Free To Be: The First Step To Freedom

Listen to this talk by Dr. Shefali Tsabary. Take the first step and learn how to take off your costumes and masks so you can show up authentically. Speak your truth, even when uncomfortable. and be free to be.

Transcript

Hi everyone, Welcome to my new course Free to Be. As always I'm humbled, Excited, So grateful that you are here with me wanting to evolve, Wanting to elevate, Wanting to open your hearts and learn with me. I have done many courses online and in all my courses I am a little trepidatious of being the teacher because I'm always about debunking hierarchy and in this course especially, Which is called Free to Be, One of the first things that I need you to understand is that there is no hierarchical authority here. So this is a course that I truly hope will be communal, Will be actively participated in by you because it is through the synergistic elements of all our being states that we will truly understand what it means to be free in a relationship because we are going to create that template of relationships right here where we get to practice speaking up, Letting our voices be heard, Expressing who it is we are and discovering the interweb of this community. We have over 300 people here from all over the world and our interconnectedness will be exposed to you in real time and the interconnectedness is at the core of relationships and I believe that out in the real world in our little isolated nuclear families we have forgotten what it means to interbe, What it means to interconnect and it is because of this delusion of separation which is further fortified by our very nuclear existence that we have lost the essence of who it is we are. So you know the famous saying in the bible, Love thy neighbor as you love yourself. We cannot. We cannot love another like we love ourselves simply because we do not love ourselves. So we can never love another because when we proclaim love for ourselves we little realize how that love is predicated on deep attachment to who we believe we are. Many of you have taken courses with me already and will know what I'm saying or will deem it familiar but because there are many new people I must reiterate the concept of the formless. What is the formless? You know in this dimension we are fooled to believe that there's only one layer of existence and that layer is the layer of form. Form as represented by our bodies, By our hair, By our skin, By our things, By our name, By our home, By our qualifications, By our achievements. This is what we see around us. This is what is called in spiritual terms the world of form. But our greatest delusion, Our greatest travesty, Our greatest tragedy, Almost a crime against humanity is our belief that this world of form is all there is. So even when we relate to another we relate through the lens of form where they live, What their qualifications are, What their name is, What their gender is, What their sexuality is, How many children do they have, How skinny are they, How many shoes do they have, Where do they work, Where do they live, Their zip code, Their corner office, Their emeralds and jewels, Their baubles and trinkets. So our lens then is deeply colored by the things we do and by the labels we have. We do not relate to each other bare this, Naked of this. Similarly to ourselves, We cannot love our neighbor as we love ourselves because we do not love ourselves. We only love ourselves conditioned by our attachments, Our name, Our labels, Our qualifications, Our achievements. And so when our weighing machine tips over 10 pounds we do not love ourselves. When we lose our job we do not love ourselves. When our child doesn't succeed in life in a linear hierarchical way we do not love them or ourselves. So then what is the world of the formless? The formless is all that we have not been conditioned to see but that exists. So in this room if I ask you what do you see? You say you see the statue, You say you see my red top, You say you see my body, My chair, The plant. So you see all the things of form. But what you do not see, Which is the most essential element here, Is the formless elements of the space between my words, Of the space and air between the objects, The breath that goes in and out. These are formless aspects that have a bit of form but for the most part are out of view, Out of touch, Out of quantification. The flower that you see budding in the sun is not a flower only. It is the sunlight, The chlorophyll, The air it breathes, The carbon dioxide, The oxygen. All of the non-flower aspects of the flower make up the flower aspects of the flower. So it is with us. We get beguiled to think that we are of this form and then we begin to think that we are based on this form. So if I don't have hair you think I am bald or if I have lustrous hair you think I am of lustrous hair. The fusion between the essence that we really are and the form of us becomes inimitably one and this is where we are deluded. This is a complex concept but I cannot talk my language if you do not understand this. I cannot begin any course without you understanding that there are two dimensions to this reality. The one in which we are trapped, Mass suicide, Sheep to the slaughterhouse, Chaos because we are all myopically attached to form. It begins from birth, Gender, God, Education, Siblings, Where you go to school, Then where you go to college, Money, Wealth, Status, Achievement, Perfection, Your social group, Then your marriage, Then the institution of parenthood, Then their children, Then grand parenthood, Then the institution of age, Beauty, Cosmetics, Pharmaceuticals. It goes on and on and on and on and on and because there are so many we stay busy in this world and we get seduced to think that this is all there is. This is called the world of