5. The Hidden Core Wound Behind Jealousy And Insecurity

"What is your core wound, and how does it influence your emotions, relationships, and behavior?

Many people struggle with recurring emotional patterns without realizing they are rooted in deeper emotional wounds and past experiences.

In this video, you’ll understand:
• What a core wound is
• How it shapes your reactions and relationships
• How to begin recognizing these patterns

Curious what your core wound might be? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.

Transcript

Welcome to the book club. We are on our favorite topic. Jealousy, Jealousy, Jealousy. So before I keep reading, Does anybody want to share anything that came up for you that you might have thought about over the week or we didn't get a chance to talk about related to jealousy, Related to last week? We kind of got halfway through the chapter. Anybody would. Jessica, I heard your lectures, But I'm sorry I wasn't able to read. But I'd like to make one comment since then, That I saw the dedication you have to search for the love, And that really brings you up to this point. And there were many in the past, Those who have joined certain wrong organizations, But then came back to Jeeva, Basically, Because they were searching for truth and they had some sincerity. And that's what I really see reflecting in that sincerity and dedication for spiking the truth about the Talmud. And I really appreciate that. Thank you very much. Yeah, Thank you for sharing that. Anyone else want to share anything? Anything else before I start reading? What did you guys think about it? Hearing about my jealousy, How intense it was. What did you guys think about that? Last week. Can Kamala have the mic? We'll keep one on this side and one over here. Okay. What did you think, Kamala? By seeing your step by step. . . Involvement in that, How it came up and why, And then comparison and all this, I could, By seeing your example, I could find myself in the same pattern also. And I thought, Oh, Look how it goes. It's like reflecting something that is happening to me also. And then especially this living at one point and say, OK, Now I go. It's too much. I can't take it. I've got to get out of here. Now it's really up to here. Better I go. And then being sad and introspecting and burning from inside and then slowly, Slowly. . . The reaction comes down and then, But with a minute, But I came here for a purpose. Was it this? No. The whole change. Yeah. The buddhi, How the buddhi comes down, The reaction. Yeah, Good. So I found it very relating. Very good. What else? Anyone else want to share something? We lost him. I noticed that By speaking about jealousy, The pressure really goes down. That's something I would like to share. What I noticed is that Hmm. Yeah, I noticed that I made also some efforts to to hide my jealousy. And when I spoke about it, Then. . . Um. . . I really felt some relief because I didn't need to hide it anymore. Good. It's true. And I mean, Yeah, Other people could also see it before, So it's not that it was such a big secret. Yeah, That's the funniest part about jealousy, When you're like, I have something to tell you, It's a secret, You know, I've been jealous of you. And it's like, You're the last one to the party, Actually. I mean, You're the last one to the party, Right? That means that everyone else already sees it, You know, Probably. But for you to be like, I'm going to admit something now, It's really a big thing, And it's like, Okay. Yes, But I also remember how difficult it was. It's very difficult. When I spoke the first time about, I remember it was in a class in 2020. Then Babaji asked us that each one share something about jealousy, Right? When we had these Sankhya lectures, He did some Vedic psychology and it was so difficult. And I had this microphone, It was impossible to speak myself. It was so difficult. And I would like to ask you, Why do you think it is so difficult to speak about it? In comparison to other feelings. You tell me first what you think. What made it so difficult for you? And for most people, What do you think? Yeah, I think that there's some. . . So for me it was. . . I knew that it was wrong. And so therefore I felt some guilt about it and probably that's why I didn't want to share it. And then it was also Um. . . So the story I shared meant basically that I didn't trust Babaji. And that's also a problem, Right? When you realize that, You know, Actually I'm not trusting him in his judgment. And so that was also not so. . . Happy to speak about it. Do we have other thoughts? I agree with what you're saying, You know, Both of those. What I'd also say is remember the ahankara likes to be what? Number one, It's flawless, It's perfect. And if it is jealous, We won't even realize it. We'll just be like, I hate that person. We're not going to admit that to be jealous, That means you have to admit that what? What does the ahankara have to admit if you're jealous? I was just thinking that. . . That what has been. . . If this is true, Then what is this business? Jealousy is the feeling to be overlooked. That you're being unseen or overlooked, Right? So you have to admit that, But you also have to admit something else. What would ahankara hate to admit? What will it spend its whole life doing to avoid? Defects, Yeah. But remember, What does Ahankara like to see? Inferior. Nobody wants to be, If you're jealous, It means you're saying you're better than me. And Ahankara spends its whole life dedicated to making sure that nobody's better than me. You know? And also, Like you said, This sense of shame vilas. It's shameful in a way, Because it's not really socially accepted. We don't walk around talking about jealousy, How jealous I am. But it's socially acceptable to say, Like, Oh, I'm sad. Like, If you say, Oh, My dog died, People would be like, Oh, I'm so sorry your dog died. That's socially acceptable. But to be like, I'm jealous of that person, I hate that person. That's not, You know, That's not socially acceptable. So it's kind of shame around it and also knowing that it's not very socially acceptable and also this inferior thing. Because you're not going to be jealous of somebody who's inferior to you. Right? So that means you have to admit that you're inferior to them. And Nahankar doesn't want to do that. Make sense? Okay. Anything else? We read the first half of chapter 3 about jealousy last week. Anything else? Questions, Insights, What you reflected upon, Before we read the second half. I can say about my jealousy from the first meeting we had. Okay, Sure. Yeah, So As it was spoken it always feels with some inferiority that you want to be perfect. That's all so when you were showing your book First of all, Like you're making a meeting and it's all great. And it's like, Oh my god, She's on the position or something Then you go with like you open the book and there was a picture from somewhere and you said that one of the Somebody did it and you say oh, This is a great picture. Let's celebrate And then I saw the picture on the cover, And it's actually my picture. I did it. And I think, I was not mentioned. And it's like, Oh, I'm jealous again. And it's a very funny mechanism that you don't want to speak about it