01 Embracing Forgiveness

When I understand we are all actors in this great drama of life, I can accept each actor’s part and I realize everything is for a reason… Anthony Strano clarifies the steps to experience release from past hurts and feelings of animosity towards the self and others. Using meditation commentaries to guide, he allows us to recognize bitter feelings, aches of blame, and wounds of resentment and how to gently heal them by coming back to the awareness of my original goodness and by developing the capacity to accept, forgive, forget, and learn.

Transcript

Embracing forgiveness. When we constantly remember and replay scenes from the past, When we keep accusing someone for what he or she has done or said to me, Real or imaginary, Then I become ill in spirit and body. The illness of bitter feelings twists the heart and closes the mind so that there is no space for learning, For realising, For seeing things from another perspective. New perspective enables me to become more tolerant, More accepting, But especially more understanding of the other, The one I accuse of wounding or betraying me. Any negative thing I hold on to, For whatever reason, Especially damages me, Not so much the other person, Whom I hold responsible for my condition. Most likely the other person does not care, Has forgotten the issue, Does not want to realise anything, But I am still burning, Holding and even displaying the scars. To keep blaming and accusing increases the burning and diminishes greatly my capacity to heal and to move on. When I justify hate, Dislike, Rejection, I am deepening the wound. I am so blocked, I cannot aim for something higher and far more noble in myself. These bitter feelings block my happiness, I lose my peace, I lose my contentment and certainly I lose my balance whenever I remember the incident, Whenever I remember the person. When I justify hate, Dislike, Rejection, I am deepening the wound. I am so blocked, I cannot aim for something higher and far more noble in myself. These bitter feelings block my happiness, I lose my peace, I lose my contentment, I lose my balance whenever I remember the incident, Whenever I remember the person. Some people have the pride to say, I will never forgive. Some people demand punishment because they think then all things will again be fair and just. Their ego or their anger or their sorrow does not allow forgiveness. They want justice, But very often the word justice is a disguised revenge. Justice and revenge are quite different. In true justice there is the desire to bring back a balance, A rightness that has been either lost or greatly damaged. True justice, Though it seeks order, Mutual respect, Acknowledgement of innate rights, It will not resort to violence as a means to achieve these aims. True justice seeks to find a more appropriate way to heal the wounds, To help the other understand. Its use of non-violent methods generates long-lasting solutions. One of these methods is forgiveness and reconciliation, Where a restraint is put on egoistic emotions and passionate self-righteousness. There is a restraint, A self-control that allows for clarity and perspective to come into the picture. Revenge, On the other hand, Wants to see the other punished, Wants to see the other suffer. This attitude promotes cycles of intermittent and disruptive violence that keeps repeating both in one's own mind or in one's relationships. There is no perspective, But a sticky insistence to a negative scene, A word, An incident. This stickiness keeps the person in a dark bitterness that damages the soul. Who has the courage to embrace forgiveness? What can help us embrace forgiveness? The one who can step back from the self and ask with honest openness, Haven't I, At some point, Done wrong things to others, Whether consciously or unconsciously? Am I so clean, So good, That I can judge and condemn another person? Can I be so absolutely right and the other absolutely wrong? Don't I need to quieten my passion for fairness and justice and be more humble, That is, To be more aware of my shared responsibility in the issue? The one who quietly and sincerely asks the self these questions and waits in silence, Receives answers that steer the heart away from blind reactions to a more balanced solution. And what helps us to embrace forgiveness is the wisdom to realise that in this drama of life, Each actor plays his or her own part. Their part may not suit me, May not be to my liking, But this actor is or was there in my life for a reason. And so, Let me accept this and direct myself accordingly. This understanding helps us to avoid the habit of creating the same sorrow, The same pain, Over and over again. The more we reject, Blame and keep accusing, The more our heart becomes colder and harder. Then gradually, There is no bridge left that can effect reconciliation. Sorrow, Pain, Dislike, Even hate becomes a habit, A pattern that addicts the mind into a constant