the delusion of the form, Of the big transgression, The lie, The matrix. Beyond this is where we lie, As Rumi says, Beyond the field of right and wrong. There, There, That field yonder, Meet me there. Love lies there. There, Beyond the field of right and wrong. What he's saying is beyond the field of attachment to how things should be lies another field of existence, But only the poets and the mystics get there. And this is what I want to open the window of your soul to, That there is another way to live, Another way to love, Another kind of love, And another way to be a human. What does it mean to be a human being? It means you are not a doing, You are not a becoming, You are not a done. You're not a human done, Not a human doing, You're not a human becoming, You are a human being, But we are not in touch with our being. The being within us, While unique and idiosyncratic to each individual, Is really also inter-being with the interconnectedness of the cosmos. Just like the flowers, Not the flower without it also being the sunlight, The chlorophyll, The oxygen, The carbon dioxide, The soil, And the breath that it takes, Inhales with all other sentient beings. So it is our being is just very elusively idiosyncratic, But mostly and generically it is part of a cosmos. It is inter-being and the state of inter-beingness is the state of true love. But because we are not in touch with inter-being, With the being within that is in communion with the energy of this cosmos, We cannot truly love. All of us believe we truly love, We do not. We truly attach, We truly depend, We truly possess, We truly control, And we very truly fear. To truly love, Right, To truly truly love is to understand that love is not a verb, It's not a doing. It is entirely and inexhaustibly, Permeatingly, A state of being. To truly love another means that there is no I in the I love you. So all of you who say I love you to my children and I love you to my partners, That is attachment, That is dependency, That is possession, That is need, That is control, That is fear, To some degree or the other, Like it or not. And you know how you know it is? Because when they break the condition that is implicit in the I love you, Which means you love me, Right? Or I love you when? Or I love you if? And it's very myopically constrained within four rigid walls. When that breaks, Love breaks. And then you say I hate you, Or I don't love you. But here's the thing, And you know this from the poets, Love has no opposite. There is no opposite to love because it's an endless oceanic continuum of vast open heartedness. To close the heart means the heart wasn't open in the first place. So if you are in hate or dislike or non-care or non-support means you never truly loved. Simple. You attached, You possessed, You needed, You depended, And you very much feared. So true love is something that very few can aspire to. Because most of us love with the I. I love, And then the I goes looking, Searching for an object of the love. The I you see is attached to the I. Now this is a little bit complex what I'm about to say, But it is the basis of this whole course. So the I you see, When very young longed to be seen for its essence. But because it was born to parents who were clueless to essence and only knew form, Form, Form, Form, Form. Only knew do, Do, Do, Do. Be but achieve. Be like me. Be as I say, All conditioned. Please understand that that essence that we all came with, That unmistakable, Unique, And abundant, Lush sense of our birthright to joy, Our birthright to joy was abducted. We within us have a birthright to joy. Joy is our way. Unconditional love is our way. A community is our way. It's our blueprint. But because we come to this fabulous dimension, I hope there are many others because this cannot be it. But part of living here means to see the flaws of this dimension as a dimension. Don't just look at your life as suffering and this one's life is not suffering. No, We are living in a dimension. So when you understand that when we came into this dimension, Although it was our birthright to have joy, Abundance, Community, Openheartedness, Endless, Endless, Endless oneness, We entered into families of great fear. Fear is the default. Fear is the second step in every tangle. This fear sucked us. They were conditioned and now when one is conditioned, When the mind is conditioned, It can only do one thing. See the world through conditions. It sees the world through gender first, Then expression of the gender, Pink and blue, Then activities of the gender, Boys and girls. And then we send them to religious school and then you believe in this God and I believe in this God and so on and so forth. We keep stratifying and cutting our limbs, Which are really outstretched in oneness and we keep cutting, Cutting, Cutting and making people constrained in prisons. And then we call this a life. Now go live, Go be happy, Go be joyful. So this child who once knew access, Who had complete ownership over the expression of divinity is like, Oh my God, My language was of the soul. My language was of the oceans, Of the limitless skies. I was vast. I existed with the planets. I existed in the universe and you have literally now cut my limbs and arms, My appendages to outstretched humanity and you've made me literally constrained and now you're telling me to speak this language? But children, Because they are absorbing like we were so eager to learn, So eager to, To be community, To be in community with their parents, That they sacrifice their sense of self and they say, Here, I give up my joy. I give up my inherent blueprint. I will become obedient, Servile, And I will genuflect to your God. I will genuflect to your worshiping of money and status and achievement and everything that you consider on a pedestal will become