because like if you say, Like you say, People will say, Oh, So he's not that elevated as he thinks of himself because it all happens inside of him. So, It's very funny. Yes. Thank you for sharing. And I'm sorry that you didn't get credit for this picture. This is Kubara. So this way I'm going to get it. Get your credit, Boy. Kubara from Poland. Everyone. Yay, Kumar! We don't want you to have a deflated ego and not have credit for that. I actually didn't even know where I got it from. It's a long story, But I had that picture of me, I had put in there. You know what I mean? The picture wasn't like this. That picture, I didn't even know where. I think I got that from Malati or something. I didn't know who took that. And then I said, Oh, How about I put me and someone else took that at a different time, You know? So anyway, That's a very beautiful picture you took, Kubar. Thank you. Thank you. I'm inflated now. Thank you. Yeah, No, It's actually important to give credit. That's one thing that all of us hate. If you do something and then you don't get credit for it. You know, It feels horrible when someone steals the credit. So that was definitely not intentional. And I'm sorry for that. And I'm happy you took it. And thank you. If we do another version, We'll put that credit in for you. It's important, Actually. So that's good. So what else? I have an observation that in your experience what I really saw is that you were very angry at that girl and you wanted to kind of pinch her and so on, Right? For me it takes a different twist that I'm not angry at other person, I get angry at myself and I get depressed. If I was depressed, I could never be like, I'm used as a boyfriend, I would also go back to the room. Not in anger, But in depression. I mean, You accepted your inferiority and then you become depressed, But that's also jealousy, I think. I mean the jealousy is the initial thing and how you respond to it mostly depends on your samskaras. So, I mean it's two sides of the same coin, Anger and jealousy, You know. It's like some people might respond in an angry way, But if that wasn't acceptable in your childhood, Maybe you're going to respond in a depressed way. You know, From some scars. It's not safe to get angry, So I'll just be depressed, You know. And plus anger, It's not like I was constantly angry. I also had depressed feelings mixed in. But yeah, So that depends on something else. Jealousy is the main thing, You know, And then how secondarily how you respond to it is depends on your samskara. Does that make sense? Bhushan? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Good question. Anything else before we get back into our jealousy topic. No, Just seeing how Kubata was giving his. . . Or whatever. In beginning he was. . . Kind of disturbed because he was not being acknowledged by something that he did, No? And he was kind of. . . Putting on you like he was thinking, Oh, You didn't even acknowledge. He understood and the whole reaction was different. So now, I was really intrigued by this thing, Because when we are not a knowledge of something that we do, Then we feel kind of we are hurt. So, And this hurting can stay a long time until something will come up to level it. So now I saw you, How you react and how you respond to him. You were saying, No, No, I'm sorry for that. I didn't know. It was not intentional. And so trying to to put a balance in this feeling of not being acknowledged, Basically. Because, Yeah, So what was your question? Just kind of you saw how it played out? Yeah, I saw that and I applied it on myself and there is something like a kind of uncomfortable feeling. Towards the person who doesn't acknowledge what we do and say, Oh, There is no gratefulness. There is not a good relation, Basically. It's like an obstacle. That's why I wanted to. . . I'm learning now how to. . . Respond on that. So thank you so much, I just want to say that. A lot of times it's not safe for us to do it. You're in a situation where the person will just be like, You know, They won't acknowledge it, They'll twist it against you, Or they won't even say, They'll go, No, I took that picture, Or who knows what they'll say. But the idea is that, You know, Of course he's going to feel jealous. He took the picture, And then I'm sitting here, Like, Reading the book with his picture, Not even acknowledging him, You know? So it's good that he brought it up, Because that's a case in point. It happens all the time, Actually, You know? And he was brave enough to bring it up, And, You know, We've known each other a long time. Who gave me the Hitoperes, You'll see, He's in this book, What happened with him. But anyway, So I would never want to steal something from somebody or use it not to their credit, You know? And so that's important to when somebody, If somebody's brave enough to bring it up with you, The best thing to do is be like, Oh my God, If you genuinely didn't know where you got it from, Or sometimes it's more subtle, Like you use an idea, You use somebody's idea, And if they are brave enough to tell you, Hey, That's my idea, Then you can work it out with them, Because they will make much more collaborative relationship, But that's usually not what happens. If somebody says, That's mine, And you're like, No, It's mine, Or you'll get defensive. It's when you understand, I think, More about ahankara, You see how easy it is to upset people because most of us are not intentionally trying to hurt people, Leave them out, Steal their ideas. We all have our own ahankara, Our own identity, Our own mission, Our own vision. I mean, Potentially we're all trying to serve the same person, But we're all doing it in our own way according to our swabhava. And so we're tripping over invisible wires all the time. And if we're in a safe enough relationship, You can tell each other, You know, And then say, Oh, Sorry. Okay, Let me adjust. Sorry, My bad. Try to. Work through it. And that was also my reaction at the beginning. Like I said, Okay, I could feel the tinge, But sure, She didn't do it intentionally. Maybe it's the first class. Of you as well. But then as we talk about it and everybody expresses, Then there is this thing that happens inside of us. Yes. It's good to bring it up and discuss and so on. Yeah. Very good. What else? Should we read some more, Anybody? Else want to share anything? There could be a whole book on this topic, You know? That's why I don't want to go too fast over it. Should I start reading? OK, So last week we left off on page 57. And, What had happened up until now, Right, Remember? For those of you who maybe didn't hear the class or forgot. Was the girl in the basement. The girl, That damn girl in the back. So I was coming down the stairs. And I saw, You know, I wanted to talk to Babaji, But I was too afraid. And then I was like waiting and I was like, Okay, Can I talk to you? And then he's like, Ask her. And it was this like thin, Long. . . Blonde girl who was like young and beautiful and he's like ask her and I'm like. . . Who is this girl? Why would she be able to say if I commute with Babaji or not, You know? I was so pissed off, You know, And then I was like. . . Okay, Can I? And then she's like, Whatever, I don't care. Sure. And I'm like. So that