18. The Workplace Rule My Guru Taught Me

Okay,

So we have this week and next week and then our study group is all done.

So in the essence of time,

I'm going to move to this chapter because there's a lot to unpack in our last chapter.

All right,

Here goes.

So this chapter is the last chapter,

Chapter 11.

Don't be afraid to love.

It's called Babaji said,

Do you want to avoid a disaster?

Then never outshine your master.

Okay,

Page 222.

Some lessons I learned from Babaji were in the moment,

Like when I was faced head-on with my burning jealousy at the sight of the pretty blonde girl in the basement.

It was just too unbearable to move forward unless I addressed this issue directly with him.

Other lessons I learned from Babaji I would have been happy to not bring up,

Such as my caffeine addiction or my phobia of blood.

But Babaji forced those to the surface,

And so we dealt with those in the moment.

Other lessons I learned from my Guru were in an after-the-fact kind of way,

Like years after the event happened.

The lesson I'm about to share with you fits into this category.

In fact,

The event took place over 10 years ago.

But I didn't actually learn the lesson from the experience until I had the good fortune of understanding it from Babaji.

One fine day when Babaji and I were working on our Vedic psychology book.

He asked if I knew any publishers in the USA that we could contact.

I shared with him that actually,

Yes,

I used to work for one of the largest spiritual publishing companies in the USA.

And I was personally selected by the CEO for this senior executive position within the organization.

I propose that I contact the CEO and I float the idea past her about publishing our book to see if she'd bite.

Babaji loved that idea.

Without delay,

I shot off the email.

A few days later,

No response.

Babaji inquired again.

Nope,

Still no reply from the CEO.

I emailed a second time,

Nothing.

Nada.

A third time.

Still,

She didn't respond.

But this time her secretary did.

She coldly replied that the CEO doesn't take personal emails from old employees and she has no time to talk or meet with me.

I was shocked.

The CEO wouldn't even respond to a simple email?

And I was well known to the CEO.

So why was her secretary treating me like I was some Stranger.

Furthermore,

This book we were writing was right up their alley.

She didn't even want to consider it.

What was going on here?

I nonchalantly explained to Babaji what had transpired and figured that was the end of that.

Without further ado,

I moved on quickly and began babbling about something else.

Babaji was silent like He so often is.

So I thought nothing of his response,

Or lack of response I should say.

After five minutes,

When I finally took a breath to ask him what he thought of my idea for an e-course,

He calmly lobbed up a one-liner.

Why did you leave that job at the spiritual publishing company?

What Bubba G?

Why?

Because the CEO is jealous of me and so they fired me.

There's nothing I could do about that.

That seems strange.

What do you mean she was jealous of you?

What happened?

He pressed on.

I felt uncomfortable,

Vulnerable,

And exposed under Babaji's hot interrogation lamp.

With nowhere to run or hide.

I defended myself.

What happened was that the CEO hired me as the director of the company.

With the responsibility to make partnerships with other spiritual companies,

Which I did.

But I guess I did it too well because within one month,

The vice president of the company was telling me.

That the CEO was jealous of me.

What could I do?

I was doing what the job description said.

Babaji continued with his relentless questioning like a jackhammer blasting through cement.

That's how it felt in my head.

There must be more to this story.

Why would the CEO be jealous of you if you were doing what she asked you to do?

I don't get it.

Not having thought about this situation for over a decade,

I really couldn't remember all the details.

To pacify his precise line of questioning.

Furthermore,

I was starting to feel annoyed,

Like he was blaming me for getting fired from the job that I excelled at.

This is just too much.

Can I ever do anything right?

Trying to keep my composure and not show my irritation at Babaji's pestering,

I politely revealed the problem was that the partnerships I made were with the CEO's longtime friends.

The CEO gave me a list of her close contacts and told me to make friends with them,

And so I did.

Yet,

At the same time,

The CEO perceived me as a threat.

For some reason,

She thought that some of her friends liked me more than they liked her.

The vice president told me some of the CEO's friends had been calling her and praising me.

Apparently this upset the CEO for how could some new hire like me win the hearts of her longtime friends so easily?

What can I really do about it,

I thought.

She was jealous of me for doing my job description.

That's not my problem,

That's hers.

Babaji was still not satisfied.

He persisted.

So what did they say when they fired you?

They must have had some good reason other than that the CEO was jealous of you.

He would just not leave it.

I felt angry and my face fleshed red at this injustice.

Did he not have any empathy for the hell that I went through at that company with the CEO and the VP harassing me for just doing my job?

Did he have any idea about the deep depression I'd sunk into after getting fired from this job?

Did he even care at all about me?

Wasn't Babaji supposed to take my side and see things from my point of view?

After all.

I was the victim here in this situation.

Exasperated and feeling like an innocent victim being prosecuted for witchcraft,

I declared they said the reason for my termination was because they were discontinuing my position.

And that's it.

I sighed and hoped he could take the hint that we were done with this conversation,

But he did not.

Babaji smirked and continued with the slow death of my ego,

Like a cat batting around a half-dead mouse,

Just for fun.

Have you ever seen that?

Babaji equipped.

Really?

That's it?

I wanted to just get up and leave,

Or yell at him and tell him how unfair he was being.

I wanted to ask him why is it that whenever I tell him about something positive that I did,

He either says nothing at all,

At most he says good,

But when I've done something negative,

He belabors the point until I'm flattened to the ground.

Why does.

.

.

