I'm opening up to a whole new reality.
Is it truly possible for me to tell my story without fear?
My voice has been suppressed for so long.
I was made to feel as though my thoughts were not only unimportant but a nuisance.
So it's hard even now to feel at ease while sharing such deeply vulnerable parts of me.
The anxiety builds and threatens to swallow me whole.
And yet at the same time I can't imagine silencing my voice any longer.
My heart needs this and my soul is calling for it.
There is something within me that cannot be denied any longer and I realize my darkest truths must emerge if I am to find my light.
I know the time has come for me to shed my victimhood.
I will no longer allow the repercussions of others unconscious choices to have a lasting hold over me.
I refuse to give them that power any longer.
They have no right,
No standing to oppress me.
A return to wholeness is my only path to true redemption.
I used to wonder what I did in past lives to deserve so much trauma and pain.
I must have been a bad person or have committed a lot of sins.
But I am starting to realize that every experience was carefully placed in my life to remind me and guide me back to my infinite potential.
For in my authentic heart lies all the power and glory I have been seeking.
Despite all the trials and tribulations,
My heart miraculously retained its capacity to love.
I remember vowing never to love again after losing my father to suicide.
It was just too painful,
I had decided.
I didn't want to care about anybody ever again.
I never wanted to experience that type of earth-shattering,
Bring-me-to-my-knees grief again.
But alas,
The heart is a divine gift from God and love transcends all human suffering.
It shows us that grace and beauty can be salvaged from the darkest,
Most distressful of conditions.
Not only did my heart learn to love again,
But it expanded to love even more tenderly and more passionately because I knew what it was to lose everything.
I rebuilt my life based on a new foundation of what became truly important and meaningful to me.
A sense of connectedness,
Joy,
And purpose.
I have fallen into the deep pit of depression many times before.
I know what it feels like to lose a sense of myself and to not know if I'll ever gain it back.
I have lost all hope before,
I have suffered,
I have wrestled with dark brooding thoughts of worthlessness and shame,
But without fail,
God finds a way to speak to me.
With his gentle and subtle messages,
He reminds me that he has never left my side even for a single moment and that all the darkness and despair can be transformed into light in a holy instant.
I am reminded that I am never alone.
When I take one step outside of my home or when I glance at the vast blue sky or the splendid flowers,
It reminds me that God is near.
And when I can stop struggling and trying to fend for myself,
I can finally allow God to supply me with every divinely guided choice and action I need to take in order to reconnect with my divinity.
I can finally allow God to be my power and my purpose.