just ticked me off. And then I'm sitting there waiting to try to talk with him. And he was just ignoring me like he didn't even see me. But we had planned that I was going to meet with him. That was the plan. So I was just burning up inside because he defaulted to her. So that was basically up until now what happened. So I'd said, Like, I wanted to be the one, You know, I wanted to be the one who could decide who gets to come and sit with us inside our inner circle, You know. So then at the end of page 56, You know, I was saying, Actually, I realized after, You know, I did my journal entry that that blonde girl was not my sister. That's actually who I was jealous of, Not some random blonde girl. It was actually my sister. And Babaji was not my father. That was the other issue. So I was projecting my father onto Babaji and my sister onto that blonde girl. And my father and sister had a very close relationship that I couldn't stand. So from age 2 until age 42, For 40 years I was tortured by that relationship. Even though my father died, My sister still always glorified him and their relationship, And I just couldn't stand it. Because I didn't have that relationship, I wanted that with my dad. So then what are the chances I come down here and there's a girl who looks very similar to my sister and she's like, You know, With Babaji and I'm like, Oh! You know, It's just too much. Okay, So I think I had left off saying I could see things more clearly now, Page 57. Um. . . Oh yeah, So I had said like, I didn't know this girl's story, But one thing was for sure was she was not stealing Babaji away from me just because she exchanged a smile with him or because he asked her if I could sit in the basement. And the other thing was Babaji was not my possession nor hers. I could see things more clearly now. The next morning, I made my way down the long, Steep flight of stairs into the basement for take two. Babaji, Surprise, Surprise, Was in the same position. And the blonde girl was too. There she was again. I should have just gone back home right then. But okay, But it didn't bother me like it had the day before. With a newfound confidence, I asserted myself, Asking Babaji if he would like to discuss the Vedic psychology project. He looked up from his work and he calmly said, Oh, Where did you go yesterday? Like it was nothing. Like I didn't just have a full meltdown. Where did you go? I was waiting for you, But then you disappeared. I'm like, Disappeared? Are you kidding me? I deliberated whether I should tell him the truth about my jealousy or make up some fib like I was tired from the long flight. And so I'd love to take a nap. I figured I should be honest. If I couldn't tell him the truth, Then how could I expect to learn about myself and progress? I opened up my journal and handed it to him, Showing him my analysis. Which I had drawn out in pictorial form. I'm not an artist by the way, I'm a stick figures. Just showing how things connected, That's all. I explained how the blonde girl in the basement had triggered me and how I had been overcome with very strong feelings. So I left. Babaji looked curious. Oh, Really? What strong feelings? I divulged that the blonde girl reminded me of my sister, Whom I had hated as a kid because I felt she had stolen my father's love and attention away from me, And that was very painful for me. I then reviewed. I had experienced feelings of hatred for the blonde girl in the basement, And I had even had an urge to punch her in the face. Actually, I wanted to demolish her. That's what I told him. Babaji's still cool as a cucumber said. All out of jealousy. Yes, I agreed. And I hung my head in shame. That's what you were saying, Bilas. I mean, I said all that to him, But it's so embarrassing or shameful. It doesn't feel good to admit you're jealous, Right? Especially to Babaji, When I'm trying to be so great. And he's like, You're jealous. And I'm like, Yep. Babaji spoke with enthusiasm. This is very good that you can see your own jealousy. Most people cannot. They do not want to admit they feel such feelings. They will ask me if I can tell them their problem. But nobody wants to hear that they are jealous. They won't believe me and some even argue with me. If a person is sincere, They will search their heart and find their own jealousy. Everyone has some jealousy in their heart. Everyone. There is no one who is free from it. Babaji continued, But we don't realize it because jealousy is a very subtle emotion. However, Jealousy can be a very destructive emotion. Jealousy comes because of our desire to possess someone or something. This is my father, Not yours. My husband, My friend, My guru. You aren't better than me. You can't come between me and the object of my affection. If you do, I will destroy you. That is how we think. We don't like to admit that we think this way, But we all do. In your case, You thought that your father was yours. And your sister came in and stole him away, Right? So you hated her. You would have been happy if she had just vanished one day. So you could have your father's love and affection all to yourself. As adults, Nothing changes. That's a zinger. Let's just take a minute for that, Right? So, I mean, Some of you have seen young kids, You know, How they operate, You know, They're possessive over like a toy or something and they're five or four or three, They're little, You know, But Babaji said that as adults nothing changes, You know. Actually, It's worse probably because we fortify those samskaras. We act on them as kids, You know, But it's a just how the mind works, You know, So imagine. . . I mean, We're getting older, But that samskara just gets more hidden and we cover it better. But when you watch little kids, You know, I used to work with little kids and watching them, The jealousy is so obvious when they're little because they don't try to cover it, You know? So they're just like, Mine! And they'll smack or they'll yell or they'll pinch or they'll do something hurtful to the other kids to get the toy, To get the parent, Whatever it is, You know? But then we still have that mentality, That mechanism. But it gets covered up by a lot of, I guess we could say acting, Very good acting, Because we don't want to admit it, But that's what's going on. It's like a temper tantrum inside. Um. . . So he said, As adults, Nothing changes. We continue on with these same jealous feelings. We become jealous of others who have some possession or position or relationship that we want or that we think we deserve. I slowly rose my shameful, Lowly hung head to look up at Babaji and I asked, So what are the symptoms of a person acting in jealous ways? Babaji continued, People who are jealous never compliment you when you're doing well. They do not support you. They try to sabotage you in very subtle ways. It could take you years to figure it out. They will act nice to your face and sometimes even feign affection. That's what I was saying. It's a lot of acting. You know what I mean? So you won't be able to tell sometimes that they don't have your back. They'll make it seem like they do. Because it's like, Remember one of my classes last year I was saying that like it's a skunk who's spraying perfume over their stinky smell, You know? It's