Why does he bolo,

Babaji provoked me,

Not only by speaking in Hindi,

Which he knows I don't understand,

But also because he knew I didn't want to talk about the topic any longer.

Realizing my fate,

I relented and answered to expedite my defeat.

The real reason I got fired is because I get fed up with the VP harassing me and I told her off.

So I was the director and my boss was the vice president and she reported to the president,

The CEO.

One day in our weekly Friday afternoon meeting,

I finally stepped into my power and made a good boundary.

I wasn't going to take her harassment any longer.

I told the VP to stop telling me that the CEO is jealous of me because there's nothing I can do about it and I don't want to hear it anymore.

A few hours later,

The HR director and the VP came into my office and promptly fired me.

They made up the excuse that they were discontinuing my position,

But I know it was a bold-faced lie.

I can't help it if the CEO is jealous of me.

That's her problem.

Bubba G laughed.

In a mocking kind of way.

Which added insult to injury.

How could he think this was funny?

So actually what the job was,

It was such a fun job.

So they had decided that they wanted to expand their offerings.

And they didn't really publish that many books,

But they published mostly CDs,

Audio recordings of all the famous spiritual people around the world,

Like Eckhart Tolle,

All these people like that.

And CDs were moving into online also,

But at the time,

It was a long time ago,

There was CDs.

You could buy the CD.

But they're like we have to do more so what we want to do is we want to we want to start Making partnerships with other spiritual companies.

So like they gave me a list and there I go This company makes yoga mats.

This company makes like Zen meditation cushions.

This company makes whatever chakra balancing essential oils what just a whole list of companies and where we live and in the US was Boulder,

Colorado and that place is like the center of spirituality in in the United States one of the main like epicenters of Alternative healing and all that,

You know So and this lady had started her business a long time ago,

And she had many contacts,

So it was such a fun job She's like just spend however much you want to spend just take them wherever you want to take them So I'm going to like these organic cafes and getting nice because they're all into that you know like I can't remember what the drinks were,

But special drinks and nice,

It was very social and nice,

And they would tell me their story of how they started their business,

And we would bond,

You know,

And then the next day I'd take someone else out,

And the next day someone else out,

So it was a good job.

And I was trying to,

Once I got to know them,

I would say,

Okay,

Here's the deal,

Can we sell your yoga mat right alongside the CD of the yoga teacher and you can get 50%?

" I was making deals with them,

But it was very social.

And then they started inviting me to their events.

And they started,

You know,

That's actually normal.

It's a sales job,

Basically.

So,

But she freaked out.

So I don't know what am I supposed to do?

So then if I don't do it,

So I don't make those relationships,

Then how am I going to do my job description?

And every week,

It was the same.

It was like she was hazing me.

You know what that word means?

Like just harassing me.

So every Friday,

She'd come to my room.

And I'd be busy responding to like 20 emails from all the contacts I'm working with.

And she'd be like,

You know,

So-and-so's jealous of you.

And I was like,

What do you want me to do?

I would be happy to change,

But this is the description,

And I'm trying to follow what she's asked,

So what should I do then?

What is it that you'd like me to do differently?

Nothing,

I just wanted to let you know.

I just felt so harassed and so defeated.

And then I'd have four more good days,

And then she'd come in again on the Friday.

And she'd say specific mean things that the CEO said about me too.

Mean things.

So I was just like.

.

.

So finally,

After I think it was maybe.

.

.

I don't remember how long,

But not that long.

I just said,

Okay,

I've had enough.

I really don't want to hear it anymore.

And if you have something productive I can do about that,

Please tell me.

But otherwise,

I feel like you're just harassing me.

You're disturbing my work.

I'm doing my job really well.

This is the description.

Bye-bye!

But Babaji pressed all of that out of me,

You know?

So.

With a big grin on his face,

He said,

Oh really?

You don't think it was your problem?

After all,

It was you who lost your job.

You really think there's nothing you could've done differently?

Now I was too angry to deliberate.

Yes,

There was one thing I blurted out.

I should have quit that damn job the first time the VP told me the CEO was jealous of me.

I shouldn't have hung on for months taking their emotional abuse.

Babaji didn't seem disturbed by my angry mood.

He looked like he was having good fun,

Enjoying watching my mind flip and flop around like a fish washed ashore,

Desperately trying to make its way back to the water.

One thing I had learned about Babaji is that when he had a point to make,

He would continue on unabated.

He kept hammering,

Persecuting me in his calm,

Composed manner.

You got fired from a very good job that paid well,

And you were in a senior level position.

You did not have to get fired.

It was actually your fault that you got fired.

His wise words finally smashed my stubborn ego.

Which was the bitter medicine required for me to understand his point.

Feeling humiliated,

I sarcastically fumed,

OK,

Thank you,

Babaji.

He laughed again.

Don't you want to know what you did wrong?

Not really.

I admit it.

Hoping he would just drop it,

Even though I knew he was right.

My ego was too bruised to take anymore.

Yet he continued badgering,

Ignoring my clear signs of disinterest.

There is actually a different way to act in which you could have kept the job and made good money.

And with that money,

You could have paid off all your student loan debts,

By the way.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Let me just cut my arm open and just keep sprinkling the salt in there.

Okay,

Let me get my other arm for you.

Oh my god.

That's what I'm saying,

He just kept going.

Just driving.

But you don't know how to be in relationships with people at work,

And you're not good at navigating human relations.

You're so simple,

Which is good in some ways,

But your simplicity hurt you in this case.

You need to learn how to be crafty in relations.

