Wise Communication -Truthful

The Buddha gave five criteria for how to study your speech, what to look at, and what to look for. These criteria can be taken as questions that we ask ourselves before we speak. The first criterion, is it truthful? The second, is it timely? The third is, is it kind? The fourth, is it beneficial, and the fifth, does it bring people together?

The topic of what is true and how we recognize the truth can be a complex philosophical question. But a simple way of understanding this is, at minimum, the truth involves an absence of deceit.

Transcript

So over the next few weeks we're exploring wise communication, Wise speech. And the Buddha gave five criteria for how to study your speech, What to look at, And kind of what to look for. And these criteria can be taken as questions that we ask ourselves before we speak. And the first criteria is, Is it truthful? The second is, Is it timely? The third, Is it kind? The fourth, Is it beneficial? And the fifth is, Does it bring people together? So you may find that it's truthful, It's kind, And the intention is to be useful and unite people, But it is simply the wrong time. So some teachers start with timeliness because even truth may not be useful if it's spoken at the wrong time. It could be truthful and it could be kind, Intended to bring people together, But is it useful? You know, For some people we can say the truth, But they're not going to change whatsoever. So then there's no purpose to keep speaking to it. Why exhaust yourself? Why keep trying? So it can be upsetting when something is true and it's kind and it's not received. That also happens. So today let's look at truthfulness. What is true and how we recognize the truth can be kind of complexed. It can be, You know, It's kind of a philosophical question when we talk about ultimate reality. What is true, You know? But a simple way of understanding this is, In the Buddhist realm of understanding, At a minimum the truth involves an absence of deceit. You know, There is no deceit. There is no intention and there's no effort to deceive anybody with what we're about to say or do. So with deception we are clearly not speaking the truth. One way to strengthen or to heighten our capacity to be truthful is when we say something to follow up immediately with the basis on which we think it's true. Why do we think something is true? So for example, Rather than saying today is a great day, We can say today it's been a great day for me or my interpretation is that it's a great day. This way we're saying what's true based, You know, We're basing it on our interpretation. We're not making a claim. We're not making a blanket statement that's true for everyone. So to be a little bit more specific and say, Well what is the basis of this truth? The Buddha emphasized this, You know, In particular with religious statements. If a person made a religious statement or a spiritual claim, Like on what basis is that claim? Is it based on faith? Is it based on reasoning? Is it based on a tradition that you're practicing or what a teacher has said? Is it based on something that you've experienced directly? Because even experience is an interpretation and it's personal. So if you make these caveats or these explain yourself, It's no longer a declarative statement. And then it may be easier for others to participate in a conversation with you. So in the five ethical precepts of this practice, Right speech is not the dedication to truth but it's the dedication to not lying, To not speaking false words, To not deceive. And there's an important distinction between these two. That false speech is speech which is, You know, Intentionally misleading or intentionally tries to say something that's not true, That's going to mislead someone about what's actually happening, What's actually going on. And it's often easier to notice when we're intentionally consciously attempting to mislead someone, When we're not going to speak untruths or manipulate the situation. It's actually easier to see misleading communication than to recognize is this true? Because it's not always clear what the truth is. So my interpretation is that speaking the truth is a way to heal. It's a way to grow and mend relationships. And it's a way of connecting more deeply with others. We connect more deeply when we're truthful. When we're deceitful we're actually creating barriers to connection. It can create alienation and separation. It's probably true to say that there is no spiritual growth, No growth in the Dharma without a dedication to being truthful. The truth is that important in this practice. Perhaps the results of our truthful communication is that we become a true person, A person who is true in how they live their lives and how they speak. So before speaking we ask ourselves the question, Is it true? Or how can I say what I want to say in a way that feels truthful to me? And it's a powerful practice to do and an important one. My teacher talks about speaking the truth is like mindfulness out loud. I really like that. Mindfulness out loud. And I bundled this topic of wise speech and communication in that we've been focusing on the establishment of mindfulness. And I believe in my experience that speech and communication is a practice. It's what we're doing. We're practicing and establishing mindfulness. And what's so interesting about the mindfulness practice, The Sati Vatana practice, Mindfulness practice is continually an act of saying what is true to ourselves. The truth of what is happening in my experience without deceiving ourselves. So when we're sitting, You know, And there's lots of planning happening in the mind and we note it. Planning, Planning, Lots of planning. This is speaking the truth to ourselves. It's an honesty practice. So being truthful and being honest out loud is, You know, Is what Gil talks about. It's this mindfulness in our speech, In our communication. When we bring attention to our speech, We can feel and see, You know, When we want to lie or bend the truth in some way. If that happens, You know, Then it's a really useful time to deepen our own introspection and take a good look at what's happening here within us. Like what is motivating the desire to lie? What is motivating being deceitful? Is it fear? Is it greed? Is there anger? Sometimes it can be about avoiding embarrassment or hiding from people so they don't know who we are or what we do. You know, Is it our way of trying to get, You know, Out of a conversation? What's motivating deceit? And this is a powerful inquiry and the advantage of asking the question of what's motivating my desire to lie is that we look at our deeper motivations and this is a very important part of practice. It's important to discover, It's an opportunity to discover, You know, Where there's some sort of conceit or attachment, Some way in which we're sort of building up or self-making. And so our way of freeing ourselves, The liberate, Like the liberating part of the practice is by seeing clearly. Part of this Buddhist practice is about this deep truth-telling and experiencing the appreciation and the value of doing this. You know, To see our attachments to so that, You know, We can enter into more fully this path of freedom and be free of our attachments. So rather than seeing our attachments as bad news and then identifying to them, There's a way in which when we are committing ourselves to be truthful, We see them in a good way. Like, Oh, I actually feel inclined to be deceitful because then I'll fit in or be connected or there's, We have some sort of belief running. So I offer this not to highlight something bad about yourself, But really to highlight your capacity to grow and develop and to heal in a deep way within. It's a powerful thing to speak the truth and it can be a practice. I found it amazing what opens up and what opens in relationship when we learn this kind of art of truth-telling. But it is an art and it takes a while to learn. And in my experience, It's a skill worth learning.

Reviews

Thank you. This is meaningful to me in the current discussions I’m having with my adult middle son. I’m also intrigued because the focus I’ve been having for my personal growth has been around integrity. Wanting to be the same person wherever I am and whatever I am doing. I am know myself better than anyone and I can honestly say that I am glaringly not. And that feels sad and disappointing to me. It’s difficult and challenging work. I am interested in keeping the questions around what’s motivating me to deceive. Those are imoortant questions not just for my journal this morning but to keep present in my heart. Thank you for this. Do you have a talk or can you refer someone about discerning what is truthful. In my experience I often learn after the fact, after the act. My son had an experience where he made a decion to do something he thought at the moment was harmless but when the other party found out they experience a deep hurt to the extent they aren’t finding it possible right now to forgive. Wa Shia a lack of judgment in the moment? Or was he being deceitful? Does this mean he’s a deceiotful person and not worthy of understanding or more extreme not worthy of having a relationship with thst other person? In any case it’s their choice of course but what makes this so black and white for some and ambiguous for others? Thank you.🙏

Wonderful. Thank you 🙏🏼