my gods as well. So children then bow down to beauty, Wealth, Status, Achievement, Perfection, Belonging, And all the things that we cling to. So our mind gets conditioned, You see. So what was unconditioned now becomes heavily conditioned. So now we look at ourselves and the other, The self and the neighbor only through the lens of condition. Do they act like me? Are they being like me? Do they look like me? Is the color of the skin the same? Is the belief in the God the same? Is the wealth the status? It's all community is based now on how you make me feel. So the I that says, I love you, Don't believe that I, If you are with anybody right now in your life and they say, I love you, It's a trap because the I in itself is a problem because if they're saying I, That means they are attached, They're conditioned because in essence there is no I. Just like there is no flower and the flower is all the elements around it and the flower is just a piece. The nonflower aspects are as much part of the flower. So it is with us. Our form of the I is only a sliver of who it is we are. I am not Dr. Shefali. I am not a woman with dark hair. I'm not a woman with green eyes. I'm not a woman who works in this office or teaches this course. No, This is just a sliver of my expression. I don't exist in a way that you can label me. In truth, The essence of the child, Look at a child, Their essence is unlabelable, Is unquantifiable, Is limitless. But look how we slap names. We first give it a name, Then the gender, Then the color, Then the activities, Then the God, Then the religion, Then the. . . We keep trying to figure out who is this essence. But we are essence. And then a sliver of us is this personality or this lineage or this inheritance in form. So when somebody says, I love you, The I, If they don't understand that the I is energy interconnected to my energy, Then the I will trap the you. Because the I is full of transaction. You don't see the transaction when people say, I love you. But the fact they say, I love you, And then they make you feel like the object of their desire and passion and purpose. It's a trap. It's a trap. It's a trap. Many of you know it's a trap because it doesn't last because it was based on a transaction. You're just not seeing the outstretched hands. The outstretched hands were saying, I love you, But it was saying, Gimme, Gimme, Gimme, Gimme, Gimme, Gimme. And guess what? You were like, You love me? Gimme, Gimme, Gimme, Gimme, Gimme, Gimme, Gimme. So this, I call it the twin beggar syndrome. This is really the I love you. Two people in love, In attachment, In possession, In dependency, In control, In fear. This is really how man to man, Woman to woman, A woman to man, Doesn't matter. Love. They are not loving. They are attaching. They are depending, They're possessing, They're controlling, And they're fearing. It is only when you begin to live deeply connected to the essence that was once abducted from you, Which means you go on a spiritual journey. You walk away from the maddening crowd. You understand that you will leave the matrix in order to find the self. When you begin that journey and you begin to understand that the I that you've been so deeply attached to, Looking for love and wanting someone to be showered by your love, That I is an illusion. The I doesn't even exist because the I is really essence. It's energy. And that I anyway that you think is Dr. Shefali, Who is Dr. Shefali, For example, Or who is Deb or Annette or Cammie, The people here, Right? You think you are knowable? If I take any piece of you at Anapala and I say, I know Anapala, It'll be a lie because we can never know anyone truly. You know why? Because each one of us, Including myself, So if you think you know Dr. Shefali, You don't, You never will because I don't know her. Because there is no Dr. Shefali to know. You know why? Because the doctor or the Anapala or the Cammie or the Annette or the Susie is not a fixed entity. It is a dynamic interplay of constant, Intimately, Interdependent cause and effect. Something caused Annette yesterday and then that Annette caused another Annette today. And then the Annette is going to cause another Annette tomorrow and then Annette is going to cause Susie today. But Susie was already caused by James and James is caused by Deb and Deb is caused by Samantha. Each one of us is Brownian particles bubbling and boiling against each other, But we call it a pail of water. But we know that every pail of water boiling is made up of a bazillion particles. That's who we really are. Just effervescent energy bouncing off each other. But you know, You and I, Because we've been raised in this foolish world, In this world of just complete tomfoolery and really low wisdom, We believe, Oh, You know Dr. Shefali, I know Annette, I know Susie. No. And you don't know yourself. There is no self to know, You see. How can you say you know who you are unless you realize that who it is you are is an interplay of a bazillion cause and effects. So when I say I know myself, I know that I am an interplay of cause and effect. Therefore, I know that in the form based world, I can say I'm wearing a red dress or I have a PhD. But I also know that in the formless, I am simply and only ever effervescent cause and effect energy. I'm energy. You are energy. Unless you fully understand that, You will never truly connect to the deep sense of self that you can only tap into in your energetic vibration. This deep sense of self that you're longing for can only be found when you tap into the vibration that you are. It can never be found in your name, In your qualification, In your achievement. So the I that says I love you, Unless that I understands that it is mostly formless. So if it's mostly formless, It can have no condition when it is loving because energy