kind of like that. Okay, So they feign affection, But underneath it all, They want to smash you. They cannot stand your success. They would secretly feel happy to see you fail, Losing your position, Relationships, Or possessions. This is the hardest thing for me to teach about because everyone who listens to me talk about jealousy starts thinking of people they know who act like this. They never stand up in front of the mirror and try to find the jealousy within themselves. I'm not talking about others. I'm talking about you. You have this problem. Wow, That is intense, Babaji. It is true though. When you were just describing the symptoms of jealousy, I, Of course, Started thinking of jealous people who have acted in unsupportive ways in my life, Trying to sabotage my work or my relationships. It is amazing how our minds work, That we focus on others' jealousy instead of our own, I replied. So that's an important point too, Right? In Vedic psychology, There's different levels you can go from beginner to expert. There's all different levels, Right? And so the beginner is just understanding the concepts. And of course, We're going to apply them to stories about other people. So when you're learning what's ahamkara, What's jealousy, It's pretty unlikely to be like, Oh, I'm jealous, And let me introspect and work through that. That's more rare. So the beginner part would be like, OK, How does it look? What are the symptoms? How does someone else look who has it? What I've seen is people get stuck there. And they'll spend a whole life analyzing other people with the Vedic psychology, I guess we could say, Tools. And that's when I think it gets dangerous, You know? Mechanism, You're putting on certain Vedic psychology goggles to say, Ooh, Whoa, Jealous, But never actually turning that lens back onto yourself. So that's why I just want to pause here to say, Okay, I mean these things that Babaji taught about jealousy to me, It's so powerful. And how he taught me to look at it and see it, I can see it. But really looking at myself and saying, Oh, Am I jealous again? Oh, I have to admit that that's me again. That's the ideal, Is that eventually you start saying, All right, Let me look at myself. And we have a community of people who can do that. It's such a powerful community, Because then you catch yourself, You have to introspect, Take care of your own jealousy, And then interact with people in a different way. In particular about spiritual communities where people live together, I think having one guru that everybody's focused on, You know, Is like a hundred times worse than having one mother or one father, You know, Because first of all, There's not so many people, There's just a few kids, But and you each are kind of special because you could be first, Second or third or something, But when you have a guru and everybody's angling for some attention in some way and there's no other parent, There's no other relationship, You know, That's the main person that all that jealousy can come out on each other and on him, You know. That's at least what I've seen. Not that I didn't have it as a kid and not that I don't. I mean, But when I talk to my clients and hear about whatever they've got going on in their lives versus what happens in these kind of settings, You know, In ashram settings, You know, It's like a very good experiment in jealousy, I think, And how to see it and how to work on your own, Because it can come up all the time, You know. So I think it's pretty rare to talk about. I think it's pretty cool that we can sit down and be like, Okay, Let's actually talk about it. Let's just get, Like Vilasa, You were saying at the beginning, Let's just talk about it because when you talk about it, It doesn't feel so real. Simple. It feels like, Okay, It's normal, Just like we all have feelings of happiness. Jealousy is right there next to that, You know? I mean, What if we can look at those feelings without judging them and be like, I have sadness, I have anger, I have happiness, I have jealousy, You know, Instead of being like, No, No, Jealousy, Let's put it down. I'm only happy and I'm only grateful, That's all. It's like, That's not realistic, You know? That's like saying, I only eat food, But I never go to the bathroom. It never comes out the other way. I only eat nice, Beautiful food, But I never pee and I never poop. And I never vomit. It's like, Okay, That's not realistic. You know, We have to look, Just take the whole enchilada but not judge any of it, Just see it all the same. You know, It is all, Okay, These are feelings. You know, Then it becomes, I think, More palatable to talk about. What do you guys think? Go ahead, Bilal. I'd like to ask you about what happened between the first day and the second day. So for me, Reading this or listening, It It sounds very magical, Honestly. You took the journal and you figured out, Oh, This is my story with my sister and my father. And Babaji is not my father. She's not my sister. And. . . And I'm actually this person. This is my identity. And now you could suddenly interact with them anymore and you didn't have this urge again anymore to punch him in the face. So. . . Yes, It's true. Yeah, So what happened exactly? Can you share maybe some? Some of these introspection tools that you used to. Within just one night to, You know, Transform so much. Um I mean, I just wrote about it. I mean, Because I realized like this is I'm having the very first thing that I always do is if I'm having a strong emotional reaction, I know there's a problem. Especially Babaji sitting there calmly and the girl, What's the issue? Why would I be reacting that strongly? So I already know it's a problem in me. There's something in me that's reacting. It's not like all of us are reacting to some strong thing, Just me. So already I knew, Okay, That's the first problem. And then the second thing is start writing about it. What are my feelings? What are my feelings? And then where's this coming from? But the thing also is that it may seem magical because that's what I do for a living. To be my own client. Let me just figure it out. " So that's what I do every day with people in session anyway. So that's also probably why it was easy for me to just be like, All right, Now if I was talking, Just pretend like you're your own client because you're having a meltdown. So what is it? So I did, I therapized myself basically. But it wasn't some magical experience. Once I realized, Okay, That's not them, Through journaling and through saying, What's something similar? Oh, You know, My sister reminds me, You know, I already knew that. And how did I feel towards her? Jealous and I hated her. So I already knew all that. And why? Because of my dad. He's kind of like my dad, You know, So it wasn't that hard. But once I got the realization, Then it was a huge relief. I was blinded. You know, Baba Joy says you get blinded by jealousy. I was completely blinded by it, So I had to write like that, And when the dots were connected, Then all those jealousies, Some scars calmed down. They went back down into the citta, And the manas was calm, And I was like, Okay. It was almost like I was a drunk when I went down the first time or on drugs or something. I wasn't seeing clearly