You Haven't Lost Desire. You've Lost Presence

You want to experience connection,

You want to experience desire,

But way too often you just go through the motions and you're not present or alive to the experience itself.

So why is that important?

Because many of us don't lose our desire,

What we lose is our presence.

We talk about sexuality in performance terms,

In technique,

In functioning,

But in fact what really creates a quality of experience,

What makes it pleasurable and meaningful is the quality of our presence.

Presence inside our body where we are grounded,

Where we actually feel,

Sense,

Respond to what is happening in the body and also present interpersonally to ourselves and to the other.

So what I often do with people I work with is to help them slow down so that they can notice,

They can register,

They can internalize,

They can qualify the experience.

I started out by asking people what they drank for breakfast and then I made them take an egg timer and made them actually drink it slow,

Slow,

Slow,

Until the four minutes of the egg timer.

Why?

Because those were people who often just gobbled it down and have no idea what just went in.

Then I decided,

Let me work with the orange.

The orange,

The grapefruit,

Whichever fruit you want,

But the fruits are beautiful because you can deal with the five senses.

You can look at them,

You can experiment with touch,

You can experiment with smell,

You may not be able to listen much,

But you can when you're peeling,

When you're eating,

Listen to the sounds of savoring the food and it's sensual,

It's erotic,

It demands a lot of man's presence,

It is pleasurable and it is embodied.