Realizing I was not going to get out of this situation until Babaji made his point crystal clear,

And until I accepted it,

I humored him,

Even though I felt aggravated that he was still not validating me or seeing my side of things.

I managed a smile and I feigned interest in hearing her voice.

From him about my stupidity.

What I actually wanted.

More than anything,

Was to hear from him about what a jerk the CEO was and how stupid and immature the VP had behaved.

But Babaji mentioned nothing of the sort.

Instead,

Babaji explained,

You have to understand something fundamental about people.

Everyone has an ahankara,

And no one likes to feel that someone is better than them.

So let's just pause for a moment.

So what do you guys think so far?

I'm dead.

Anybody want to share anything?

I think it's.

.

.

How do you work?

I thank you,

Sir.

It's a common situation where we see that the fault is always in the other person and never in us,

And it's really very difficult to get to the point.

To accept that,

Oh yeah,

I also have something to do in that.

But what would you do if your job description was to make relations with the CEO's friends and that was your job?

What would you do?

No,

You're doing good.

No,

No,

I didn't ask if I'm doing good.

I asked what would you have done.

Maybe I will give the credit to her.

I say,

Yeah,

OK,

I did this and this and this,

But because you were the one who has given the thing,

The list,

And you have already worked on that,

And it's your problem.

Basically your seed.

So I should call her up and tell her that or something?

I should call her and tell her that?

My job was to make friends with her friends.

So what am I supposed to do?

The friends were calling her and saying,

Oh,

Jessica's nice,

Which is,

That's what you'd want the person to,

You'd want to hear that,

Right?

A difficult situation.

That's for sure.

I mean,

I could have praised her,

Which I did.

It's not that I came in her office and treated her like she's a jerk.

Yeah,

I can get to that extent to give to her the credit of your work.

And being humble.

Trying not to add more on the edge.

Whatever.

Already was.

Heat,

The air heat here.

Being generous.

Difficult situation.

I don't know what you're doing right now.

They could say I can't tell because you're late Anyone else want to share anything that came out of the book so far,

This chapter?

Yeah,

I can relate to your reaction to the,

I don't remember,

I'm not sure who it was,

But this colleague who came in to tell you all the time that she's,

The other one is jealous of you,

That at one point you just said,

So now it's enough,

I don't want to hear that anymore.

Yeah,

And then.

Yeah but of course then it's not so to get punished for that or I mean it seems that you got the outcome of that was that you got fired.

But yeah,

To.

.

.

So now,

Why is she telling you that?

I don't know why she's doing that.

Do you have some idea?

That would be a good question to ask,

Why is she telling that?

Is it a problem for her?

I mean,

If she's telling that,

Does she want to create dissension between you and the CIO?

Does she herself have a problem with the CEO and wants to put it on you?

So there are questions about this relationship,

So maybe I would try to find out what is between them.

Yeah,

That's a good idea.

That's a good idea,

Because I didn't do that.

I was so triggered by it.

I mean,

I'm busy doing my work.

It was not an easy job,

Actually,

To organize all that and to have a successful deal go through.

And she would just come in and basically just felt like dumping crap on me.

So I wasn't curious.

That's a good point.

I could have been like,

Well,

Is this causing a problem for you?

Or I didn't ever ask anything like that.

It was too triggering.

I just felt really criticized and really backed into a corner and defensive.

But that's a good idea.

Does somebody want to share?

Why did I get fired?

Joshika got fired because at some point she was being harassed?

By the VP who was telling her that the CEO was jealous of her.

The VP was saying mean things to Joshika.

She was doing a good job,

But every week,

Every Friday,

She was coming to her and saying,

Blah,

Blah,

Blah,

Like being harassed.

And at some point,

Yoshika put a strong boundary saying,

OK,

Just leave me alone with that.

OK,

I'm doing my job.

Look at the job description.

I'm good at it.

I'm focusing on my job.

So why do you come?

I don't want to hear you anymore.

And half an hour after,

She got fired.

Actually,

Yeah,

I said,

Listen,

I said,

It was supposed to be like a weekly Friday meeting.

Thank you,

Leslie.

And what happened was what the weekly meeting turned into being,

I wasn't even like a licensed therapist yet,

You know,

But what the weekly meeting turned into being was her coming in and talking about her childhood trauma.

For about half an hour.

And I would be like,

Oh my god,

I can't believe your dad did that to you,

This and this,

For half an hour.

And then she'd be like,

By the way,

The boss hates you.

The CEO hates you,

And this and this and this.

I'm like,

OK,

Thanks for sharing.

So basically she got free therapy,

You know,

Because I was already an Ayurvedic practitioner so I already.

.

.

Had those skills,

You know,

Of listening and caring,

And so I did all that.

And then she would just dump a little crap on my head after,

And I was like,

So at one point I just said,

Listen.

I just said,

If you don't have anything I can do about the problem,

I don't understand the point of you coming every week and just telling it to me.

And I said,

So please don't tell to me,

Which I thought was a reasonable request.

But I should have said,

Like,

What's bothering you?

Why are you?

How is it bothering you?

And she became my friend.

She started coming to my apartment and going out with me on the weekends and telling me all of her trauma for three hours at a time.

It just amped up,

You know?

But so that was also weird that then she just fired me like that.

But I still don't know,

Actually,

The reason why she kept telling it to me.

So that would have been good to ask and figure out,

Is the bus getting on her about that?

And I should have tried to maybe be a team with her and be like,

What can we do together if it was a problem for her or something?

