Welcome to Breakdown to Breakthrough,
The podcast that empowers you to transform your life by awakening to your true,
Authentic self.
I'm Lisa A.
Romano,
Your host.
As an award-winning author and certified life coach,
I've dedicated my life to helping others understand the incredible power of an organized mind.
I believe that true empowerment begins with awakening to our false self.
My mission is to support you on your journey toward mental and emotional regeneration through conscious and deliberate awakening.
In this podcast,
I'll share insights,
Tools,
And transformative stories that illuminate the path to healing and self-discovery.
As a daughter of a narcissistic mother,
You may find yourself navigating a complex emotional landscape filled with confusion,
Self-doubt,
And persistent feeling of inadequacy.
It's important to recognize that these feelings often stem from the covert,
Manipulative tactics employed by your mother,
Which are designed to undermine your self-worth and keep you in a state of dependency.
Today,
We're going to explore four of these tactics and discuss why surrender,
Acceptance,
And mindfulness,
And a focus on inner healing are crucial to your recovery.
1.
The Silent Treatment One of the most insidious tactics used by a narcissistic mother is the silent treatment.
This form of emotional manipulation involves withdrawing communication and affection as a means of punishment.
When your mother gives you the silent treatment,
She sends a clear message,
Your feelings and your needs do not matter.
This can leave you feeling abandoned and desperate for her approval,
Leading to a cycle of self-doubt and anxiety.
This is why it hurts.
The silent treatment creates an emotional void that can distort your perception of love and validation.
You may begin to internalize the belief that your worth is contingent upon your mother's approval,
Leaving you feeling less than adequate.
2.
Guilt Inducement Another common tactic is the use of guilt to control and manipulate.
A narcissistic mother may frequently remind you of the sacrifices she has made for you or use phrases like,
After all I've done for you,
To elicit feelings of obligation.
This guilt can be crippling,
Making you feel as though you owe her in ways that are unreasonable and unhealthy.
This tactic fosters a sense of indebtedness,
Leading you to prioritize her needs above your own.
Over time,
This can erode your self-esteem,
Making you feel selfish for wanting to pursue your own happiness,
Hold her accountable,
Or pursue independence.
3.
Comparison and Competition Narcissistic mothers often engage in comparison,
Pitting their daughters against siblings or peers.
They may highlight your shortcomings while praising others,
Creating a sense of competition that can be emotionally devastating.
This manipulation can foster feelings of inadequacy and even deep resentment,
Making you feel like no matter what you do,
You'll never measure up.
So here's why this hurts,
Dear one.
Constantly being compared to others can create a relentless cycle of self-inner criticism.
You can internalize the belief that you are not good enough,
Leading to feelings of inferiority and hopelessness.
4.
Conveniently,
She Leaves You Out A painful covert tactic of a narcissistic mother is to act as if nothing is wrong and as if you are not being doused with gasoline.
This is the classic sign that your mom is a narcissist.
For example,
You call your mom to say hello,
And she goes on and on and on about a wonderful time she had with your cousins and siblings,
Family members your mother has triangulated against you.
In this scenario,
Mom has you backed into a corner as the scapegoat and now has at least two sources of narcissistic supply,
But I think she's got many.
On the one hand,
She knows she's withholding love from you,
Love that you ache for.
And on the other,
She's telling others how worried she is about you,
Posturing herself as a victim and a martyr at the same time.
The double source of narcissistic supply shows up in the attention and sympathy she gets from your family members,
And when she tells you about the fun she's had with them,
She's skating over her emotional abuse.
She pretends the two of you don't know what she's doing to hurt you and your relationships with the family.
She pretends you are not aware of her intentionally causing you emotional duress,
And in that space,
Dear one,
You're in a double bind.
If you confront her,
You know she will use the conversation to further position herself as a victim,
Which reinforces what your family thinks.
And if you don't confront her,
You feel like she wins and you know nothing will change.
That's why my aim as an adult daughter myself,
Who has successfully ascended the web of a covert narcissistic mother's manipulation,
Is to help you master your mind,
Emotions,
And reactions like a ninja.
Narcissistic mothers need you on their hook,
So the goal is to stop allowing them to cause emotional reactions within you,
Emotional reactions that can leave you feeling like you have an emotional hangover for days,
Swirling in the toxic energies of abandonment trauma,
Keeping you triggered internally,
Strapped to the wheel of cause and effect.