has no condition. Energy is boundless. So if we are truly energy, Then we truly can have no conditions when we love. So then most of this love that we're doing in romantic love is really a farce and a distraction. A distraction that takes us away from the deep rooted schism within. It's a distraction. We go looking for the object of the love that we call you. It is a you that we affix to, We get addicted to, We hold on to, We grasp. You know why? Because we don't have the you within that deep energetic vibrational connection. So the you outside is a hoax. It's being used. We predate on the you to fill ourselves, Fill ourselves. And how do we know that? Because when that you looks here and looks there at some other you, Ooh, We all get so angry. Women know what I'm talking about. When the you is a man and that man looks at some other you, Which is another woman, Ooh, What happened to our love? It goes away because it wasn't love in the first place. It was conditional transactional attachment. So the you is used to fill, To distract, To please, Cling onto, To possess, To control, To depend on because we have not fully connected to the essence that we are, The beings that we are. And this is all really complex, But as I break it down more and more through the course, It'll become abundantly clear. But I have to just kind of set the stage and paint the walls and build the cosmology of where we're going to live. We're going to live between the two worlds of form, Which is the greatest trap and illusion, Delusion of it all. And then this other energy, Which I want to challenge you to tap into, Because when you tap into this other energy, Life is all play. Life is all joyous because you begin to see that you are energy traversing in this one lifetime in this body to have a human experience, Right? So you're having a human experience and you will go through many relationships, But the form based definition of relationships is that they're here to be clung to. They're here to make you happy. They're here to last. They're here to marry and possess and control and be one with. All a lie. Relationships are not here in the spiritual mystical realm, In the energetic realm to make you happy. No, Relationships are not here to make you happy. I remember when I first said this to a couple because the woman and the man kept grumbling about the other one. He doesn't meet my needs. She doesn't meet my needs. And I, You know, Couples are just so entertaining. And I was like back and forth. My neck was hurting. And I was like, Can you guys really sit close together? Because I cannot even volley back and forth, But they hated each other so they couldn't sit next to each other. So I was like this and then like this. And then, You know, You have to give equal airtime to both because ultimately we are only five years old and you, Dr. Shefali, You're taking his side. I'm like, Oh, Shoot me. Anyway, When I said to them both, Okay, Time out. Guess what? Neither of you needs to meet the other person's need and their jaws dropped. So this whole meet my needs is a very Western concept, Meaning it's not in wisdom traditions. And it's just a joke. Because how, How on earth can another human being ever meet your needs? Your own mother couldn't meet your needs. You think another human being can meet your needs? No, No, No. The reason why all our parents screwed up is because they had no choice. Even the most enlightened being would screw up. Even Thich Nhat Hanh, Even Eckhart Tolle, If they had children, That's why they don't have children. Because they know it's a futile endeavor. Because we are limited. Because the very reductionistic constraining form that we're in creates separation with the other. It's great enlightenment that shows us and the other that there is nothing we need to give because we are already love. We are already joy. We are already vibrational beings. If we left our children alone, They would figure this out. But because we live in a very conditioned world, We kind of like twist all the juices out of them. We wring them dry of their soul and their spirit. And here we are living this human life. So the I and the you don't exist. They can only serve the need of distracting us, Of fake filling us, Which of course never truly works. So we are addicted and we want more and more and more and more. And then we feel hurt and empty and voided when the person leaves us. You know why? Or when they don't follow our conditions, You know why? Because in essence, We have not tapped into the energetic vibration that we are. It is only when we understand the deep connectedness to our own energetic vibration and then automatically with the energetic vibration of the cosmos, It is only through the cultivation of that relationship that we become love. We become love. Now let me tell you, Just because I'm saying these beautiful poetic words, You think I'm there? No, So not there. And the way I look at it in my life is that I sometimes touch it and then I'm so excited and then I'm an ego because I'm like, Oh, Look, Look, Look, I've touched big love. I've touched big mind. And just as I say it, I lose it because I'm fully an ego. But the way I look at it in my mind is for 99% of my life, I'm in small mind and just in the ego, In the form, In the reductionistic little matchbox, I can even see myself handcuffed in the matchbox. But once in a while something happens to me and I see the stars or I look at the trees or I look at nature and it is only nature that can remind us of who we truly are because nature is unconditioned. Nature is boundless. Nature is limitless. Nature is not attached. Nature is just being. Even animals, Even though we are animals, But you know what I mean? They are more in their being state than we are because you see our mind, Which is supposed to be our