But are you so sure that the CEO had a problem actually with you?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

This is,

You knew for sure.

It was getting around in the.

.

.

Uh.

.

.

Workplace.

If you research narcissism,

You'll see why.

Narcissists don't like anyone to do something better than them,

Especially take their friends away.

It's very threatening.

If you're not a narcissist,

Then you'd be like,

Wonderful,

I've hired you to expand my business and you're doing it.

With my friends,

Great.

But for her,

Because she was so insecure,

That she thought it was a personal threat against her.

I didn't want to even be friends with those people.

I was doing my job.

I wasn't going to their weddings and baby showers.

I was just doing whatever I was doing.

On the clock,

You know.

I think that.

.

.

One of the problems here might have been to.

.

.

So the vice president was your boss,

Right?

And you told her to please stop this.

This is unfair.

This is,

You know,

I don't like it.

This is not productive.

Please stop it.

And yeah,

I can see how that would be very upsetting to her.

Yeah,

Because she's the boss.

She should be able to do whatever she wants.

I mean,

From her point of view,

That's how she thinks.

She shouldn't have come and told me all of her psychological problems either,

Every Friday.

Yeah,

Which also shows that she was kind of weird.

Shit issues,

Big time.

One day her husband just didn't show up.

Ever again.

And I was like,

What happened?

And I forgot if he was part of the CIA,

He was part of something.

And it turns out she thought she was married to like Joe Smith,

But it wasn't Joe Smith.

It was like.

.

.

Actually,

She married an undercover secret agent for the U.

S.

Whatever.

And he never came back.

She had stories like that,

And I'm like.

.

.

She needed to tell somebody,

And I was happy to listen,

But I didn't.

You know,

The whole package was not a good package deal for me.

I have to listen to all of her psychological problems,

Then say something mean every time about what the CEO is saying about me.

And then,

Like,

If you're the manager,

You should help the person.

She's supposed to be helping me,

Saying,

Okay,

The CEO,

She should be protecting me and saying,

The CEO is criticizing you.

She's jealous of you because of X,

Y,

And Z.

What do you think we try this?

There was no,

Like,

Team planning.

It was just like a dumping zone,

You know?

Do you agree to the opinion that one version of leadership is that As a leader in the job field,

Your role is to unblock the people who are working under you.

And then the people who are working under you,

They have the role to.

.

.

You know,

Make the data.

.

.

Be successful in,

You know,

Whatever initiatives are tagged to the name of the leader?

Yeah.

The manager's supposed to support you so you can do your job.

And she was actually like a termite,

Like,

Chewing my legs off,

You know?

You know what I mean?

My issue was that I shouldn't have told her.

I should have been more clever.

Or I should have quit,

Get a different job,

You know?

Or tried to talk to her about it.

But my approach is just building up every time and I'm just,

I just one day I snapped.

I'm like,

I don't want to hear it again.

This is so pointless.

I mean,

There's nothing more frustrating than somebody coming and telling you there's something wrong with what you're doing.

And then when you're like,

Well,

What should I do to change?

And they're like,

Nothing.

I just want to come and tell you again next week how horrible you are.

Yeah,

You were asking what should you have done?

Now I'm thinking,

Finally,

To think of your own interest.

Maybe you could have worked less successfully you know just do basic minimum and get the money And that's it.

Yeah,

Don't be a superstar and bond with other people.

Yeah,

Just don't be too good at your work,

Finally,

Because when you have managers like this,

You are a threat for their ego,

And if you do too good,

They just cannot stand it,

And you are doing a very good job.

And what was the problem,

Finally,

If you were successful or not?

Now I'm wondering why she has created this project.

Exactly.

Because anyone who is you or someone else.

.

.

Right,

Exactly.

Anybody who has social skills and who can make connections with people she's going to hate.

.

.

And she gave the list of her friends.

I didn't like knock on her door and be like,

Can you give me all your closest friends?

She could have told me just connect to people in the community,

But she gave me the list.

I'm just like,

Damned if you do,

Damned if you don't.

Either I'm going to get fired because I don't do my job or I'm going to get fired because I did the job well.

Like,

It was just such a crazy experience.

I can relate to your.

.

.

To your story?

Because when we have a nature of being really social,

Very enthusiastic,

That we do something we like,

We have such a charisma.

And we kind of bloom.

And we don't realize that Finally,

We make people envious and jealous.

And this we are completely blind because we are just in our nature,

We are so happy and enthusiastic and we are blind about what's going on around and then we got the hard lesson There's so many reasons to be jealous.

I mean,

I think it was like a very loaded case in this situation.

I think it's true.

If you're in your nature,

People are just jealous of that alone.

If you're just shining,

But then if you're in your nature,

And you are connecting with someone who somebody else has that also relationship with,

For example,

The guru,

Or in this case,

I was trying to connect to her friends,

Just forget it,

Like that is the biggest trigger.

You know,

I was tripping over all these invisible wires.

You know,

So.

9-3.

I also feel very weird that it was your VP who is telling,

Who is coming and taking so much of your time and telling her all the stuff,

All her life and then she is the one also who is telling you that so and so is jealous of you.

Yeah,

Maybe she was jealous of me.

At one point I'm like,

Maybe she was jealous of me.

And making this point again and again and every Friday.

Yeah,

Because she could have also been manipulating the CEO and telling her bad things about me.

Even though by the time I heard it,

The CEO was jealous of me,

But it might have been because she was saying things to manipulate it.