The truth is,
Dear one,
We can't draw anything new into our lives if we don't start imagining a new life.
If we do not commit to living a new life,
We will stay stuck in patterns of generational trauma until we croak,
And that is just not fair.
And considering that you are born a natural creator,
It's your birthright to learn how to master your mind so efficiently that rather than offer her your most valuable commodities,
Which are your thoughts,
Your feelings,
Imaginations,
Decisions,
And reactions,
You commit instead to developing a more organized mind rooted in the love of self.
That is the path I choose,
And I can tell you,
It was not easy,
But my life is pretty amazing,
And you can do what I did to begin your life's transformation.
Let's talk about the path to recovery.
Recognizing these tactics is the first step toward healing.
It's probably why you're here today.
However,
Understanding alone is not enough.
You must embark on an inner healing journey to reclaim your sense of self and nurture your emotional well-being.
Here is why surrender,
Acceptance,
And mindfulness are essential components of this journey.
Surrender.
Letting go of the need for your mother's approval is crucial.
This means acknowledging that you cannot change her behavior and that her perceptions of you do not define your worth.
So we have to address the codependency that might be at play.
Surrendering allows you to release the emotional burden of seeking validation from someone who has never provided it for you.
Fawning is something we need to address too.
Surrendering to what we can't control,
Surrendering to her behavior is crucial.
Learning to shutty-shutty and namaste and walk away are powerful tools that can assist you with learning to be more comfortable with being uncomfortable.
Learning how to stay in your body while experiencing the pangs of abandonment trauma is a mental and emotional tool,
And like any tool,
It must be sharpened.
Acceptance.
Accepting your past experiences,
Including the pain and trauma inflicted by your mother,
Is vital for healing.
It involves acknowledging the hurt without letting it define your identity.
Acceptance creates space for self-compassion and understanding,
And also a space to reprogram your subconscious mind and how you feel about yourself.
Allowing you to move forward with grace.
It looks like you hugging your inner child and comforting them,
Rather than ruminating and allowing your emotions to create these toxic chemicals in your body,
Your inner child swims in and cannot escape.
Remember that 24 hours a day,
Even while you sleep,
There is this innocent inner child within you that cannot escape the barrage of inner self-conflicts or inner self-talk that have to do with the covert narcissistic mother.
Learning how to master this inner self-talk is key.
Mindfulness.
Practicing mindfulness will help you stay present and aware of your feelings without judgment.
It allows you to observe your thoughts and emotions,
Assisting you with detaching from the negative narratives instilled by your mother that exist in your head.
Mindfulness creates a sense of peace and enables you to reconnect with your authentic self.
In the real world,
It looks like you controlling what you stream into your consciousness on a daily basis.
It looks like you avoiding toxic YouTube videos or toxic conversations or media that is rooted in victim consciousness,
And instead choosing uplifting and healing content that offers you actionable recovery techniques.
It looks like you meditating every day,
Walking and exercising and managing what you consume and put into your body.
It looks like you flowing energy towards your passions and getting outside your comfort zone where you are most likely to find people that can support you and love you for who you really are.
Now,
Inner healing.
Focusing on your inner healing journey means prioritizing self-care and self-discovery.
Engage in activities that nurture your spirit,
Dear one,
And bring you joy.
Move in that direction.
Surround yourself,
If you can,
With supportive people,
Even if it's on a Facebook group,
That can uplift you and validate you.
Therapy or support groups can also provide invaluable insights and guidance as you navigate this journey.
In conclusion,
Dear ones,
Healing from the emotional wounds inflicted by a covert narcissistic mother is deeply personal,
And it is a challenging journey.
It's hard enough learning how to love yourself without a mother whose agenda it is,
Or seems to be,
To destroy our ability to love and feel good about the self.
However,
By recognizing her covert,
Manipulative tactics,
You can start to reclaim your inner narrative and begin to build a life that is authentically yours.
That's what I did.
Embrace the process of surrender,
Acceptance,
And mindfulness as you embark on the inner healing journey.
Remember,
Her actions do not define you.
Your worth is inherent,
And you have the power to cultivate a life filled with love,
Joy,
And self-acceptance despite her.
Because you,
Dear one,
You are enough.
Namaste.
Until next time,
As I bow to the love and light that is absolutely in you.
Bye for now.