at all. And did you have a similar experience of this jealousy samskara before also, So that you could realize that, Oh, It's this again. I had it with my sister. That's what I'm saying. I mean, I hated her for like 20 years until I left home. So, Like, I went to college when I was 18 or 19, You know, So I remember when I came back after a couple of years, I told her, Like, I was being really nice to her, And she was like, Why are you being nice to me? And I'm like, Oh my God, I've totally abused my sister. It was, Like, So rare that she had to ask me, Why are you being nice? And I said, Because, You know, I told her, I just said, I was so jealous of you, I actually hated you, But you're actually a nice person, It's not you. It was because dad was giving you all this attention and he made me feel like a loser, You know, Inadequate loser. I was aware of my jealousy because of all that. So then it wasn't like, What could this be? I'm like, Oh, I hate her. I'm jealous, Just like my sister. So I was aware of it. But admitting it to Babaji was not fun. To be like, I hate her and I want to punch her. Good. Yes, Malini. And you even admitted that in front of her, Right? This blonde girl sitting in the basement? She had earplugs. She's not even a disciple of Babaji. And she did not hear what you said to her? I don't know. I don't know. Maybe. But she had earphones on and she was seriously working. Maybe though. I have a question. Okay, For certain. It is because your jealousy was so intense and for such a long period, You were able to see it, You know, Within just one event, And then you were able to spill it out. Most of us, Basically, May have some minor level jealousy here and there, But we don't realize it. It's true. I think it's because I had a long-term jealousy with my sister and my dad would tell me to my face. He's like, You're jealous, You're not being nice, You're, You know, So I was very aware that I had that issue. Yeah, It would probably be hard if it just happened one time and you didn't know why I'm so triggered or something, You know, So it's, Yeah, There's certain other things that might be easier to see in yourself if you're angry because you're going to, You know, It's more physical, You know, But with this jealousy thing, If you didn't have a practice of watching your own, It would maybe take some more incidents to see it. And that's why even knowing what the symptoms are, Like you don't support the person. Now that girl, I mean, I didn't know her, So I couldn't compliment her. I mean, I guess I could. I could say, Oh, You're really pretty, Bitch. But it wouldn't be sincere, I would have to be like. . . But anyway, Yeah, That's a good point. I was already aware that I had that problem. Malachy? It just reminded me of an incident. I think it was. 13 or 14. At that time, I was working with Babaji every day in his room. And for hours, We were working on book projects. And maybe it was Bhagavad Gita. We were working, You know. And then one day suddenly out of the blue. . . He just looks at me and says, Do you ever feel jealous? I was so struck because there was absolutely no, We didn't talk about anything like that. It was so out of the blue. I was so shocked. I didn't know what to say. And then I just said something like. . . I didn't say yes or no, I said, Well, It depends on the situation, The person, You know, Of somebody. It was so unexpected. Oh my God. That was amazing. I just remembered that. That's so interesting. Very interesting, Yeah. I don't think a lot of people are going to come to him and be like, I'm jealous. So he probably wanted to talk about it with you because you guys are so close. It was Bhagavad Gita talking about Probably not jealousy but. . . Something made him want to talk about it with you and see. That's so interesting. Not that needed. It's so direct though. He was just like, Oh my God. Very interesting. Anything else that came up hearing this, Krishnadas? Is there a mic around? Do we only have two mics? This particular chapter, When I was reading, It was helping me a lot with one particular situation I experienced here, Like Like, Um. . . Let's say that When you say that because your father didn't gave you certain amount of attention you was feeling like a loser so that triggers the whole Situation itself so I was feeling something similar when I came to you and I have all of these problems Related to my questions and the way I question because in other spaces different than this in all my life I was never less than a genius. Let's say so I was get used that the teacher is my best friend and we Discuss topics out of class and everything and when I come here, I just get as much in such a way that it triggers me something I never feel before and I was discussing with Babajing one male and he tells me one phrase He tell me like, Why you put your attention in this person and you don't put your attention in yourself? Then, Let's say two days I read this chapter and I realized, Oh my God, I'm very jealous. So then I write to him, No, What happened is really I'm jealous like this, Like that. And he was telling just a short phrase, Good that you see it, Like good that you check it. And after that, I realized so many dynamics I do because this person is also not even a disciple. I was realizing how many dynamics I need for avoid contact or whatever relationship there, Just because I was burning in this feeling. But I didn't notice till that moment when I read your book, Actually. Before that, I didn't notice so clearly. But when you describe all the emotions and how you put in this and everything, First I get impressed how you recognize it faster. Like you say, It's quite magical, Let's say. But then it was difficult for me to accept that I was not having that feeling. So I also noticed that for that to get triggered, There has to be also an environment to make you feel in a particular way. Yeah, Inadequate, Inferior. Inadequate, Inferior. And someone is doing better than you. The way that you see yourself, Whatever that identity is that you have, And they're better at you than that. Yeah, And then the comparison appears. Yeah, Yeah, Yeah. Good, Cristobal. Thank you for sharing. It was very helpful. That is probably my favorite chapter of the whole book. Oh, Really? Yes. Okay, My psychology before processing, But this chapter was like, Oh my God. I'm doing it too. Yeah, Super identify. Yeah. Good. Thank you. Very good. Thank you. Anything else? I also want to share something about this jealousy feeling which is burning and is uncomfortable and make me feel so inadequate. And on top of it, In my jealousy issues, That I have many. What happened is that the environment was not very supportive and I was being criticized for being jealous a lot. So this made me feel even more like dirty, Down, Unable to be. What to say. Be actually a good devotee, Because we are supposed not to be jealous, But then when we have the jealousy, Then what to do if also we are. . . You feel guilty having that feeling. Yes. It adds another layer. Being jealous in general is not comfortable to admit, Right? But then in a spiritual society when jealousy is like something we're trying to get rid of, We don't want to be like, Oh, I actually have that thing, Right? Or