The whole thing was a screw-up.

It was actually a blessing in disguise I get out of there,

But yes.

Okay,

So where did we left off?

Okay,

Yes,

My ego.

Everyone has an ahankara,

Babaji said,

And no one likes to feel that someone is better than them.

Especially the CEO of a company.

She surely did not want to feel that the new girl had stolen her friends away from her.

And that they liked her better.

You have to put yourself in her shoes.

Can you see that much?

Yes,

But that was my job description,

Babaji.

So what was I supposed to do?

I asserted.

He shot back,

Forget your job description.

You're missing the point.

What you were supposed to do is to know where you stand and then act accordingly.

You were not the CEO,

Right?

So don't act so high and mighty.

You are not even the VP.

So.

.

.

You should know that you should never talk back like that.

To your supervisor,

And the way you did to your supervisor.

Since you were the director who reported to the VP,

That means your job was to support the VP who supported the CEO.

That was actually your job description.

But you didn't do that.

What did you do?

You told the VP to stop advising you,

Which is a very stupid move.

Can you imagine how that made her feel?

Completely disrespected by you.

And the CEO had already been upset with you for months.

What you should have done was to meet with the CEO and tell her how much her friends love her.

This is Kamala's idea,

Right?

You should have regularly praised the CEO when you met with her,

And also done the same when you met with her friends.

Your job was to keep her ego intact.

But instead you were worried about keeping your own ego intact.

So let's take a moment on that one.

What do you think?

My job was to keep the CEO's ego intact,

And obviously,

And the VP's ego intact.

But I was too worried about keeping my own ego intact.

Malika?

Yeah,

I was just how can it be my job to keep your ego intact?

How is that?

I mean,

That sounds I don't like it.

Or my anchor probably does not like this.

But i guess it's uh.

.

.

It depends on the situation isn't it because the positions uh.

.

.

If that's your position and someone is higher obviously i mean it's very clearly structured and that's uh.

.

.

Yeah,

That's the job.

I mean,

The thing is,

I think I took my job also too literally.

I'm like,

Here's the description,

I'm doing it.

And he's like,

Who cares?

Why would you literally said who cares about the job description?

Just pacify the ahamkara of the CEO.

I'm like,

Oh my God.

And I was getting too defensive,

You know,

This is,

See the job description,

I'm doing it,

Here's all the things,

I'm doing it.

And they're like,

We don't care about that.

Yes Mohini.

It seems that there is also an unwritten job description by just entering,

By taking your position in a company,

And that no one tells you that you have to behave accordingly.

Yes,

Like these invisible rules of how to behave.

It's not said anywhere.

And I'm like,

I did all those things and more.

Look at the extra hours I worked and look at the extra things I did.

They're like,

We don't care.

And the unwritten rules are basically what Babaji is saying now.

Pacify the ahankara of the bosses,

Basically.

It's a very good point.

I don't know.

I wasn't really taught that growing up.

I didn't go to any school classes for that.

My parents didn't teach me that.

They were very straightforward in my family.

When that lady pestered me enough,

I just said,

Knock it off.

I didn't understand any of that thing about other people's egos,

And like you said,

That seems strange.

Now I'm in charge of her ego and her ego,

You know?

It somehow reminds me on.

.

.

On the varnashrama system that everyone has its position and they act according to their position and that's something like Yeah,

You have it just inside you.

Yes,

And you know it and you're like told it from the beginning.

So then it's not someone out here and you're 30 years old or something and all of a sudden.

.

.

You're told,

Wait a minute,

You have to like bow down to this person.

Yeah,

And also in the family system you have your role.

Yes,

It's more clear,

I think.

In the end it's very clear and you act according to that.

Yeah,

That's a good point.

You want to say something,

Lados?

Yeah,

I quite disagree in a certain way,

Even though it's a good point you're making,

Mohini,

But it seems to me that in Varnashrama system there's something fair and we recognize each the talents of people,

And the goal is to be spiritually oriented.

Here it's not the case actually,

You are doing a good job,

You are doing your your job in a nice way,

Everything which was written in the job description.

But it has nothing to do about that.

That's not the story.

It's just all about human's mind and ego.

And that's it.

And money,

Basically.

There's nothing about heart,

About having good relationship,

You just need to be with and to be clear and if you have not been educated like this,

Then you get Smashed yeah,

It happened to me as well.

I can relate to that Kind of the same story.

And I was like,

Yeah,

But I don't understand.

I had signed this,

I came for this,

And why?

I mean,

When I say I did,

It's not that I won't.

Then,

Boom!

I said,

Whoa!

So we are in such a world now,

Nowadays,

With no values anymore,

With jealousy,

With envy,

With money.

And reputation.

It's all about ego basically,

Nothing else.

It's completely material.

Now we do not value anymore just the person's talents or good job.

We don't care.

I mean that's what I.

.

.

Hear and think about when I read your story.

So we need to learn this skill about this type of environment and world we are living in.

I mean,

For me,

It's not the education I received.

And that is super hard when you go into this kind of world and you don't have the map.

Yeah,

Exactly.

Kind of like what Mohini was saying,

These invisible rules of conduct that you don't really know.

You can call it like a map.

We weren't really told,

We don't really know.

That's what I was saying.

I feel like I'm tripping over these invisible wires.

I thought I was doing great.

And also,

Like a lot of people,

Me too,

I was raised with the value of being honest,

Direct,

Honest,

Hardworking.

So then I was like,

I'm just being honest.