greatest liberator, Is our greatest trapper. It is our greatest imprisoner, This mind. But yet if we use it in the right way, It can liberate us. So once in a while when I'm in touch with the divinity of nature, Then I'm reminded, Oh my goodness, Why am I worried about who stole my pen and whether my hair is curled or whether I have a wrinkle? Who the F cares? I am part of nature. I am part of this ocean. I am part of that butterfly. I'm part of the wind and the gusts of the sweeping gale of air that comes sweeping through my window in the morning. I am part of that. That dolphin I saw on my cruise, I am part of that. We are interbeing together. And when I have glimpses of that, I go straight into big mind. And if I can just stay there, Then I immediately feel love with all. There is no barrier between self and other. And it is in those very slight moments, Very rare moments that I understand the meaning of transcendent love. But then just as I begin to think about it, Bang, I come back down into this dense body and I come back into real life and I'm back in my little matchbox, Hitting everybody, Upset with everybody, Feeling betrayed, Feeling victimized, Feeling martyred, Because that is the wondrous qualities of living in this damn dimension. Right? So you now have a choice to learn to cultivate another way to be where at least once a day or once a week, You have a glimmer of what it means to be free. Or do you want to keep living trapped in this form-based world? And this course is going to challenge you to enter the formless dimension where we are interbeing with each other, Where we first understand our connection to our energetic vibration, Where we ourselves fall in love with our energetic vibration without attachment to possessions, Things, Labels, Wealth, Status, Achievement, Belonging, Where we ourselves commune with our energetic vibration to such a degree that now that schism that was within, That was inherited from our parents begins to heal. We are living here connected to our vibration. And then we do not go looking for an object of our love. We do not look for that special tall, Dark, And handsome or curvaceous beauty. That's all ego. Whenever somebody says, You know, Oh, You know, My husband is so nice and kind and loving. You are an ego. Because actually loving and kind and a good man or a good woman is not a quality of that person. It's a quality of us all. So when you personify those qualities as limited to your husband and your wife, That means you are conditionally accepting them when they are kind, Loving, And generous. Not understanding that this is the essence of all of us till we're screwed up. And we are only hiding that essence because we are ill, Because we are tortured, Because we are toxic, Because we are tormented. It is everyone's nature. When you begin to see the nature of everyone as essence, And then totally screwed up, Of course, But as essence fundamentally, Then you stop conditionally wanting them in your life. Then they can come in and out with an ease because you are in touch with your own vibration. So you understand when you become an I, You look for a you. And the I is already a conditioned I. It is extremely transactional, Your relationship with yourself. You do not accept yourself fully. I do not accept myself fully. If you do, You will be living in transcendence. All of us, Or most of us, Live with a highly conditional relationship to ourselves. We are mostly in great antagonism at war within. We are deeply attached to our things. We are deeply attached to how other people view us. And we are deeply attached to wanting the other to love us in a very particular way. This is all because we only love us when we are a particular way. We are not in touch with a boundless connection with ourselves. And it is because of this lack of integration within that we keep looking for an object of our love. It is really to pacify and to distract our own internal schism. And that's why the minute that love wavers from the other person, Or they don't act, Or they go astray, It shakes us from within, Because we were already shaken from inside. We were already split up. The other can do nothing to you that, You have not already done to yourself. The other cannot trigger you. You're already triggered. The other cannot wound you, You're already wounded. The other cannot leave you. You're already left. The other cannot betray you. You're already betraying yourself. The other cannot cheat on you. You've already cheated on yourself. There is no other. Relationships are a mirror, Always and continually a mirror of your inner existence. And what do I mean by the inner existence? Means your relationship to your essence. If you have a relationship to yourself, So for example, If I have a relationship to myself, So I'm sitting in quiet and all I'm thinking about, Oh, You know, How is my hair? Wow, People will come to my course today. Oh wow, I'm a doctor. Ooh, I'm such a bad person. I'm not good enough. Or why don't I learn more about therapy? And all my thoughts are about my attachments to my identifications, To my name, To my expertise, To my qualifications, To my knowledge, To my shame, To my regret, To all my thoughts and feelings. And I keep going back and forth to what my thoughts and feelings are and thinking that that's me. If you close your eyes right now, If all that comes to you is who you are in terms of your thoughts and feelings, In terms of your names, In terms of your qualifications, In terms of what your children do, In terms of what you own, In terms of what's gonna happen tomorrow, You are not in touch with who you truly are. Who you truly are is none of that. I'm not Dr. Shewali, I'm not even a woman, I'm not a woman with long hair, I'm not a woman who's 46 years old, I'm not a woman who runs this course, I