then when someone tells you you have it you don't realize it, Oh, You're so jealous because of this. That feels horrible, Right? It makes you feel ashamed. It makes you feel like. . . Yeah, Just, Yeah. And then maybe they'll say, Oh, This person doesn't have it and this person has it. Or you have it more than them. And then it makes you, Whoever that person is who doesn't have it, You're just like, Oh, I hate them. I want them to just, I want to see something, Some flaw in them. Don't they have anything wrong with them? At least they can trip and fall or something. I want to see something wrong with them, Right? Thank you for sharing that. Okay. What are some of those emotions? What can a collective disorder engage? Because people have so much experience of various other things, Interacting with them, With different people, And then when they come across that, The same thing. So the feeling of jealousy, Whether you're interacting with a devotee or an ethnic group. . . Professional, He is a very good gentleman, You know, He is still in the same class. And then you have that kind of experience. How do you differentiate or how do you, I mean, What is, Is there a jealousy in there or is it something, What is in there? I think it's good to introspect. You have to get to know your feelings, You know? You have to only you can tell like for me to be like you're jealous or actually no you're not jealous you're you know I don't know hateful or whatever the thing is so you have to introspect and see what does this feel like you know what is it actually what's happening and then you can also ask like have I ever had this feeling before I can't get my finger on it but is there something similar in my life that I maybe in my childhood or maybe in my adulthood where I felt like this before And sometimes it'll be a more clear memory that you can be like, Oh yeah, It's similar to that. That's what I did when I had the magical insight. That's what I did. Oh, It's like my sister and my father. So if you can connect it to another memory, And then in that memory, You might be more in touch with your feelings, What those feelings were. Because then I'm like, Oh, It was jealous. Oh shoot, That means I'm jealous now also, You know. But your feelings can't be wrong. And also, It's not really for anybody else to tell you what they are. It'd be like if I'm telling you, Now Purushottam, You're hungry now. You're like, I'm not hungry. No, But you're hungry. So it's like the same thing with the feeling. I don't know your feelings. You have to get in touch with what those are. What feels right for you, What feels true for you. And the thing which I also know is if you know yourself, Your capabilities and other things, And somebody is superior to them, Then you wouldn't have all of this jealousy and other things. I mean, I just like to say it's like me and Babaji were in Detroit. I was a senior there, So Babaji was helping me in many instances, You know. And then when he came to India and evidently with his good qualities, Knowledge, Everything, He became much more, You know. So, But I still never developed any jealousy towards him. I always try to, You know, Whatever I can serve him or do other things, I try to do that. So, How those situations What is really important? That you have to introspect. I would say study jealousy more. Everybody because there's lots of very subtle symptoms of jealousy so mine that I'm writing in this book is very intense But I could write that's why I said I could write a whole book on jealousy and you'd be surprised at some of the things that that some behaviors that people do that actually sign of jealousy as well. So I'm not saying you had it for Babaji or not, I'm just saying in general. Study jealousy because it's very actually a deep study. I just hate the person. I want to punch him in the face. That's the grossest form of it. You know, That's like a 10 out of 10 probably. I want to hurt the person. I hate the person. That's a very intense one. But there's lots of other subtle forms of jealousy that if they go unchecked can turn into actually wanting to hurt the person. Okay, Megan, What's your question? Megan, Do you want to put your mic on? Okay. Toddlers are really good about putting their jealousy on display. I have a daughter and almost on the daily, She's like, You're my mommy. And I also have a 10-year-old son. And I love you. So I'm also Henry's mommy too, But maybe my response to her reminder that I'm more than just her mommy is invalidating to that. Maybe I'm not exactly sure how to react on that. Maybe I haven't been doing the right thing. With me. So with you, Megan, It would be to say to your daughter something like, Yes, You're right, I am your mommy, And you're so special to me. You're so special to me. And say something unique about her. Even if it's more nuanced than that, Because she's adopted and my son is biologic, If she's looking for, If that's already kind of created a little bit of a scara for her, That she has to make sure that I'm really her mommy. Yeah, That's probably part of it. Yeah, That's a good insight. Yep, Because the toddlers are very kind of gross about it, Right? You're mine and it's like whoa, But the parent, You know, Especially if they have other kids like my dad would be like, I love all of you girls. I'm like, I don't want to hear that. Don't you hate my other sisters? You should hate them and just Can I just show you how good I am? Huh? That's the ahamkara, You know, The best. Yeah, But be careful about that because with kids, I wouldn't call it ahamkara food. With adults, You have to give the ahamkara food, But with kids, They need to hear that to form a secure attachment and have a safe base with you. So the kids, I would say, Yes, I am your mommy and you are so special to me. There's something where you're reaffirming that bond. You know, And then if she says, But Henry too? Yeah, Henry too. But I wouldn't be glorifying Henry to her, You know, Or saying he too, You know, If she asks, Which she probably won't. She'll be like, Tell me again. You're mine, Right? And you'll be like, Yes. Yeah, She doesn't want to hear it about Henry, You know. And Henry doesn't want to hear about her either. Even though he's older, So he also needs to hear. You know that I'm yours and you're mine. Once they get that bond when they're older, If they do it, Then there's a problem. But they won't do it, Actually, If they got it appropriately. As a child. That's why I was doing it. If my father was there for me in the way I needed, I wouldn't act like that. I wasn't coming out of the womb being like, I need that. It was because it was broken. I didn't get enough of that. So it's good, Megan, That you brought that up. Okay, Anything else before I move? Okay, Mohini. What Purushottam brought up, And you said like, Yes, There are so many levels of jealousy, Papaji, And says often, Like, If you cannot compete with a person and you are jealous about a person and you cannot compete, You become the fan of that person. To be a fan. To be a fan, To copy what they're doing. I mean, There's so many forms of it that's subtle. And also like I also feel like yeah towards guru and shishya relationship that there can be also jealousy but you just don't