Huttle had previously said the glorious fourth is a lucky day for America and as it has not yet struck 12 we will celebrate it with a glass of the best wine to be had in this place and drink good luck to our bit of business.

I fervently hope it will bring good luck to us all.

It was two o'clock when I got home.

Although I was so tired I couldn't sleep except for short intervals and then only to dream.

I kept dreaming of Mr Perkupp and Mr Huttle.

The latter was in a lovely palace with a crown on.

Mr Perkupp was waiting in the room.

Mr Huttle kept taking off this crown and handing it to me and calling me President.

He appeared to take no notice of Mr Perkupp and I kept asking Mr Huttle to give the crown to my worthy master.

Mr Huttle kept saying no this is the White House of Washington and you must keep your crown Mr President.

We all laughed long and very loudly until I got parched and then I woke up.

I fell asleep only to dream the same thing over and over again.

Chapter the last.

One of the happiest days of my life.

July the 10th.

The excitement and anxiety through which I have gone the last few days have been almost enough to turn my hair grey.

It is all but settled.

Tomorrow the die will be cast I have written a long letter to Lupin feeling it my duty to do so regarding his attention to Mrs Posh for they drove up to our house again for they drove up to our house again last night.

July the 11th.

I find my eyes filling with tears as I pen the note of my interview this morning with Mr Perkupp.

Addressing me he said my faithful servant I will not dwell on the important service you have done our firm.

You can never be sufficiently thanked.

Let us change the subject.

Do you like your house and are you happy where you are?

I replied yes sir I love my house and I love the neighbourhood and could not bear to leave it.

Mr Perkupp to my surprise said Mr Pooter I will purchase the freehold of that house and present it to the most honest and most worthy man it has ever been my lot to meet.

He shook my hand and said he hoped my wife and I would be spared many years to enjoy it.

My heart was too full to thank him and seeing my embarrassment the good fellow said you need say nothing Mr Pooter and left the office.

I sent telegrams to Carrie Gowing and Cummings a thing I have never done before and asked the two latter to come round to supper.

On arriving home I found Carrie crying with joy and I sent Sarah round to the grocer's to get two bottles of Jackson Frere.

My two dear friends came in the evening and the last post brought a letter from Lupin in reply to mine.

I read it aloud to them all.

It ran my dear old Gov keep your hair on you were on the wrong tack again.

I am engaged to be married to Lily Girl.

I didn't mention it last Thursday as it wasn't definitely settled.

We shall be married in August and amongst our guests we hope to see your old friends Gowing and Cummings with much love to all from the same old Lupin.

The end.

Reviews

Thank you so much Mandy. I really enjoyed this entire book. You always choose very fun & interesting stories to read. Keep up the good work!

I have loved listening to this story and am sorry it's ended. Thank you so much for sharing it 💜

Mandy has a a calming voice, perfect for bedtime reading and she chooses good books.

I have a pretty good acquaintance with 19th C novels but never knew about this one. I thoroughly enjoyed it and the way you read Mandy. I found it interesting that in the past marriage was always the happy ending or solution for a female character, not usually the man, but Lupin is always surprising us! Thanks for sharing this delightful tale Mandy 🙏🏻

What a fun story and how nice to spend time with you Mandy! ❤️ thank you so much.

Well thank you Mandy for so many nights, when you lulled me to sleep with the beautiful timbre of your voice, and the lyrical reading of this story. I found you right at the beginning of your entrée into Insight Timer and an ever so glad I did. It is now a year and many months past finding you and I turn to your lovely voice and lovely reading of every story quite frequently. Thank you for blessing us with your rich talent.

Thank you Mandy for being a cure to my insomnia and depression for many months now. Your voice cures me of homesickness and this story brought unspeakable joy to my life.

This was such a great and enjoyable series, thank you Mandy. I waited until this morning to listen to the final chapters so as not to miss a word! eta, Ah brilliant, thank you for compiling the chapters!

Highly enjoyed listening to Mandy’s narration of this delightful story!

Fantastic! So happy to have listened to the entire book! Please do more!