am beyond this, As Rumi said, In the field beyond the right or wrong, Meaning beyond the field of identification lies another way to be, Come meet me there, Because there I can unify with you, I can be one with you, Because there we are bare of all labels, Of all identifications. So if when I close my eyes and all I think about is my daughter, My friends, My status, How you think of me, What I know, What I don't know, What do I do tomorrow, I am caught up in my identification. I am not in presence. I am not in relationship to who I truly am. Who we truly are is really, Simply and profoundly, The formless. Now, This doesn't come easy. You cannot just intellectually say, Okay, I'm formless, I'm formless, Hi, How are you, I'm formless. No, It's not something that you identify with intellectually. You truly experience your energetic vibrational potential. You live in that space. And then once in a while, Like a hawk catching the fish, You swoop in because you're a little hungry, Or because you know what, Let me go and dabble in the world of form for a bit, Or because you need to go and make some money to pay the bills. Sure, You dive in into the ocean of form only to go back to the sky, Right? So the formless energy is who you truly are. All this that you do, Where you actually live, It needs to be flipped around. The entire paradigm needs to be flipped around. You need to go into the sky, Free to be, Limitless. Free to be, Period. No attachment, No identification, No adjective or verb after that, Free to be. And then once in a while, You come dip into the world of form, But you live essentially as you truly are, Which is only simply without name, Without qualification, Without belonging, Without attachment, Without dependency, True vibrational essence, Just essence. And now that is a concept that cannot be intellectualized. It needs to be lived, To be breathed, To be understood at a very elemental level through your communion with your solitude, With your quietude. And I will help you get there, Fear not. So mirrors within the relationship exist for one purpose only, To wake us up. Relationships are not here to make us happy, Comfortable, Safe, Secure, Validate us, Because that's all validating ego. It's always doing the wrong thing. It never takes us to the core of who it is we are. Now some relationships, When you've done a lot of work on yourself, Then you will meet a mirror who takes you to the core of who it is you are. And reminds you that you are energy and I don't care about who you are on the outside, I see your soul. Now that relationship gets it correct, Because they understand that we are transcendent, That we are interbeing together, That there is no person that I see and everybody I choose to see is a projection of my mind. Once in a while you'll meet someone who sees to the essence of who it is you are. But you know why you won't meet that person too much? Because you need to live first in the essence of who it is you are. There are many mystics around us who want to see us for who it is we are. You know why we don't even recognize them on the road? We just go buy them, Because we are only hunting, Craving, Smelling, Searching, Addicted to form. I'm hungry, Feed me. I need wealth, Feed me. I need validation, Give me. And we go looking to the form-based relationships, Because that's where we live within ourselves. The mirror exists to show us how far from vibrational essence we are. In my life, I can track how I used to be in vibrational essence. I used to be, I used to be, I used to be, I used to be. But then I got conditioned into this world, As we all did, And we lost that energy, And we began bullshitting ourselves and thinking, No, I'm that. No, I'm this. No, I need this. No, I cannot live without this. And I began trapping myself, And I can see exactly how I abducted myself from essence and fell in the trap of form. Somebody tall, Somebody rich, Somebody fast, Somebody better, Somebody wealthier, Somebody smarter, Somebody who gave me so much love, Somebody who took me out to nice nightclubs, All form. I began thinking that's what I needed. And I got fooled and beguiled and seduced, And I began depending. I began possessing, I began controlling, I began attaching. I saw myself get abducted from my essence. I ran away from my essence because I didn't know how to live in essence in this dimension. But that's what we all do. Most of us are in a relationship that is a mirror that shows us how far from essence we are. Don't be alarmed. Just recognize it. Recognize, Of course, I'm with someone who shows me how far from essence I am, Because I am far from essence. And they are far from essence because I will attract my match. We all attract exactly where we are on the continuum of consciousness. Nothing to be alarmed about. Don't go and get pissed off with your partner. They are the perfect match for you, Because to the degree that you are far from essence is the degree you will find somebody who reminds you every day how far from essence you are. This is just the way it is. And as you go inchingly, Inchingly, Stealthily closer to essence, To your vibration of being, To the true unconditioned nature of your being, Unconditioned. No condition. When you relate to yourself without condition, When you relate to yourself without labels, When you can truly sit in solitude and be on your breath because you don't have anything to think about because it's all bullshit anyway, When you get to that place, That vast vista of just being on your breath, That's where Rumi said, Let's go meet there because that field is beyond your vision. You have to cultivate. That's what this course is going to do. I'm going to help you cultivate, And you're going to help me cultivate the walk and the progress and the path to that field. I want to go live there