compete with the guru but actually It's so deep. Yeah. There is jealousy, But you just don't dare to show it. Good. Velas, Were you going to say anything else or no? Okay, I'm going to read a little bit more. Good discussion, You guys. So where did, Okay, So we left off with Babaji saying, Oh yeah, So he said, I said that that's intense, You know, And then Babaji, I said, Well, That is intense, Babaji, It is true, Though, When you were just describing the symptoms of jealousy, I, Of course, Started thinking of jealous people who have acted in unsupportive ways, Trying to sabotage my work or my relationships. It is amazing how our minds work, Right? That we focus on others jealousy instead of our own I replied Babaji smiled with enthusiasm and said I'm very pleased to know that you observe the jealousy in your own heart and that you are taking responsibility for it. I've been trying to teach about jealousy for the past quarter of a century and you are the first person who has come and admitted that. Yes, I am jealous. Nobody has ever done this. Nobody. This is a fact. You are a rare and courageous person to face your jealousy so openly and honestly with me. Now I know that alone is going to make people jealous, Just hearing that, Right? Because everyone's like, Well, Wait a minute. So I'm sorry. Don't hate me, Okay? There's many other things I didn't do right, Okay? So just throw me a bone for this one. I'm very impressed by you. Now our Vedic psychology work can truly begin. If you think of it, If I wasn't able to see my own jealousy, How would I be able to help other people with Vedic psychology? So at least I needed to be able to do that at a minimum, You know? First, You have to get the jealousy out of your heart. You have to think that the people who are close to me are here by my choice. These are the people whom I have selected to help me and whom I trust. You have to respect my decision and also respect these people who are serving me. Just think that when you hate them, You're indirectly hating me. You should think of them as extensions of me. If you hurt them, You hurt me. You should actually think of how you can support them in their work. Because if you are kind and genuinely supportive of them. Then you are also supporting me. Treat them like you treat me. Think of how you can help them. This is actually one of the only things that I ask from my disciples. It is my humble request that everyone get along harmoniously. That doesn't mean we point the fingers at others who have problems and are causing the disharmony. It means that we learn how to have healthy relations by changing ourselves. Our mindsets and our attitudes so we can get along with everyone. Wow, What kind of world would it be if I could think like this? There'd be cooperation instead of competition. Harmony instead of harassment. Joy instead of jealousy. Inclusion instead of exclusion. Promotion instead of demotion. And love instead of hate. My eyes filled with tears for a different reason this time. I felt touched by Babaji's words and inspired to change myself. And my reflections were that I couldn't help but wonder how different my childhood relationship with my sister would have been if I'd understood that I was jealous. Maybe I would have looked out for her, Taken her under my wing. Perhaps I would have been excited for her success in life. And I would have included her in my friendship group. Feeling proud that she was my sister. At every opportunity, I would have tried to hold her up, Not rip her down. I would have looked for her goodness even in her bad moments. And perhaps I would also have been able to see and accept myself and my good qualities, Which were different from hers and unique in their own right. Seeing both of our strengths, I would have thought, How can we collaborate, Not compete? And the lesson learned was that always be aware of my jealousy and take immediate actions to rectify it by focusing on improving myself, Not on pulling the other person down. The thing that I had said here about my sister, My lesson was that, You know, My dad would tell me I'm jealous or that I'm mean or that I'm hateful or something like that, But I didn't get it. It wasn't like I'm seven and like, Oh yeah, I'm jealous and here's what it's like, You know. So that's what I was saying. If I had understood it better, I didn't understand it until I went away and I didn't feel jealous. And I'm like, Oh, All of a sudden like the goggles of jealousy were off and I was like, Oh, She's a nice person. And I'm trying to make a friendship with her and she just didn't, She was like so traumatized. She was like, You know, And I'm like, No, Seriously. And it took her a long time for her to trust me because I was so mean to her for like 20 years, You know. So eventually I realized it when I got away from home and realized how nice she was and how she was kind of always there for me actually. She always looked up to me and she was always nice to me. She never did anything mean. She put up with all my crap. She never fought back, You know. She was so nice. But I didn't realize it. And so then, Anyway, So that's, I was thinking, Like, If only I had realized that then, How different I would have been to her. I never supported her. I would always just be like, Get away from me. Don't hang out with me and my friends. Don't play the same sport as me. I can only imagine what it would have been like to be good friends with her. We were so close in age. We were only two years apart. We could have been best friends, Actually, And enjoyed life together. So I feel very regretful about that. And when I apologized to her, She was like, Oh, That's OK. It was so like. And I said, I think the only reason that you're a social worker is because I abused you, You know? So that's why you're so nice to people. And I'm like, I think it's just a trauma response. I think you'd probably want to do something else in life because she's really good social worker. She helps families, You know? And I'm like, Why do you, You know? Anyway, We're friends now, But I think we missed that original bonding, So it's not the type of depth of a friendship I would have liked to have had. Because I don't think she still trusts me from. . . All that stuff in childhood, You know. I was telling some stories last night. Last time, I didn't tell my worst ones, Just a few bad ones. I was so mean to her. I don't jealousy. So what do you guys think? This last bit is also heavy, Right? There's a lot of points in there. Anything anybody wants to say about these last points? 