And so many times when I'm working with clients individually,

That's what they'll say.

I was just being honest.

And I'm like,

Where did that get you?

Where'd that get you?

Same place it got me,

On the side of the road with my bags.

Even though honesty is a good quality,

But we have to understand it,

I think,

First understand ahamkara.

We have to first understand the ego.

Even if it isn't a spiritual community and it's not about the money,

The ahamkara is still there.

So that's the thing is that we have to understand that in every person we're dealing with,

Not just work,

Not just,

You know,

Even the healthiest person has one.

And we have to understand their ahamkara and how to basically pacify it if we even want a relation with them.

Forget about if they're a more senior person,

Just any person.

Yes?

Just reminds me about the story Babaji tells about Mahabharata and the Hankara,

Exactly that situation that Yudhisthira had the hunger that he's always truthful.

And Krishna wanted him to say a lie,

You know,

That Ashwatthama is dead.

So he was not able to say that,

So she had to say,

Ashwatthama,

The elephant is dead.

So there are two versions,

But basically because he was not able to surrender to Krishna's instruction,

Therefore,

He.

.

.

Modicity What was the reaction for that?

I don't know the story.

Because he didn't surrender to Krishna,

Therefore either the.

.

.

What was the reaction?

No,

The situation was that Krishna wants to show that he is the dharma and the desire of Krishna is superior to dharma,

Is actually the paramdharma.

So then,

Are you this here?

That is the result.

Krishna wanted to show that you follow my instruction.

If I say,

This was his plan so that.

.

.

That he could shoot at that he could kill.

His father.

Ashwatthama's father was Dronacharya.

And Hidrona would only stop fighting if his own son was dead.

But he wasn't dead so he shot so Krishna had to kill an elephant so that Yudhisthira would be pacified and that he could say the elephant is dead whose name was also Ashwathama but so the elephant could have lived if Yudhisthira had been able to say a lie Yeah,

That's a good one.

Yeah,

And then things like Yudhisthira had this attachment to be always honest.

Yeah,

To speak the truth.

That's the point I want to make about speaking the truth.

He was straightforward,

He spoke the truth.

But actually sometimes it's better not to speak the truth.

And Krishna himself is the best example.

He promised not to take up any weapon.

And then what did he do with Bhishma?

He took up the wheel and was running towards him.

So he broke his own promise just to make Bhishma happy.

He wanted to see him that way.

But that shows that there is something which is superior to truth.

And I think that's a very important lesson because very often when people are getting into trouble,

Right,

If you look and did it serve you really to be honest,

You know?

Even though that's what I'm saying,

There should be classes definitely in Ahankara.

For children,

Right?

How to work with someone's ego.

And like even,

It could be like the invisible things you never would know,

You know?

This is social skills about how to read every single person's ego and how to pacify it.

That's a good one.

I think Vilas is going to,

He's been waiting a while to say something.

I was just interested what Babaji meant here when he said to you that you were just worried about your ego.

So what were the things that you did?

That showed that you were just worried about your ego.

What do you think?

What I think is that.

.

.

You had the ego of doing a good job,

Of excelling at your task,

And therefore you did everything to excel at your task.

Yeah make it probably also visible.

Yeah,

That's.

.

.

So remember what the ego blocks something.

What's the biggest thing that your ego blocks?

Insight into how you're affecting others.

Yes,

Empathy.

So Malati's idea that I should have said to her,

What's actually going on because I've noticed you're coming every week and saying this,

Are you troubled by the CEO?

Is your job on the line?

I had zero empathy.

I was only worried about maintaining my position that I'm doing my job.

I was just like a broken record.

The CEO's jealous,

Like she's speaking like Chinese to me and I'm speaking Japanese back.

We're not even speaking the same language.

She's like,

The CEO is jealous.

And I'm like,

I'm doing my job.

I should have been like,

What is she jealous about?

Is it stressing you out?

None of that went on for me because my hankar was completely blocking my ability to really hear or be interested.

Or try to understand.

I'm so astonished by it because I mean,

Just the way I know you,

Right?

Someone says,

Oh,

She,

You know.

That person is so jealous.

Then what I've seen you say often is,

Oh,

Tell me more about gymnasts.

But how do you think I learned that?

Exactly.

How does it affect you?

How did I learn how to be like that?

Not when I came here,

I was not like that.

That's what I'm saying.

This is the lesson I learned that now I'm putting into practice.

When people tell me negative things about me,

I do not defend myself.

I try my best to say,

What did I do wrong?

Please explain.

Because Babaji hammered this so deep into me that he's just like,

Listen.

He was smashing my ego down.

He said,

If you get negative feedback,

If you get criticism,

There is something in it that's true,

So find out what that is.

So whenever people say it to me,

I try to find out what that is,

Tell me more.

And also I don't think I'm a perfected being,

So I know I'm hurting people,

Not intentionally,

But I want to know what I did and I want to take responsibility for it.

But that's through His teachings.

Of putting me in the spotlight when I really couldn't see it at all,

And I'm like,

Oh.

Because the hunker also always makes good excuses.

No,

But it was her and it was this and it's,

You know,

There's so many reasons why we shouldn't just try to.

Understand the other person.

So it was also me focusing on my job and doing that well,

My identity of that,

But also me not having any empathy,

Because I felt attacked.

Anything else?

What are you going to see come?

I just wanted to say that also.

The samskara,

That you had to be honest,

So you were reacting through that.

I'm totally honest,

I'm doing my work,

And everything is like.