all the time. You and I have lived there many times when we've seen a wondrous sunset, When we've been with a child, When we've forgotten who it is we are because we are in flow, Either in exercise flow or in painting flow, Writing flow, Running flow, Breathing flow, Hiking flow. Flow is when we are without form. Those states are the actualized states of existence. They are fully within our reach. You and I can fully live in the peak experiences that Maslow talked about. We can live actualized beings, All of us, But we have to elevate. In order to elevate, We have to go on a journey. In order to go on a journey, We have to begin walking. And part of that walking toward our essence means walking away from form. And that's what terrifies us because no one wants to walk away from form because form is who we think we are. But in this course, I will divorce you from form and reunite you with your essence to the degree that you will allow. So the relationships that we have in our lives just show us how far from formless we are, That field out there without condition and labels, And how deeply attached we are to form. So don't begrudge the person on the outside. The person on the outside, The you, Was attracted by the false I. So of course, You're going to attract a false you. The you is loving you falsely because the I was loving it falsely. So both are living in a delusional reality because both haven't actualized and realized their essence. That's OK. Most of us have to go through many dozens of relationships of deep attachment, Of false self to false self, False self to false self. I'm identified, You're identified. I'm conditional, You're conditional. But we're all going to fake that we truly love. We do not truly love. We truly attach. We truly false self love. I love your false self. Do you love my false self? That's why we are all loving each other. But it is through these relationships, If we allow ourselves to be brutally, Brutally, Brutally honest and transparent and look in the mirror, We'll be like, Oh, My love is full of conditions, Full of conditions. Actually, I do not truly love this person until and unless they love me the way I want. And unless you can say that, You'll just be trapped. You'll be trapped in suffering. And this person will be such an addictive substance for you that when they give you crumbs of, You know, You're so beautiful or I love you, You'll be like, Oh, My God. Your wings will flutter. And your flower will unfold, But only for a short time. Because the moment they don't look at you or the moment they mean to you, And you and I both, All of us have people in our lives who are so mean to us, Then our flower shrivels and our wings get clipped. This is because we are addicted to conditional relationships. Because we are addicted to our own conditional relationship to ourselves. So the mirror outside is the mirror within. Relationships are not here to make us happy, Comfortable, Or keep us in a stagnant complacency. If you begin to accept that the relationship is here to wake you up, Now you begin looking at everyone and going, OK, Why are you here? I know why you're here. And you begin to see the truth of the relationship. And you absolve the other of responsibility in this co-creation. Because you chose the other as much as they chose you. It was just chosen unconsciously. Your unconscious, Wounded part chose this other, Smelled the other. And it doesn't mean that you chose the other to salve the wound. No, You chose the other to press on the wound. So anytime your wound gets pressed, It's because there was a wound to press. Don't blame the other for pissing you off. Don't blame the other for getting you all irate and ornate and ornery and all ornamented in your rage, With full of accoutrements of anger. Don't blame the other one. No. The reason that they trigger you and ire you and enrage you is because they're pressing on your wound. And you can't stand it. But this is where gratitude comes and the awakening, That they are here to show you that you have a wound. So we are so conditioned to look out. And we keep blaming the other, Keep blaming the other. And this one didn't do this. And my mother didn't do this. And my partner didn't do this. And my husband didn't do this. They will not do it. They will not do it as long as you live in a conditional relationship with yourself. The moment you begin to love yourself, And this is cliched, But truly integrate with your vibrational elements and not your conditioned form, Form, Form, Me, Me, Me, And you lose the ego, You lose the I, Then guess what? And this is where we get the most scared. We do, I'm sorry to say, Lose the other. You lose the object of your love. Because now, In this state of transcendence, There is no one object of your love. You truly love because you are love. You're not loving. You're not I love you-ing. You're not doing love. You're not a verb love. You are love. You love. So when someone says, You know, You're just a selfish fat pig, You're like, I love. Thank you. When someone steals your money, You're like, I love. Because you are in love with the adventure of life. You're in love with the evolution that you're going to go through because they said that mean thing to you or because they stole your money. You are so in love with the vibrational elevation of your frequency. You're so in love with that that you're like, Come, Come, Come, Come, Come, Come, Teach me. Come, Be my, I want to see in the mirror. And then relationships take on a whole new dimension. They become the catalyst, The catapulter, The harbinger, The harvester of your supreme elevation as a vibrational being. You begin to change your frequency. But this is only if you understand correct how to see life. And if you don't see life on this dimension as having two layers, Always