9, 3. . . So when I read this chapter. There is one place where Babaji has mentioned that when you will see that the people who are here. Are not because of their wish but my wish. I had been in a situation when I felt jealous with somebody or I felt angry or I disliked or I hated somebody. This line has really helped me. To tell myself that, Yeah, I'm not here. Like, If people are there. They are not by their choice or something. They are here because Babaji wants them to hear. Thank you for mentioning that. That is very, Very helpful. Good, Naintree. Yeah, It's helpful when you apply it in your life, Because there's no perfected person who doesn't have something that's going to bother you at some point. So when that's happened, You can be like, Okay, That person is here by Babaji's choice. That person is serving Babaji, Just like I'm trying to do, Or I'm trying to be in this community. And so that can give much more tolerance. It's not that jealousy is going to evaporate, But at least more tolerant, Like, Okay. And then also, The longer you stay in the community, You can be like, I've had a lot of bad days, Actually, That a lot of people just put up with. You know what I mean? Like it's not only that that person's having bad behavior, I've also had bad behavior and people were kind and compassionate to me and they didn't like kick me out or say something mean because whatever our bad Characteristics are they're all going to come out if you stay in a community for long enough That's what a family is all your stuff comes out. And so just like other people have accepted me For all my good and bad, You know and understood that okay. I'm here. I'm trying my best We can do that also for the others when you see somebody you're gonna see them at their worst Probably, You know and then you can say okay, That's okay. Like they're here also trying just like me It's humbling because we think we're great and that the other person is messing up But when it's like, Oh, Wait a minute, I probably have done that or acted in that way to trigger other people too. And they were kind. And accepting, You know, So I think that also helps. Yeah, It's hard because the hankar makes you think it's you and Babaji. Just you and Babaji and just you're doing this thing for him and nobody else should be involved and nobody else, You know. So when you can crack that down and say, Okay, We're all part of the same. We're all moving in the same direction on the ship. We're all rowing together. And I'm just like one or, You know, I'm not that great. I'm just one or that kind of sometimes goes in the right direction. Then it's more humbling to think that way, I think also. And that's also why whenever he does a talk for us, You know, The disciples, He always says, I just want you to be harmonious. That's my biggest wish, Right? Like be just, I mean, That's hard, Much easier said than done though, Right? Everybody get along and work together. Well done. Anything else? Kamala. Yeah, In this being harmonious as you were saying. There is a lot of ingredients in it. Babaji summarized everything in one word, Basically, Not to be jealous. And being harmonious means just ratify. And this is the point which has. . . Distract me more, Because you said. . . Always be aware of my jealousy and take immediate action to rectify it. By focusing on improving myself, Not on pulling the other person. So basically, It's like Inverting the whole effort. In this direction instead of in that direction and so this is the real. . . As soon as you feel that pinch or that burning or that restricting or something, Constricting, You know, Because what's interesting is when you really take a look at yourself, If you can start knowing yourself better, Your swabhava, You know, What is your personality type, What are you the best at, What do you love, What lights you up, It's probably not going to be the same as anybody else. You know, Once you see your unique thing that you are, And the more you are situated in yourself, I just mean in your swabhava, I'm not talking about being enlightened, Just in what is your nature, Then it's much easier to not want to pull other people down, Because you're doing it too, And it takes a very lot of work to get really good at something, Even if that's your swabhava, Right? Just say your swabhava is artistic. You're not just going to be a child prodigy and paint the best pictures, Right? You have to go to school, You have to work at it, You have to take trainings, You have to. . . So, Anytime you're jealous, If you just refocus back and say, Jealous. Do I want to be doing that thing too? Probably. And so then you focus on how it is that you can improve yourself to do that thing. And if it has to do with a relationship, Like, Okay, I'm jealous because that person's spending more time with Babaji, They're closer to Babaji, Or he's picked them for Seva that I wanted to do, Whatever the thing is, Then you can look also at yourself and say, Okay, This is a window into probably some ahankara slash samskara issue. It may not be specifically a swabava. It could be the attention you didn't get as a child, Basically. So that's a different exercise to work on. There's many ways jealousy can flare up, But one is to know your nature and do that like crazy. Just throw yourself into that, And then you can use that in whatever you're doing, Whether you're being a mother, Or whether you're being a partner, Or whether you're doing some service for the guru. It doesn't matter, But once you know your svabhava and you go full blast with that, The jealousy goes down a lot. And a lot of people don't know what their nature is and that's when the jealousy comes because they just want to trash the other person because either they haven't realized themselves in that way, You know, Or. . . They don't even know about it. They don't even know that that's such a thing to do. So I think those are some steps that would be helpful. That's why we made that Swabhava survey and to help people find out who am I and what can I. . . How can I align with my strongest power and use that to serve? Okay, So yeah. It's also a good point you made that. . . That everybody's personality is unique. So in that sense, There's no need for jealousy, Because my unique qualities are different than hers, So if we all focus on that, It's harmony. You're really social, That's a great thing if you're a social person. So there's no shame around whatever the swabav is. And if we actually all had a little party, A swabav party, And we all revealed what our deepest loves are in terms of what we do in life, We would see that we make a complete quilt, A complete rug, A beautiful rug or carpet or quilt, Because nobody's the same. Even if it's like, Okay, Right now I'm doing a role of teaching. There can be a hundred other teachers not only teaching different topics, Teaching it in different ways, Plus I'm not just a teacher. I'm also a psychologist, You know, So we all have a unique mix also, You know, And there's plenty of room for teachers. Many people can teach or many people can be healers or many people can be Whatever. So that's the thing. Once you know what it is and you're confident about it, It's actually easier to admit your downfalls because that's not where you are aligned. You don't care really. I'm happy to say I'm bad at math and science because I know what I'm good at. And also, It's easier to admit what you're jealous of. Even if you're in Irshabad, It's not that all of a sudden your jealousy is gone. It just goes down, But it's easier to admit it, And then you just refocus back on yourself and double down and do more about what you love, You know? So I think we've gotten to a nice juicy topic. I want to be really mindful of time because we have Babaji's class and some people need to go set up and all that. But we'll continue next week talking about it. Thank you guys so much for being here. That was fun. Juicy topic. Haribo. Bye!