.

.

She's a hard worker,

To be honest.

I was following all the things that my father taught me.

Yeah,

And then why suddenly this person is so displeased and so.

.

.

She's attacking me,

Exactly,

Feel attacked.

And I couldn't think anything else besides those two things.

It's not that I had a repertoire,

Like I didn't know the invisible language that I'm supposed to look at her ego and I'm supposed to pacify her.

To me,

That felt dishonest,

So I wouldn't even go further than that.

I was just like,

That's a lie,

Because she's basically a narcissist and she's abusive and I don't care.

But that is not going to work in any setting,

Really.

In the end,

The result was that you lose your job,

Actually.

You work against yourself,

Basically.

Yourself in the interest of earning good money,

And so on.

So it's really.

.

.

I forgot if I put it in the book,

But he said something like,

For the amount of money you're making,

You can't listen to a little criticism?

For that amount of money?

And I was like,

Oh,

That's a good point.

You know?

Hey.

Go ahead.

I also like this point that you made that when somebody criticizes us or shows that there could be a problem,

He got affected or she got affected.

And it's a very nice practice to ask.

Clarifying question that what it would have been for that person because we somehow affect others and the way we perceive ourselves may not be the way other people perceive us.

And I think it.

.

.

What I naturally see myself doing is that just be defensive as much as I can.

I have seen myself even in the position when I say to somebody that it made me feel something like this,

When you did that to this.

And I have seen that it's very natural for people to just defend themselves instead of trying to understand me,

How did it affect me.

So I think practicing it is tough,

But I think that can really help us understand the part,

How we have actually affected the other person.

Because you made a good point,

Like,

Not everybody sees us as we see ourselves.

In fact,

Nobody does.

There's not one person who sees you exactly as you are,

Because then you would just be the most perfect match,

You know?

So you are seeing yourself through your lens and then this person,

It's basically each person is seeing you through what you trigger in their likes and what you trigger in their dislikes.

Their own personal likes and dislikes related to their samskaras and their ahamkara,

Their identity and their sense of,

You know,

What's right and wrong according to their ahamkara.

So we're bound to just trigger people.

Pretty much all day long,

You know,

We're bound to do it.

But we don't think of it,

And what would be ideal is that we introspect and think about,

Like,

Before they come and tell us,

Because most people are not going to come tell you.

They're either going to take distance or they'll say bad things about you to other people or something,

But what would be ideal is that.

.

.

We,

Like,

Maybe at the end of the night,

You know,

Have the Jiva public school that they do at Swadvaya,

Where they tell the school kids at night,

You know,

Just for five minutes,

Think about something you did for the society,

Something you did for someone else,

Something you could improve on,

You know.

So we could do that too and say,

Okay,

What's one thing that maybe I didn't do so well?

Even if it's not intentional,

Even if you like the person,

Maybe you were just moving too fast,

You didn't have time to give them a smile or say hello or something small even.

You can introspect on that and then you can reach out to them and not think that they're going to reach out to you.

You can reach out and say,

Hey,

I'm sorry I'm in a rush and sorry I didn't get to say hi.

How was your day or something?

Because once you get the practice of introspecting,

Then you can actually use it in a positive way as opposed to knowing you probably,

We all are probably upsetting at least one person a day and it never gets said and it kind of like builds up,

You know?

So that would be nice too,

Because then if we're doing the proactive practice of reaching out to that person and saying,

I don't know how you took it,

But I took it like this.

It's just a good practice of cleaning,

You know,

And then that gives them an opportunity to say something and it sets up a practice of sharing like that with each other.

And then when somebody does come to you,

If you're practicing introspecting every day,

You're not going to be defensive,

Or as defensive,

Because you'll be like,

Well,

I'm used to doing this myself anyway.

I'm used to seeing and looking at myself and seeing something I could improve on.

It's hard to do,

Like you said,

But it might be an idea.

One thing I was also thinking that when I see myself when.

.

.

When I have problem with other and I think that I would like to say to them.

Then.

.

.

If I find that they start defending themselves,

It really.

.

.

It's so painful.

Yeah,

It's very painful.

It feels like very invalidating,

That they're not hearing it at all.

Then actually this particular thing when I feel that way then I can understand that if I can be,

If I will be also defensive then it's very invalidating for other person and that's how I can think that way.

It's a very good practice to ask empathetic questions that how did it affect or what happened.

So that was a very good point you made.

Very good.

And I know all roads lead back to the inner child in this group.

So I just want to say that if you realize that somebody triggered you,

Then you work with your inner child,

Then you don't have such a need to go tell them how they triggered you.

You know what I mean?

So you work with the inner child,

You're pacified.

So it's more about you.

.

.

Telling someone how you might have upset them,

How you perceived how you weren't at your best for whatever reason.

Instead of thinking of who you can go tell how they upset you,

Which means basically I haven't taken care of my own feelings,

I haven't pacified my own feelings.

So that's what I'm saying is there's two ways to do it.

Either be on the defensive when someone's coming towards you.

Or work on your things yourself and go to them in the offensive,

But not to tell them what they did wrong to you,

But what you might have done to upset them.

And in advance,

You know.

Just say,

I wish I had done this better.

My father used to do that,

Believe it or not.

With me.

He would leave letters on my door.

About what he did that day that he's sorry.

I'm sorry I didn't get time to do this and I was in a rush because of that.

He was so thoughtful and reflective.

So I'm used to having that done also.

It feels so nice,

Especially when your father does that.