the form and the formless, The form and the formless, You will forever be trapped and seduced and distracted by the world of form. You will be destroyed in the world of form. But when you begin to understand that, Ah, We are here to be on a journey. And what is this journey? To elevate the vibrational frequency of my essence and that I am boundless and eternal and timeless as nature. I am just nature, A leaf that falls on the floor and deconstructs and decomposes with the soil and becomes one with the soil and to later become the seeds and the burgeoning of an oak tree. And then it will be picked on by a sparrow who will then take it to a rose and plant it in a rose bush. And maybe I become a rose. I am eternally transforming. I am energy that is one with all other energy. And I am not static. I do not even exist because there is no quantifiable rigid static I. The I that I think loves you doesn't really know you because it doesn't even know myself. Sure, In this moment, I love you. But I don't know in the next moment because the I is going to change. Now, This sounds very, Very lackadaisical and capricious and so impetuous. But in essence, This is how we need to live, Not as a verb of loving or I love you-ing, But simply as an eternal state of relating in love, As love. There are no relationships. You see, Relationships are linear, Me and you and you and me. And it's contained, Constrained, And confined. One of the most profound things somebody ever told me when I was very upset with them, This was an ex-lover. And I was like, We are, We are, What did I say to him? I said, You know what? Our relationship is over. We are not in a relationship anymore. What sort of relationship is this? And this beautiful, Beautiful, Beautiful being said to me, We have never been in relationship. A relationship involves two people in false self. We have simply been one. And I was like, We have? I haven't. I've totally been in a relationship, Me and you. And meet my needs, Others I can't meet your needs. So this whole idea of relationship is false. It involves me and you. We are not in relationship, Really. We will always be in false reality if we are in a relationship. Because to be in relationship means equally to be out of relationship. But instead, We have to look at it as we're always relating. Now, We can move away from someone because they're so damn toxic, Idiotic and dumb, And moronic. Of course we can. But we have to understand that that's only on the form-based world because we don't truly understand how we co-created everything. But on the formless level, We are always simply always relating, Meaning we're always in presence. We're not now in a relationship with someone. We are always relating. So we are going to change our whole ideology around love, Around relationships, Around belonging, Around worth, And around our essence. So there is a whole new way of looking at this stuff, Which would provoke you because I like to be a provocateur, And a saboteur, And a destructor, And a deconstructor of all your false beliefs. So I'm going to take all these lovely belief systems you have that my partner is here to make me happy, And my partner is here to fill my needs. Relationships need to last forever. And there is a successful relationship and a failing relationship. And all these mythologies, And I'm going to take my sword of truth, And I'm going to just prick them all because they're all just bubbles of illusion. So be prepared. You will be triggered, I hope. You will be shaken. And hopefully, You will shed your skin because the only way to evolve is to truly go through a cataclysmic, Paralytic transformation from inside where you're just like stuck, Never seen reality this way. And you don't know how to proceed. And then your entire world crumbles. And then you begin anew. And I would love for you to dump your old self because it was mostly false. And now we will reacquaint ourselves, Reignite the true you, Which is your essence. So this class will be every Wednesday at 9 PM Eastern. But it will be recorded. So do not panic if you cannot make it during one time or the other. There may be times that I may pre-record because I'm not attached to time or to form or to being here, Maybe in a garden one day, Maybe in Czechoslovakia one day. Who knows? So we are going to learn to not be bound by form-based constraints because that is no way to live anymore. All of us deserve to actualize into our most sovereign free selves. This is what this course is going to be about. It's about freeing the other and freeing yourself. But you can only free the other when you live in that vast space beyond right and wrong, Beyond labels, Judgments, And conditions. So there is a throbbing, Thriving Facebook community that will be built by you, That will be participated in by you to the extent that you bear yourself, That you are vulnerable, That you come clean, That you talk about your attachments, Your fears, Your dependencies, Your great dire paranoia of being alone, And you don't express yourself, Then this Facebook community and our tribe, Our sangha, Our communality will not reach its height. So you are part of me and I am part of you. I cannot be me and I cannot give you my fullest, My highest, My barest, My deepest if you don't give me. This is the condition. If you give, I give. So we are creating something together through our interbeingness. And this is the laboratory where you get to see who it is you are within the interbeingness of a community that thrives on oneness. In this community, You will get to practice what it means to be essence. So thank you, Everyone. Join in the Facebook page. Talk about what you're deconstructing, How you're crumbling, How you're afraid or not, And I will meet you there and here and everywhere. Thank you, Everyone. Until next time.