position of frustrated anger and wanting to hit back, Either at oneself or the other. How to come out of this web? There are five steps that can help us out of the web. They are understand, Forgive, Learn, Forget and move on. Step one, Understand. Because we misunderstand or have misunderstood the other, Then problems and past scenes keep repeating. It is easy to misunderstand those we do not like, Whilst those we like we overlook and even excuse their mistakes and faults. As I understand my attitude towards the other and as I make the effort to understand the other as he or she is, I begin to become more tolerant. My ego starts to let go of wounded feelings and the sense of injustice and gradually I start to tune in to the other perspectives of the issue and of the person. With more understanding I stop complaining and blaming and begin to tolerate and begin to reconcile. Step two, Forgive. I decide to let go of my narrowness of heart and mind. I accept my responsibility in the issue, In the event. I neither blame myself or the other, But start to comprehend that things happened for a reason. Yes, I decide to let go. I will not hold on to anything bitter or anything of the past. Step three, Learn. This is possibly the most important step of all. Whether I understand fully or not, Whether I am right or wrong, I realize that to hold on to a revengeful or bitter feeling, To hold a persistent animosity, Is a great emotional block that interferes with my well-being. Any animosity deletes my capacity to be more humane, Both to myself and to others. So in silence I ask the self, What did I have to learn from this, To deeply ask this question to oneself in such a way that I synchronize with the universe, With God, And then my mind is guided to see the hidden lesson. If I am willing to learn, I can let go of my past, Of my preconceptions, Of my limited thinking, And reach a higher awareness, From where I can see the value of the lesson. For example, Was I too dependent on a person, And so there had to be that separation? Was I too dominating, And the other was forced to rebel? Did I suppress myself and was never clear, So actually the other had no idea what was really going on inside me? What did I learn? To be more independent, To be more humble, To have the courage to speak up. Step four, Forget. Once it is clear, Once I have extracted the meaning of the lesson, Then let me forget. Once I have learnt, There is no need whatsoever to keep repeating and recalling with remorse or anger who did what to me, What was done to me. I can then trust the drama of life to benevolently and clearly take care of things, Past, Present, And even future. When I forget the wrongs and mistakes of others against me, Then the universe will naturally forget my wrongs and mistakes against others. When I understand, When I forgive, When I learn, When I forget, Balance is restored in my life. Balance is the basis of creating health, Physically, Emotionally, And spiritually. Step five, Move on. When we forget and let go, We become light. There is no burden, No past, No animosity. I am no longer stuck in the groove of repeating bitterness. I am light. I am free to participate in and enjoy life. I am now experienced and wiser. I have moved on. Ultimately, We understand that there is actually nothing to forgive. When we go to the heart of the matter, When we view things from a wiser and compassionate consciousness, Many things are solved by themselves. I understand that I had to learn something, The other person had to learn something, And that we are all actors playing our part according to time, Place, And personality. To accept this is a great liberation from so many grudges and grievances. We realize that we are stubborn in forgiving because others are not what we expect, What we want them to be. Anger and animosity plague us because of this should-have consciousness. They should have done this, They should not have done that. They should have known. This should not have happened. Acceptance dissolves resentments. To blame the self or others, To create guilt and regret as a punishment to the self or wanting to punish others, Does not allow the self to act positively and meaningfully in this great drama of life. I can get so entangled with non-essentials, Magnifying trivia, That I complicate myself with burdens and wasteful feelings. Or even with big events or issues, I cannot make them manageable because I do not have the perspective. I cannot let go of the blind spots that block me. Embracing forgiveness, My heart encompasses all experiences as necessary and progressive. The wasteful and the negative in me is removed. I need to open my inner eye into silence, Become still, Going beyond the past, Emotions of blame and accusation and learn to see life and myself in another way. Now, In the next few moments, Let us reflect on embracing forgiveness and meditate on letting go of the past, The wounds, The bitterness.