It feels very nice.

Very thoughtful,

Reflective,

You know?

And then you automatically are not mad at the person.

I mean,

It's just the whole thing cools down because they saw you and they're like,

I'm sorry.

It could be something very small.

What were you going to say,

Kamala?

Since the ahanka is like our own cage,

We are locked in this perception of ourselves and we don't bother what is outside.

And that's why everybody is living in their own cage.

Shell basically.

And my question is about assumption.

When we assume that the person is thinking or doing something which may is maybe very far from the reality of what has happened.

In a particular situation.

So my question is that how.

.

.

And where to put this tendency to assume things,

Assume things all the time.

Oh yeah,

Maybe she was going to the.

.

.

Higher office and complain about me,

Or maybe she was doing this,

Or maybe she was doing that,

You know.

We don't have a where to put this tendency,

How much value to give to this,

Or how to deal with that.

What I've noticed about that,

So the question is about assumption,

You know,

How much value should we give to it and how to deal with it.

Yeah.

So basically what I've noticed is when we assume like that,

To the extent we're doing that is to the extent we're not actually focused on ourself.

Okay.

That means we're looking out,

We're overanalyzing the other person.

You know,

What I should have been doing is being like,

I'm feeling very angry,

I'm feeling disrespected,

I'm feeling harassed.

I should have focused on my feelings and done something about it.

Instead,

I would just basically wait for the next time she came and I didn't do anything from the time she did that.

It to the next week when she did it.

Nothing.

I didn't analyze her either,

I just did my work and she came again.

But what I should have done is I should have said,

Why am I in this situation?

What can I do to improve?

Maybe reached out to a counselor or somebody,

Asked for some wise words,

Some ideas on what I could do.

Is this a healthy situation for me?

You know,

If I talked to some people,

They probably would have said,

Why don't you find out what her,

You know,

Some smart people like,

Why don't you find out what her,

What's going on with her?

But I just kind of put my head in the sand and just tried to do my work.

And just thought,

Oh,

It's like a mosquito,

You just want to shoo it away.

But anyway,

To the main point,

It's this idea of assumption about what someone else is saying or doing.

It's not that important if you're focused on yourself.

Because the reason why we do that is because we got wired as children to be hypervigilant about abusive adults in our life.

So then we have to be like,

What is she doing?

OK,

His ear just twitched.

That means he's about to punch me.

So it's like,

Now is she talking to the boss or not?

Is she doing this or not?

What is that going to get you other than just,

You know.

.

.

Spiraling.

As opposed to,

Is this healthy for me to be here?

How am I feeling?

What do I need to do for me?

I can't control what that person is doing or not,

You know?

So I would just say focus back on yourself and what you're feeling,

What you need,

What's best for you,

And then act from that place,

You know?

Mohini.

Yeah,

I also made this experience that When I get triggered also here,

Then it was very,

Very hard to take it back to me and to look at it.

Yeah,

And not to behave in a way that the other person feels like putting a.

.

.

Like.

.

.

Wie sagst du?

Bedrängen?

That the other person doesn't feel oppressed.

It freaks me out.

Infringed upon.

Yet that I don't behave that the other person gets more triggered and I noticed I can do that,

That to behave that the other person gets,

And then I was like realizing that I With what motivation I'm saying things?

If I'm saying things to just hit that person or not,

Then that was like.

.

.

Really heavy work.

Yeah,

Good job.

That's hard to see when you actually take an honest look at yourself and you're like,

I just want to defend myself,

I just want to attack,

I just want to see them hurt,

You know,

Because they hurt me,

You know.

It's a very natural primal instinct.

I know,

I can guess or I can sense their points which they don't like and I know when I will speak in this way they will get triggered.

And then I was really changing my motivation and that was.

.

.

Very,

Very difficult.

Good.

Good observations.

Anything else?

Nothing yet?

Online,

Anybody?

This is a hard chapter because it brought in so many different things like jealousy and work and being fired and being rejected.

This whole thing about the ahamkara,

Like a lot of different things we talked about in this whole book are coming together in this chapter,

You know?

Oh,

This is Isabel.

Hi,

Isabel.

Hi.

Hi.

I lived this for like a year and a half where my boss came up to me and said,

I can't meet your expectations.

And I said,

You know,

I work for you.

Sorry.

What it is,

I did a really good job,

And she says,

I see how you watch me.

And I said,

If I watch you,

It's only because I might want to see what a worldwide manager does.

And my monitor faced that direction.

So I was just thinking about how I could,

The HR came to me three times and tried to get me to turn her in,

And I wouldn't do it.

And so I just prayed for her to find a job that she liked.

And in a year and a half,

She came to me and said that.

HR had said for her to find another job laterally that day.

No.

He started to cry and I was doing little hand flips in my brain.

Well,

You have a lot of patience.

A lot of patience to sit through that for a year and a half.

I prayed every day for her.

Oh,

Good.

And you didn't pray for yourself?

No,

I didn't.

I didn't.

I was very.

.

.

I was very non-introspective.

I just did my job.

But I was thinking that my job might have been easier if I would have slacked off a little bit.

Try to be in the bottom 20%,

Right?

Make no friends,

Only make enemies with this boss I had.

Okay Isabel,

Thank you for sharing.

Okay.

All right,

You guys,

So next week is our last week of the book club.

We'll end off this chapter.

And then we will be done with this book,

And then we'll have a long break.

Okay,

Thank you for being here.

Thank you for the good conversation.

Haribo.